Say It Aint So Fido

Do you have dogs? I have three. Seriously. Who needs three dogs? But that's not the point of this post... that's for another post, another time. But I digress...

One of my pet peeves about our dogs is taking them outside to do their business. Actually, only 2 of the 3 go outside (the youngest is still too young and too little. He has puppy pads. THOSE are so much fun and smell absolutely delightful. Yeah.). Oops... digressing again.

We still don't have a fence (even though the Farm Boy insists it's on its way), so we have to take the bigger dogs out on leashes. That's not so much a problem on nice weather days, but we can usually count nice weather days on one hand around here.

I don't have a problem with taking the dogs out when they stop, find a quick spot, do their business, and then run back in. But they're DOGS! Is there a dog on this planet that can find a potty* spot on the first try? I think not.

Nope. Dogs have to sniff a spot and know that it's not good enough. Then they have to sniff another spot 5 inches away... still not good enough. Keep looking. 20 minutes later, they return to the first spot they sniffed which has miraculously turned into a good potty spot. Ooooo-kie dokie.

And then there's me... shouting at them... "just do it already!" like that's going to help them. Hell, a mild breeze that barely ruffles leaves will distract those freaking dogs... and then the good potty spot isn't good enough anymore. Start ALL over.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why it takes so long to find the right place to do their business. Maybe I'll call Cesar Millan to enlighten me or something.

SO anyhoodles... imagine my surprise today as I headed into a Womens Room - a rather large restroom with about 40 or 50 different stalls- and discovered as I walked past stall after stall after stall after stall - I was being picky about which stall to use! I remember thinking... "Oh. My. God. I'm acting like my dogs!"

It wasn't like I poked my head in each one to check for cleanliness, nor were any of them too close to the main restroom door. In fact, they were all extremely clean and set pretty far away from the door. No, I just kept walking and looking for the "right door." And I have no idea why. Considering a person might be in that stall for what totals less than 20 or 30 seconds... does it really matter?

My dogs are little, very yappy, and they think they're bigger and tougher than they really are.

I'm barely 5'4", somewhat mouthy, and... oh crap! Perhaps there are some similarities here.

If I end up on a website that shows side by side pics of owners and dogs that resemble each other, I'm going to be very distraught.


*No, I haven't gone all prim and proper on you. I usually only use the word "potty" when I'm talking to my young nieces or nephew, but I remembered halfway through posting that SOME words that may or may not be synonyms for "potty" tend to bring some bizarre traffic and searches. So, "potty" it is!

Beauty vs Talent

So, I haven't blogged for a while. Sorry about that. I'm sure the two readers I still have left were wondering. ;-)

Here's my beef of the week:

The world is all a-buzzin with the fantastic news story out of the UK of this wonderful singer who shocked the world with her amazing voice. I can't embed the video, but here's a link.

As a singer and a vocal coach, I will say that yes, she really is quite good.

What has me outraged is the shock on everyone's face that she's so good. WHY are they all shocked? Because she's 47? Because of the way she looks? Because she's never been kissed? What does that have to do with the quality of her voice????

We have so conditioned ourselves that only extremely beautiful people are worth our time, that it shocks us when people who are not exactly attractive have beauty within them. I'm reminded of a time during the 80s when the group Heart was on their "comeback," but everyone was outraged at how much weight Ann Wilson had gained. They draped her in black and hid her in the shadows of music videos. Funny, but her voice still sounded spectacular to me!

Think about how many times you've watched American Idol or similar shows, and how much emphasis is placed on singers' looks. Yes, I know. We're a visual culture. But think how many incredible musicians and singers are going unnoticed because of the way they look.

If you think I'm overreacting... watch the video again. Watch the faces of the judges and the audience. They were laughing at her before she sang. Their faces were actually smug.

I hope Susan Boyle gets a fabulous recording contract... because regardless of her looks, hairstyle, eyebrows, weight... she will have a voice that is worth our time.

A Blogger You Should Read

Another reason I love networking tools...

I'm adding a blogger to my blogroll*, because she followed my alter-ego on Twitter. So, I'm following her now, too (although I can't remember which of my personalities is following her) ... and I love her blog!

Her name is Andria and she writes over at Andria and Co.

Take a look. :-)



*wow. I should really update my blogroll. Hmmm...

Helpful Hints-The Blech Edition

Always heed the "Best by..." dates on microwave popcorn.

Trust me.

This edition of Helpful Hints is brought to you by my upset stomach, that icky aftertaste I can't seem to lose, and the ghost of Orville R.


oh! and I have a contest idea... more info coming soon!

Why Blogging Is Good For You

1. Blogging can be cathartic, just as journaling is. However, you also find that the benefits of online journaling (yes, this is blogging) are more beneficial because you have an audience. I find I write differently, knowing that someone will read this. My handwritten journal is a scribbly mess, full of incoherent thoughts and doodles. And my blog is... not scribbly. ;-)

2. You can make wonderful Bloggy Friends. Don't believe me? Go click on the link of Cool Kids in my sidebar (which, yes, needs updating! I know, I know). Follow some of their blogs for a while, and you will find some truly amazing people... some of whom I've actually met face-to-face. They're just as cool in person as they are 'on blog.'

3. Sometimes, you win things. :-) Thanks 3car!

At one point early in my Grumpy Frump blogging existence, I had a contest. The winner was Jaek. He won a $25 gift card to Target.

Perhaps I shall have another contest! Yes, I shall. As soon as I figure out some really cool prize, I will post the info. It might have something to do with Chipotle, but then that would eliminate those of you who don't have any Chipotle near you. Hmmm...

Stay tuned!

A PSA for Stinky Pits

Over the last four years of blogging, I've chuckled at some of my Bloggy Friends who have posted funny stories about how they went to work and realized later that they had forgotten to apply deodorant/antiperspirant that morning. "Ha ha!" I laughed at their misfortune, and of course, their humorous recounting of the tale. One such Bloggy Friend, who unfortunately no longer blogs, posted about this several times... because she experienced this misfortune more than once. Read this tale here.

So... you would think... after FOUR years of laughing at other people... I would learn from their mistakes. Alas, no. I did not.

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far- nearly 70 degrees F in a state that usually has snow through parts of April. Needless to say, it was WARM.

And. I. Forgot. Deodorant.

I didn't really notice it until about 1:00pm. Luckily, I wear that clinical strength stuff, and it will sometimes last through the next day, even if you shower. When I returned to work from lunch, I started smelling something "off," but I didn't realize it was me. Sad, but true.

Soon, I started thinking, "Hmm. Why is my deodorant wearing off so quickly today? I smell FUNKY!"

On my short walk to the office restroom, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't even applied any deodorant that morning! Ew. I hate stinkiness.

I quickly checked the bathroom 'stash' to see if anyone had any. Nope.

I asked other women in the office. Nope.

I twittered to see what I could do, because of course, I had run out of time and couldn't hop over to a store. There was a class beginning in 10 minutes, and I had to be there.

My nice Twitter friends (who also blog) gave me some good suggestions, plus I also did a quick search for "deodorant substitute."

Here's what I found:

1. Wash your underarms with hand soap and dry.
2. If you can find some hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol, wipe a thin layer on your underarms with a tissue. This will take care of the bacteria.
3. Find some powder, cornstarch, or baking soda. If you have all three or any two of them, mix them together. Apply thin layer to underarms.

Couldn't find any powder or cornstarch, but I DID find baking soda in the staff kitchen, as well as some Purell. SWEET! Guess what, it actually works!

AND... this morning, I brought a back-up deodorant to work.... just in case. ;-)

So, please take it from me. Laugh at me. Feel sorry for me. But be sure you have a back-up deodorant, because it will probably happen to you sometime. And then you will be stinky.



This Helpful Hint is brought to you by Purell, Arm & Hammer, Secret Clinical Strength (they're not really sponsoring me-you know what I mean) and the letters P and U.

Oscar Reactions

1. Best speech- Kunio Kato, winner of best short film (animated), La maison en petit cubes- "Domo origato, Mr. Roboto!"

2. Best award presenter- Ben Stiller

3. Biggest disappointment- not enough Hugh! Great song and dance numbers, but he wasn't on stage nearly enough.

Drunk and Nude

His words. Not mine. This may be my all-time favorite Oscars telecast EVER.

Oh, and the Farm Boy is off golfing in another state, so I'll be home alone. Watching the Oscars Hugh Jackman. I won't have to worry about the Farm Boy catching me drooling or anything. I won't have to pretend I'm not really that interested.

See? That's what you get when you abandon your wife to go golfing with your brothers. She hangs out at home alone with Hugh Jackman. ;-)

Ah... life is good.

The ONLY Reason

This is the one and only reason I'll be watching the Oscars this year.

Team Etta James

You go, girl.

How I Feel

I thought I would tell you how I'm feeling in a short photostory (thank you, Creative Commons).

Overwhelmed.¹

Exhausted.²

Ready for a change.³

¹ Overwhelmed
puck90's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/puck90/2356415451/


² exhausted hiker in the volcano crater - _MG_5928
sean dreilinger's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/seandreilinger/178862986/

³ Change, we fear it...
apesara's photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/apesara/2146031745/

Leave the Cannoli

Your Mafia Name Is Mimi "Ice Pick" D'Arco

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

What's Your Mafia Name?

That would be more accurate if it said, "Take the gun. Leave the cannoli." Just sayin.

Ugh

I usually am cheerful on the day of my birth, because I like parties and celebrating. But this is one I'd rather not even acknowledge.

Why is it that, when your age is a number followed by a "0," it feels like the means to an end? Gah.

So, I'm not posting a picture of me when I was little like I usually do (well, except last year when I forgot). I'm not going to quote the Beatles in my post title this year. I'm planning on moping around all day until it's over.

No, I'm not depressed or angst-ridden. Just... hmmm... not into it, I guess. Last night, I just kept thinking that I wanted to skip the whole day entirely. Since that wasn't an option, I'm just going to treat this like any other day.



On a lighter, cheerier note, stinkypaw is a great Bloggy Friend! :-)


Happy Wednesday!

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzaakuh!

I'm not done shopping and baking yet, so I probably won't blog again until after Christmas. It's going to be a crazy couple of days in our house with kids in and out and lots of time with extended family. I'm also hoping to grab some coffee or something with one of my favorite bloggers before New Year's.

Wishing you peace and joy... for whatever holiday you do or do not celebrate. :-)

Obsessions

I will admit that I am obsessed with something when, against my better judgment, I act in a manner contrary to my values.

Case in point: the past two weekends, I have planned to deal with my mounting laundry problem, as well as to pull ALL my winter clothes out of storage and put them away properly. Cleaning up around the house and getting all our Christmas decorations were also in the plans.

Alas, I didn't get that all done. I did a few minor tasks here and there, but I was most definitely distracted by two things:

1. Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga
2. Mystery Case Files- Return to Ravenhearst

To be fair to myself, I was given impetus to read the novels in the vampire saga as quickly as I could. I was sharing the books with my youngest who was sharing them with her friends, so it was easier for me to just hurry up and read all four novels. So I did. In eight days. If my calculations are correct, that's somewhere around 2550+ pages total. I started on Saturday night, 12/6 and finished before noon on Saturday, 12/13. I did not take any of the books to work. Additionally, I prepared a resume and applied for another job somewhere in the middle of it all. In fact, I think it's safe to say... if I could have stayed home Monday and Tuesday, I would have had all four novels done by Tuesday. Needless to say, I haven't had a lot of sleep in the last week.

All would have been just fine... my overworked eyes would have received some much needed rest... if it weren't for the note card I received in the mail reminding me that one of my favorite games had been released. I love Mystery Case Files... but I also have an insatiable need to finish the game immediately.

So, I downloaded Return to Ravenheast this past Saturday afternoon. I finished the game last night just before midnight. Total playing time was just under 8 hours.

What is WRONG with me?!?! I don't have my Christmas shopping finished. My house is somewhat a disaster. My husband did his laundry all day yesterday, so I probably couldn't have gotten much of my own done anyway... but still. This is ludicrous. Like I said... obsession.

I THOUGHT I was a grown-up who knew how to put away what I want to do for what I really should do.

But, instead of beating myself up about it all... I have decided to grant myself a reprieve. Perhaps I needed some stress relief, and that's how it manifested.

Yeah... let's go with that. ;-)


BTW, have you ever read books so quickly that you're then disappointed you're not still reading about those characters? I did that when I finished The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, as well as many many other books. I'm finding I miss Bella, Edward, and the Cullens a little bit too... however, not for the same reason my teenage daughters do. haha Meyer writes stories that you can't put down, and you really don't want them to end. I'm looking forward to the second movie now.

Helpful Hints-The Jazzed Edition

If you have a headache in the morning, and it doesn't get better... don't take two Excedrin (which contain caffeine) with a 16 oz coffee.... most especially if you are sensitive to caffeine.

You will be shaking like a leaf and talking like a speed freak for the rest of the day.

And although you are already quite the speedy typer, your shaking hands will produce more typos than actual words.

Just saying.



This hint brought to you today by Excedrin Migraine (the wonder drug) and Scooters unbelievably good cafe au lait.

Flirting with Over The Top Promotion

Dear Heather Locklear,

Since the commercial for your up and coming TV movie, Flirting with 40, seems to be inescapable at the moment (seriously? why are they advertising Lifetime movies on non-Lifetime channels?!?! multiple times an hour?!?!), I feel it is necessary to point out a few things:

1. Terry McMillan already did this story... and then made it into a movie. But the "been there, done that" factor is probably not your fault.
2. I'm not sure what's going on with your face in this particular movie, but it is possible you are overdoing the cosmetic/plastic surgery/restylane injections or something. Or... have you been stung by a bee all over your face? Your face is starting to not look like your face. Please stop whatever it is you're doing. You're beautiful, even if you get wrinkles.
3. We were totally Team Locklear in that whole Denise Richards fiasco. Totally. We're anti-Richards all the way. So, this note isn't a slam on you. You've been fab in our books for a while, and we're hoping that the whole DUI thing is all a huge misunderstanding (even though it doesn't sound like it will).

So, thanks for listening. Also, kudos on the co-star in that movie. He's almost as hot as the Farm Boy. ;-)

p.s. Since I began writing this post, that commercial has aired AGAIN. And AGAIN. I hope you get a check every time it airs. SOMEONE has to benefit from that many commercials, and I'm sure it's not me.

The Return Of Goofy Gobbles

Goofy Gobbles wants to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!
... and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, then Happy Thursday!

Aging is Not the Devil

I know I harp on this a lot... but enough already!

Is anyone else tired of seeing/reading articles like this one: "Can You Believe She's 50?" on MSN.com?

To some degree, the 15 women who are highlighted take good care of themselves and have good genes. To a higher degree, however, most of them are extremely wealthy, can afford personal trainers and chefs, and... of course... botox and plastic surgery.

You know those asterisks that are placed next to world records or undefeated seasons in sports where there are some extenuating circumstances? Yeah. I want an asterisk next to the names of those women who botox their foreheads as tight as those on 6 year old children.

Am I jealous of them? No. I could afford botox if I wanted, and. I. Do. Not. Want.

Yes, I will complain about my saggy jaw, droopy eyelids, and gravity's effects on my aging body. BUT, I am almost 40 years old. I have earned every single wrinkle I have, and I want to show the world what it's like to really live. That doesn't include injecting past-its-expiration-date-mayonnaise into my skin.

My biggest concern is the statement this type of attention on 'maintaining youth' sends to our young women. We don't need a world full of Jocelyn Wildensteins in the next 50 years.

No thanks. I'll pass. I hope my daughters have a positive sense of self and can say the same thing.

Confessions of a Lip Product Addict

Hello, my name is Grumpy F., and I am addicted to lip products.

Lipstick.
Lip gloss.
Lip balm.
Lip stain.
Lip shine.

I can't resist. In fact, this morning, I looked in my purse. Here's what I found:

1. Stila Long Wear Lip Color in coquette.
2. Stila Long Wear Lip Color in rendezvous.
3. Victoria's Secret Smooth Talk Creamy Lip Color Palette (5 shades).
4. Smashbox O-Gloss.
5. Smashbox Lip Brilliance- Transparencies (3 shades).
6. Revlon Color Stay in Fabulous Fig.
7. Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips in Roxy.
8. Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze in Forever Raisin.
9. Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush lip gloss in Cherry Bomb.
10. Delux Beauty Kiss It! lip gloss palette (6 shades).

ALL. IN. ONE. PURSE.

But wait... are you getting this? Those are just the ones I had in my purse. That doesn't even account for all the others in my makeup drawer and in other purses:

1. Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips Full Color in 2 additional shades.
2. Revlon Color Stay in 2 additional shades.
3. Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze in 2 additional shades.
4. Stila Lip Glaze in 2 shades.
5. Clinique Long Last Long Shine Lipstick in at least 3 shades.
6. several lip balms, including Burt's Bees Shimmers in 3 shades.
7. a couple of lip stains.

I have a sickness.

If I stopped buying new lip products for the next 3 years, I still wouldn't run out (except that the ones I have would be 'old and gross;' and therefore, I would need to buy more).

I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to use what I have before I buy anymore.

Perhaps, a good idea would be to carry a palette of shades with me that I already own. That way, when I see a new product, I won't be as tempted to buy it.

Yeah. Right. Let's go with that.




BTW, thanks for the supportive comments for the previous post. You're the greatest!


[photo credit] Anyaka. "kiss_lips." Anyaka's photostream. 13 Feb 2006. 13 Nov 2008. http://flickr.com/photos/anyaka/99418256/