What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

I need a new life. No... that's not true. I love my life. How about a new profession? Yeah! That would make me feel a lot better.

So, what could I do for a living? Maybe if you knew my strengths and weaknesses, you could recommend a new job for me.

Let's look at my strengths:

1) I make great lists. I'm very good at the whole "numbering" thing.

2) I'm grumpy. A lot. Give me a reason to bitch and moan about something, and I'll... wait. I don't even NEED a reason. I'll bitch and moan about anything! I'm sure that's a strength, right? Right?

3) I am a "Microsquishy Office" whiz. You need tabs set in Word? No problem. Would you like a dot-leader with that? A database? Sure. I'll whip one up for you right now. Spreadsheet plus fabulous charts? You got it, mister. Don't even get me started on Publisher. It's a piece of cake, Brend.

4) I'm generally a good teacher. People say that I am empathetic, caring, easy to work with, and that I don't make people feel like idiots... well, not to their faces anyway. But that's what blogs are for, right?

5) I can sing. Some people think I sing really well. I can also play the piano. And the violin. More the piano than the violin though. A little guitar, too. So, let's just call this one, "I'm musical."

6) I have a freakish memory. It comes in handy when you need to remember the name of the guy who was that other guy's friend in that movie we watched when we were living in the house in that one neighborhood... yeah. That one. His name was Steve. I'm my own little imdb.com, but not just about movies. About a lot of stuff.

7) I love to read. Books are my nirvana. If I could hole up on my couch with a cup of tea and a good book, life would be peaches and cream, baby. Peaches. And. Cream.

8) My typing skills are generally better than most people who do that sort of thing for a living. One of my colleagues jokes that there is smoke coming off the keys when I get done typing. Yeah. I'm that fast. Eat my dust.

9) I am very particular about my hair. That's a strength, right?

10) I might not be the most fashionable person on the planet, but I can definitely tell you if you should not be wearing "that." Not that I would... unless you asked. If it were a truly heinous case, I might write you a fashion ticket and pass it to you under the table. That way, no one would see, and you wouldn't be as embarrassed. See? Empathetic. I'm good like that.

Now let's look at my weaknesses:

1) I'm tired all the time. Second favorite thing after curling up with a good book... SLEEPING. So, if you could find me a job where I could work from my bed and that had very flexible hours, that would be super. Thanks for asking.

2) I'm a shortie. And although I used to be strong.... ummm, yeah. Not so much anymore. So, no heavy lifting, m'kay?

3) I don't like stupid people. Ignorant is one thing... if you don't know how to do something, I'll teach you. That's fine. If you don't want to LEARN, then that's just stupid. If you don't know how to drive- but you do anyway- and then get in front of ME... that's stupid. Therefore, I hate you. I'm not sure this is a weakness. In fact, I think it's a strength. Just mentally add it to the previous list. Thanks.

4) I'm incredibly self-conscious about my body. Yes, I lost weight. Yes, my clothes look better (except for the ones that are too big). But I'm still not good on that whole body image thing, so let's just not talk about it, okay?

5) I'm not exactly a patient person all the time. In fact, I might start yelling at a certain person who doesn't have the freakish memory I do because HE didn't remember that one thing I told him about the thing he was supposed to remember. Mmm hmmm. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah... not patient. Nope.

6) When I get stressed out, I tend to ramble and not make a lot of sense. Gee? Really? Perhaps that could be happening right now as I [rapidly and furiously] type this post???

7) I feel a lot older than I really am. I need to stop that.

8) I let myself get run down too easily. Then I get sick. I need to stop that, too.

9) I'm a do-er... and I don't delegate much easily. I've only been in a management position once in my life... and for some reason, that job was okay. I was good at that. Every other job, though, I've had to just do everything myself. That way, I know it gets done. It's not that I don't trust anyone else... it's just that my brain won't let go of things. I guess you could call this one, "Grumpy has CONTROL issues."

10) There are a LOT more, but we'll call the last one my insatiable need to always be RIGHT. I don't necessarily have to have the last word, as long as YOUR last word is something along the lines of "Oh! I see now! You're correct, of course!" See? Wasn't that easy???

Okay. There you are. You all are geniuses... I read your blogs. SURELY, someone out there can tell me what profession I should pursuing. Or maybe I need to be visiting that nice building with the padded walls... where they'll put me in that lovely white jacket... and feed me jello all day. Hey... if it pays well enough, I'll take it. :-)