What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

I need a new life. No... that's not true. I love my life. How about a new profession? Yeah! That would make me feel a lot better.

So, what could I do for a living? Maybe if you knew my strengths and weaknesses, you could recommend a new job for me.

Let's look at my strengths:

1) I make great lists. I'm very good at the whole "numbering" thing.

2) I'm grumpy. A lot. Give me a reason to bitch and moan about something, and I'll... wait. I don't even NEED a reason. I'll bitch and moan about anything! I'm sure that's a strength, right? Right?

3) I am a "Microsquishy Office" whiz. You need tabs set in Word? No problem. Would you like a dot-leader with that? A database? Sure. I'll whip one up for you right now. Spreadsheet plus fabulous charts? You got it, mister. Don't even get me started on Publisher. It's a piece of cake, Brend.

4) I'm generally a good teacher. People say that I am empathetic, caring, easy to work with, and that I don't make people feel like idiots... well, not to their faces anyway. But that's what blogs are for, right?

5) I can sing. Some people think I sing really well. I can also play the piano. And the violin. More the piano than the violin though. A little guitar, too. So, let's just call this one, "I'm musical."

6) I have a freakish memory. It comes in handy when you need to remember the name of the guy who was that other guy's friend in that movie we watched when we were living in the house in that one neighborhood... yeah. That one. His name was Steve. I'm my own little imdb.com, but not just about movies. About a lot of stuff.

7) I love to read. Books are my nirvana. If I could hole up on my couch with a cup of tea and a good book, life would be peaches and cream, baby. Peaches. And. Cream.

8) My typing skills are generally better than most people who do that sort of thing for a living. One of my colleagues jokes that there is smoke coming off the keys when I get done typing. Yeah. I'm that fast. Eat my dust.

9) I am very particular about my hair. That's a strength, right?

10) I might not be the most fashionable person on the planet, but I can definitely tell you if you should not be wearing "that." Not that I would... unless you asked. If it were a truly heinous case, I might write you a fashion ticket and pass it to you under the table. That way, no one would see, and you wouldn't be as embarrassed. See? Empathetic. I'm good like that.

Now let's look at my weaknesses:

1) I'm tired all the time. Second favorite thing after curling up with a good book... SLEEPING. So, if you could find me a job where I could work from my bed and that had very flexible hours, that would be super. Thanks for asking.

2) I'm a shortie. And although I used to be strong.... ummm, yeah. Not so much anymore. So, no heavy lifting, m'kay?

3) I don't like stupid people. Ignorant is one thing... if you don't know how to do something, I'll teach you. That's fine. If you don't want to LEARN, then that's just stupid. If you don't know how to drive- but you do anyway- and then get in front of ME... that's stupid. Therefore, I hate you. I'm not sure this is a weakness. In fact, I think it's a strength. Just mentally add it to the previous list. Thanks.

4) I'm incredibly self-conscious about my body. Yes, I lost weight. Yes, my clothes look better (except for the ones that are too big). But I'm still not good on that whole body image thing, so let's just not talk about it, okay?

5) I'm not exactly a patient person all the time. In fact, I might start yelling at a certain person who doesn't have the freakish memory I do because HE didn't remember that one thing I told him about the thing he was supposed to remember. Mmm hmmm. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah... not patient. Nope.

6) When I get stressed out, I tend to ramble and not make a lot of sense. Gee? Really? Perhaps that could be happening right now as I [rapidly and furiously] type this post???

7) I feel a lot older than I really am. I need to stop that.

8) I let myself get run down too easily. Then I get sick. I need to stop that, too.

9) I'm a do-er... and I don't delegate much easily. I've only been in a management position once in my life... and for some reason, that job was okay. I was good at that. Every other job, though, I've had to just do everything myself. That way, I know it gets done. It's not that I don't trust anyone else... it's just that my brain won't let go of things. I guess you could call this one, "Grumpy has CONTROL issues."

10) There are a LOT more, but we'll call the last one my insatiable need to always be RIGHT. I don't necessarily have to have the last word, as long as YOUR last word is something along the lines of "Oh! I see now! You're correct, of course!" See? Wasn't that easy???

Okay. There you are. You all are geniuses... I read your blogs. SURELY, someone out there can tell me what profession I should pursuing. Or maybe I need to be visiting that nice building with the padded walls... where they'll put me in that lovely white jacket... and feed me jello all day. Hey... if it pays well enough, I'll take it. :-)

A Post About Nothing in Particular..

Since I don't know how to blog about what I really want to blog about (not comfortable putting other people's issues... or my issues with those other people... out there at this point in time), I guess I'll blog about nothing at all in particular.

So, in no particular order, here we go:

1) I find a certain commercial for a product that shall be pseudo-named SOTOX* highly contradictory. The tag line is something along the lines of "SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself."

Really? I thought it froze your face so that you COULDN'T really express much. Did anyone watch Halle Berry try to cry when she accepted the Oscar? How about Nicole Kidman? That woman can hardly muster more than THREE total facial expressions anymore. Actually, it might be closer to TWO.
I don't think SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself. If anything, it might give you the freedom to hide what you really think... and I think that I love my laugh lines and forehead crinkles too much to inject poison into my face. I've earned them.
I'm sorry if you're into that kind of thing, but don't you kind of wonder what the long term effects might be?? Every other year, some new study comes out to contradict some old study... and you just know that horrible side effects of using SOTOX will be unearthed someday soon. I'm just sayin'.


2) I usually listen to the Today show while I'm getting ready for work... and I have to say I really, really like Meridith Vieira. SUCH an improvement over Katie C., in my opinion. She is always gracious to the people she interviews, whether it's a Head of State or some fool who drove through a living room.
What I really appreciate about her the most, I think, is that I don't know where she stands politically. With Katie, you always knew. As a journalist, I like Meredith's objectivity. She still asks the questions that need to be asked, but they don't seem so much like interrogation coming from her. Her questions and follow-ups are smooth and well-delivered (do you hear that, Ann Curry? Are you writing this down?).
Considering that this show has become pretty much a "soft" news show, I think she handles her assignments pretty well... from the week of horror at Virginia Tech to cooking with the Take Home Chef. Meridith gets a thumbs up from me.

3) My stomach is a churning, rumbling, painful disaster. I know it's stress. Duh. Stressful time of year. Got it.

What I worry about is that my sister, at the tender age of about 33, had to have her gallbladder removed. She let it go on for so long... she almost died. Now, she and I are two completely different people. I eat healthy foods and include a good balance of veggies and fruits. Fried stuff and fast food are not my thing. She, on the other hand, has very bad eating habits and freely admits it. Her food groups are fast food, chocolate, diet soda, and chocolate. Eating a handful of oreos for breakfast is par for her.**
A couple of weeks ago, I experienced a kind of stomach pain that I'd never felt before. It was very high and wasn't really any version of nausea I'd ever had. Really, it was more like pressure... but it got so bad, I couldn't sleep or even lie down. The only position that felt comfortable was sitting, doubled-over. It did go away, but since then, I've had similar pain...just not as intense. Knowing my sister's experience is either making me more aware of what this could be... or it could be scaring me hypochondriacally into making the pain even worse. 'Cause now I have ONE MORE THING TO WORRY ABOUT! gah.

So, my dilemma is this-- do I wait until after May is over, and, subsequently, all my major stressors are out of the picture? or do I attempt to schedule a doctor appointment and get things checked out, even though I don't have any time to go?


And there you are. A post about nothing particularly in particular.***



*Yes, I'm a chicken. I'm changing the name so I don't get any nasty emails. Like they read my blog, but whatever.

**My sister is actually pretty hilarious; and even though she eats like crap, her food issues make for some very funny little anecdotes. Like, when her students know she's in a bad mood, Snickers bars magically appear on her desk. Apparently, parting with chocolate or facing a cranky Ms. B is an easy decision those kids make!

*** Because if you're going to overuse a word, you might as well go for the gusto.

35 More Days...

In thirty-six more days, I'll be normal again. That seems like a long time from now, actually.

However, there ARE things to celebrate:

1. Grad class = OVER. Won't know my grade for a while...but stick a fork in it, I'm DONE. For this semester anyway.

2. Daughter #1 performed admirably in this past week's district music contest. I'm so proud!

3. Daughter #2 survived a church camp retreat this past weekend. She came home sunburnt, a little scratched up, and very tired... but in one piece.

4. I did not turn into Daffy Duck, nor did I curl up into a fetal position and drool excessively.

5. I can fit into all my old summer clothes that I haven't been able to wear for about three years. They're not exactly in style, but I'm a FRUMP, right? Who cares! My skinny clothes fit! SUPER W00T!!!

6. I might actually have a little time to read blogs this week! I miss you all a lot!

Life is good. Busy, but good. :-)

One of Two Things Is Going to Happen...

I’m either going to go absolutely butt-nutty and bounce around while laughing maniacally, ala Daffy Duck,

OR...

...my husband will find me curled up in the fetal position, convulsing periodically, and drooling excessively. I may or may not need adult diapers in that scenario.

I know I tend to make mountains out of molehills, but this is a really stressful week for me. If I can just make it to next Wednesday without completely losing it, I will consider that quite an accomplishment.

Until then, I will probably not be posting much. Again. Quelle surprise.

I really do love blogging, and I miss it so much right now! More than posting, I miss reading all YOUR blogs. My guess is that I will be a hit-or-miss blogger from now until at least the first week in June. Wah. That makes me sad.

In the meantime, could you all send me some good juju so that I may a) find a few additional hours in the day to get everything done, b) pass my grad class final, c) find enough time to finish my grad class final project, d) keep up with my kids' activities this weekend/next week, and e) stop screaming at everyone like the banshee I've become.

If you could just do that, I would be ever so grateful. Thanks in advance.

It Keeps Dawning on Me...

I am a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

Earlier today, Daughter #1 called me to ask about the events for the evening. As we finished our conversation, she started speaking in a goofy voice, which I then copied… and so on. Then we laughed and hung up.

Ohmygod. Starting next fall, I’m not going to see her every day. She’ll only be about 12 miles away, within the same city even… but not at home. Every so often, this fact hits me smack in the face, a little harder with each successive realization. Today, it happened while I was at work, and I struggled to keep from bursting into tears, aka full-blown mommy breakdown.

When she started the college application process, I held great hope that she would make a good choice. I had absolutely no intention of influencing her decision about where she wanted to go to school; I just prayed that it wouldn’t be too far. Or too expensive. But we could at least deal with that if it happened.

She only applied to one school.

What?? My independent child? I thought she was just being a little lazy. I didn’t know what was behind this apparent lack of action. I was disappointed with her and even fought with her a little bit, asking why she didn’t apply anywhere else, what was she thinking, etc. etc. After many days of bickering about it, she finally yelled back that she wasn’t ready to be too far away from home yet. And I realized, all my aspirations for her were just that. Mine. If she isn’t ready to be far away from us yet, then she’s not ready. It’s her timeline, not mine. I got it. And I was finally okay with her choice.

It’s a good choice. It’s a good school that just happens to be in the same city.

And right now? Today? I’m glad she chose that one, because I know I’M not ready to let her go yet. She’s a little younger than most of her school mates, being a summer birthday girl. If I really think about it, most of her friends’ parents will have had at least 6-8 months more time with their kids prior to college. But that would be nitpicking and silly. And it wouldn’t really make a difference, would it?

In the midst of planning graduation parties, finding caterers, putting together an iMovie to show during open house, etc… I’ve been able to keep myself busy and “stressed out” enough to ignore that other thing.

That other thing.

I’m going to miss her. Terribly. The child who shares my penchant for reading. The one who inherited my “lovely” morning persona. My brilliantly witty first-born.

I find myself hugging her more now than I usually do. And she’s letting me. :-)

Time to stop thinking about this for now. There’s a lot to do today, so I should get back to that. Besides, I can’t keep crying like this, or people are going to think I’m a blubbering idiot.

Or a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

... And I Will Answer.

Here's what people asked---

stefanie asked:

Can you tell us what you do (in general terms)? You've talked about being in education in the past, but I'm not sure if you're still working in schools (or in what capacity) now.

If you won't answer that, then... Hmm... How about what's the one food you won't let in your house because you know you'll eat it all in one sitting?

Without being too specific, I teach teachers and other school staff. And the one food I won't let in my house (very often) is cheesecake. Love it, and would eat it all if it were in my house!!

ludi asked:

If you had to have either a pet dinosaur for the rest of your life you had to look after, or have no toothbrush for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

The pet dinosaur, in a heartbeat! First of all, it would be cool. Second, I could always pay for dino waste removal, right? And last... I cannot stand dirty teeth. I am a teeth-brushing fool! Remember the Shiny Teeth song? ;-)

aimless penguin asked:

What's your favourite variation of the colour purple?

Probably amethyst, but I love all purple. It's my fave.

alyssa asked:

What is your position on the 1939 Hatch Act? Or - Who is your favorite player in the Teapot Dome Scandal?

I think the Hatch Act was a good idea to keep corruption/favoritism, etc. out of federal and state employee's everyday tasks, but I think the 1993 amendment made it more palatable.

My favorite Teapot Dome scandal player is Robert M. LaFollette.

(are you hooked on government corruption this week? haha)

Sparkling Cipher asked:

When I was a little girl, my friends and I always had some prettier name that we wished our parents had chosen for us instead of our own name. Were you also disappointed with your parents' choice? If so, what prettier name did you wish they had chosen?

I didn't mind my name as a little girl, although I preferred to go by my full, given name when I was in school and not the nickname that my family used. Once I became a little older, though, and there were five or six of us with the same name in every class, I wished that I had a more unique name.

lizgwiz asked:

How did you meet the Farm Boy? Since I'm still waiting to meet "the one," I always find it interesting how people met. Did you "meet cute"? Hee.

We both worked for the same company for a couple of years. The first time I saw him, I couldn't stop staring at him. :-) We were friends for a while before we started dating.

stinkypaw asked:

Why did you start blogging?

Partly because my kids were doing it and I wanted to know everything they were doing... and partly because I found it interesting. I love the sense of community that is a result of blogging. :-)

wire asked:

Would you rather eat a cat or a dog?

I expected about as much from you, wire. haha The answer is NEITHER, thank you very much! Well, unless one of them tastes like cheesecake.

-r- asked:

Did you ever have an imaginary friend? If so, who was it? If not, what is one slightly odd thing you did as a child?

I didn't have an imaginary friend, although, now I wish that I'd had one. As for something slightly odd... I didn't do much that was silly or "kid-like." I was such a serious little person all the time, which makes me kind of sad for my little-girl-self.

In elementary school, if two boys started fighting each other on the playground, I would try to get in between them to stop the fight. Everyone else would be cheering them on ("Fight! Fight! Fight!"), and there I was telling them how disappointed their moms were going to be when they found out and could they just shake hands now and be done with it, thank you very much?

Fun questions. Thanks!

Ask Me...

Since I'm still living the life of a chicken running around with its head cut off... I don't have much of a post right now. I have plenty of IDEAS; I don't have a lot of time to compose and edit and make my thoughts seem coherent. M'kay??

So... why don't YOU ask me some questions? There are obvious questions I won't answer-- those that give too much away about me personally, such as descriptions about where I live, etc. But other than those, I will try to answer as honestly as possible.

Leave the question in my comments, and then I will post them with answers sometime on Monday night or Tuesday morning.

An Ode To The Evil That Is Coffee…

Coffee? Why dost thou hate me so? My heart yearns for you. Well, not really my heart… my tastebuds, actually. Yes! YES! My tastebuds yearn for your richness, your robust essence.

And yet… you mock me. You entice me with that rich aroma, those dark good looks. Most mornings, I pass you by. My willpower helps me ignore you long enough to reach for the hot water spigot that provides the goodness that becomes my green tea. Green tea does not spite me… nay, green tea makes me feel good all over. But not you. No. You do not.

When I give in to you, O Majestic Java, you chortle silently whilst supplying me that instant gratification. As I mix my Coffee Mate into your cup, you eagerly welcome your Chai or Amaretto-flavored accomplice, all the while knowing the havoc you soon will wreak on my innards. Within minutes of drinking down your creamy-tasting cruelty, my stomach says, “WTF???” Loudly. In fact, all my cubemates can hear its protesting:

Cubemate 1: WHAT was that?

Cubemate 2: Grumpy must be drinking coffee again.

Cubemate 1: [to Grumpy] Hey! Could you pipe down over there? Some of us are trying to work! If you can’t give up coffee, you’ll have to take your stomach and all its griping outside.

Me: [sheepishly] Sorry, everyone.

Mais oui, Café. This means war. Don’t think for one second that you can trick me. Your multiple personalities cannot be my friends, either. Decaf, Half-caf, “Stomach-Friendly”—they’re all just as bad as you are where it concerns my dainty, gastrointestinal anatomy.

So, I say this to you… we’re done. I am giving up on you. FOREVER! You shall no longer hold sway with me. I mean it! This is it! No more.

But… maybe I should have one more cup before we part ways for good. Kind of like break-up sex, ya know what I mean?

Don't Smother Your Kids...

Just because I need something a) funny, and b) applicable to my everyday life, I present you with this:

Like A Whirlpool, It Never Ends...

Well, I'm back. Kind of.

Google Reader just looked at me today and said, "Don't act like you know me. Biotch."

100+ missed posts to catch up with... don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. Boo.

So here's what I think today:

1. I should quit my nice-paying-yet-highly-stressful job and go work at Burger King. Or maybe Barnes & Noble. Yeah, that would be better.

2. Yay, Larry Birkhead. I knew it.

3. Filing an extension on your taxes is for wussies. Yes, Farm Boy, this means you.

4. Anyone who takes a grad class the same semester her child graduates ought to have her head examined. Twice.

5. I didn't get to go on my photo retreat, so I'm rescheduling. Anyone have any idea when the weather will get nice again??? And when I say nice, I mean NOT freezing???

6. 9 more weeks until I can shed my basket-case-status. That's not too bad, right? Right???

That's about it, I guess. Be patient with me as I slog through the numerous posts I've missed in the last week. Wow. Y'all write a LOT. :-)

A Wee Little Break...

Okay, so I lied. Not intentionally, of course! I didn't post a Weekend Why Files. I do have some pictures ready to post, and I have some store items ready to add... but no time to actually do it.

With life being so incredibly busy right now, I need to focus my priorities on my family. I love blogging, and I love reading what you all write... but I need to take a short hiatus. Maybe just a few days will get me back on track.

This week is Spring Break. We'll be taking another short road trip, and we'll be playing catch-up when we return. Also, I really need to dig into the mess that I think is my home. At least, I'm pretty sure it's a house. It's just embarrassing how cluttered and messy everything is. You could probably write your name in the dust on my glass table in our living room. Pathetic.

OH! and if you like a good tear-fest, go see Reign Over Me. Good thing I had kleenex in my purse! It's not a chick flick... the Farm Boy really liked it, too. I don't know if I can write this without sounding condescending, but I'm really proud of Adam Sandler. This is his best work since Punch Drunk Love, and I think this one is better.

Catch ya later.

Road Trip...

I'm about 30 minutes away from taking a 3 hour road trip, and I'm not at all ready to go. Even though I shouldn't be taking the time to post, I didn't want to leave that last one on the top. I don't want to give the "haters" more power than they deserve.

So, I'll leave you with these thoughts:

1. Panera's French Toast bagels with hazelnut whipped cream cheese -- YUM. *

2. The Lost Villagers is my new obsession until the next Mystery Case Files comes out. I'm lame.

3. I'm very envious of my Bloggy Friends who live close by to other Bloggy Friends... they're all going out on "blates"--short for blog date. That's a metalia or -r- term, I think. Actually, I'm not sure who coined it. Ladies, who would like to take credit?

I don't know anyone who is that close to me... if you live in the midwest and want to compare how flat your state is and maybe go for a margarita or two, click on "Converse with La Grump" in my sidebar, and we'll talk!

4. I need to go spend some serious time in Google Earth before I head out on my trip. I'm driving alone on the way up (boo!), and then Daughter #1 and I are staying in a hotel before we drive back tomorrow morning. I want to make sure I have directions down to the exact exit sign off the interstate!

5. Thanks again to all of you who commented on the last post... and if you only read and didn't comment, no big deal. It's a tough subject, but I'm determined to keep supporting blogging and the freedom to do so. I don't believe there should be roadblocks to anyone who has something to say. I just hope that "something" isn't filled with hatred and violence. We have enough of that in the world... let's play NICE in here, m'kay?? Oh, you most certainly may be snarky. Snarky is funny.

6. I have been lax in developing ideas for mugs. The last post gave me an idea, so I'll be adding those Sunday when I return. I'll even have a button/label for you to add to your blog, if you want.

7. Wishing you all an absolutely fabulous weekend! The Why Files will be up tomorrow evening.

What Is WRONG With People???

Serious post ahead. Beware.

This is why I blog anonymously. Even my professional blog, to some extent, is anonymous. My first name is on it, but that's it. The people I work with know about the professional blog, but strangers do not know my true identity.

And while I find the mean emails dooce receives unintentionally funny, I'm not sure how I would react if I ever received something like that. I know... grow a thick skin and don't take it too seriously. BUT.

I know things get blown out of proportion. I understand. I just don't have time for hate speech, hateful comments, or any of that horrible, waste-of-time garbage.

That's why my blog posts don't get too serious about any potentially emotional topic.

That's why a picture of my face will never appear on this blog.

That's why I try to teach educators that we can't just teach kids to make spreadsheets, databases, PowerPoints, etc. We need to educate our students about what it's like to live in a "flat"* world... about the ethics of technology... about the dangers of putting too much personal information out there... about responsible blogging, etc.

Much of the hatred spewed about the author, Kathy, of the linked blog was supposed to be somewhat of a spoof on another blog. If you dig deeply enough through all the links (or maybe you know of similar sites), you'll find a few blogs and sites where bloggers create "personas" and act out, through their writing, truly awful scenes. All in the name of "it's not real... just pretend." "We don't really mean what we write here... we're just doing it for entertainment/fantasy."

I'm sorry, but that's just not an excuse. And it all makes me really step back and take a look at what we accept as entertainment or fantasy. I believe in freedom of speech. I believe in the freedom to write or direct whatever you want, as long as it's not truly threatening or physically harming someone else. With that said... do some of these items of "entertainment" really serve us as human beings?

Not to pick on any one movie or genre, but I'm going to go with the bloody/gory movies that seem to keep popping up. Believe me, I LOVE a good horror movie. Not the ones where we watch someone's innards being removed in full view, but a good, suspenseful horror flick where you don't have to see the evil to know it's there. Have we gone too far in our horror fantasies that we really need to see a woman or a child violated to know that it's happened? Do we need to see someone's brains splattered all over a windshield to keep us engrossed in the movie?

Are blogs-- or even comments on a post-- that perpetuate a similar theme as those gory movies necessary?

I know that a person could defend almost anything, given the "right" justification. I KNOW.

I'm just... I don't know.... I'm... sickened. I hate that I have to work with people who think the internet is such an awful place to be, only to find that flamers, misogynists, and hate-spewers have given them another notch in the belt of reasons-we-should-keep-kids-away-from-the-web.

I've also been stalked before... it started out as emails, and then escalated into being followed around in the city where I worked. He sent me flowers. He sat in the parking lot of my office building and watched me through the windows. He called and hung up a lot. I don't want anything like that ever again.

All of this leaves me with such dismay. I cry all the time at happy things, sad things, cell phone commercials... you know. But this time, I cried for US. I'm sad to think that anything like this could suddenly happen to our little community, and then things would never be the same. It's a similar feeling as the one I had shortly after September 11. I was sad for all the families of the victims, but I felt despair when I realized the impact of those events. I don't expect things to stay the same forever... but I always hope that we're able to grow from events. Not shrink and hide and let fear rule our lives. I'm not comparing what happened to Kathy (in the linked blog) to 9/11... not even close. I remember feeling a sense of hopelessness about the future after 9/11. Kathy's experience has me feeling a little hopeless about where we are as a people.

Leaving the world in a better place than I found it is always my goal. I hope that we're able to find a way to make that happen in Bloggy Land, too. Sure, I'm still going to zing a celebrity for saying/doing something stupid. I'm going to continue to harp on adult women who insist upon dressing like teenagers. I'm even going to gripe about how stupid people piss me off. But you won't find pure, unadulterated hatred here. That's not what I'm all about. And I know it's not your bag, either.

Let's put our minds together to see what we can do about things like this... what do you say?

Not A Lemming, Not Yet A Rebel

I'm not really a non-conformist, but I'm not a bandwagon jumper either.

In fact, there are certain things that I won't do specifically because EVERYONE else is. Unfortunately, I think that isn't always a good thing. By not jumping on the bandwagon, are these things just passing me by?

The lemming look just doesn't suit me, though, so I try to stay away from all that "big, new, everyone should have THIS!" stuff.

If a book is really hyped by a lot of people... if someone's very prestigious bookclub recommends it... I might avoid it just because everyone else is reading it. Oh sure, I might read it a few years later, but I could be missing out on a really good thing, right?

It's the same thing with music, and most especially when radio stations play the songs to death. If there's a new, fresh, hot, [insert your most hip adjective here] artist that everyone wants to hear, I avoid that new artist like the plague. Exceptions shall be made when someone whose opinions I highly regard endorses the same artist. Maybe.

How about politics? Yeah, we don't talk about that stuff here. Again, partly because it's soup du jour* to do so.

I just hate TRENDY... fashion might be the one example where I won't completely dismiss a new trend. Well, that is, unless the trend happens to be extremely popular with the 10-16 year old demographic. Then it's wise for me to run, not walk, away from it.

There are a few books and movies that have been released recently, and I want nothing to do with them. Maybe when the hype dies down, I'll be all over them.

So... does this make me look like I'm behind the times... a johnny-come-lately? Or am I just sitting here, doing my own thing, movin' to my own groovin', not caring what anyone else thinks? Deep down, I probably do care a little... otherwise, why would I be posting about it??

Meh. I don't know. What do you do?

*I know. This means "soup of the day." A friend and I use this term jokingly when we talk about the flavor of the moment.

Finally, She Posts The Prom Picture Challenge

My friend, -R-, posted a challenge to fellow bloggers. The challenge, should we choose to take it, was to post our prom picture(s). I'm late to the game, but what else is new?

So, here we go:


Prom #1

This was my junior prom. The date was my boyfriend at the time... lovingly referred to by my family and close friends as the Psycho Boyfriend From Hell. I'd explain, but that's fodder for another post or two... or two hundred.

Note the lovely, purple, homemade dress that made me look about 10 sizes bigger than I actually was. Why THANK YOU! Yes. As a teenage girl, I would absolutely LOVE to have something that hides my natural waist line. Who wouldn't?!?! Mr. PBFH had to wear a white tux jacket and black pants... because that's what James Bond always wore. O-kaaaay.

See how the lovely purple, homemade dress matches my lovely, purple blockhead? Luckily, my Bride of Frankenstein hairstyle is somewhat obscured in the picture by the classy lion pride painting in the background.

Prom #2

This was my senior prom. At the time, I had recently broken up with PBFH and was hoping to have a good time with some friends. Good Friend Since the 2nd Grade asked me to the prom. I loved this guy to death... as a friend. We had such a blast at the prom!

Note the fabulous mermaid-like structure to that dress... another handmade dress. Actually, now that I think about it, most of the girls I knew wanted a handmade/homemade dress, so that they could have something original. Hmmm. Yep. I was the only mermaid dress at the prom.

And the best part of the dress... well, I had gone in for several fittings of the dress with the girl who made it. It fit like a glove. Perfectly! Yeah... like a glove that won't allow you to SIT. DOWN. Not even to get into your date's car. So, I had to shimmy it up to my hips just to get into his car. Now THAT's class, my babies!

Oh, and I blocked most of it out with my lovely, purple blockhead, but yes... I actually wore a banana clip in my hair. To the prom. I'm telling you, kids... with me, it's All-Fashion-All-The-Time!

So, yes, we had a really good time at the prom. After that, it got very awkward. Sometimes, when you're not sure how you feel about someone you've been friends with for a long time, situations become confusing. I'm not going into any details, other than it didn't end well. Pretty much my fault, and I'm not proud of that. Let's just say, I hoped that by ignoring him, our friendship could go back to the way it was before. Like that was ever going to happen. *sigh*

Well, there you have it. Midwest Prom o' The 80s. No one promised it would be pretty. ;-)

A Groggy Weekend Why Files...

These files will be pretty short today. I'm not sure I can focus all that well, and my typing skills are severely lacking.

WHY #1: Why do I hate myself? Drove to a competition yesterday where my oldest* was involved... it was about two hours away. Not a big deal, except that the competition got behind on schedule, so we didn't even get to leave there until after midnight. Gah. I'm dragging today. At least my family was kind enough to let me take a long afternoon nap. Either that, or they were scared to NOT let me take a nap. I'm pretty sure I was somewhat mean earlier today. Like possibly growing horns and flashing some glowing red eyes. You know. The usual.

WHY #2: Why have I not yet posted my prom picture? Oh, I will. I will.

WHY #3: Cannibals usually prefer going solo at meal time. Ummm... why is this news? Or the better question: why are there "new calculations" suggesting this trend? Is someone actually studying-- on a regular basis-- the habits of cannibals? Should I be worried? One of my supervisors eats alone a lot. Now that I think about it, when I forget to stop working and eat lunch (imagine that), I usually end up in the break room by myself or heading out to pick something up... by myself!! Does that mean I'M a cannibal? or that I have cannibalistic tendencies?** [www.livescience.com]


Oooh... and one more.

WHY #4: Why am I so happy about my new Google theme on my Google home page??? It's. So. Cute. It changes according to the time of day. Love it. Yeah, I guess I'm easily amused.

And that concludes this episode of the Weekend Why Files.


*I know that it's technically supposed to be my "eldest," but that just sounds too pretentious, even for me. How about I just keep calling her "Daughter #1" on the blog. Sounds easier.

** This "Why" is totally tongue-in-cheek, for those who are about to defend the study. Please. Don't.

Songs To Which I Cannot Stop Listening*

Stefanie and Poppy did this... as I started to reply to their lists, I thought I'd just steal borrow their idea for my own post. Duh.

What I noted to Stefanie is that the majority of the songs running on repeat all day long in my head are from Seussical The Musical, as that was what I attended for three straight evenings last weekend. I won't leave you stricken with the same affliction by linking or supplying any lyrics. Take my word for it... my cubicle-mates are pretty tired of hearing me hum something about Horton the Elephant.

Additionally, like Poppy, I am incapable of sticking to five songs, so here we go...

1. I am still loving Amy Winehouse's You Know I'm No Good, even though the lyrics are lame. The drums and the bass line enticed me when I first heard it, and then the bari sax really grabbed me... love it, love it, love it. I do really like her voice (very old school soul/R&B), but wish the lyrics had a bit more substance.

2. Madeline Peyroux's Dance Me To The End Of Love- I can't imagine ever getting sick of this song or her amazing voice. She is Billie Holliday-esque without sounding like a wannabe. Actually, I heart her entire CD, "Perfect World," but I think Dance Me... is the best song. This gives me hope that good, old standard styles won't disappear behind the techno, indie, alternative, hip hop... which are all good, too... I just want choices, people. Choices. That's all I ask.

3. I'm usually sick of songs I hear on the radio, so I don't listen to it much... but I do love Mat Kearney's Nothing Left To Lose. I loved the song when I first heard it, and still liked it after our local radio stations decided to play it to death. What kept me listening, though, was an interview Mat did with one local station while he was in town for a concert. Unfortunately, I couldn't go the concert, but I did think he was one really cool guy who can sing live well.

4. I should be sick of Five For Fighting's The Riddle, but I'm not. It sticks in my head, but it's not like the typical earworm. As much as I usually pass over lyrics and go straight for the quality of the music, The Riddle's lyrics hooked me immediately. Oh! and get this, I heard a middle school chorus perform this song... and I still like it. To me, that's the ultimate test. If a school chorus can sing it and not ruin the song, it's a good song, right?

5. Lily Allen's Smile- this song makes me want to walk down the sidewalk through adverse conditions and come out smiling anyway... just kidding. It really does make me smile, though. Plus, I heard it in one time in one of those stores that hypnotize market to the 15-23 year old demographic... and I was all, "Hey! I love this song! It's my jam!" Right in front of my teenage kids. It produced the desired effect: "Oh my God, mother! Stop dancing!" ;-)

6. Did you see the Divine Secrets/YaYa's movie? Even if you didn't... it has a truly outstanding soundtrack... very eclectic, which is what I love. However, I think the best song on the whole CD is Lauryn Hill's Selah. Selah is the name of her only daughter, and Hill wrote it for her. If I need something peaceful and reflective, this is the song I go for immediately. I'm listening to it right now, and it's taking me forever to finish this paragraph.

7. I adore Fastball. I have both "All The Pain Money Can Buy" and "The Harsh Light of Day." This is the first group ever where I felt I would actually listen to the entire CD from start to finish without skipping any songs... and then again with the next CD. I keep trying to pick a favorite, but I can't. I can say that I listen to at least one Fastball song every day.

8. Call me a bandwagon jumper, but I still can't get enough of Fall Out Boy's This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race. Even that goofy gym rat commercial for the cell phones hasn't ruined it for me.

9. The Shiny Teeth song, of course! Am I weird for singing this song in my head while I brush my teeth? Of course not.

10. There is a song with a girl's name as the title that was wildly popular in its day... and it's my name. I don't listen to this song by choice. No, no. That would be weird and strangely narcissistic, I think. The reason I can't stop listening to it is because, at least once a week**, some damn fool will sing it to me. LIKE I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. Gah!!!
I don't mind it when the Farm Boy sings it to me. That's fine. He has the golden ticket to do so (it's called a marriage license). Every one else... especially those who substitute their own lyrics (yes, I'm addressing you, my dear siblings)*** can just stop it. Stop it right now.

That's my list for this time period. I like this idea, because music is such a huge part of my life... and I have constant earworms. Posting a list such as this could easily be a regular feature. Yay!


*I follow rules; yes, I do. ;-)

**I'm completely serious about this. At least once a week!!! You'd think people could be a little more original, ya know???

***They don't read the blog, but maybe they'll hear the request subliminally or something. I'm perfectly happy with them not reading the blog. In fact, I'd rather they not read it.

Calgon Is Not Helping These Days...

I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen... if it could respond to me, it would probably say, "Why so forlorn, lady?"

Do you ever just get to the place where you're so worn down, so busy, so tired that you can't even see straight? I should be doing a million other things right now instead of posting, but I just can't even decide where to start. My eyes are brimming with tears most days due to sheer frustration, but reading your funny comments and posts are a nice escape. :-)

Between work and the rest of "life," I just feel like I'm constantly scrambling. There hasn't been one day/night in the last few weeks when we didn't have SOMETHING going on. Laundry hasn't been done. The house hasn't been vacuumed or dusted or properly picked up in ages. I feel like I'm at the center of the storm, and it's not a good place to be.

I'm pretty sure that I haven't had more than 15 minutes a day total to talk to my husband. Most nights, if we haven't had time to talk much during the day, we spend about an hour or so talking. Lately, one of us has fallen sound asleep before the other even gets to bed. Thank God for cell phones, or else we would never talk anymore.

In trying not to be a whiner, I've just taken on too much myself. My ex wants to be involved in the DECISIONS made about things the kids are doing, but he isn't involving himself in the day-to-day tasks that need to be done. I'm tired of being his secretary, tracking everything for him that pertains to the children. Guess what, buddy? Call your kids more often. Talk to them and ask them the questions. Don't ask me to keep you informed... and then complain that the kids never call you. You are the adult. Make the effort, because they're kids. Their priorities are not the same as yours or mine.

It's pretty stupid of me to try to work full-time, parent full-time, take a grad class, go to all our kids' activities, play keyboard and sing occasionally at church, act as a taxi cab for the child who doesn't drive, keep everyone's schedules straight... and what's that other thing I have to do? Oh, yeah. SLEEP. Did you notice that working out isn't in that list? I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been since I even stepped on the treadmill.

If we could afford for me to quit my job or just go half-time, I would in a heartbeat. I'd be very happy to not work until the last kid graduated from high school, but it's not realistic. Especially considering we'll be helping four kids through college.

Okay. I think I'm done now. I'm not looking for advice or anything. Just needed some whine time. Believe me, I'm fairly certain the people around me in "real life" are tired of hearing about it. The thing is... I'm not going through anything BAD. I should be happy that I'm sooooo busy, because that means things are good in our life. Our oldest daughter is graduating from high school. Our youngest is getting confirmed in our church. And even though we don't see them as often as we like, our two middle kids are involved in their school athletics and activities. That wasn't happening a couple of years ago, because of other "ex" issues I won't go into now. No one is sick. No one is without the basic needs for survival. I'm just stressed out and need to shut up and deal with it.

So, my Bloggy Friends, I guess I only wanted to bend your ear for a bit. I promise to come back this weekend as snarky as usual.

Thanks for listening.

Lying to Kids is FUN!!!

Over at The Cupcake Tent, Red talked about telling kids that the things in scary movies just aren't real... even though Red herself isn't entirely convinced.

That made me think about how FUN it is to lie to kids!!

Don't you all agree? I'm a parent and a former teacher. Some of my best fun comes from the lies I've told kids over the years.* Ah... the memories!

Think about all the lies adults tell kids... lies we say are actually GOOD for our kids. I'm not going to list them all here, because I don't want some of my fellow younger bloggers to learn the truth from me. But yes, I am talking about the Great Pumpkin and the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

My personal favorite is the one we (my ex-husband and I) used to tell our daughters. We were very young parents-- I was 20 when my oldest was born. Suffice it to say, we didn't have great parenting skills back then. I'm a much better mom now than I was in my early 20s. Trust me on this one. Don't have kids until you're finished growing up yourself.

But I digress...

Discipline is hard. You have to be firm and consistent. When I was young, I had a tough time with consistency. So, my oldest daughter learned from me that she could usually argue her way out of something. Getting "pwnt" by a 5 year old is not something I'm proud to admit. But there you are.

So, the ex and I made up this fabulous trick. If we wanted her to behave, we would just tell her about Ingrid. Ingrid was a mean, old, nasty [make-believe] babysitter. She [allegedly] lived in a broken-down, ancient farmhouse -- which actually did exist and just happened to be on one of the roads we drove quite often.

ME: "Oh, I know you don't want to throw that temper tantrum! Because if you do, then I'm going to have to call Ingrid to come babysit you. She takes care of little girls who throw temper tantrums. I'll just go give her a call!"

DAUGHTER: "NO! No! I'll be good! I promise!"

It actually worked most every time. Only once did she ever doubt Ingrid's existence. When that happened, I called my sister and asked her to pretend she was Ingrid. When my daughter got on the phone and listened to that witch-like voice, she was scared for two days straight.

Yes, I know. I'm going straight to hell.

Please don't comment and tell me what a horrible parent I am. I promise you that we stopped doing that after a year or so (when we decided it was cruel, but more importantly, figured it wouldn't work forever) and it became a big joke in our family. In fact, that daughter is a senior in high school now, and we still laugh about Ingrid. I'm hoping Ingrid will make an appearance at Daughter's graduation party somehow.

*Okay, not really. I'm a good person. Really I am.

5 Reasons the Farm Boy Makes Me Laugh...

1. He complained today that he's not getting enough "air time" on the blog. Well, here you go, honey. An entire post dedicated to you. :-)


2. He won't close the shower curtain. I maintain that if you keep the shower curtain closed, mold and mildew don't build up as quickly as when you keep the shower curtain open (and all wrinkled in one spot).
The Farm Boy maintains that he cannot enter the bathroom when the shower curtain is closed because monsters might be hiding in the shower, just waiting to attack him while he brushes his teeth.


3. During my morning teeth brushing ritual, he stood behind me and looked in the mirror.

FB: "I love you even though you're short." (He's 6'4", I'm almost 5'4")
Me: "So that means it's possible that you might not love me someday due to my shortness?"
FB: "Yes. Yes it does."


4. While playfully arguing over the phone this morning, the Farm Boy realized he was losing the argument with me*. Here's how he responded to losing:

FB: "Oh yeah?"
[barely audible, very low sounding noise]
Me: "What was that?"
FB: "That was Jaws."
[pause]
Me: "Are you standing next to the piano?"
FB: "Yes."
Me: "Jaws is your comeback??!?"


5. This look, which usually accompanies conversations like the one in #4 above.
It's an incredible likeness. Trust me.

















*Yes, dear. You lost that argument, and I have proof.