Grumpy Frump

An Observation

2010-06-02T22:58:00.002-05:00

The Farm Boy (who is not really a farm boy) is watching Stop-Loss.

All I have to say is...

Ryan Phillipe's accent is truly awful. (I have lots of friends who live all over Texas, and not a one of them speaks like that!)

That is all.

Another Sucky Thing

2010-06-01T22:07:00.002-05:00

Why it sucks to be me, Reason #4232101

Doctor took me off birth control pills. Because of a surgical decision I made in my 20s, birth control wasn't really necessary (took them for other health reasons).

Yay! I actually feel better! (this is a good thing... a very good thing!)

Holy crap! I'm breaking out like a 16 year old boy working the fryer at McDonald's! (this is a bad thing!)

Dear Whoever Cares, I'm 41 years old. I do not need zits on my chin. Thanks for listening.

Update

2010-04-07T17:22:00.003-05:00

Wow. 2 posts in one day. Someone please check the temperature in hell.

Just because I don't want to be so cryptic, and because I also haven't checked my email in months:

1. I'm okay. Kind of.
2. Doctors still don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but they have ruled out a few things already.
3. Some days are really good. Some days... not so much.
4. My Farm Boy (husband for those who don't remember his nickname) has the patience of a saint.
5. I really miss my Bloggy Friends.

I'm not around these parts much. Some of it is because my new job keeps me really busy. Extremely HAPPY, but busy.

And well, the rest is that I try to get as much rest as I can. I used to be able to stay up until all hours of the night blogging and reading other blogs... now I'm usually in bed by 9:00 or 10:00.

Overall, things are good in life. Now if we could just get this ONE thing resolved, life would be even better.

Miss you guys. :-(
GF

Flying the Unfriendly Skies

2010-04-07T17:06:00.003-05:00

Dear Airlines:

If you continue to charge passengers out the wazoo for travel, they will no longer fly. I understand you're looking for more revenue sources, but when people opt for a train or their cars instead of flying, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE EVEN MORE REVENUE. Capiche?

Fine. Charge for checked baggage. I don't care. But carry-on luggage too? And maybe even the sad excuse for a lavatory? Ridiculous. I call B.S.

You want more revenue? Raise your rates. Don't nickel and dime your passengers.

Thanks for listening,
Grumpy Frump

Some Whine and Cheese Please

2009-11-17T12:13:00.002-06:00

Actually, I really love cheese. REALLY LOVE cheese.

But that's not the point of this post. I just need to whine, and then I'll feel all better.

My body is very unhappy with me. My legs hurt. My joints hurt. I'm tired all the time. Even my scalp hurts. Being TOUCHED hurts. I'm sick a lot. Even when I get 8 or 9 hours of sleep, it never feels like enough. Adding more exercise exacerbates the problems.

For a while, we thought IBS was the culprit. Turns out... no. IBS is a symptom, not a cause.

I've been on a course of steroids on and off since June. Gained weight each time. This last course, I gained 5 lbs in one week! For most people, that's no big deal. For me, that's a pants size. Gah.

Yesterday, they took blood again. If I had a nickel for every time I've had blood drawn in the last year, I'd be able to buy a new pair of shoes. NICE shoes.

So here's the thing: it would be nice if we could at least diagnose these problems. I think the latest suspicion might be the one... but I don't even want to type it "out loud" yet. It's scary.

Trust me, taking your health for granted is a really stupid thing. When something goes wrong, you realize just that.

Thanks for letting me whine. I do feel a little better.

A Letter to Attention Whores

2009-11-10T23:14:00.003-06:00

Dear Young Women of the World,

Please stop taking videos of yourselves doing sexy times with your boyfriends.

At the most, you'll land a reality show on E! -- and then people will be talking about you a few years later when you are in rehab. ONLY because you are in rehab.

No one will remember anything intelligent you have to say. No one will remember anything you might have invented. No one will remember any 'good' you might have done for the earth or humanity. No one will remember anything but your lousy sex tape.

You are undermining centuries of women who fought tooth and nail to overcome female oppression... and you've done that with one click of a cellphone camera.

Just stop. Please and thank you.

FYI

2009-10-25T12:31:00.001-05:00

No matter how tired you are, coffee grounds in your eyes will not make you more awake.

Yes, I know this from experience.

Squawkers

2009-10-12T22:52:00.001-05:00

I just have one question:

What is the cause of "annoying cheerleader voice syndrome?"

It seems nearly every female between the ages of 13 and 27 has this horrible condition. Whenever they talk, my brain bleeds into my ears.

Just wondering.

I Can See The Future

2009-09-02T22:42:00.003-05:00

(wine is wearing off, and I have a real post!!!)

Hi. My name is Grumpy F., and I am a hoarder.

Have you watched Hoarders yet on A&E??? That is some crazy stuff. Some crazier than others. Some bat-shit crazier than others.

When I watch that show, my stomach hurts. BADLY. Why? Because I think I am one of them.

No, not that lady with all the rotting pumpkins and squash on her floor. I'm not anywhere NEAR that bad. But the one with boxes and bags full of stuff that she needs to "go through," but can't find the time to do it? That is me. Since she is probably 20-25 years older than I am, just imagine her house with 20-25 years less junk. Definitely me.

The Farm Boy watches that show with me. When he's being kind, he tells me I'm not as bad as some of those people. When he's being truthful, he looks at me and says, "That's you, babe." When he's being an arse, he laughs and points at me. (ok, not really)

For me, it comes down to three things:
1) I attach emotions to objects. We used to call ourselves "pack rats," as if that was a good thing. I hate rodents! But objects hold memories for me. I'm thinking maybe I just take a digital pic of those types of items, and then toss them. It might work.

2) I was taught not to waste things, and you always need empty boxes, right? And extra bags. And that last drop of perfume still in the bottle, even though you already have a new bottle. And that makeup you bought that doesn't really look good on you, but you bought it so you should use it (even though you never will) Ugh. It's a sickness.

3) I'm afraid I will need something I've just thrown away. I can't throw away the box for the blender (TV, computer, hair dryer, camera, etc.)... when we move, it will be so much easier to pack "it" in the original box. PLUS! The instructions might still be on/in the box! See? It's PRACTICAL.

Nope. It's not practical, and deep down, I know it's not. (oh, and we have no plans to move within the next 4 years or so, either)

For a lot of the people featured on this show, there are deep emotional/psychological issues. For many, organization is also a challenge. I don't know where I fit in this... I think I'm not organizationally challenged, because I know where everything is. (I know. I KNOW. WRONG.) Hopefully, the emotional/psych issues aren't too deep. I mean, recognizing that I have this problem is more than half the battle, right? I truly believe this was a learned behavior. My mother is the same way, and her mother was, too.

So, the good news is that, after watching this show, I really do feel the need to purge. (not my stomach-- the contents of our storage room, stuff lying around the house, in our room) I want to do it for myself, but I also want to do it for my family.

Now I just need to ~~find~~ make the time.

Whassssssssssssuuuuuuuuppppppppppp

2009-09-02T22:18:00.006-05:00

Heh heh.

Oh, HIIIIIIII.

How's it GOING? What? Did I forget to post for a while? Whoops. It's only been since June. (is it sad that I have a whole label for "blogging hiatus? Don't answer that.)

So, you'd think I would take my first post after a 3 month hiatus a little more seriously. Instead, I have a whole glass of wine under my belt... and if you have read much of my blog, you know I'm a SERIOUS lightweight. (and if you had any idea how long it has taken me to type this paragraph, you would laugh your arse off, point fingers at me, and call me a cheap date.)

So, my job change is SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC. I love my new/old job (returned to previous field). Every day is an adventure, and I'm happy again. That's a good feeling, let me tell ya.

I'm also 10 lbs lighter, thanks to an horrific intestinal infection over the summer. Bad news is that I was really, really sick. Good news is a) I'm not sick anymore, and b) I haven't put that weight back on. Not that I would recommend any of it as a weight loss option, but hey. Only 8 more pounds to go. W00T. (Just kidding. No angry comments please. Unless you're my only commenter, then go ahead and be angry. I can live with that.)

Well, a major case of the tipsies and typing do not mix for this chiquitita. How does one ramble for 4 paragraphs while stating absolutely nothing? Apparently, it can be done.

In the meantime, check out this site: ~~Indexed.com~~ *UPDATE: oops. Wrong link. See? I shouldn't blog and drink. ;-) Here's the real link: http://thisisindexed.com

It's not new, but it's clever, and I like it. I think you might, too.

I plan to be back more regularly (ha! she's said THAT before!) now that I'm not angry all the time. I might even be funny again someday. One can only hope.

Drop me a line... I miss you guys.

A Roundabout Message to a Pig

2009-06-07T21:01:00.004-05:00

Let's get a few things out of the way, shall we? I am not currently, nor have I ever been, a militant feminist. I have nothing against them... I'm just not one. I'm also not a man-hater, nor am I unrealistic when it comes to the behavior of men. I happen to be married to a very "manly" man, but one who is also extremely courteous and sensitive to the feelings of his wife and the other women around him.

I. AM. LUCKY.

I know this, and I am extremely grateful. Believe me.

However, I have daughters, and it pains me that we still live in a world where this guy is allowed to share his views. His neanderthal and highly piggish views. (I promised myself I'd keep the language clean, so that's all I can do at this point. Sorry.)

I'm not going to add his name to this post, because I don't want to give him anymore web hits than he deserves.

Because really? I'm doing everything I can on all fronts to raise my daughters to have healthy images about themselves... to know that their worth on this planet is more about their brains and their hearts than anything else. They are beautiful girls, but that means nothing in the end.

And as a sign of protest, I just might tell them we should take a week off of shaving our legs this summer. ;-)

Open Letter Regarding Email Ads

2009-05-28T15:33:00.004-05:00

Dear People Responsible for Ads in Web Email:

I get it.

One Simple Rule to Obey for a Flat Belly. Got it.

Done.

PLEASE, PLEASE make those ads go away!

I don't want to read my email anymore. I'm tired of seeing a flabby belly next to the emails my sister sends me... the emails my mother sends me... the emails Capitol One sends me!

Today, it was cellulite-filled thighs and flabby bingo wings. I'm familiar with these looks. I've seen cellulite before. While I'm sure you're trying to impress me with some major cottage cheese looks here... I'm not BUYING IT.

Seriously? Have we forgotten how to purchase other ads? I know for a fact that my email content does not discuss how much I wish I could obliterate my cellulite or lose weight and flatten my belly... so don't go there. My email content is not to blame for these ads!!!

This is not a cellulite-related phobia of mine. I'm just TIRED OF BEING FORCED TO LOOK AT IT ALL.

BTW, when people tire of your ads, they do. not. buy. your. products.

That is all.

Sincerely,
Grumpy Frump

p.s. if it were a simple change to another web-based email, I'd do it. Only ONE of my numerous email accounts is free of the awfulness that comprises these ads. And no... I'm not discriminating against people who have flabby bellies/thighs/arms. I'm not exactly cellulite-free myself. So don't take it there, either. Just. Stop.

More Bloggy Love

2009-05-27T10:56:00.002-05:00

Okay, first... I have good news (for me anyway). I have a job change coming up in the fall. Color me tres excited!!! It also means that my poor Grumpy Frump blog will not be as neglected as it is currently. YAY!!!!

Second, this blog recommendation comes by way of Whoorl, whom I love. And now I love this blogger that Whoorl loves, too. The Paper Bag Princess is my kind of people.

Here's Whoorl's ode to the Paper Bag Princess.

And be sure to read pudding and the paper bag princess! I know you'll love her, too.

A Blogger You Should Love

2009-05-22T14:55:00.002-05:00

http://tinyartdirector.blogspot.com

Hilarious, precocious... and very much what my life was like about 15 years ago, except my Tiny Art Director was a Tiny Music Director:

"No, mommy. The words should go like this!" "Stop playing that song! I HATE that song!" "Oh, but I love THIS song!"

Ah.... memories.

ENJOY Tiny Art Director. And buy the book when it comes out. :-)

The Fruit Bully

2009-05-13T12:53:00.004-05:00

Attention, sellers and distributors of fruit cups, fruit salads, fruit medleys, et cetera, et cetera.

CANTELOUPE spoils the flavors of the other fruits. SOME people detest canteloupe. Please stop adding canteloupe. It bullies the strawberries and pineapple into tasting like canteloupe. I do not like canteloupe.

That is all.

Say It Aint So Fido

2009-04-23T23:06:00.004-05:00

Do you have dogs? I have three. Seriously. Who needs three dogs? But that's not the point of this post... that's for another post, another time. But I digress...

One of my pet peeves about our dogs is taking them outside to do their business. Actually, only 2 of the 3 go outside (the youngest is still too young and too little. He has puppy pads. THOSE are so much fun and smell absolutely delightful. Yeah.). Oops... digressing again.

We still don't have a fence (even though the Farm Boy insists it's on its way), so we have to take the bigger dogs out on leashes. That's not so much a problem on nice weather days, but we can usually count nice weather days on one hand around here.

I don't have a problem with taking the dogs out when they stop, find a quick spot, do their business, and then run back in. But they're DOGS! Is there a dog on this planet that can find a potty* spot on the first try? I think not.

Nope. Dogs have to sniff a spot and know that it's not good enough. Then they have to sniff another spot 5 inches away... still not good enough. Keep looking. 20 minutes later, they return to the first spot they sniffed which has miraculously turned into a good potty spot. Ooooo-kie dokie.

And then there's me... shouting at them... "just do it already!" like that's going to help them. Hell, a mild breeze that barely ruffles leaves will distract those freaking dogs... and then the good potty spot isn't good enough anymore. Start ALL over.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why it takes so long to find the right place to do their business. Maybe I'll call Cesar Millan to enlighten me or something.

SO anyhoodles... imagine my surprise today as I headed into a Womens Room - a rather large restroom with about 40 or 50 different stalls- and discovered as I walked past stall after stall after stall after stall - I was being picky about which stall to use! I remember thinking... "Oh. My. God. I'm acting like my dogs!"

It wasn't like I poked my head in each one to check for cleanliness, nor were any of them too close to the main restroom door. In fact, they were all extremely clean and set pretty far away from the door. No, I just kept walking and looking for the "right door." And I have no idea why. Considering a person might be in that stall for what totals less than 20 or 30 seconds... does it really matter?

My dogs are little, very yappy, and they think they're bigger and tougher than they really are.

I'm barely 5'4", somewhat mouthy, and... oh crap! Perhaps there are some similarities here.

If I end up on a website that shows side by side pics of owners and dogs that resemble each other, I'm going to be very distraught.

*No, I haven't gone all prim and proper on you. I usually only use the word "potty" when I'm talking to my young nieces or nephew, but I remembered halfway through posting that SOME words that may or may not be synonyms for "potty" tend to bring some bizarre traffic and searches. So, "potty" it is!

Beauty vs Talent

2009-04-15T11:56:00.005-05:00

So, I haven't blogged for a while. Sorry about that. I'm sure the two readers I still have left were wondering. ;-)

Here's my beef of the week:

The world is all a-buzzin with the fantastic news story out of the UK of this wonderful singer who shocked the world with her amazing voice. I can't embed the video, but here's a link.

As a singer and a vocal coach, I will say that yes, she really is quite good.

What has me outraged is the shock on everyone's face that she's so good. WHY are they all shocked? Because she's 47? Because of the way she looks? Because she's never been kissed? What does that have to do with the quality of her voice????

We have so conditioned ourselves that only extremely beautiful people are worth our time, that it shocks us when people who are not exactly attractive have beauty within them. I'm reminded of a time during the 80s when the group Heart was on their "comeback," but everyone was outraged at how much weight Ann Wilson had gained. They draped her in black and hid her in the shadows of music videos. Funny, but her voice still sounded spectacular to me!

Think about how many times you've watched American Idol or similar shows, and how much emphasis is placed on singers' looks. Yes, I know. We're a visual culture. But think how many incredible musicians and singers are going unnoticed because of the way they look.

If you think I'm overreacting... watch the video again. Watch the faces of the judges and the audience. They were laughing at her before she sang. Their faces were actually smug.

I hope Susan Boyle gets a fabulous recording contract... because regardless of her looks, hairstyle, eyebrows, weight... she will have a voice that is worth our time.

A Blogger You Should Read

2009-03-26T22:50:00.002-05:00

Another reason I love networking tools...

I'm adding a blogger to my blogroll*, because she followed my alter-ego on Twitter. So, I'm following her now, too (although I can't remember which of my personalities is following her) ... and I love her blog!

Her name is Andria and she writes over at Andria and Co.

Take a look. :-)

*wow. I should really update my blogroll. Hmmm...

Helpful Hints-The Blech Edition

2009-03-25T17:25:00.003-05:00

Always heed the "Best by..." dates on microwave popcorn.

Trust me.

This edition of Helpful Hints is brought to you by my upset stomach, that icky aftertaste I can't seem to lose, and the ghost of Orville R.

oh! and I have a contest idea... more info coming soon!

Why Blogging Is Good For You

2009-03-10T15:47:00.005-05:00

1. Blogging can be cathartic, just as journaling is. However, you also find that the benefits of online journaling (yes, this is blogging) are more beneficial because you have an audience. I find I write differently, knowing that someone will read this. My handwritten journal is a scribbly mess, full of incoherent thoughts and doodles. And my blog is... not scribbly. ;-)

2. You can make wonderful Bloggy Friends. Don't believe me? Go click on the link of Cool Kids in my sidebar (which, yes, needs updating! I know, I know). Follow some of their blogs for a while, and you will find some truly amazing people... some of whom I've actually met face-to-face. They're just as cool in person as they are 'on blog.'

3. Sometimes, you win things. :-) Thanks 3car!

At one point early in my Grumpy Frump blogging existence, I had a contest. The winner was Jaek. He won a $25 gift card to Target.

Perhaps I shall have another contest! Yes, I shall. As soon as I figure out some really cool prize, I will post the info. It might have something to do with Chipotle, but then that would eliminate those of you who don't have any Chipotle near you. Hmmm...

Stay tuned!

A PSA for Stinky Pits

2009-03-06T10:20:00.005-06:00

Over the last four years of blogging, I've chuckled at some of my Bloggy Friends who have posted funny stories about how they went to work and realized later that they had forgotten to apply deodorant/antiperspirant that morning. "Ha ha!" I laughed at their misfortune, and of course, their humorous recounting of the tale. One such Bloggy Friend, who unfortunately no longer blogs, posted about this several times... because she experienced this misfortune more than once. Read this tale here.

So... you would think... after FOUR years of laughing at other people... I would learn from their mistakes. Alas, no. I did not.

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far- nearly 70 degrees F in a state that usually has snow through parts of April. Needless to say, it was WARM.

And. I. Forgot. Deodorant.

I didn't really notice it until about 1:00pm. Luckily, I wear that clinical strength stuff, and it will sometimes last through the next day, even if you shower. When I returned to work from lunch, I started smelling something "off," but I didn't realize it was me. Sad, but true.

Soon, I started thinking, "Hmm. Why is my deodorant wearing off so quickly today? I smell FUNKY!"

On my short walk to the office restroom, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't even applied any deodorant that morning! Ew. I hate stinkiness.

I quickly checked the bathroom 'stash' to see if anyone had any. Nope.

I asked other women in the office. Nope.

I twittered to see what I could do, because of course, I had run out of time and couldn't hop over to a store. There was a class beginning in 10 minutes, and I had to be there.

My nice Twitter friends (who also blog) gave me some good suggestions, plus I also did a quick search for "deodorant substitute."

Here's what I found:

1. Wash your underarms with hand soap and dry.
2. If you can find some hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol, wipe a thin layer on your underarms with a tissue. This will take care of the bacteria.
3. Find some powder, cornstarch, or baking soda. If you have all three or any two of them, mix them together. Apply thin layer to underarms.

Couldn't find any powder or cornstarch, but I DID find baking soda in the staff kitchen, as well as some Purell. SWEET! Guess what, it actually works!

AND... this morning, I brought a back-up deodorant to work.... just in case. ;-)

So, please take it from me. Laugh at me. Feel sorry for me. But be sure you have a back-up deodorant, because it will probably happen to you sometime. And then you will be stinky.

This Helpful Hint is brought to you by Purell, Arm & Hammer, Secret Clinical Strength (they're not really sponsoring me-you know what I mean) and the letters P and U.

Oscar Reactions

2009-02-22T23:05:00.003-06:00

1. Best speech- Kunio Kato, winner of best short film (animated), La maison en petit cubes- "Domo origato, Mr. Roboto!"

2. Best award presenter- Ben Stiller

3. Biggest disappointment- not enough Hugh! Great song and dance numbers, but he wasn't on stage nearly enough.

Drunk and Nude

2009-02-21T13:39:00.003-06:00

His words. Not mine. This may be my all-time favorite Oscars telecast EVER.

Oh, and the Farm Boy is off golfing in another state, so I'll be home alone. Watching ~~the Oscars~~ Hugh Jackman. I won't have to worry about the Farm Boy catching me drooling or anything. I won't have to pretend I'm not really that interested.

See? That's what you get when you abandon your wife to go golfing with your brothers. She hangs out at home alone with Hugh Jackman. ;-)

Ah... life is good.

The ONLY Reason

2009-02-20T13:35:00.001-06:00

This is the one and only reason I'll be watching the Oscars this year.

Team Etta James

2009-02-05T15:04:00.002-06:00

You go, girl.

How I Feel

2009-02-03T23:31:00.006-06:00

I thought I would tell you how I'm feeling in a short photostory (thank you, Creative Commons).

Overwhelmed.¹

Exhausted.²

Ready for a change.³

¹ Overwhelmed
puck90's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/puck90/2356415451/

² exhausted hiker in the volcano crater - _MG_5928
sean dreilinger's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/seandreilinger/178862986/

³ Change, we fear it...
apesara's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/apesara/2146031745/

Leave the Cannoli

2009-01-19T22:31:00.002-06:00

Your Mafia Name Is Mimi "Ice Pick" D'Arco

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

What's Your Mafia Name?

That would be more accurate if it said, "Take the gun. Leave the cannoli." Just sayin.

Ugh

2009-01-07T09:58:00.003-06:00

I usually am cheerful on the day of my birth, because I like parties and celebrating. But this is one I'd rather not even acknowledge.

Why is it that, when your age is a number followed by a "0," it feels like the means to an end? Gah.

So, I'm not posting a picture of me when I was little like I usually do (well, except last year when I forgot). I'm not going to quote the Beatles in my post title this year. I'm planning on moping around all day until it's over.

No, I'm not depressed or angst-ridden. Just... hmmm... not into it, I guess. Last night, I just kept thinking that I wanted to skip the whole day entirely. Since that wasn't an option, I'm just going to treat this like any other day.

On a lighter, cheerier note, stinkypaw is a great Bloggy Friend! :-)

Happy Wednesday!

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzaakuh!

2008-12-21T15:56:00.008-06:00

I'm not done shopping and baking yet, so I probably won't blog again until after Christmas. It's going to be a crazy couple of days in our house with kids in and out and lots of time with extended family. I'm also hoping to grab some coffee or something with one of my favorite bloggers before New Year's.

Wishing you peace and joy... for whatever holiday you do or do not celebrate. :-)

Obsessions

2008-12-15T09:22:00.003-06:00

I will admit that I am obsessed with something when, against my better judgment, I act in a manner contrary to my values.

Case in point: the past two weekends, I have planned to deal with my mounting laundry problem, as well as to pull ALL my winter clothes out of storage and put them away properly. Cleaning up around the house and getting all our Christmas decorations were also in the plans.

Alas, I didn't get that all done. I did a few minor tasks here and there, but I was most definitely distracted by two things:

1. Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga
2. Mystery Case Files- Return to Ravenhearst

To be fair to myself, I was given impetus to read the novels in the vampire saga as quickly as I could. I was sharing the books with my youngest who was sharing them with her friends, so it was easier for me to just hurry up and read all four novels. So I did. In eight days. If my calculations are correct, that's somewhere around 2550+ pages total. I started on Saturday night, 12/6 and finished before noon on Saturday, 12/13. I did not take any of the books to work. Additionally, I prepared a resume and applied for another job somewhere in the middle of it all. In fact, I think it's safe to say... if I could have stayed home Monday and Tuesday, I would have had all four novels done by Tuesday. Needless to say, I haven't had a lot of sleep in the last week.

All would have been just fine... my overworked eyes would have received some much needed rest... if it weren't for the note card I received in the mail reminding me that one of my favorite games had been released. I love Mystery Case Files... but I also have an insatiable need to finish the game immediately.

So, I downloaded Return to Ravenheast this past Saturday afternoon. I finished the game last night just before midnight. Total playing time was just under 8 hours.

What is WRONG with me?!?! I don't have my Christmas shopping finished. My house is somewhat a disaster. My husband did his laundry all day yesterday, so I probably couldn't have gotten much of my own done anyway... but still. This is ludicrous. Like I said... obsession.

I THOUGHT I was a grown-up who knew how to put away what I want to do for what I really should do.

But, instead of beating myself up about it all... I have decided to grant myself a reprieve. Perhaps I needed some stress relief, and that's how it manifested.

Yeah... let's go with that. ;-)

BTW, have you ever read books so quickly that you're then disappointed you're not still reading about those characters? I did that when I finished The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, as well as many many other books. I'm finding I miss Bella, Edward, and the Cullens a little bit too... however, not for the same reason my teenage daughters do. haha Meyer writes stories that you can't put down, and you really don't want them to end. I'm looking forward to the second movie now.

Helpful Hints-The Jazzed Edition

2008-12-09T11:29:00.004-06:00

If you have a headache in the morning, and it doesn't get better... don't take two Excedrin (which contain caffeine) with a 16 oz coffee.... most especially if you are sensitive to caffeine.

You will be shaking like a leaf and talking like a speed freak for the rest of the day.

And although you are already quite the speedy typer, your shaking hands will produce more typos than actual words.

Just saying.

This hint brought to you today by Excedrin Migraine (the wonder drug) and Scooters unbelievably good cafe au lait.

Flirting with Over The Top Promotion

2008-12-03T22:37:00.004-06:00

Dear Heather Locklear,

Since the commercial for your up and coming TV movie, Flirting with 40, seems to be inescapable at the moment (seriously? why are they advertising Lifetime movies on non-Lifetime channels?!?! multiple times an hour?!?!), I feel it is necessary to point out a few things:

1. Terry McMillan already did this story... and then made it into a movie. But the "been there, done that" factor is probably not your fault.
2. I'm not sure what's going on with your face in this particular movie, but it is possible you are overdoing the cosmetic/plastic surgery/restylane injections or something. Or... have you been stung by a bee all over your face? Your face is starting to not look like your face. Please stop whatever it is you're doing. You're beautiful, even if you get wrinkles.
3. We were totally Team Locklear in that whole Denise Richards fiasco. Totally. We're anti-Richards all the way. So, this note isn't a slam on you. You've been fab in our books for a while, and we're hoping that the whole DUI thing is all a huge misunderstanding (even though it doesn't sound like it will).

So, thanks for listening. Also, kudos on the co-star in that movie. He's almost as hot as the Farm Boy. ;-)

p.s. Since I began writing this post, that commercial has aired AGAIN. And AGAIN. I hope you get a check every time it airs. SOMEONE has to benefit from that many commercials, and I'm sure it's not me.

The Return Of Goofy Gobbles

2008-11-27T10:44:00.003-06:00

Goofy Gobbles wants to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!
... and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, then Happy Thursday!

Aging is Not the Devil

2008-11-18T17:41:00.003-06:00

I know I harp on this a lot... but enough already!

Is anyone else tired of seeing/reading articles like this one: "Can You Believe She's 50?" on MSN.com?

To some degree, the 15 women who are highlighted take good care of themselves and have good genes. To a higher degree, however, most of them are extremely wealthy, can afford personal trainers and chefs, and... of course... botox and plastic surgery.

You know those asterisks that are placed next to world records or undefeated seasons in sports where there are some extenuating circumstances? Yeah. I want an asterisk next to the names of those women who botox their foreheads as tight as those on 6 year old children.

Am I jealous of them? No. I could afford botox if I wanted, and. I. Do. Not. Want.

Yes, I will complain about my saggy jaw, droopy eyelids, and gravity's effects on my aging body. BUT, I am almost 40 years old. I have earned every single wrinkle I have, and I want to show the world what it's like to really live. That doesn't include injecting past-its-expiration-date-mayonnaise into my skin.

My biggest concern is the statement this type of attention on 'maintaining youth' sends to our young women. We don't need a world full of Jocelyn Wildensteins in the next 50 years.

No thanks. I'll pass. I hope my daughters have a positive sense of self and can say the same thing.

Confessions of a Lip Product Addict

2008-11-13T21:56:00.005-06:00

Hello, my name is Grumpy F., and I am addicted to lip products.

Lipstick.
Lip gloss.
Lip balm.
Lip stain.
Lip shine.

I can't resist. In fact, this morning, I looked in my purse. Here's what I found:

1. Stila Long Wear Lip Color in coquette.
2. Stila Long Wear Lip Color in rendezvous.
3. Victoria's Secret Smooth Talk Creamy Lip Color Palette (5 shades).
4. Smashbox O-Gloss.
5. Smashbox Lip Brilliance- Transparencies (3 shades).
6. Revlon Color Stay in Fabulous Fig.
7. Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips in Roxy.
8. Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze in Forever Raisin.
9. Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush lip gloss in Cherry Bomb.
10. Delux Beauty Kiss It! lip gloss palette (6 shades).

ALL. IN. ONE. PURSE.

But wait... are you getting this? Those are just the ones I had in my purse. That doesn't even account for all the others in my makeup drawer and in other purses:

1. Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips Full Color in 2 additional shades.
2. Revlon Color Stay in 2 additional shades.
3. Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze in 2 additional shades.
4. Stila Lip Glaze in 2 shades.
5. Clinique Long Last Long Shine Lipstick in at least 3 shades.
6. several lip balms, including Burt's Bees Shimmers in 3 shades.
7. a couple of lip stains.

I have a sickness.

If I stopped buying new lip products for the next 3 years, I still wouldn't run out (except that the ones I have would be 'old and gross;' and therefore, I would need to buy more).

I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to use what I have before I buy anymore.

Perhaps, a good idea would be to carry a palette of shades with me that I already own. That way, when I see a new product, I won't be as tempted to buy it.

Yeah. Right. Let's go with that.

BTW, thanks for the supportive comments for the previous post. You're the greatest!

[photo credit] Anyaka. "kiss_lips." Anyaka's photostream. 13 Feb 2006. 13 Nov 2008. http://flickr.com/photos/anyaka/99418256/

This Is Not A Crisis

2008-11-12T11:55:00.003-06:00

I don't think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Really, I don't think I am. I'm fairly certain it's just a mid-life slump. That's all.

Overall, I'm very happy with my life. I love my family. We're busy as hell, but I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything in the world. There's so much enjoyment in watching our kids in their activities... even though that means we're traveling all over the state (and sometimes, outside the state) to watch the kids do what they do. That doesn't seem like an obligation to me. It's time with my husband and kids when I really feel fulfilled.

On the other hand, I think my professional life is weighing me down. I like the idea of my job... I love the field of study and how I'm able to help people... but I'm not happy with the schedule, the extra time I spend at work that takes me away from my family, and the sheer mental exhaustion of it all.

My house is a disaster, because... when I am actually home... I'm too tired to deal with it. My personal fitness plan is non-existent (see previous point). I pay bills online over my lunch hour, when I actually have a lunch hour, and other personal errands happen when they happen.

I think you get the point. I'M TOO BUSY.

What I REALLY want to do is...

1) write- books, articles, blog (more)
2) get back into painting again
3) go on photography retreats
4) travel occasionally and facilitate workshops and deliver presentations in my field (this would require me to become self-employed)
5) sing with a group again and be the musician I am, rather than the one I "dust off" occasionally
6) stop stressing out over everything all the time!!!

That's not really all that much to ask, is it?

Ah... but then there's that money issue. Our youngest is a sophomore in high school. Our oldest is a sophomore in college. And the two in the middle are also in high school-- one junior, one senior.

KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE. So is college.

So... those things I really WANT to do are not in the business of paying me what I require to afford the college thing. And the high school thing.

Therein lies my dilemma.

Can I be patient enough to wait until the youngest is out of college? That's about 7 years away. Can my health and mental wellness sustain 7 more years of what I'm doing now?

I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- The Bling Edition

2008-11-10T21:56:00.002-06:00

If your jewelry armoire is overflowing, stop buying friggin' jewelry already! And stop having parties where people sell jewelry. And stop going to parties for people who booked a party at your party where people sell jewelry. Enough already.

This hint is brought to you by husbands who are tired of all your jewelry, as well as the parties where they have to get lost for a few hours.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Special Edition

2008-11-04T11:25:00.004-06:00

This is a double edition... aren't you lucky!?!?

1. If you A) are already somewhat of a nervous flibbertygibbet, and B) believe in ghosties, never hang a dark sweater in the back of your car and then drive with the windows open. This will cause you to catch the swinging dark sweater out of the corner of your eye in the rearview mirror. It will also cause your heart to stop ever so slightly while you freak out as you are driving.

2. If you are excited about the candidates for whom you are voting today (or perhaps for whom you have already voted), it is just fine and dandy to exhibit exuberance about said candidates. It is not, however, fine and dandy to mock or shame people who are voting against your candidates' opponents. Remember... it's okay to agree to disagree.

That is all.

These hints are brought to you today by sweaters, ghosts, democracy, and "can't we all just get along?"

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Part 2

2008-10-29T09:31:00.002-05:00

If you are trying to watch what you eat and be healthy, NEVER go to a coffee drive-thru that partners with a donut store... and most especially if said donut store has donut holes by the dozen... because you know you will shamefully wolf down said donut holes in the car. So just don't do it. You will face the "Belly Ache of Self-Reproach" for the rest of the day.

This hint is brought to you today by LaMars Donuts and Dunn Bros Coffee (not really... but here's a shout-out to them anyway) and my gluttony.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Numero Uno

2008-10-27T11:48:00.003-05:00

Since I don't have time to write huge, existential, super important blog posts for you all right now, I figured I could at least do some Helpful Hints. In other words, I will help you all to learn from my moronic mistakes. ;-)

So, here is Grumpy Helpful Hint Numero Uno:

When you eat microwaved mashed potatoes (like, maybe, in a Lean Cuisine meal), ALWAYS stir the potatoes really, really well before taking a huge bite. Otherwise, you will suffer from what I'm sure is third degree esophageal burns.

This hint is brought to you today by Lean Cuisine (not really... but here's a shout-out to them anyway) and my sheer stupidity.

The Topic That Shall Not Be Named

2008-10-13T22:43:00.006-05:00

I don't blog about the "P" word (rhymes with "molitics"), but I will tell you a few things--

1. I will be one happy camper by November 5. In fact, it just can't come soon enough for me. Yes, this (U.S.) election is important. Yes, I exercise my right to vote and proud to do so. BUT... I cannot bear one more political advertisement- tv, radio, web page, road signs, or otherwise. That screaming you hear is me tearing out my hair.

2. I wish someone would bail me out for 700 billion. I'm pretty sure I would go to a spa.

3. Why, if we allow people to run for president outside of the Democrat and Republican parties do we NOT include them in the debates? Are they not important? Were they even invited? I would love to have seen debates including Ralph and T. Boone and Ron... Stephen Colbert should have been the moderator.

4. What I hate the most about "molitics?" People who disagree and can't get over disagreeing. Can we agree to disagree? NO. Apparently, only one side can be right. If you're a donkey, you think elephants are old-fashioned, out of touch, greedy, and WRONG. If you're an elephant, you think donkeys are tree-huggers, irresponsible spenders, bleeding hearts, and WRONG. Guess what? You're all right, and you're all wrong. AND... if you're going to comment (which I invite you to do), don't try to convince me one way or the other. It. Won't. Work.

5. I'm moving to the moon and starting my own republic. The Republic of Grumpy. If you want to join me, that's great. If you get too jerky or stupid, I'm sending you back. So, I guess it's not really a republic. It's more like a monarchy. We'll take turns being queen or king, though. Kthxbai.

I Miss My Grumpy Blog

2008-09-25T23:23:00.003-05:00

Wow. Not even a once a month post kinda thing. Sad, huh?

Still doing a LOT with the professional blog and work and all that. On Twitter a lot, too... but I have decided maybe that I should try to separate my Twitter account a bit. Just perhaps, I might be smart to have a professional tweet place and a personal tweet place.

So, if you want to follow me, I'm grumpyfrump on Twitter. Not that you have to. Nope. Not that I've been a good bloggy friend or anything. *pandering here*

If it makes any difference, I truly, TRULY miss blogging here. Sometimes, I think of the greatest post ideas...

Like, really? Have I gained back half the weight I lost ALREADY? Yes. Yes, I have. and that sucks like you wouldn't believe!

Or another post about how much I hate politics and election years and all the lying and mudslinging... and how I'm thinking I may just write someone in for president because I'm not happy with anyone. But this is not a political blog, and I don't go into those discussions with friends. So... yeah. Skip that one.

Okay, so it's settled. No politics. But we are going to make some goals, right here, right now.

1. I will return to my healthy eating habits and will track what I'm eating. No calorie counting, though. I get a little nuts when I do that. The logging will help enough. Just writing it down makes me remember to eat my six meals a day and to keep it smart.

2. I will ALSO write down my exercise (which lately has been a big fat ZILCH). I'm not going to try to get back into it at full strength, so I will start with 30 minutes three times a week. After one week, we'll bump that up to 4 times, and so on and so on.

3. I will return to blogging here at the GF at least every other week... but I would prefer once a week.

4. AND... every time I blog here, I will also open up my Google Reader and catch up with you. :-) Plus, if you're on Twitter, follow me and I will follow you. That's making my brain think of some old 70s song (was it John Denver?), but at least that will rid my brain of that lousy HSM song that someone at work started singing today. Puh-leeze. And, NO, I'm not linking it, because I don't want it to get stuck in your head either!

Peace, my bloggy friends!

Who Dere? Who Dat?

2008-07-31T23:16:00.005-05:00

*walking slowly past everyone, trying not to be seen*

Oops... busted.

"Ummm... so, yeeeeaaaaahhhhh. Hey, Blogger! What's UP? Long time no see! What's been goin on witchoo?"

Do I have an excuse for not coming around hardly at all this summer? Well, of course I do!! Is it a good excuse? Yeah. But I still feel badly.

I'm THAT bloggy friend, aren't I? You know... the one who says she PROMISES to keep in touch, will post here and there, comment there and here... and then never does. I'm a lame duck blogger.

So here's the story: SUPER busy summer with work. Lots of blogging over at the professional blog. That's work-related, so I have to do that. Vacation? No, not really. Kinda sucks actually now that I think about it.

Still not a great excuse, but that's all I have. And maybe you've all moved on... and it's no big deal. We'll see. I hope to be back more very soon. Work will be calming down for a little while, and then I'll be able to catch up with you all... and find out who's having babies, whose babies are growing up, who quit the blogging gig for good, who's exchanged this format entirely for Twitter... you know, all the scoop.

Maybe We Could Just Skip Summer

2008-06-11T23:06:00.005-05:00

Could we please be done with severe weather for the "season?" I'm about tornado-ed out.

Meanwhile, I'm also temporarily on vacation and might actually get back to blogging.

Please. Make. Her. Stop.

2008-05-31T18:41:00.002-05:00

1. Dear China- I'm sorry. None of us really like Sharon Stone. In fact, we're trying to get another country to claim her. Please don't hold it against us.

2. Dear Diddy- Never been much of a fan, but you didn't deserve that. Please see #1 above.

I May Resort To Carrying A Fire Extinguisher With Me...

2008-05-27T12:27:00.003-05:00

You know what bugs the crap out of me?!?!

When I take the time to shower and smell nice everyday... and then some asswipe decides he doesn't need to follow the rules and proceeds to walk the narrow 100 foot walkway PAST the "no smoking past this point" zone*... with cancer stick in hand... blowing his stinky smoke in MY HAIR! **

Break the rules, endanger your health, and stink yourself up on your own time, you insensitive jackass!

Did I mention that I was THIS CLOSE to yelling all of this out loud to that jerk this morning?!?
The only thing holding me back is the recent stabbings and shootings in our area over seemingly minor arguments (one for music being too loud, and one over "life issues"-- not linking these to the actual news articles. Sorry!).

RAWR! There. I think I feel a little better.

*This is the zone I take care to walk completely around, as I am allergic to cigarette smoke, have asthma, and don't want to smell like smoke, of smoke, etc. I have no problem with it being there, as long as people follow the rules.

**Yes, I know it's a run-on sentence. Ask me if I care.

A Suggestion For You...

2008-05-25T21:12:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everyone for the new blog reading suggestions... am sorting through and trying to read them as I go. Will post soon!

One that I found and really enjoy:
http://www.popwaffle.com

Don't forget to click on the Blog link, too.

Good stuff... creative... funny. Two big thumbs up!

You Should Be Reading...

2008-05-18T22:07:00.004-05:00

Have you seen this blog? Reasons Why I Dumped You

You should! Very entertaining! I found "Reasons" through my Bloggy Friend, -R-.

Also, if you haven't responded to my plea for additions to my blogroll, please leave your suggestions in the comments.

Thanks!

A Blog Request...

2008-05-15T23:21:00.005-05:00

My blogroll, aka "All The Cool Kids" needs your help! I'm going to weed through it this weekend and remove the people who are no longer blogging (*sigh*) and add some new blogs I should be reading.

Therein lies the problem. I need to add some new bloggy friends with my current bloggy friends.

Any suggestions? Which blogs do you read no matter what?

Or... if you think I should be reading YOUR blog, but you're not on my list, tell me!

In a way, this is kind of a de-lurking plea, but also... I just want to know who you think is worth reading. With my professional blog taking up most of my blogging time lately, I am a little behind around here. So I'd really, really, really appreciate your input!

Thanks for playing.

Holy Cow!

2008-05-14T07:59:00.001-05:00

That's all I have to say about this...

Four Entirely Different Wake Up Calls

2008-05-12T11:55:00.008-05:00

1. Do you have music or certain bands that you like in spite of yourself?

Example: I really loved Maroon 5 before they became famous. And now... meh. I could take or leave Adam Levine. Really. And one of our radio stations here plays at least one Maroon 5 tune an hour... seriously. So, that means, my chances of hearing Maroon 5 on the radio are pretty great. Usually, I roll my eyes and change to another station. (Okay, Farm Boy... really? Could we PUH-LEEZE get my Sirius radio installed in my new car? Pretty please?!?!)

But SOMETIMES... I can't make myself change the station. Because I kind of like them. Yes, even though most of their songs are indistinguishable from the others. And I don't WANT to like them. Gah.

Oh, to live in a world where our only problems are getting hooked on a music group we really don't want to like.

2. Does it seem to you that there have been a lot of weather-related tragedies in a very short amount of time? What's interesting is watching the number of young people who have joined groups in Facebook or somewhere within their RL* communities to see what they can do to help. I love, love, LOVE what Web 2.0, for lack of a better term, has done to help people become more globally aware and INVOLVED.

3. Mother's Day came and went. Kids and Farm Boy did a nice job of making me feel special, but I have a bit of a problem celebrating a "holiday" that was probably created out of good intentions and has more recently become commercialized to a fault. (how was THAT for a run-on sentence? Yeehaw!)

I know and love many women in my life who are not mothers-- either by choice or by "nature." For those out of choice, the "holiday" is just another day. For those where the desire to have children is great, but "nature" has determined otherwise... that holiday can be a nightmare. Still yet... there are those who are mothers of lost children. And my heart just breaks for my friends in those situations. But Hallmark doesn't make a card for them.

And everyone goes about pretending that the commercialism really doesn't hurt anyone. I disagree.

4. Just had to share something funny about a meeting this morning... btw, 8:00 Monday morning meetings should be outlawed... I'm just sayin'.

My boss was all chipper and happy at the start of our meeting... she teaches an early morning class before she goes to work (like a 5:00am class!), so she's always rarin' to go! She remarked today about how she forgets that not everyone is a morning person like her. If you know me at all, you know the depth of that understatement! I'm thinking she must have drawn the short straw when she got me... Miss "can't truly function until sometime after 10:00am. Oh, if it's Monday, let's make that 11:00am."

I mentioned something to the same effect, and we all had a good chuckle about it. It's nice to be able to joke at work... when we all realize our differences and can look on them as "differences, " and not "weaknesses."

Yikes. Does this last part make me sound like I'm in a good mood? How can that be? Don't worry... I'll be back to something that annoys me tomorrow, I'm certain.

*RL= real life

5 Things That Are Not Really Important

2008-05-08T00:07:00.002-05:00

Been extremely busy at work, and then things have been busy on the homefront, too. May is always a really hectic time of year.

So... here are just a few things on my mind:

1) I saw a spot on the Today Show that Crest Pro Health Rinse can leave brown spots on your teeth. Has this happened to anyone? I just bought two GINORMOUS bottles of this stuff.

2) If you saw a person holding a baby on his/her lap while driving, what would you do? The Farm Boy saw this a couple of weeks ago, and he called the police. Thinking they probably wouldn't do anything, he was pleasantly surprised when a patrol car showed up almost immediately. This might seem a little "narc-ish" to some of you (I hope not), but I was really happy that he made that call.

3) As much as I would like to think I'm a rebel, I'm pretty much a stickler for certain rules. For example, if I'm not allowed to park in a certain part of a parking lot... I don't. And it really burns my biscuits when someone else does. I know, I know... don't have a cow over something that isn't really your business. But it kind of is my business. Our parking lot at work and then the walk into the building is a little over 200 yards. Yes, that's two football fields. Big deal. Well, it is when it's raining. Anyway, some jerk parked his brand new red GT in the "reserved" stalls yesterday... AND he double-parked it. I sooooooooooo wanted to key that car. But I didn't. See? Not a rebel.

4) This spring season is about the prettiest spring I've seen in many, many years. Is that true for those of you also experiencing spring right now? Perhaps the very cold winter we had prepared us for a fabulous, awe-inspiring spring. I'm hoping I can go on a little photo retreat Friday afternoon. The colors are just amazing!! I'll post some if I do.

5) I don't really have five things... but I can't just leave it at 4. So maybe I'm a little Monk-ish. Sue me. haha

A Friday Rant

2008-05-02T09:26:00.003-05:00

I'm growing more and more weary of gender stereotypes... and all the media and advertising that perpetuates it further.

While I don't expect that every person on the planet should WANT to eat healthier, I hate when commercials insinuate that men should want the greasy, cholesterol-laden, heart attack on a plate at every fast food or sit-down restaurant. A manly man doesn't eat salads. Well, why the hell not? If he wants a salad, let him eat a salad. If he wants a chicken sandwich, let him eat a chicken sandwich. If he turns down a triple cheeseburger with bacon and extra cheese sauce, that doesn't make him any less of a man.

On the same note, just because I'm a woman, please don't tell me that I prefer quilting and sewing floral fabrics into frilly little frocks over watching a football or hockey game. AND... I want people around me to be quiet during an intense play... I'm not a "silly old hen" who talks and talks and talks, distracting my husband during the game.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with women who quilt or sew... or who don't like or appreciate sports. Not at all!!! I'm just not that person, and I don't want to be stereotyped as such just because of my gender. And I don't want my husband to be stereotyped as "whipped" or whatever, just because he has learned the art of compromise. He doesn't have to be a caveman to be a man... and I love him all the more for that.

Do we need to realize there are differences between the sexes? Yes. In order to understand the human condition, I think it's very important. But do we need to pigeon-hole EVERYONE and assume that's just the way it is? NO.

Maybe I'm just lucky that I am married to someone who is willing to compromise. We both have our separate interests-- and that's good!-- but I don't think that either one of us would ever sacrifice the importance of our marriage and togetherness simply because he's a MAN, DAMMIT!, and I'm some simp of a woman.

Random Musings- last day of April Edition

2008-04-30T18:27:00.005-05:00

1. While driving home from work, I passed a kid dressed in a sombrero and poncho, dancing along the street. Teenage boy. DANCING. Like there was no tomorrow. And waving a sign about 99 cent tacos. Apparently, working at Taco Johns makes you really happy. Or really insane.

2. How much does sign waving in front of stores/restaurants actually work anyway? Anyone know this answer??

3. I really, really need to learn not to procrastinate. This is going to be one hellacious weekend. Work. Plus more work. Plus studying for a final. Plus writing a 5-6 page case study. All this weekend. Please send me good juju.

That's all for now. Thanks for being you. ;-)

Update: I almost forgot. It's spring. Finally, it's looking like spring too. Here's a couple of shots of the tree in front of my house that is FINALLY blooming!

A Quick & Easy Five Point Meme...

2008-04-27T23:05:00.005-05:00

1. I love laughing with my family.

2. I wish that I had gone for a walk today and taken my camera to capture all the blooming and colors that are popping up.

3. I know I procrastinate too much, and it's going to catch up with me this week.

4. I appreciate that Jason Segal is secure enough to use his own body... including the junk... for comedic purposes.

5. I want to make some changes in my life, but I'm afraid I'm becoming complacent.

This one's easy. If you want to do it, just use the bolded words in your own list. Add a comment here if you plan to do it, so I can read yours too.

Warning-Serious and Thought-Provoking Post Ahead...

2008-04-23T12:18:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I worry about my "character."

Sure, I can be a caring person. I'm a good citizen. I respect most people. Well, that last one isn't always true, but I am respectFUL.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here... or even what I'm trying to learn about myself. Maybe it's about integrity. Do I always act with integrity? Do I make decisions based on what I believe to be right? I'm not sure I can answer that question with the response I WANT to provide.

And that's bothering me a little right now.

6 Word Meme

2008-04-15T13:46:00.003-05:00

Sorry, Jen. Better late than never, right?

"SICK OF BEING SICK AND TIRED."

That's not necessarily who I am as a person... all thirty-mumble-mumble years of me. But it's definitely who I am right now. I'm sure the Farm Boy would agree wholeheartedly.

Why You Should Never Go To The Mall When You Are Bored...

2008-04-14T11:25:00.005-05:00

My family decided to go to the mall yesterday... as a family. This meant my parents, my two siblings, a niece and a nephew, one of my kids, the Farm Boy, and me. I have NO idea what kind of wild hair instigated this family outing, but there you are.

Ordinarily, coordinating who would go to which area wouldn't be a big deal, but I forgot my phone. And the Farm Boy's phone died 2 minutes after we arrived, as he had forgotten to charge it the night before. Okay. Still no big deal. Seriously, what did we do before cell phones???

But here's what went down:

1. Parents went to the food court, then a store, and then said they'd be leaving after that.
2. Sibling #1 and niece went shopping for prom jewelry.
3. Sibling #2 and nephew went to the play area.
4. Daughter #1 wanted new jeans. Farm Boy and I sat in American Eagle waiting while she tried on 8 pairs of jeans.
5. I bought two pairs of jeans for Daughter #1.
6. As the three of us were walking back to find everyone else, Daughter #1 and I see a clothing store with a 70% off sale. Conversation followed thusly:

Daughter #1: "Ooh! I still have a gift card for that store. Let's go there."
Me: [noting the eye-rolling coming from the Farm Boy] "Honey, why don't you go to a boy store for about 20 minutes and then meet us back in front of the Starbucks. Is that okay?"
Farm Boy: "Okay."

7. Fast-forward 20 minutes... I am purchasing 2 pairs of pants, a few shirts, and a couple of spring sweaters (I LURVE sales and am a retailer's dream). I'm not quite through with my choices, but Daughter #1 and I have already been in the fitting rooms, and we're on the downward slope to final decisions. It has been 25 minutes since we've seen the Farm Boy.
8. Farm Boy walks in the store. I'm feeling a little guilty about buying MORE clothes, plus knowing that we've gone over our agreed upon 20 minutes.
9. But then I notice something in his hands.
10. It looks like a warranty-service-receipt packet... you know, the kind you get when you buy major items??? Conversation followed thusly:

Me: [knowing about a big sale on plasma TVs in the same mall] "What did you do?!?!?"
Farm Boy: "You told me to keep myself busy for about 20 minutes."
Me: "But that means you spent about..."
Farm Boy: "Yes. Yes I did."
Me: "Well, then I'm not going to feel so guilty about what I'm buying. [eyeing a cute pair of cropped jeans] Oh! And I'm going to get these too. [eyeing a cute halter and sweater set] Oh! And these too!"

I think you get the picture. The moral of the story is:

Malls + Boredom= less money in your checking account. And maybe your savings account, too.

And now the Farm Boy has his gigantic plasma TV, and he's pretty happy. It's not as big as I am tall (see -r-'s description of H's)... but let's just say I couldn't hug the TV if I tried, because my arms aren't that long.

A Shoe Quest and Proof That I Named This Blog Correctly...

2008-04-10T15:32:00.005-05:00

1. I'm looking for a pair of slingbacks, kind of like these, but I want them in green. Not "moss," not "neon lime," just a nice, muted, light green. I'd even go faux croc texture, if the color works. Maybe a lower heel, too, but that's not a deal-breaker.

Yes, I've already perused DSW, Macy's, Von Maur, local department stores, and all of Zappos, but I'm not finding what I want.

Suggestions?

I just bought these over the weekend (in dark brown patent)... in a department store... on sale. Love them. They're even "comfy!"

2. Stayed in a hotel over the weekend.

First night= peaceful and blissful. (imagine a celestial chorus sound here)

Second night= apparently, elephants stayed in the room one floor above us. Elephants or maybe toddlers who ran and jumped A LOT.

I could go into this huge tirade about how annoying it is when people don't consider anyone else but themselves, not even for a second considering that someone might want to be asleep at 11:30pm, and how I make my kids be super-dee-duper quiet whenever we're in a hotel, and since when is "having kids" an excuse to be rude and insensitive, since I have also lived through those ages and know that you CAN make it work... and let me say it was tough, but I also learned to request rooms on the first floor and away from people who might be disturbed by the slightest noise, etc....

...but I won't go off on that tirade. Nope. Did I mention that the noise started at 9:30pm and continued through the night? And that I think it stopped around 4:00am, but then started again at 7:30am? And did I also mention that, even though I am not THAT person, I also called the front desk, because it was so loud? Which leads to...

3. What is up with parents who insist on taking their young children to restaurants after 9:00 pm on a weekend and then allow said young children to run around the restaurant screaming and knocking people over... and then said young children start crying loudly because they're tired and just want to go home to bed...

...did I mention they annoy me? and why the hell did I spend so much frigging money on babysitters when my kids were young so that I could go out for some "adult time?" Apparently, that wasn't necessary?!?! Is it just me? I mean, are babysitters out of style? There are safe babysitters where I live-- as in boys and girls who take babysitting classes and even CPR classes to get certified. I just don't get it.

Gah. I am that old grumpy lady who hates everyone, aren't I? Well, at least I'll be wearing some sweet shoes amongst all the hatin'.

A Grumpy Vacation Pit Stop to Dave's World...

2008-04-04T22:36:00.003-05:00

What do YOU want from your friendly gas station/Subway/local restaurant, conveniently located alongside an interstate in the middle of a very rural area? Looking for a cell phone-car charger? Got it. How about some marshmallows? Yep. Restrooms chock full of condoms? Of course! Even in the Ladies room! Funyuns? You betcha. No-Doz? Absotively, posolutely!An ice cream bar for the road? Who doesn't want some sugar for the road? This is Dave's World... and it doesn't stop there.

How about the best mullet you've ever seen? (If the dude sporting the 'do hadn't looked a little deranged, I might have asked him if I could take his picture... but alas, he looked a little deranged.) Within 30 seconds of us pulling off the highway to stop for a sandwich, Mullet Man walked in. As soon as he left, the runner-up for best mullet entered. It was mullet heaven in this place! Super business-like up front, and all party in the back. Mullet #1 put "Billy Ray Cyrus circa 1992" to shame. Maybe I'll get ambitious this weekend and draw a picture of these men, seeing as how I have no photographic evidence.

But was this the very, very best that "Dave's World" had to offer? Au contraire, mon frere. I submit that it was not.

How about decorative testicles? In HOT PINK, BLUE, TAN, and BLACK. You know... in case you want to hang them from your rearview mirror or your trailer hitch (had to look up the name of that... envy my mad Google skillz!). Okay, so I was too shy to take a picture of these. Plus Youngest Daughter was with me, and I have to pretend to be a grown-up around her.

While I'm sure that decorative testicles are great revenue-generators for Dave's World, I would probably rethink their strategic placement... smack dab across from the Subway booths. 'Cause personally? I'm not accustomed to viewing multicolored "sacks" while munching down on some of Jared's favorite meals. That particular product placement is pretty brazen, if you ask me.

So, I guess you could say that, in more than one way, Dave's World has got balls.

No Foolin'...

2008-04-02T07:12:00.003-05:00

Rats. I didn't fool anyone yesterday with my post. Was I maybe just a BIT too obvious? ;-)

My annual fool on the Farm Boy didn't work either... I either call, email, or text him that "Oops! I'm pregnant."

His first response yesterday? "Woo hoo!"

That is simply not a good response.* Maybe I need a new fool for next year. ** Any suggestions?

*Our youngest of four is almost fifteen years old. Our mantra for the past 5 years has been NO BABIES. We're almost empty nesters!!!

**Part of the fun of having the same fool every year is awaiting his response. He's pretty creative, and usually quite funny.

5 Things About Me You Didn't Know- Special Holiday Edition

2008-04-01T13:14:00.004-05:00

1. I wish I could be Britney Spears for a day.
2. I think Tom Cruise is the most brilliant person on this planet. And probably on Xenu, too.
3. The reason I don't blog more often is because I love my job so much. Even though I'm not really busy, I prefer working to blogging.
4. Mornings are my favorite time of the day. I wake up, spring out of bed, sprinkle flower petals behind me as a I walk, sing with my little animal and bird friends, and thank the heavens for such a lovely day!
5. I don't understand why people get road rage. Where I live, everyone drives courteously and safely, obeying all traffic laws. Road rage is completely unnecessary.

That's a quick five... I'm sure those of you who read here often already knew these things, right?!?

Hope your April has had a fabulous start!

Light Urple

2008-03-30T22:49:00.003-05:00

In case you are unaware of the significance of "Light Urple"-- which I noted as one of the shades that I find most pleasing-- please follow this link. It's around 2:50 into the clip. Sorry... couldn't find one to embed.

100 Things About Me, Part I

2008-03-27T17:07:00.003-05:00

I have been trying for the last two point five years to come up with my "100 Things" list. Here's the first 25:

1. If given the choice at a coffee shop, I’ll order a simple café au lait with Equal and skim milk. Mochas, cappuccinos, and lattes are just a little too much for me. The only exception is when there are pumpkin lattes available. Then I’m all over that.
2. Occasionally, I suffer from embarrassingly loud gastric noises. It’s mortifying actually.
3. The first live concert I ever attended was a Sonny & Cher show… when I was 2. It’s one of my earliest memories… I recall my dad lifting me up so I could see her. She was wearing something orange, red and sparkly. Quelle surprise. Apparently, Cher was my idol at that tender young age.
4. I’m utterly worthless without 8 or 9 hours of sleep at night. 9 is better.
5. In our family of 6 (hubby and 4 teenagers), I am the smallest. And they remind me of it often.
6. I am overly polite to people I don’t know well, but I am not polite enough to the people in my family.
7. I am empathetic to a fault. I know it’s supposed to be a strength, but crying about someone else’s pain—especially when I don’t even KNOW that person—sometimes borders on the ridiculous.
8. My favorite color is any shade of purple—lilac, violet, amethyst, “light urple,” ANY shade.
9. I have freakish memory… I mean really FREAKISH. Not necessarily for important things, but for those things that people would never have a need to store away. Like, remember that time when I was 5 and you were 3, and you lay down on the driveway and told me to run over you with my bike, and I did? And then I got in trouble for it, because, although you were younger, I always did what you told me, and mom said I should know better? And she sent me to our room to wait for dad to come home, while you got to eat ice cream? Yeah. Like that.
10. I am very easily irritated. Again, quelle surprise.
11. I believe in ghosts.
12. I took six years of French, and have probably forgotten 4 years worth of it. I hope not, but I’m not very optimistic.
13. I’m having a difficult time thinking of 25 things… how am I ever going to get to 100???
14. I am a classically trained singer, and I play the piano and violin. I dabble on the guitar and bass guitar. My talent strengths of each go in that order, too.
15. I took classes years ago in oil painting and love it, but haven’t had time to paint in years.
16. I used to be a better than average photographer (won awards in high school for originality, quality of shot, etc.). Now am VERY amateurish, but want to be good again. I love taking photos.
17. I think I am much older than I want to be, but am also to a point in my life where I’m comfortable with my maturity… even if it’s not in the chronological sense.
18. My birthstone is the garnet, even though people sometimes think they are rubies.
19. Sometimes I miss being a teacher. But then all I have to do is step into a school building, especially a middle school, and then I’m reminded why I don’t miss it so much.
20. Even though I’m really empathetic and highly sensitive, some people who don’t know me very well might initially think me cold or distant. It’s a defense mechanism really.
21. When I was little, I wanted to be these things when I grew up: Cher (duh!), a race car driver, a teacher, a veterinarian, a performer at Disney World, a brain surgeon, a writer… and then back to a teacher again.
22. There are days when I absolutely detest email and wish it had never been invented.
23. I’m a sucker for cheesecake.
24. I’m also a sucker for a tear-jerker movie or book and will most likely cry when reading/viewing. I’ll hide it from you, though. You won’t see me cry.
25. I’m a sucker for over-committing myself. I take on too much, because I can’t say no, and then I whine incessantly about it. (No?!? Really?!? Isn’t that why I have a blog?!? Haha)

Hoppy Easter!

2008-03-22T10:59:00.001-05:00

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/381/Easter/Happy_Easter

A Profession of Love and Thanks to the Farm Boy

2008-03-20T23:08:00.006-05:00

When I opened the garage door to head out to dinner this evening, there was a new* car sitting in my driveway. Yep. That's my new* car. The Farm Boy RULES.

Pics to come later.

And you know what else this means?!?! NO MORE LOSER CRUISER FOR MRS. GRUMPY! W00T!

*ahem* This site shall be temporarily known as the Happy Frump. Grumpiness will commence again tomorrow morning, as I'm sure I'll find something to put me into my usual sour mood.

But for now.... did I mention how much I love, love, LOVE my Farm Boy?!?! He's the coolest. And he's hot. And even though I'm just a grumpy old frumpy girl, he tells me I'm pretty every day. Yes, it's usually right after I wake up, looking like hell... and he's probably just trying to convince himSELF that he didn't marry a troll... but hey. You take what you can get.

*"New" to us. It's against my principles to buy a brand new car, drive it off the lot, and lose around 20% of its initial value. You can do it if you want, I'm not judging you. ;-)

UPDATE: Lest anyone think me VERY spoiled, I just wanted to note that he didn't buy the new car outright. We still have to make the monthly payments. This isn't one of those Lexus commercials with a new car and a bow.

A Scary, Yet Hot Dude in the Bog of Eternal Stench

2008-03-12T11:44:00.004-05:00

What a crazy few days we've had recently... I won't bore you with all the details, but on top of everything else, one of our little doggies had to have emergency surgery on Sunday. Nothing too serious, and he's fine now... and I've learned a thing or two about dogs that a) I didn't know before, and b) I still really would rather not know. ;-)

So, in a nutshell, that's my excuse for not blogging the last few days.

Today's post is about a crush I had when I was younger... not really an inappropriate crush (other than the age difference), but one that I really couldn't explain. In fact, it made me feel slightly creepy.

I'm sure few people in or around my age-group would think me odd for having a slight crush on David Bowie. Compared to his Ziggy Stardust years, he has that hot-older-guy-rockstar thing going on now. Did you see him in Zoolander? Yikes. I hope I age as well as he does (but in a girly way for me, of course!).

But that's not when the unexplainable crush happened. No, that was years earlier... back in 1986, when he played Jareth the Goblin King in Labyrinth. Jennifer Connelly starred in this movie, too.

David Bowie was SCARY as Jareth, yet strangely seductive. I was a teenager then, and I couldn't figure out why I found him so attractive! Was it the makeup? The funky 80s Goblin King hair? The strange costumes? I don't know. I still don't know. And yet... still pretty attracted to Jareth. Take a look/listen for yourself... and then tell me why.

Is It November 5th Yet?

2008-03-04T18:41:00.002-06:00

I don't care who you are... with which party you align yourself... I'm TIRED of talk about primaries, delegates, superdelegates, candidates, and political commercials.

It's not that I don't care about the election. I do! And I exercise my right to vote. Maybe it's simply that I made up my mind a while back about my voting preference, and I'm just impatient to get it over with.

Or maybe it's just that I'm grumpy and sick of hearing of it all.

Great White North Friends, back me up here. One of your fellow nationals told me that Canada has a law about campaign publicity restrictions... something like no more than 4 or 5 months before the elections? Is that about right? As with everything else in the US, I think we just let things get a little out of hand.

But that's just me.

A "Why Haven't There Been More Why Files" Why Files...

2008-02-29T08:26:00.004-06:00

Oh, you know WHY there haven't been more Why Files. :-)

So without further ado... I present:

Why #1: Why do we use umbrellas when it rains, but not when it snows? I saw a woman with an umbrella up during a snow storm and thought how odd it looked. BUT... her head was dry, and she wasn't going to end up with stocking-cap-head later on. So, last week when we had a really wet snow, I took my umbrella. Note: umbrellas only protect you against snow if there isn't a whirling, swirling wind that makes it look like it's snowing from all directions.

Why #2: Why am I so weird? I have a box of tissues on my desk. But that box of tissues has to be season-specific. For example, the one on my desk has snow flakes on it. If I don't use the entire box by the end of winter, I will put it in my cube cabinet, and bring it back out when it's season appropriate again. Kind of like the tissue box that is currently residing in my cube cabinet. The one with pumpkins on it. I will bring that back out next October, because I didn't use all the tissues last October. So, in 8 more months, I will have dusty tissues to use again. Hooray! How lame is that???

Why #3: After watching Sarah Silverman's Ode To Matt Damon, I wondered why is Matt Damon always such a good sport? Is he really such a good guy? I think the answer is yes. And also that he's just hilarious.

Why #4: After watching Jimmy Kimmel's response to Sarah Silverman's Ode To Matt Damon, I just wondered WHY. Actually, I laughed so hard, I almost wet my pants. But that's another "why" for another day.
Is anyone else wondering how he got all those stars to help him out? I bow down to you, Jimmy Kimmel. That was freaking hilarious. Oh, and apparently Ben Affleck is an even better sport than Matt Damon. Did you see that glittery teal shirt?!?! Oh. My. Garg. Brad Pitt? Robin Williams? Harrison Ford? Josh Groban????? This is my new "wake-up and get in a good mood" video.

Why #5: Here's our "just why" for the day. Apparently, the pavement was of age and a consenting partner. Ewww.

And that concludes this episode of The Why Files. Thanks for playing.

Blog Share Was Super Fun!

2008-02-28T15:52:00.004-06:00

Thanks to -R- for organizing the amazing Blog Share yesterday! Even through the midst of an inconvenient illness, she pulled through for everyone, and I, for one, enjoyed every bit of it!!

If you didn't get a chance to read through all the Blog Share bloggers, please visit -R-'s post that lists all the links.

As for me... I hope to have a Why Files ready to go for you tomorrow. Wow, could it really be? No, surely she jests!

Nope! I don't jest, and please don't call me Shirley (ba-dump-BUMP!). Hope to see you all here tomorrow!

Anybody selling a good used Delorean?

2008-02-26T19:42:00.002-06:00

Today’s post is part of Blog Share and was written by an anonymous writer. To see the other anonymous posts today, see -R-'s Blog Share list.

I might want to rig up a flux capacitor and take the scenic route down the path not taken.

I'd like to travel back in time and change some things, see how they'd play out if I did just one thing differently. Maybe. Maybe I wouldn't change anything at all, but sometimes I'd really like to have the chance.

I probably shouldn't have gone crazy with the neon clothing in the 80s. I thought it was fun! Or not.

That "bi-level" haircut that was all the rage, combined with a growing-out perm? Maybe that was a bad call. Or not.

Changing that college major from Pre-Med? Maybe that wasn't the wisest choice. Maybe I could be a wealthy doctor right now. Or not.

Turning down a part-time job my dad wanted me to take, 'cause it seemed to me to be dead-end and no-fun? A job that turned into a high-profile career for the person who DID take it? Maybe I should have given it a shot. Or not.

Not realizing in time that one of my college classmates was flirting with me for REAL, and not just kidding around? Maybe I could be the wife of a reasonably wealthy optometrist right now. (He ended up marrying one of my friends, despite her extremely cold feet, and they ended up very bitterly divorced. Maybe they both could have been spared.) Or not.

Maybe I should have been more patient with the sweet, goofy, brilliant young guy who loved me 20 years ago. Maybe the fact that he couldn't make himself a sandwich, or keep track of the car keys, or take a shower without flooding the bathroom, or wrap his brain around the fact that sometimes, love ISN'T enough, sometimes you need, oh...a place to live and money to buy food, maybe those things should NOT have made me so ready to push him away and break his heart. Maybe I should have hung in there with him. But, you know, I was young, too. And I was H-O-T hot. There'd be plenty of other good guys wanting to love me, right? Or not.

I definitely should NOT have dated that pathological liar, no matter how intense the physical chemistry. Of course, really good pathological liars don't reveal themselves right away, so there might not have been any escape from that particular trap. But if I had it to do over again, I'd try to be more alert, damn it. Maybe it wouldn't take me six months to figure it all out. Maybe I'd be smarter. Or not.

I definitely should not have let my post-pathological liar vulnerability convince me it was a good idea to let an ex back in my life. He was an ex for a reason--namely, because he disappeared from my life without a trace and stayed away for two years. When he showed up wanting to apologize for the way he treated me, I should have graciously accepted his apology (hey, I can be the bigger person) and sent him on his way. His then MARRIED way. But at the time, he seemed sincere about wanting to clear the air and be "friends." And then later, he seemed sincere about wanting to end his marriage. Or NOT.

Maybe I shouldn't have put my feet in those stirrups on that cold February morning long ago and exercised every woman's right to choose.

Maybe I should have been less scared.

Maybe I should have been stronger.

Maybe I should have trusted that it would all work out, somehow.

But certainly there would be other chances--chances to do it RIGHT, wouldn't there?

Or not.

Blog Share is TOMORROW!

2008-02-26T18:41:00.003-06:00

W00T! Tomorrow is Blog Share, so an anonymous blogger will be posting to Grumpy Frump. You know what that means, right? You guessed it! Two days in a row with a new post on this blog. Are the planets aligned or something? They must be!

In the meantime, I'd better decide which post to send to MY Blog Share buddy. Blog buddy. Bluddy? No, that just sounds sick. Blog-Buddy???? *giving up now*

Also, I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who still read... I know I'm really inconsistent about posting, and it makes me sad. I do enjoy reading your comments, and I try to get to your blogs to read, too. While I don't always have the opportunity to comment, I still enjoy what you all post! Now if I could just find a way around that blog-blocking filter at work. Gah!

If you want to read the Blog Share posts tomorrow, in addition to the guest blogger here, head over to my friend -R-'s place. She'll be posting a list of links, I believe.

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot...

2008-02-23T00:50:00.000-06:00

Find more videos like this on People's Improv Theater

Closed on Account of Cold...

2008-02-19T22:25:00.003-06:00

C'mon... admit it. You want to live in a place where the weather gets so cold, the wind chill so dangerous, that they close school. And some businesses. That's what is happening here tomorrow.

Why are all the images of hell depicted with flames, brimstone, smoke? Because I'm pretty sure those images are wrong. Yes, sirree. I am betting that hell is actually a place where the weather takes a 50 degree plunge in less than 24 hours. A place where, if you walk outside, the insides of your nostrils freeze instantly... and that is a pain you can only pretend to understand unless you've actually experienced it.

And I'm also betting that hell's real name is Nebraska.

Three Wishes... Blink Blink!

2008-02-17T20:22:00.002-06:00

Dear Genie,

Here are my three wishes:

1) I would like a new job. One that allows me to telecommute from home, is around 4-6 hours a day, and affords me enough time to HAVE A LIFE.

2) I would like either a) a live-in maid, or b) the energy and desire to clean my home. It's pathetic. No, really. You wouldn't even want to walk past the foyer. Trust me. If I can't have A or B, could you maybe just pop in every day and BLINK it clean for me? Thanks.

3) World Peace.

Thanks. I put that last one in there just so I wouldn't seem like a total selfish pig. And maybe that would put me in your good graces, so that you would give me the first two wishes. Pretty Please?

All the News You I Need on Toes, Pete Lee, and the NFL...

2008-02-04T21:33:00.001-06:00

1) I'm calling the doctor tomorrow about my toes. They're still messed up, and the swelling is at the joints between the metatarsals and phalanges. In other words, not the "toe knuckles," but the place where the toes meet the rest of the foot. The suckiest thing is that I think I'm messing up the rest of my foot by not walking normally. Ridiculous. Call a doctor already, you big baby. Or else I will take the advice of wire and and lori to just remove the toes or foot altogether. (Or not. )

2) Farm Boy and I went to see Pete Lee's show last Friday. I even paid Pete 50 cents for a hug (he said they weren't free anymore). Unfortunately, the Farm Boy had a few too many doubles that evening, and he forgot to take a picture with my camera phone. Loser. Can't hold his whiskey (says the girl who is looped after half a glass of wine). Anyway, love Pete Lee. LOTS. He was even kind to the heckler lady (with the Harley Davidson purse) before she was physically removed by the big, ginormous bouncer. Dinner and a show. How good is life?!?!

3) I'm hoping that I will be a Bloggy regular again someday. I do read you all... really, I do. Most of the time, it's through Google Reader, so I can't always comment. Plus, they started blocking blogs at work (sheesh! It's like they don't trust us or something), so now I have lost that time, too! Seriously, I only did that stuff during lunch. Or breaks. Or slow periods. Or when I was bored. *big cheesy grin*

4) YAY, Giants! I'm not a huge NFL fan... don't like the over-inflated egos with the over-inflated salaries. However, I was ready to root for anyone to beat the Patriots. Not that I dislike the team. I think there's some very good talent on the team, even though I've been, like, you know, SOOO over Tom Brady for some time. But Belichick? Beli-ICK. Cheater, Cheater. He didn't even have to do any of that with the all the talent on his team, and yet he tainted what could have been an amazing season for them. Wait. It still WAS an amazing season for them. Just not for him. Cause he's a cheater, and no one likes a cheater. Yeah.

5) I have not been home before 8pm any night in the last two weeks. Some nights, it's been 9pm or later. What's scarier is that I'm usually home on weekends earlier than I am on weekdays. That is MESSED UP. Perhaps that is what is eating up all my blogging time. Perhaps I should get up an hour earlier each day just to keep up on blogging. Yes, and perhaps a monkey will fly out of my.... ear and sing me an aria from Die Fledermaus.

6) My Wii Sports Tennis Pro status is at 2083. My Wii Sports Golf Pro status is 117. So, apparently, if I suck at a sport in real life, I will rule the school on the Wii. If I am half-way decent at the sport in real life, I will suck it up royally on the Wii. I think I'm okay with that.

That is all. :-)

Bubble Toes...NO. Smashed Toes... YES.

2008-01-29T20:00:00.001-06:00

How lame do you have to be to injure your toes from doing absolutely nothing? Every toe on my right foot is "injured*," with the exception of my big toe and my pinky toe (you know... the one that went to market, and the one who went "wee, wee, wee!" all the way home).

First... let me clarify.

I did not injure my toes through:

a) a sports-related injury,
b) an accidental ramming of said toes into any type of furniture,
c) a drive-by vehicular toe accident,
d) a large mammal stomping on said toes.

No, Bloggy Friends, I injured my toes by.... wait for it... walking. I walked about 20 feet from my cubicle, and one of those steps made me feel like I had just crushed my toes. What the hell????

How can you injure your toes by just walking??? I was not wearing high heels or pinchy toe-d shoes. In fact, here's a pictorial for you.

I was not wearing these.

Nor was I wearing these.

I was wearing these. See? Low heel. Rounded toe. Perfect for NOT hurting the toes. (yes, and somewhat scuffed. I know. The weather sucks here.)

After a few days, they start to feel better, and then BLAMMO! It happens again. I try keeping pressure off the toes by walking on the left side of my foot and only putting pressure on my big toe.

Any diagnoses? Suggestions? 'Cause I feel pretty ding-dang-dong foolish right about now.

*They aren't broken. I've broken toes before due to a, b, and d above, so I know what broken toes are. They are just... sprained? I don't know!

He's My New Favorite...

2008-01-23T19:26:00.000-06:00

JOC... spoofing Tomas Crazy. JOC rules.

If you want to see the original and haven't yet... go here.

On a sadder note, RIP Patrick Verona.

Wah. I'm Whining. What Else Is New?

2008-01-17T22:28:00.001-06:00

I miss my blog.

I miss my bloggy friends.

I missed my blog's birthday in October. I missed posting about my fabulous "blate" with -r- and Nat back in December (they're both the coolest, you know). I missed posting about New Year's. I missed posting about my own birthday.

So... let's just see if we can get back into the swing of things, eh? I'm just going to have to suck it up, stop using how busy I am as an excuse (even though I'm tres tres busy), and blog. Right? Do I hear an AMEN?

Unwrapped is on TV right now, and Marc Summers (he of the Super Sloppy Double Dare fame) is talking about the Frosty from Wendy's. He just noted that one unusual fact about Frosty's is that people love to dip their fries into them. Something about the saltiness of the fries and the sweetness of the chocolate Frosty just go hand in hand.

Sounds digusting, right?

But I have to admit that I used to LOVE dipping fries into my Frosty. Ack. Now I'm hungry for a Frosty.

Did you ever fry-dip your Frosty? How about any other unusual food combinations?

Open Letter to A Wireless Company...

2007-12-26T13:51:00.000-06:00

... whose name may or may not rhyme with Print.

Dear Print,

When I cancelled my services with you in mid-October, I thought I was done with you. Done with your lame, cryptic bills that even nuclear scientists and calculus scholars shake their heads at. Done with your pathetic customer service reps who fail to respond to the simplest of questions. Done with being charged outrageously for text messaging that we didn't even have. I THOUGHT.

After arguing in October with one of your lame customer service folks for 30 minutes on the phone regarding WHY I was cancelling... and really? If I say I want nothing more to do with you, do I NEED to go on for 30 minutes relating the exact same thing? No, I think not... the process was finally explained about porting my numbers over to my new company (whose bills I love, btw, and whose customer service people actually have intelligent conversation capabilities). We discussed my final bill, which was paid prior to the numbers finally being ported out. I was suspicious that the relationship was really considered "over," but you reassured me it was.

Thinking it couldn't possibly be over, a month later, November 12 actually, I called your customer service number again... since I hadn't heard "boo" from your company, I was wondering if it really was over. Additionally, I was certain there were at least SOME charges still left over. When I called customer service on that lovely November day, I was told, "No, your account balance is zero. You owe nothing more." Still uncertain, I asked if there would be any more charges, yet you told me no. I asked for some kind of final document acknowledging the finality of it all and was given a bit of a run-around, but then reassured again that this was the end.

I knew it was too good to be true. Over a month later (today to be exact), I receive a collection notice from you, Print, stating that I still owe $176. When, in my fury, I called your (lame) customer service, first I was put on hold for over 10 minutes. Then you disconnected me. So I called back. Then I spoke with a floor supervisor who proceeded to tell me that I was charged from October 15 through November 7 for three phones that we weren't even using, because you don't just cancel phones willy-nilly. Oh, no! That would be too easy. So, you charged me for three phones I didn't use because that's when the monthly billing cycle ended. Beyond how ridiculous that really is, Print, let me say this: you suck. You suck big time.

When I asked this floor supervisor why my November phone call to customer service didn't tell me I still owed $176. She tells me that it's possible that the billing cycle, which ended on November 7, hadn't posted yet to the accounts that the customer service reps can see. So it's possible that he couldn't see that I still owed nearly two hundred dollars. What a bunch of malarkey. Oh, but we're not done there.

NOW, this floor supervisor throws another one at me. I ask her for a final statement, because I never received that statement in November that she assures me was sent. Here's what she says (be sure to read this part carefully), "I'm sorry, but I can't send you a copy of that final statement. I want to, but the system won't allow me to, because your account was cancelled in mid-October." WTF? My account was cancelled, so they can't send me anymore information, but I still have to pay for something I didn't use while my account was cancelled? Again, WTF?

So, explain to me, Print, why the hell I should blindly pay this collection notice, which btw is probably affecting my credit rating thank you very much you pieces of crap, without any kind of detailed billing? Why should I pay for something I didn't even use?

I'll tell you this much... I'll probably pay it, because I am a law-abiding citizen, and I don't think it's worth the fight. But know this, Print, I will be telling EVERYONE I know about this wonderful situation you've decided to put me through. Oh, and our business is in the RFP process currently for wireless carriers. I can't wait to tell them my story. I'm pretty sure I know whose RFP will be in the garbage file.

Merry Effing Christmas, Print.

Sincerely,
A Very Disgruntled Ex-Customer

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzaakuh!

2007-12-26T10:30:00.000-06:00

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season!

Five Thoughts...

2007-12-16T21:38:00.000-06:00

1. I have one final on Wednesday, and then I am done with school for this semester. Huzzah. And it should be a really, really easy final. A bigger HUZZAH.

2. One week left of work before Winter Break. A ginormous HUZZAH!

3. How many 'Js' are there in the words, "upgrade you?" Oh, yeah. NONE.

4. Burger King wanted to prove how popular their Whopper is by taking it OFF their menu for a day? Wow. That's genius. Piss off your loyal customers for a day. Good thing I never eat Whoppers, or else I'd have to boycott them. But I never really go to BK anyway, so I guess they don't really care.

5. I was in a minor car accident about 3 weeks ago... just got my vehicle back. I'm glad to have it back because that means I'm no longer paying $180 a week in rental car fees... but I do miss the satellite radio in the rental car. Maybe SOMEONE will get that for me for Christmas (Farm Boy, this means YOU).

That is all.

Snow Day

2007-12-11T13:48:00.000-06:00

We're snowed in today... kind of. We had ice and freezing rain first, then snow on top of that, so schools and some businesses closed. I still have to go to my grad class tonight, though. Taking the day off helped, so I was able to put some finishing touches on my final draft of my paper. I can also get some last minute studying done for my exam tonight. Gah. I'll be so glad when this semester is over.

Things are almost getting back to normal around here again. It's odd to see your home and its landmarks on national (and in some cases, international) news sites for days on end. People here are intent on healing, however, so I hope the focus can stay on that instead of the incomprehensible act itself.

On a much, much lighter note... Food Network is awesome. I've been receiving the 12 Days of Cookies emails for the last couple of weeks. I can't wait to try out some of the recipes. If any of them are even minimally successful, I might even post some pictures.

So... QUIZ TIME.

For those of you who celebrate the upcoming holidays, how many of you are:

a) completely finished shopping
b) have mailed or emailed (or posted online) your holiday greetings/cards/pictures/letters.
c) both a and b
d) have almost finished a and/or b
e) have started a and/or b
f) are you kidding? I don't worry about that until the day before the holiday!

Let me know. I'm interested... and I would also say that I am at E. Surprised? You shouldn't be. ;-)

It's Time for Healing...

2007-12-05T21:25:00.000-06:00

Just requesting your good thoughts and prayers for the members of my community who were affected by the tragedy at one of our malls today.

Thanks.

Do Not Start THAT Again!

2007-12-04T20:25:00.001-06:00

I'm in Earworm Hell. Please. Make. It. Stop.

Was sick over the weekend. Daughter #2 decided to comfort me by snuggling with me. Nice thought, but I didn't have the heart to tell her she wiggles too much when she snuggles. Ordinarily... that's not a problem at all. But Sickly McSickerson (as I've come to be known lately) doesn't appreciate wigglers.

But that's not why I'm in hell. No, I wish that was all it was.

You see, Daughter #2 started channel surfing. And lo, it crept upon me so suddenly, I didn't even see it coming. Yes, it is the nightmare/cult classic that is Grease 2. And she begged me to watch it with her. I rolled over and tried to sleep to no avail.

Oh, sure. If you watch that cinematic feat of 1982 with the volume turned down, it's not so bad. If you listen to any of the parts that Lorna Luft sings, or even Michelle Pfeifer and Adrian Zmed (yes, THAT Adrian Zmed) in some songs, you'll be okay. But God help you once Maxwell Caulfield opens his mouth. With the volume on mute, he's a joy. Volume up? Not so much. Or Maureen Teefy. *shudder* Actors? Yes. Yes, they are. Singers. No. Not even close.

Here's the funny thing about Grease 2. Some of the songs are entertaining. We're not talking the caliber of the original Grease, but still entertaining. SOME.

Like, "Reproduction." Funny song. I might even be able to laugh at "Let's Do It For Our Country," but Maureen Teefy's voice couldn't even be helped along in post-production. Seriously? You can't make her sing in tune with all the fancy doo-dads and gadgets in the recording studio? Yikes!

As for the rest of the score? Ouch. Eeek. Gah. And because they are so bad... they stick in your head FOREVER!!!! (wait, I think I need another exclamation point or two)!! Watch that movie. I dare you not to get "Cool Rider" or "Who's That Guy" or "Score" stuck in your head. Try not to laugh during the pseudo-serious dream/heaven sequence with Michelle Pfeifer and Maxwell Caulfield. I double-dog dare you!

What's scarier is that you will be singing along with your earworm, and you won't even realize it until you're caught. I walked through the office yesterday singing, "Who's That Guy, on that motorcycle... what would they say if they knew it was Michael." Busted. Laughter erupting all around me. Those are HORRIBLE lyrics! Ack! And I was singing them! OUT LOUD!

Must go bury my head in the snow (due to lack of sand) for shame.

She AWOKE With a Start...

2007-11-29T21:50:00.000-06:00

Okay. I had to break my blogging silence (not intentional, mind you) to beg you all for some help. Words are driving me crazy. Specifically certain words and their use... or misuse.

Isn't it scary how words are used incorrectly for such a long period of time that they eventually become REAL? Ack! The horror of it all!

How... Is... That... LOGICAL?

So, along the same lines then... if, for the next 20 years, I keep saying that 2+2=5 , we'll just accept that as fact? No, I think not.

My pet peeve word this week is AWAKE. Yes, "awake" is a word. So, is "wake," "awaken," and "awoke."

Notice: there is no "waked" or "woken." Not real words.

Au contraire, ma petite chou-chou! Not so fast. Look them up in the dictionary, and THEY. ARE. THERE.

WTF?

Those are not real words, but people use them all the time. One of my friends was telling me the other day that she was "woken up by the cries of her little dog." I didn't say anything, of course. I'm only Super Grammar Cop when I'm in disguise. I couldn't reveal my alter ego right in front of her! But I digress...

That's almost as bad as the worst possible word on the planet: irregardless. That is NOT a word. By definition, it contradicts itself. Yet, people actually use that word. Gah. Oh, yeah... and if you search enough, you'll find a dictionary that recognizes it as a legitimate word. Again, I ask, WTF?

Oh, and it gets better... "irregardless" is listed as a synonym of ... wait for it... "regardless." Exactly.

So, again, I ask WHY? I don't understand how we can accept the corruption of our own language. I'm not a complete language freak non-stop, 24/7. I do use colloquialisms, "yeah" and "yep," and we know all too well my affinity for the points of ellipsis. Not exactly perfect/proper all the time.

But for the love of Bob, how many more words are we going to just give up and say, "Oh, what the hell! Everyone THINKS it's correct, so let's just make it a word."

End rant here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T17:01:00.001-06:00

Okay, so apparently, I only blog on holidays now. NOT true... it just seems that way.

Quick recap of stuff that's been happening:

Wrote a secondary research paper for one grad class. The draft is finished and turned in, but now I have to go back and edit/revise. Bleh. I want to be done with this already.

Wrote a grant project for another grad class. Again, draft is finished and turned in... now it's revision time.

Monday, it was 73 degrees. Lovely weather, but not typical November weather for this place. In response then, it snowed all morning today. Not just "light flurries" like they said... actual snow with accumulation! Ah, I love the midwest. Or maybe not.

Other than that, I haven't done much of anything else. Work. Go to class. Cart Child #2 to activities. Attend said activities. What a glamorous life I lead. ;-)

One more thing... it just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an appearance from Goofy Gobbles, right?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Halloween...

2007-10-31T21:28:00.001-05:00

... from my dogs who are just thrilled to be in costume. Can't you tell?

Oooh! Spooky eyes!

Yep... Still Busy.

2007-10-31T21:11:00.000-05:00

So, for your listening/viewing enjoyment:

I know. It has nothing to do with Halloween, but since I'm drowning in Baroque music history, I just have to share.

No, Not THAT Kind of Break...

2007-10-21T22:19:00.001-05:00

Oh, my long neglected Little Blog. I miss you. And I miss all the friends we have, too. It's been over a week since I've even had a minute to read someone else's blog. Boo.

So, here's the deal-io, yo. I have two ginormous grad class projects due November 6 and 7. Until those deadlines are gone, you and I are just going to have to agree to see each other very sporadically and casually... and not fret that one is neglecting the other. Do you hear what I'm saying, Little Blog? It's not like I'm out there writing other fascinating, mind-blowing blogs*, honest. The only other blog in my life is my professional blog, which, in fact, gets updated far less frequently than you do (and that is entirely bass-ackwards, if you think about it... but c'est la vie).

I think this will make us stronger in the future. In fact, I'm sure I'll have TONS of things to write about, once we start seeing each other regularly again. Now, don't get all discouraged about readership and page views. For that matter, don't even check your SiteMeter stats. It will just get you all depressed, and then where will you be???

So, we're good now, right? Right? Good. If I get a chance, I'll stop by and say hi. But mostly, I'll have my head buried in books and articles and spiritless websites with stuffy, stale information for a secondary research project. Yippee.

Catch ya on the flip side.

One quick note, the Farm Boy and I will be making a short trip to Lost Wages this week to celebrate a birthday on his side of the family. The break might be just what I need... or else it might provide me some quiet, alone time in the hotel room to work on my projects while the Farm Boy golfs and gambles with his family. ;-)

*Hey, if we're pretending this blog has feelings, we can also pretend that it's fascinating and mind-blowing. Just roll with it.

Sick of Being Sick...

2007-10-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

Ever seen The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? (Many of you will be too young for that reference.) Or even Bubble Boy? I'm beginning to think I need a bubble. I'm home with the flu... again. What? Is this my third or fourth time since September? I think that's about right. I can't even get my flu shot until next week.

Apparently, I have no immune system. Right about now, I'd take that bubble.

Make It Stop...

2007-10-12T07:12:00.000-05:00

For the love of God, somebody please put some duct tape over Ann Coulter's mouth. Please. I don't care to which political affiliation you associate yourself, nor which religion, if any... this woman is just plain offensive.

My Apologies... to Blogger and to my Right Hand.

2007-10-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I have unfairly blamed Blogger for my recent inability to login or even comment on other blogs. Apparently, we are having browser issues. On more than one computer. Yikes.

But this one works!

So, what have I been up to? I've taken two major tests in one of my grad classes. I'm certain I aced one... have no idea about the second. Not sure what he wanted, which doesn't make me feel good. But for two questions that were to be essay answers, I wrote 8 pages. EIGHT. OCHO. Excessive? I think not. However...

I can't feel my fingers on my right hand. I don't write anything anymore... it's all type-ity type type, clackety clack on a keyboard. I wasn't even sure my right hand remembered HOW to write. Apparently, eight pages later, it did.

Honestly... beyond signing a few checks here and there and maybe a few legal documents every so often... I don't write anymore! In high school and undergrad classes, writing eight pages would have been a piece of cake. Not so much now. Oh, well.

As for the school stuff, I still have a project to finish, a 25 page secondary research paper to begin (due Nov. 6... eeeek!), and three more tests. All this for 6 lousy credits. Gah. Credits that won't get me any salary advancement or that are 100% necessary. Color me stupid.

Sooooooo, now that I know Blogger doesn't hate me, I guess I'll be around again. Not that I have oodles and oodles of readers anymore. :-)

On that fabulously, self-pitying remark... please leave a comment. I just want to know who's around without having to check my Sitemeter stats. Pretty please?

So Much To Do, So Little Time- Part Infinity

2007-10-02T23:26:00.001-05:00

Gah! Seriously. 2 graduate classes on top of full-time job on top of mommy/chauffeur duty on top of...

I need a vacation.

Or a mojito.

I sense several upcoming meme posts, because I don't think I'll have time to think of anything too original. My apologies.

Best Laid Plans

2007-09-29T14:22:00.000-05:00

I had so much planned to do this week. I had great blog posts. I was going to study for my upcoming tests like a mad woman. I was even appropriately ambitious about cleaning house.

And then I got the flu. Boo.

Not the pukey flu... it was the "achey, feel like I'm going to die from nothing" kind of flu. Gah.

So, very little was accomplished. I did a little studying for a test I have next Tuesday, but that's about all. And now I'm sitting here, listening to a football game, and thinking I have so much to do I don't even know where to start.

I feel a little better now, so what do I do? I blog. Brilliant.

Tell me to go study. Tell me to take my youngest shopping for some clothes that fit her (she won't stop growing!). Tell me to do some laundry or something.

Really? You're Going to Wear THAT?

2007-09-26T06:33:00.000-05:00

Pet Peeve of the Week:

Mommies who wear suggestive clothing while walking their kids to school, shopping with their kids, etc.

If you're over 30 and walking your child into his or her school, the word "JUICY" should not be printed across your chest or derriere.

Along those same lines, your child's schoolmates have no need to see your cleavage. Or your butt hanging out of those Daisy Dukes. You're a mom. Remember that.

You don't have to wear the stereotypical "mom jeans" with a waistline that reaches your ribcage. I'm not saying you need to wear a burkha, either. Just please look in the mirror... if you think you look hot*, think about changing your clothes. Save the hot clothes for the weekends with your significant other. Cover up for your kids and their friends.

That's all. Thank you for listening.

*Yes, yes. I know. Some women are lucky enough to look hot, even if they're wearing a pair of farmer's overalls. That's not what I mean. It's the moms who try to look 'sexy' when they're out with their kids that are bugging me this week. I'm a mom. I want to look good, too... I'm just not out to seduce my kids' friends or their teachers.

My Husband is Going to Freak...

2007-09-20T09:42:00.000-05:00

I’m just going to type it, and then run like hell. So read quickly.

I’m having baby withdrawals, and the reason is two-fold, I think.

1) When my husband and I married almost 5 years ago, we each brought two children to the marriage. Our kids are all teenagers now, with the oldest in college. The other three are all in high school (yes, I know. I will accept sympathy in the form of cash… or comments. Whatever.).

I wish I had a dollar for every time my husband and I have been asked if we are going to have a child “of our own.” Well, we do have children of our own… 4 of them. But I understand what the question is really asking… are we ever going to have a child together? The answer has always been a resounding “NO.” Sometimes a resounding “Hell NO!” We’re still relatively young (we’re both in our late 30s), and it’s rather refreshing to have a date night where no babysitters are required. Also, I can’t remember the last time I had to buy diapers. Hallelujah! And even more exciting… when I’m 44, all our kids will be in their 20s. Empty nesters before the age of 45? Oh, sweet sounds of the gods!

Still… it does make me a little sad sometimes that I’ll never know what a Grumpy-Farm-Frumpy-Boy would look like. And we’ll never share that special intimacy of conceiving a child, going through birth together (granted, I’d be doing most of the work, as usual—just kidding, honey!), and sharing that special time alone together with our baby. Our kids won’t ever have a sibling they all share together.

2) This reason is a bit selfish, but there’s so much cool stuff for young moms now! Seriously. When I was pregnant with my two girls, maternity “fashion” was the equivalent of wearing a large, burlap sack with the word “BABY” and an arrow pointing at your stomach. Brilliant, right? Maternity clothes are sooooooooo much cuter now!

And… there were no blogs back then. I lived in a small town, away from my family and friends, with only my future ex and his family as a support system. I craved other “mommy” contact and conversations, but other than the women in my LaMaze classes, there were no connections for me. I am slightly envious of all the mommies who have found such a great community through their blogs. What a great opportunity, especially for those who aren't around family and friends!

Once the girls were born, I could carry around pictures with me, or mail them to friends and family, but there wasn’t an easy method with which to share pictures and video. Flickr? Yeah, nothing like that existed. Eventually, email came around, but it was slow, and believe it or not, a lot of people didn’t have it. (Okay, I am officially a dinosaur.)

And I know every generation of moms can say this… but the toys. THE TOYS. Even our kids groan when they see all the cool toys that are out there now!

I realize I have a lot of benefits of having near-grown children, and that I wouldn’t trade one ounce of my life now for anything different. Every once in a while, though, I do get these baby withdrawals and just wonder “what if?”

Arrrr! It's That Time of Year Again, Me Mateys!

2007-09-19T11:59:00.000-05:00

Ahoy, me hearteys! What a great day i’tis to be sailin’ the mighty seas!

As you all know, I am married to the Farm Boy, who eventually becomes… the Dread Pirate Westley! Additionally, my oldest daughter is majoring in swashbuckling at Pirate College (okay, not really… but that was her first choice!). So, we’re well-versed in pirate life.

And since today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, what could be more fitting than to discuss your favorite pirate quotes.

Some of my favorites are Captain Jack Sparrow’s... here are two I particularly like:

"I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness." I use this one at work almost daily. :-)

"Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!" (Both quote from “Pirates…3”)

So, you scurvy little scalliwags, what is YOUR favorite pirate quote??

But My Eyes Aren't Brown...

2007-09-17T10:11:00.000-05:00

Apparently, someone thinks I'm complètement de la merde, because I get 5-10 emails a day (in several of my email accounts) for ColoPure, Colon Purify, Colon Mate, Colon Blow... you name it.

Oh, well... it's better than the male enhancement emails I usually get. I KNOW I don't need those.

What scares me the most about spam is this: you know that spammers continue sending a gazillion emails a day, because there's a decent percentage of morons out there who actually respond to the spam.

And speaking of being full of "it," I keep seeing the commercial for the new Mountain Dew "Game Fuel." If you haven't seen it, several guys all over the world are playing an online game with others across the world. The majority of them are frustrated, because they're losing. The winner is the guy who has the new "energy" drink.

So... if you drink this crap, you'll win online games. Great message.

121mg* of caffeine PLUS 77.5 g of sugar in one 20 oz bottle. No protein. So, on top of sitting in front of a game for hours on end-- getting no exercise (unless it's a Wii)-- this is what the marketing people want you to think you NEED.

I don't know if this guy in China had any gaming fuel, but his 3 day gaming binge cost him his life. Perhaps other factors were involved, but three straight days of gaming? Yikes.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not knocking gaming at all! I've sat in front of my screen for a few hours at a time and been hooked on it, too. However, I'm not dumb enough to think that I'll be better if I imbibe any of these roided-out soft drinks. I just hate that it's being marketed to kids.

Yes, I know there's more caffeine in a cup of coffee. I rarely drink coffee, and when I do... it's definitely not in bottle form at 20 oz a shot.

A YAY for Fall Friday Why Files!

2007-09-14T17:03:00.000-05:00

WHY #1: Why don't employers in the US have this idea?* A Russian governor advises couples to stay home and "make babies" instead of going to work.

WHY #2: Why were all the employees from upstairs (a different company) outside on the campus lawn playing kickball this morning? Maybe I need to look for a new job! I love kickball.

WHY #3: Why am I not posting about the Britney debacle at the VMAs? (because it's too sad and was even painful to watch)... although Sarcomical has provided a very interesting "play by play" account.

WHY #4: Why do some people (not from the Midwest) assume that all people who reside in my state live on farms?

Could I just state for the record that I have never lived on a farm and wouldn't have the foggiest notion of what to do on a farm?

Yes. I have seen cows. SEEN them. I have never raised one, nor taken one to a 4-H competition. To be honest, I'm not even sure what 4-H is.

I don't live in the middle of a cornfield.

I have modern conveniences in my home... no outhouses for me, thank you very much.

I don't wear overalls. Even if they came back in style, I don't think I'd wear them. They're not a good look for me. ;-)

WHY #5: Why do I have the urge to buy another new pair of shoes this weekend? And maybe a new suit? Hmmm....

And this concludes today's Friday Why Files. Happy Friday!

*Yes, I know. We don't have the same population loss that certain Russian regions do, but come on. It's a good idea, right? And no, I don't want anymore children, but I'm sure the Farm Boy wouldn't mind the day off either.