WHY #1: There are two people that I try never to mention on this site: Tomas Crazy and The Mouseketeer that Went Very, Very Wrong. But I have to do so today regarding the latter nutjob.
Why did anyone find Britney's life fascinating enough to devote an entire episode of Dateline to her? I know... the paparazzi can be hell. I sympathize with most celebrities, because I'm sure it would totally suck, never having one moment of privacy. BUT... if you make out with Madonna on MTV, aka putting yourself out there to get attention, in addition to many, MANY more press-grabbing ploys, I don't have a lot of sympathy.
btw, we watched about 20 minutes- out of sheer morbid curiosity, akin to a trainwreck- and decided that girl needs a new publicist/PR/spokesperson STAT. I was embarrassed for her.
WHY #2: Did anyone see Garfield, The Movie? If you did, I'm sorry. And so are you. But the bigger issue is... don't movies need to be somewhat successful to result in a sequel? So, then my question is: WHY was "A Tail of Two Kitties" ever made? The reviews are outstanding. Or not so much.
WHY #3: Why don't people read and 'heed' expiration dates? (you'd think the greenish tint to the pancakes would be a big clue.)
WHY #4: Why would they keep building this school on a site known to have been a former cemetery? Didn't these people see Poltergeist? To quote my favorite crazy, Miss Whitney Houston, "Hell to the NO!"
WHY #5: After all the "What Not to Wear"-type shows, as well as ridicule left and right, why do people (mostly men) still wear black socks*, pulled up mid-calf, while wearing shorts? Please. Somebody help me understand.
WHY #6: Why does some idiot at every televised golf tournament feel the need to bellow "It's in the hole!" for every shot? It could be a tee shot, an approach, a chip, a putt... it doesn't matter. Billy Joe Bob is always there, most likely in his wifebeater and denim cutoffs, ensuring that he gets his 15 seconds of air time.
EDIT: I had to include one more: WHY #7: Why does Burger King continue with the crazy commercials? I mean, I like the chicken on the motorcycle. In and of itself, it's pretty comical. A chicken on a motorcycle. Ha ha. But WHY is there a song in the background, "Big Hucking Chicken?" What does "hucking" mean anyway? I looked it up, and it's not even a recognized word.
UPDATE: Thanks to DBJ, who informed this oldster that to "huck" means to launch something upwards... as in motocross, skateboarding, etc.
This concludes today's Friday Why Files.
*Okay, the black socks piece reminds me of an experience I must relate. I saw a real-life Pat today... you know, the androgenous/ambiguously-gendered person who was born on Saturday Night Live in the early 1990s? I saw a person today in the grocery store parking lot... dressed in khaki shorts, Hawaiian print shirt, black socks and loafers. The black socks made me lean toward believing this person was male, but the closer he/she moved toward me, the more confused I became. Hair was curly and just above the shoulder, and the face divulged no gender-specific information whatsoever. He/She was built very similarly to Pat, so I couldn't guess at body parts, either. Chalk this up to Moment # 463,021 where I severely regret not having my camera with me. :-(
Friday, June 16, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Same Ghost Time, Same Ghost Channel...
I have decided to unleash my entrepreneurial spirit and start a cable channel of my own. And, I might add, it's about time.
Most days, you can turn on your idiot box, channel surf a little, and find SOME show about paranormal-something-or-other. But lately, I am surprised when I've looked and couldn't find one.
I think the problem is that they're dispersed across too many different channels. You can find Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi, Most Haunted* on the Travel channel, Psychic Investigators on Biography, and a new one- Haunting Evidence on Court TV... and so on. Hey, even The Medium runs repeats on Lifetime (LIFETIME???!?!? What does that have to do with the show?). But I digress. Anyway, around Halloween, the frequency of such shows increases tenfold.
Wouldn't it make MUCH more sense to just have a single channel that would run all these shows all day long? I think so.
So, I'll set it ALL up.** I just need one of you (or many of you... I'm not picky) to finance it for me. 'Kay? Cool.
Even if you don't believe in ghosts or the like, think of all the freaks (like me) who will watch this channel. Think of the advertisers who will jump on board. Think of all the NEW products that will come of this.
Why does this interest me so much? I don't think I've ever had a true paranormal experience, other than a couple of freaky dreams (I'll save those for later postings). I lived in a couple of really old houses before, and I always felt uncomfortable in certain parts of those houses... but I think it was just my own little paranoia. Nothing substantial.
Do any of you have good ghost stories? goldennib posted one of her recent experiences. But I want to hear more stories!! You can either add them to my comments, or post your own. Just let me know when you do. I find this subject utterly fascinating!
So, there. That's your assignment. :-)
*Okay, so this one is definitely NOT my favorite. I believe in paranormal stuff, but this show is even a little too hokey for me. When the 'medium' guy (I'm leaving his name out purposefully) starts channeling and allowing a spirit to speak through him, it looks SOOOOO phoney. If he were ever to prove this to me, then I might think differently.
**Well, do I really have the initiative to do this? Sure. If someone could come up with the moolah and guarantee that I wouldn't lose any money in the deal? Absolutely. Is it more likely that I just want to read some really good stories from all of you? Could be.
Most days, you can turn on your idiot box, channel surf a little, and find SOME show about paranormal-something-or-other. But lately, I am surprised when I've looked and couldn't find one.
I think the problem is that they're dispersed across too many different channels. You can find Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi, Most Haunted* on the Travel channel, Psychic Investigators on Biography, and a new one- Haunting Evidence on Court TV... and so on. Hey, even The Medium runs repeats on Lifetime (LIFETIME???!?!? What does that have to do with the show?). But I digress. Anyway, around Halloween, the frequency of such shows increases tenfold.
Wouldn't it make MUCH more sense to just have a single channel that would run all these shows all day long? I think so.
So, I'll set it ALL up.** I just need one of you (or many of you... I'm not picky) to finance it for me. 'Kay? Cool.
Even if you don't believe in ghosts or the like, think of all the freaks (like me) who will watch this channel. Think of the advertisers who will jump on board. Think of all the NEW products that will come of this.
Why does this interest me so much? I don't think I've ever had a true paranormal experience, other than a couple of freaky dreams (I'll save those for later postings). I lived in a couple of really old houses before, and I always felt uncomfortable in certain parts of those houses... but I think it was just my own little paranoia. Nothing substantial.
Do any of you have good ghost stories? goldennib posted one of her recent experiences. But I want to hear more stories!! You can either add them to my comments, or post your own. Just let me know when you do. I find this subject utterly fascinating!
So, there. That's your assignment. :-)
*Okay, so this one is definitely NOT my favorite. I believe in paranormal stuff, but this show is even a little too hokey for me. When the 'medium' guy (I'm leaving his name out purposefully) starts channeling and allowing a spirit to speak through him, it looks SOOOOO phoney. If he were ever to prove this to me, then I might think differently.
**Well, do I really have the initiative to do this? Sure. If someone could come up with the moolah and guarantee that I wouldn't lose any money in the deal? Absolutely. Is it more likely that I just want to read some really good stories from all of you? Could be.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Like a kid in a candy store...
I have a love/hate relationship with Barnes & Noble... mostly love, though.
I absolutely ADORE reading. I always have. During kiddie summer reading programs at the local library, I was always the top reader. I earned those silver stars ever so rapidly. Not that I cared about the contest prize... I don't even remember what any of them were. I just wanted to read and read and READ. Okay, so I'm also a tiny bit competitive, and I just wanted more stars than anyone else.
Today, the girls and I moseyed over to the local B&N. My queue at home is getting short, and I want enough choices when I finish the current novel.
So, what's the "hate" part then?
I always imagined that, one day, when I retired, I would own my own little Book Store Around The Corner, complete with oversized, overstuffed, cushy chairs and sofas strategically placed around the store. Not only would I sell books there, but I would have story time with the little kiddies in the mornings. I might even dress in character for a few of them. Coffee and tea would always be in ample supply. Starting to sound like something from a movie? A not-so-well-written movie that was churned out to get its stars one more romantic plot together? Yeah. Well, that was my dream. But I'm afraid the B&N's, Amazons, and Borders of the world have quashed my dream.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a B&N card-carrying member. Walking in their doors brings to me the type of euphoria that most people seek through chemical stimulation.
But as I wander up and down the aisles, perusing the titles and authors, looking for the items on my book wish list, I sigh a little. Unless I move to some podunk town where a) a store that size would never dream of opening, b) the locals don't know how to use the internet to buy anything, and c) everyone loves to read... I don't see that dream ever coming true.
But why would I want to move to a podunk town where no one knows how to use the internet? No, thank you. Dream crushed. End of story. (unless maybe I get a new dream?)
I absolutely ADORE reading. I always have. During kiddie summer reading programs at the local library, I was always the top reader. I earned those silver stars ever so rapidly. Not that I cared about the contest prize... I don't even remember what any of them were. I just wanted to read and read and READ. Okay, so I'm also a tiny bit competitive, and I just wanted more stars than anyone else.
Today, the girls and I moseyed over to the local B&N. My queue at home is getting short, and I want enough choices when I finish the current novel.
So, what's the "hate" part then?
I always imagined that, one day, when I retired, I would own my own little Book Store Around The Corner, complete with oversized, overstuffed, cushy chairs and sofas strategically placed around the store. Not only would I sell books there, but I would have story time with the little kiddies in the mornings. I might even dress in character for a few of them. Coffee and tea would always be in ample supply. Starting to sound like something from a movie? A not-so-well-written movie that was churned out to get its stars one more romantic plot together? Yeah. Well, that was my dream. But I'm afraid the B&N's, Amazons, and Borders of the world have quashed my dream.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a B&N card-carrying member. Walking in their doors brings to me the type of euphoria that most people seek through chemical stimulation.
But as I wander up and down the aisles, perusing the titles and authors, looking for the items on my book wish list, I sigh a little. Unless I move to some podunk town where a) a store that size would never dream of opening, b) the locals don't know how to use the internet to buy anything, and c) everyone loves to read... I don't see that dream ever coming true.
But why would I want to move to a podunk town where no one knows how to use the internet? No, thank you. Dream crushed. End of story. (unless maybe I get a new dream?)
Monday, June 12, 2006
A short multiple-choice quiz (it's easy, I promise!)...
1. If you have recently had a baby... check that, if you have EVER had a baby:
a) you should not shop for yourself at Wet Seal
b) you should not shop for yourself at Forever 21
c) you should not shop for yourself at Hot Topic
d) All of the Above*
2. Where road construction is concerned:
a) the city should mark appropriate places where new asphalt and tar-like substances are fresh, so that one does not drive through it, thereby coating one's Loser Cruiser in a viscous, gloppy, malodorous substance that the local Gorilla car wash cannot remove
b) the city should devise more than one exit route from one's housing division when closing off the main entrance, in order to prevent the resulting bottleneck and inevitable road rage
c) All of the above
3. When taking one's children to lunch at Qdoba**, it is not always appropriate:
a) to vocalize one's preference for Chipotle as the manager walks by
b) to whine incessantly that "we should have gone to Chipotle instead"
c) to obsess that the cilantro lime rice is not as good as the cilantro lime rice at Chipotle
d) to opine on the merits of the salty lime chips at Chipotle vs the salty lime chips at Qdoba
e) to compare Qdoba to a "copycat version of Chipotle"
f) All of the Above
So... if you answered "All of the Above" to ummm... well, all of the above questions, you are 100% correct! Yay, you!
First day of vacation... didn't accomplish much. I think I'm going to go for a walk now. The Farm Boy has to work late in another city, so I'll probably exercise for a little bit, then watch me some Kyra Sedgwick (I think I might be liking The Closer... not a bad show). I might even have a glass of wine. By myself. And then I'll fight the urge to blog again. More than twice a day might be overkill for me.
*There was someone of the female persuasion at the mall today... I hesitate to call her a woman, because I'm not quite certain of her age. She very well might have been under 20, but that's not the point. The point is, she was shopping in Wet Seal, and then proceeded directly to Hot Topic. With. A. Newborn. Baby. One that was crying loudly. While she shopped for pubescent fashion. Ummm... no. Really. No.
** I felt like SUCH a traitor! Believe me. It won't happen again. (sorry, tammara. I really do like Chipotle better)
a) you should not shop for yourself at Wet Seal
b) you should not shop for yourself at Forever 21
c) you should not shop for yourself at Hot Topic
d) All of the Above*
2. Where road construction is concerned:
a) the city should mark appropriate places where new asphalt and tar-like substances are fresh, so that one does not drive through it, thereby coating one's Loser Cruiser in a viscous, gloppy, malodorous substance that the local Gorilla car wash cannot remove
b) the city should devise more than one exit route from one's housing division when closing off the main entrance, in order to prevent the resulting bottleneck and inevitable road rage
c) All of the above
3. When taking one's children to lunch at Qdoba**, it is not always appropriate:
a) to vocalize one's preference for Chipotle as the manager walks by
b) to whine incessantly that "we should have gone to Chipotle instead"
c) to obsess that the cilantro lime rice is not as good as the cilantro lime rice at Chipotle
d) to opine on the merits of the salty lime chips at Chipotle vs the salty lime chips at Qdoba
e) to compare Qdoba to a "copycat version of Chipotle"
f) All of the Above
So... if you answered "All of the Above" to ummm... well, all of the above questions, you are 100% correct! Yay, you!
First day of vacation... didn't accomplish much. I think I'm going to go for a walk now. The Farm Boy has to work late in another city, so I'll probably exercise for a little bit, then watch me some Kyra Sedgwick (I think I might be liking The Closer... not a bad show). I might even have a glass of wine. By myself. And then I'll fight the urge to blog again. More than twice a day might be overkill for me.
*There was someone of the female persuasion at the mall today... I hesitate to call her a woman, because I'm not quite certain of her age. She very well might have been under 20, but that's not the point. The point is, she was shopping in Wet Seal, and then proceeded directly to Hot Topic. With. A. Newborn. Baby. One that was crying loudly. While she shopped for pubescent fashion. Ummm... no. Really. No.
** I felt like SUCH a traitor! Believe me. It won't happen again. (sorry, tammara. I really do like Chipotle better)
Monday, Monday... so good to me...
Monday morning.
7:30am- Woke up. Laughed... I don't have to work today.
7:32am- Went back to sleep.
10:38am- Woke up again. Yawned loudly. Channel-surfed.
11:30am- Thought about getting out of bed.
11:38am- Thought about getting out of bed. Again.
11:49am- Finally got out of bed.
Ah. I dearly love vacation.
7:30am- Woke up. Laughed... I don't have to work today.
7:32am- Went back to sleep.
10:38am- Woke up again. Yawned loudly. Channel-surfed.
11:30am- Thought about getting out of bed.
11:38am- Thought about getting out of bed. Again.
11:49am- Finally got out of bed.
Ah. I dearly love vacation.
Friday, June 09, 2006
A steaming hot pile of Friday Why Files...
WHY #1: Why does my hair look like Marlo Thomas' hair in That Girl today? Gah!
Oh, and fyi... this show was 'before my time,' so no age cracks, please.
WHY #2: Why thehell heck is it so freaking hot outside already?!? Sheesh! It's only June!
WHY #3: Why couldn't they wait until after school... and then "knock it out" in a park somewhere? Activity fee: $35.00. Phys Ed uniform cleaning fee: $10.00. Catching two of your teachers having sex in a classroom DURING SCHOOL HOURS: Priceless.
(A separate WTF? moment... what is with the teachers lately? As a former teacher, I am truly speechless at all the insanity. Sex with students, sex during the school day? Who ARE these idiots?!?!)
WHY #4: Why does the media insist upon posting pictures of dead guys? Zarqawi is dead. I'll take your word for it. Please, for the love of Bob, stop showing pictures of his dead body!! They all did the same thing with the spawn of Saddam, Uday and Qusay. As soon as they were killed, their dead photos were all over the place. The media fascination with the macabre is beyond my comprehension.
WHY #5: Why, why, WHY can't I find a job like this?!?! I'm a fabulous researcher. Ask anybody. Pay me $1 million, and I'll get you whatever you want to know.
WHY #6: This one is almost too good. The "WHY" is why didn't anyone catch this before now. An engineer for the city of Des Moines "swears that consultants who work for the city did not design the $5.7 million detention basin to resemble anything."
Trust me.... if you don't follow any of the links today, at least click on this one to view the picture. It's worth it.
And this concludes today's Friday Why Files...
Oh, and fyi... this show was 'before my time,' so no age cracks, please.
WHY #2: Why the
WHY #3: Why couldn't they wait until after school... and then "knock it out" in a park somewhere? Activity fee: $35.00. Phys Ed uniform cleaning fee: $10.00. Catching two of your teachers having sex in a classroom DURING SCHOOL HOURS: Priceless.
(A separate WTF? moment... what is with the teachers lately? As a former teacher, I am truly speechless at all the insanity. Sex with students, sex during the school day? Who ARE these idiots?!?!)
WHY #4: Why does the media insist upon posting pictures of dead guys? Zarqawi is dead. I'll take your word for it. Please, for the love of Bob, stop showing pictures of his dead body!! They all did the same thing with the spawn of Saddam, Uday and Qusay. As soon as they were killed, their dead photos were all over the place. The media fascination with the macabre is beyond my comprehension.
WHY #5: Why, why, WHY can't I find a job like this?!?! I'm a fabulous researcher. Ask anybody. Pay me $1 million, and I'll get you whatever you want to know.
WHY #6: This one is almost too good. The "WHY" is why didn't anyone catch this before now. An engineer for the city of Des Moines "swears that consultants who work for the city did not design the $5.7 million detention basin to resemble anything."
Trust me.... if you don't follow any of the links today, at least click on this one to view the picture. It's worth it.
And this concludes today's Friday Why Files...
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Dead puppies... aren't much fun...
There used to be a song played on the Dr. Demento show, and it was called "Dead Puppies."* Here's a sampling of the lyrics:
Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun
They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun
Well, apparently, some people think that dead puppies ARE fairly useful. I thought about saving this link for the Friday Why Files... but I think this goes WAY beyond a simple "WHY." In fact, it's more like a "WTF, mate?!?"
From CNN.com:
"A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua."
If you're too lazy to follow the link, here's the scoop: she was mad that the puppy died, so she wanted to return it and get another one (a live one, preferrably). An altercation ensued with the breeder, which led to the customer deciding that beating the breeder over the head with a dead puppy would be... fun. Apparently.
*Don't send me nasty emails about listing lyrics to this song... I didn't write it. Plus, I have a chihuahua. And he's not dead. Nor am I hitting anyone on the head with him.
Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun
They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun
Well, apparently, some people think that dead puppies ARE fairly useful. I thought about saving this link for the Friday Why Files... but I think this goes WAY beyond a simple "WHY." In fact, it's more like a "WTF, mate?!?"
From CNN.com:
"A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua."
If you're too lazy to follow the link, here's the scoop: she was mad that the puppy died, so she wanted to return it and get another one (a live one, preferrably). An altercation ensued with the breeder, which led to the customer deciding that beating the breeder over the head with a dead puppy would be... fun. Apparently.
*Don't send me nasty emails about listing lyrics to this song... I didn't write it. Plus, I have a chihuahua. And he's not dead. Nor am I hitting anyone on the head with him.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!?!
Swearing. It's a guilty pleasure. I actually relish releasing a torrent of obscenities out of my mouth... as long as no one else is around. Well, okay. Farm Boy can be around. But that's it. It's sometimes good for releasing pent-up frustration. I can actually feel loads better after a nasty rant.
In public, around the kids, in front of friends or family, though... it's just not cool. In most cases, it's beyond inappropriate. I don't swear aloud in public, other than an occasional "dammit" or "what the hell was that?!?" I don't want to be that trashy lady with the sailor's mouth. I also hate swearing in front of my kids, because I don't want them to talk like that.
Ah, but herein lies the dilemma. The more you swear, um, well... the more you swear. And if you hang around with people who swear... it's CONTAGIOUS. When I'm alone in my car, road rage takes over and I swear through my car windows. I guess that's not so bad, unless other drivers can read my lips... or when I remember that there are kids in the backseat (laughing their arses off!).
So, I guess I need to quit cold turkey. I know I won't be able to do it immediately, but it's worth a try. Or at least, I can quit certain words... one in particular. I can type it with creating spellings, or even in a funny Irish accent. I mean, "fooking" is pretty funny when you say it out loud. It's even somewhat funny to type.
But as for you, Mr. F-Bomb, I think we need to part ways. Sure, it's been fun having you around. You function as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and a really swell interjection. You roll off the tongue with such ease, yet you are powerfully crass at the same time. But... here's the thing. I look a lot like the girl-next-door. I'm that "girl" that everyone seems to think is such a NICE girl (well, those who don't read this blog anyway). And you and me? We just don't fit. We can't make this relationship work anymore, and I'm sorry. I'll miss you, but it's time to say "so long." Hasta la vista. Adieu.
(I give myself less than 24 hours before one slips out)
In public, around the kids, in front of friends or family, though... it's just not cool. In most cases, it's beyond inappropriate. I don't swear aloud in public, other than an occasional "dammit" or "what the hell was that?!?" I don't want to be that trashy lady with the sailor's mouth. I also hate swearing in front of my kids, because I don't want them to talk like that.
Ah, but herein lies the dilemma. The more you swear, um, well... the more you swear. And if you hang around with people who swear... it's CONTAGIOUS. When I'm alone in my car, road rage takes over and I swear through my car windows. I guess that's not so bad, unless other drivers can read my lips... or when I remember that there are kids in the backseat (laughing their arses off!).
So, I guess I need to quit cold turkey. I know I won't be able to do it immediately, but it's worth a try. Or at least, I can quit certain words... one in particular. I can type it with creating spellings, or even in a funny Irish accent. I mean, "fooking" is pretty funny when you say it out loud. It's even somewhat funny to type.
But as for you, Mr. F-Bomb, I think we need to part ways. Sure, it's been fun having you around. You function as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and a really swell interjection. You roll off the tongue with such ease, yet you are powerfully crass at the same time. But... here's the thing. I look a lot like the girl-next-door. I'm that "girl" that everyone seems to think is such a NICE girl (well, those who don't read this blog anyway). And you and me? We just don't fit. We can't make this relationship work anymore, and I'm sorry. I'll miss you, but it's time to say "so long." Hasta la vista. Adieu.
(I give myself less than 24 hours before one slips out)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Layers of Flavor? Ummmm... NO.
Okay. I feel a rant coming on.
I understand that "fast food," as a concept, is not intended to be nutritious. However, it seemed like we were making some gains in the last few years where some fast food places were actually offering some healthy (or at least healthier) alternatives to their usual fare.
But now, it's like we're regressing again. The burger joints are racing to see which one can build the biggest, nastiest, heart-attack-in-a-paper-wrapper before all the others. How many pounds of bacon come on that triple?!?!
The nastiest thing I've seen advertised, though, is that mess from the "fried chicken place that shall no longer allow the word "fried" to be uttered in its advertisement." Something Krusty Fowl City? You know of whom I type. Here's how I'm guessing they came up with their new menu specialty--
Some yokel from the braintrust of Krusty Fowl City: "Hmmmm... what can we make now that will entice people to clog their arteries and store fat like there's no tomorrow? How about a cloud of fluffy mashed potatoes, layered beneath corn, deep-fried chicken strips, and gravy... then topped off with some melted cheese! Brilliant!!!"
Blech! Seriously... is there anyone out there that finds this appealing?!?! If you do, please let me know!
You know what it reminds me of? Did you ever go to a family reunion where you had this crazy picnic with all of your octogenarian relatives? Those same great aunts and uncles who filled their plates with everything on the buffet... and then proceeded to stir it all together into one giant mess. And then they ATE IT. *shudders*
I'm guessing that might be how Krusty Fowl City came up with this idea.... 'cause I can't imagine why anyone with all their original teeth would actually ask for it.
I understand that "fast food," as a concept, is not intended to be nutritious. However, it seemed like we were making some gains in the last few years where some fast food places were actually offering some healthy (or at least healthier) alternatives to their usual fare.
But now, it's like we're regressing again. The burger joints are racing to see which one can build the biggest, nastiest, heart-attack-in-a-paper-wrapper before all the others. How many pounds of bacon come on that triple?!?!
The nastiest thing I've seen advertised, though, is that mess from the "fried chicken place that shall no longer allow the word "fried" to be uttered in its advertisement." Something Krusty Fowl City? You know of whom I type. Here's how I'm guessing they came up with their new menu specialty--
Some yokel from the braintrust of Krusty Fowl City: "Hmmmm... what can we make now that will entice people to clog their arteries and store fat like there's no tomorrow? How about a cloud of fluffy mashed potatoes, layered beneath corn, deep-fried chicken strips, and gravy... then topped off with some melted cheese! Brilliant!!!"
Blech! Seriously... is there anyone out there that finds this appealing?!?! If you do, please let me know!
You know what it reminds me of? Did you ever go to a family reunion where you had this crazy picnic with all of your octogenarian relatives? Those same great aunts and uncles who filled their plates with everything on the buffet... and then proceeded to stir it all together into one giant mess. And then they ATE IT. *shudders*
I'm guessing that might be how Krusty Fowl City came up with this idea.... 'cause I can't imagine why anyone with all their original teeth would actually ask for it.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Friday Why Files... late edition
WHY #1: Why do I keep listening to the Original Broadway Cast CD Avenue Q while I'm in my car? Because, you know those songs get stuck in your head. And you go around singing them all day long. OUT LOUD. And that's bad news, kids, because this is the 'naughty puppet' show on Broadway (for those of you who don't know).
The songs are hilarious. If you're easily offended, you don't want to listen to the majority of the songs… and you most definitely don't want to go to the show. But I'm not easily offended, so I love it all.
However, one cannot go to work singing, "The Internet is for Porn" or "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" or "It Sucks to Be Me"—well, actually, I think I've sung that last one on my own now for quite some time. ;-)
WHY #2: Why is Anna Nicole Smith procreating? Again? I'm so disgusted by this, I'm not even going to link to the news story. There should be a law barring this woman from ever having children. EVER.
WHY #3: Why wouldn't coroners perform some kind of identification check on ANY deceased individual? It just makes sense to me that you would want to be 100% certain when you are officially noting a person as "deceased." As you've heard all over news reports, this kind of tragic error is easily avoidable.
WHY #4: Why, why, WHY are people so freaking stupid? I don't care what your IQ is. Dumb is dumb. To quote Forrest, stupid is as stupid does. I just am constantly amazed, open-mouthed, flabbergasted at what people think they can get away with anymore.
If your son was on trial for rape, do you think you could honestly get away with hiring a hit man to kill his wife and children—so that they couldn't testify against him? These people did.
This last one makes me so mad... I just have to stop now. SO...
This concludes today's Friday Why Files.
The songs are hilarious. If you're easily offended, you don't want to listen to the majority of the songs… and you most definitely don't want to go to the show. But I'm not easily offended, so I love it all.
However, one cannot go to work singing, "The Internet is for Porn" or "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" or "It Sucks to Be Me"—well, actually, I think I've sung that last one on my own now for quite some time. ;-)
WHY #2: Why is Anna Nicole Smith procreating? Again? I'm so disgusted by this, I'm not even going to link to the news story. There should be a law barring this woman from ever having children. EVER.
WHY #3: Why wouldn't coroners perform some kind of identification check on ANY deceased individual? It just makes sense to me that you would want to be 100% certain when you are officially noting a person as "deceased." As you've heard all over news reports, this kind of tragic error is easily avoidable.
WHY #4: Why, why, WHY are people so freaking stupid? I don't care what your IQ is. Dumb is dumb. To quote Forrest, stupid is as stupid does. I just am constantly amazed, open-mouthed, flabbergasted at what people think they can get away with anymore.
If your son was on trial for rape, do you think you could honestly get away with hiring a hit man to kill his wife and children—so that they couldn't testify against him? These people did.
This last one makes me so mad... I just have to stop now. SO...
This concludes today's Friday Why Files.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The TwoTHREE Loves of My Life...
Wednesday night... after a marathon 2-hour softball game where Daughter #2's team was up 16-7 and then ended up TYING 16-16 (are you freaking kidding me??!!??)....
8:00pm Central Time
Love #1: Farm Boy sitting on the couch with me...
Love #2: ... eating Chipotle burritos and chips...
Love #3: watching the TV tuned into the SciFi Channel for the season finale of Ghost Hunters .
8:00pm Central Time
Love #1: Farm Boy sitting on the couch with me...
Love #2: ... eating Chipotle burritos and chips...
Love #3: watching the TV tuned into the SciFi Channel for the season finale of Ghost Hunters .
Burrito-goodness blended together with freaky ghost hunting. Life doesn't get much better than that. The only thing missing was my Chipotle "Addicted" shirt. 'Cause that's what I am. Ahhhhh.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
One reason summer vacation sucks....
In two weeks, I will have about a month's vacation. I love vacation, because I don't really have a lot of things I HAVE to do. However, that does tend to get me into a little bit of a slump.
Every summer during my vacation, I tell myself that I will recharge... exercise more, get some work done at home, etc., etc. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, you know.
Typical La Grump vacation scenario:
8:00am-- I'm still in bed. I'll THINK about getting up for a walk before it gets too hot outside to breathe. Yeah... but I'm SOOOO tired. I'll just sleep a little longer.
10:00am-- *yawn* Wow, I slept longer than I thought I was going to. I should really get up now. *strolls into kitchen for a bowl of Kashi cereal* Wow. Look at that sun outside. *opens sliding glass door to backyard-- wave of heat nearly knocks me over* Yikes. Guess I won't be going for that walk now.
12:00pm-- *still in jammies* Maybe I should think about showering and getting dressed. Nah.If When I work out this afternoon, I'll just get all sweaty anyway... I should just stay in my jammies.
1:00pm-- *finds an absolutely fabulous movie on cable* Hey! I love this movie! I've seen it so many times, that I can quote it verbatim, but I MUST watch this. So, I'll fold some towels or something as I watch the movie.
3:00pm-- Hey! This next movie that's on RIGHT AFTER THE FIRST ONE is also amazing. I haven't seen it since... last week, I think! Must. Watch. Again.
5:30pm-- Yipe... I'd better think about making some dinner.
6:00pm-- Maybe we should just go out to eat. But... oops. I have to shower first.
6:30pm--*steps out of shower, all clean and great smelling*
7:15pm-- I'm clean, my hair is done, my makeup is perfect... let's go get dinner.
9:00pm-- *family returns home* Ooh.. I forgot to blog today. Better get to that!
10:30pm-- Well, it IS a weeknight. And I don't want to fall out of that work pattern of going to bed early. Maybe I should hit the hay.
10:45pm-- *finds another absolutely fabulous movie* Cool! I love this flick!
1:00am--*wide awake... can't sleep* Infomercials suck. What else is on?
2:30am--*yawn* Maybe I should go to sleep now.
... and then the whole thing repeats over again. Okay, well maybe not every day... but definitely more times than I even care to think about. Meh.
Every summer during my vacation, I tell myself that I will recharge... exercise more, get some work done at home, etc., etc. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, you know.
Typical La Grump vacation scenario:
8:00am-- I'm still in bed. I'll THINK about getting up for a walk before it gets too hot outside to breathe. Yeah... but I'm SOOOO tired. I'll just sleep a little longer.
10:00am-- *yawn* Wow, I slept longer than I thought I was going to. I should really get up now. *strolls into kitchen for a bowl of Kashi cereal* Wow. Look at that sun outside. *opens sliding glass door to backyard-- wave of heat nearly knocks me over* Yikes. Guess I won't be going for that walk now.
12:00pm-- *still in jammies* Maybe I should think about showering and getting dressed. Nah.
1:00pm-- *finds an absolutely fabulous movie on cable* Hey! I love this movie! I've seen it so many times, that I can quote it verbatim, but I MUST watch this. So, I'll fold some towels or something as I watch the movie.
3:00pm-- Hey! This next movie that's on RIGHT AFTER THE FIRST ONE is also amazing. I haven't seen it since... last week, I think! Must. Watch. Again.
5:30pm-- Yipe... I'd better think about making some dinner.
6:00pm-- Maybe we should just go out to eat. But... oops. I have to shower first.
6:30pm--*steps out of shower, all clean and great smelling*
7:15pm-- I'm clean, my hair is done, my makeup is perfect... let's go get dinner.
9:00pm-- *family returns home* Ooh.. I forgot to blog today. Better get to that!
10:30pm-- Well, it IS a weeknight. And I don't want to fall out of that work pattern of going to bed early. Maybe I should hit the hay.
10:45pm-- *finds another absolutely fabulous movie* Cool! I love this flick!
1:00am--*wide awake... can't sleep* Infomercials suck. What else is on?
2:30am--*yawn* Maybe I should go to sleep now.
... and then the whole thing repeats over again. Okay, well maybe not every day... but definitely more times than I even care to think about. Meh.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
What the X?!?!?
Saw X3 today. It was good, but I agree with all the critics about Brett Ratner ruining things a little.
BUT, that's not the reason I'm posting.
The reason I'm posting is:
1A. If you see the movie, stay through the credits until the very end.
1B. If you have already seen the movie and didn't stay through the credits, go here*:
X Men 3 After The Credits.
1C. I didn't stay (which I ALWAYS do, because there are usually cool things in the credits), because I drank too much soda during the movie and basically had to run down the stairs, bowling over a granny with a walker and two little kids**... to get to the restroom QUICKLY. So, I missed this... but luckily, I was browsing YouTube today and found it.
*I didn't embed the video, because I don't want to ruin anything for those who are planning to see it.
**Not really, but I wanted to. I just stood behind them, waiting, very impatiently.
BUT, that's not the reason I'm posting.
The reason I'm posting is:
1A. If you see the movie, stay through the credits until the very end.
1B. If you have already seen the movie and didn't stay through the credits, go here*:
X Men 3 After The Credits.
1C. I didn't stay (which I ALWAYS do, because there are usually cool things in the credits), because I drank too much soda during the movie and basically had to run down the stairs, bowling over a granny with a walker and two little kids**... to get to the restroom QUICKLY. So, I missed this... but luckily, I was browsing YouTube today and found it.
*I didn't embed the video, because I don't want to ruin anything for those who are planning to see it.
**Not really, but I wanted to. I just stood behind them, waiting, very impatiently.
Friday, May 26, 2006
A really short Friday Why Files...
WHY #1: Why do I read movie reviews? I mean, I hardly ever agree with them anyway. But I did today. Apparently, X3 is not as good as X2. In fact, some critics are veeerrrrrrrrry disappointed. It doesn't help that Brett Ratner directed this time, instead of that Singer guy.
Now I'm going to walk into that movie and wait for it to suck. boo. Oh, well. At least Hugh Jackman's still in it. I think I could probably be entertained watching him do even the most mundane tasks:
1. Hugh doing the laundry... Five stars!
2. Hugh removing lint from the filter/catcher on the hairdryer... Five stars!
3. Hugh watching TV... Five stars!
4. Hugh watching TV... shirtless.... Five thousand stars!
WHY #2: Someone please remind me WHY I okayed a birthday party with 30 prepubescent children attending. Tonight. For FOUR HOURS.
WHY #3: Why don't I know any activist vampires like this??? I need more laughs in my life.
WHY #4: Why are criminal's rights sooooo important? I know why we need civil rights, and all that. Don't send me a recap of the Bill of Rights. Just.Read.On.
You all know the internet predator stories on the tv news. Well, an Arizona judge ruled that any predators who were lured into situations where they THOUGHT they were meeting children... cannot be arrested if the person doing the "luring" was actually an adult. Even though the predator thought he/she was meeting a child... if it really wasn't a minor, there's no law-breaking here.
So, now what? Should we start using ACTUAL children to bait these people? Come ON! Perverted Justice is the group that has been working with the news reporters to bring these people in. And the good old US Justice System just gave them a big kick in the teeth. Boooo.
This concludes Friday's Why Files.... 'cause I have to go teenage-proof my house. Wish me luck.
Now I'm going to walk into that movie and wait for it to suck. boo. Oh, well. At least Hugh Jackman's still in it. I think I could probably be entertained watching him do even the most mundane tasks:
1. Hugh doing the laundry... Five stars!
2. Hugh removing lint from the filter/catcher on the hairdryer... Five stars!
3. Hugh watching TV... Five stars!
4. Hugh watching TV... shirtless.... Five thousand stars!
WHY #2: Someone please remind me WHY I okayed a birthday party with 30 prepubescent children attending. Tonight. For FOUR HOURS.
WHY #3: Why don't I know any activist vampires like this??? I need more laughs in my life.
WHY #4: Why are criminal's rights sooooo important? I know why we need civil rights, and all that. Don't send me a recap of the Bill of Rights. Just.Read.On.
You all know the internet predator stories on the tv news. Well, an Arizona judge ruled that any predators who were lured into situations where they THOUGHT they were meeting children... cannot be arrested if the person doing the "luring" was actually an adult. Even though the predator thought he/she was meeting a child... if it really wasn't a minor, there's no law-breaking here.
So, now what? Should we start using ACTUAL children to bait these people? Come ON! Perverted Justice is the group that has been working with the news reporters to bring these people in. And the good old US Justice System just gave them a big kick in the teeth. Boooo.
This concludes Friday's Why Files.... 'cause I have to go teenage-proof my house. Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Random ideas on a Thursday night...
1. 13 years ago today, I was giving birth. To my youngest child. And I had just finished my first year of teaching. Wow. Time flies.
2. Tonight, while my baby was out having dinner with her dad, her sister, and her dad's wife, I was meeting with some of my old teacher friends whom I haven't seen in years. Some of them... it's been 8 years. Wow.
3. I drank an Orange Dreamsicle martini with dinner, and then drank two glasses of wine. More like inhaled two glasses of wine. I'm a lightweight. That means I'm drunk right now. AND... it's taking me forever to type this freaking post, because I keep having to correct my typos. Because, apparently, I can't type very well after becoming slightly intoxicated.
4. Yeah. That's all I got.
5. One more. Apparently, I'm not as funny drunk as I thought I'd be. go figure.
2. Tonight, while my baby was out having dinner with her dad, her sister, and her dad's wife, I was meeting with some of my old teacher friends whom I haven't seen in years. Some of them... it's been 8 years. Wow.
3. I drank an Orange Dreamsicle martini with dinner, and then drank two glasses of wine. More like inhaled two glasses of wine. I'm a lightweight. That means I'm drunk right now. AND... it's taking me forever to type this freaking post, because I keep having to correct my typos. Because, apparently, I can't type very well after becoming slightly intoxicated.
4. Yeah. That's all I got.
5. One more. Apparently, I'm not as funny drunk as I thought I'd be. go figure.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Ramblin', ramblin', ramblin'....
Stacy hates voice mail. I don't mind it so much... IF you get to the point. Quickly.
What? You need me to come pick up my kid from school because she fell and cut her head open? Great. Just say that. Don't hem and haw about how she's okay really, there's very little blood, and she's even laughing, but you think I should maybe call, or maybe I should just come to the school straightaway, because this looks a little bit serious. She should probably see a doctor, or maybe even go to the emergency room.... But you don't want me to panic, so there's no need to drive in a hurry. She'll be fine. Would you like to hear her say she's okay? Here, honey, tell your mommy you're okay. *muffle, muffle* "I'm okay, mom" *muffle, muffle* Oh, honey... now the blood is dripping down your nose. Come here. Okay, so well, yeah why don't you head on over to the school as soon as you get this message. We'll take care of her in the nurse's office until you get here. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to tell you what happened. She ran into a table, and there's just the tiniest little split in her forehead, but there's a butterfly bandage holding everything together, okay???
No. Not okay. I need Short. To the point. Descriptive, but brief.
The opposite, a too brief message, is sometimes worse:
Voice mail from my sister, in a very sad, sing-songy voice, circa 1992:
"Hi, Grump. It's your sister. I have some really sad news. Call me."
WHA?!?!?! Someone died. I just know it. Ack! Why didn't she leave me more of a message?!?
My grandfather was very, very ill at the time. Of course, I'm in panic mode. So, I call my family, and NO ONE IS HOME. None of them carried cell phones at the time, either (can you imagine?!?). Three devastatingly long hours later... my sister finally returns my call to tell me that our 12 year old dog had died. The dog with seizures, cataracts, and loss of muscle control. The one that we were about to put to sleep to put him out of his misery. He just died. Okay, so that's sad... but c'mon!
The moral of the story is: think through your voice messages. The person on the other end is relying on you to be smart about this.
Coming up... tomorrow's special: a cartoon for hannah. :-)
What? You need me to come pick up my kid from school because she fell and cut her head open? Great. Just say that. Don't hem and haw about how she's okay really, there's very little blood, and she's even laughing, but you think I should maybe call, or maybe I should just come to the school straightaway, because this looks a little bit serious. She should probably see a doctor, or maybe even go to the emergency room.... But you don't want me to panic, so there's no need to drive in a hurry. She'll be fine. Would you like to hear her say she's okay? Here, honey, tell your mommy you're okay. *muffle, muffle* "I'm okay, mom" *muffle, muffle* Oh, honey... now the blood is dripping down your nose. Come here. Okay, so well, yeah why don't you head on over to the school as soon as you get this message. We'll take care of her in the nurse's office until you get here. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to tell you what happened. She ran into a table, and there's just the tiniest little split in her forehead, but there's a butterfly bandage holding everything together, okay???
No. Not okay. I need Short. To the point. Descriptive, but brief.
The opposite, a too brief message, is sometimes worse:
Voice mail from my sister, in a very sad, sing-songy voice, circa 1992:
"Hi, Grump. It's your sister. I have some really sad news. Call me."
WHA?!?!?! Someone died. I just know it. Ack! Why didn't she leave me more of a message?!?
My grandfather was very, very ill at the time. Of course, I'm in panic mode. So, I call my family, and NO ONE IS HOME. None of them carried cell phones at the time, either (can you imagine?!?). Three devastatingly long hours later... my sister finally returns my call to tell me that our 12 year old dog had died. The dog with seizures, cataracts, and loss of muscle control. The one that we were about to put to sleep to put him out of his misery. He just died. Okay, so that's sad... but c'mon!
The moral of the story is: think through your voice messages. The person on the other end is relying on you to be smart about this.
Coming up... tomorrow's special: a cartoon for hannah. :-)
Monday, May 22, 2006
Creature of Habit...
I went to Chipotle on Saturday. And. Didn't. Eat. A. Burrito.
I asked for a quesadilla instead: black beans and cheese. That's all. Chips and Diet Coke accompanied my dinner. And it was good. But I think the burrito is better. The only reason I ordered a quesadilla? We were on our way to the movies, and I wanted popcorn. I didn't think I could eat an entire burrito, plus chips (gotta have the chips!!!), and then have room for popcorn. Lame, huh? The quesadilla was okay, but I like my usual much better (veggie burrito: black beans, rice, cheese, a little sour cream, and lettuce)!
This leads to the real reason for my post: I am a creature of habit.
When I go to restaurants, about 99% of the time, I order the exact same thing. When I go outside my routine, I usually end up disappointed. At one of our local Mexican restaurants, I always (ALWAYS) order a seafood enchilada. One day, I thought I'd be bold and order something else. It was icky. Very icky. So, the next time I ventured to that restaurant, I returned to my old stand-by, the seafood enchie. Not much of a risk-taker, am I?
Maybe you've already read my post about what happened when I tried to go to a new hair stylist. Disaster.
Sometimes, I get a little gutsy and try something new.
Grumpy Frump Risks, Take 1!
Me: "Hey! Here's a new sweetener! What do they call it? Splenduh*? Cool! This should be great!"
[drinks a new Diet Coke sweetened with Splenduh]
[three hours later]
Me: "Farm Boy! Farm Boy! Quick! I think I'm dying!"
My stomach: "What the hell did you put into me?"
Farm Boy: "Now what did you eat? Drink? Touch? Breathe?"
...and Scene!
24 hours of sheer stomach/intestinal hell later, I tried to deduce what it was that put me in such gastrointestinal distress. Ah. Maybe I should stay away from synthetic sucralose. Nightmares resurface from the days of WOW chips and Olestra. But let's not go there. So, okay. Splenduh doesn't like me; therefore, I don't like Splenduh.
So, maybe it's only that I don't take risks when it comes to food or hair styles. Or maybe it's more than that. I'm trying to do some re-evaluating of what I do, and why I do it. Soul-searching is not always a fun thing. Sometimes, you see things you don't always like. Sometimes, you realize that you need to make some changes, and that it's okay to do that. Changes, however, should be made for the better... not just 'change for the sake of change.' I think I can risk that.
But then again, sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell. I'll have the usual!"
*name changed to protect ME. I don't need any crazy litigation. Really. I don't.
I asked for a quesadilla instead: black beans and cheese. That's all. Chips and Diet Coke accompanied my dinner. And it was good. But I think the burrito is better. The only reason I ordered a quesadilla? We were on our way to the movies, and I wanted popcorn. I didn't think I could eat an entire burrito, plus chips (gotta have the chips!!!), and then have room for popcorn. Lame, huh? The quesadilla was okay, but I like my usual much better (veggie burrito: black beans, rice, cheese, a little sour cream, and lettuce)!
This leads to the real reason for my post: I am a creature of habit.
When I go to restaurants, about 99% of the time, I order the exact same thing. When I go outside my routine, I usually end up disappointed. At one of our local Mexican restaurants, I always (ALWAYS) order a seafood enchilada. One day, I thought I'd be bold and order something else. It was icky. Very icky. So, the next time I ventured to that restaurant, I returned to my old stand-by, the seafood enchie. Not much of a risk-taker, am I?
Maybe you've already read my post about what happened when I tried to go to a new hair stylist. Disaster.
Sometimes, I get a little gutsy and try something new.
Grumpy Frump Risks, Take 1!
Me: "Hey! Here's a new sweetener! What do they call it? Splenduh*? Cool! This should be great!"
[drinks a new Diet Coke sweetened with Splenduh]
[three hours later]
Me: "Farm Boy! Farm Boy! Quick! I think I'm dying!"
My stomach: "What the hell did you put into me?"
Farm Boy: "Now what did you eat? Drink? Touch? Breathe?"
...and Scene!
24 hours of sheer stomach/intestinal hell later, I tried to deduce what it was that put me in such gastrointestinal distress. Ah. Maybe I should stay away from synthetic sucralose. Nightmares resurface from the days of WOW chips and Olestra. But let's not go there. So, okay. Splenduh doesn't like me; therefore, I don't like Splenduh.
So, maybe it's only that I don't take risks when it comes to food or hair styles. Or maybe it's more than that. I'm trying to do some re-evaluating of what I do, and why I do it. Soul-searching is not always a fun thing. Sometimes, you see things you don't always like. Sometimes, you realize that you need to make some changes, and that it's okay to do that. Changes, however, should be made for the better... not just 'change for the sake of change.' I think I can risk that.
But then again, sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell. I'll have the usual!"
*name changed to protect ME. I don't need any crazy litigation. Really. I don't.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Friday Why Files.... one day late.
WHY #1: Ludi suggested I ask "Why didn't I post the Friday Why Files on Friday?" Alas, the world may never know. (That sounds better than I really just forgot)
WHY #2: Clumsy Britney almost drops her baby. The "why" is... why haven't we implemented mass sterilization for the perpetually stupid?
WHY #3: Why can't I be this forgetful (and lucky)?
WHY #4: Lionel Richie is hugely popular in Iraq. Wha? ABC News reporter, John Berman states, "Grown Iraqi men get misty-eyed by the mere mention of his name. "I love Lionel Richie," they say. Iraqis who do not understand a word of English can sing an entire Lionel Richie song. " They're truly in love with Lionel. Go figure.
WHY #5: Why can't all men dance like this guy? It's a six minute video, but trust me... it's pure gold. Solid gold! Ladies and Gentlemen, YouTube presents: The Evolution of Dance.
This concludes The Why Files... one day late.
WHY #2: Clumsy Britney almost drops her baby. The "why" is... why haven't we implemented mass sterilization for the perpetually stupid?
WHY #3: Why can't I be this forgetful (and lucky)?
WHY #4: Lionel Richie is hugely popular in Iraq. Wha? ABC News reporter, John Berman states, "Grown Iraqi men get misty-eyed by the mere mention of his name. "I love Lionel Richie," they say. Iraqis who do not understand a word of English can sing an entire Lionel Richie song. " They're truly in love with Lionel. Go figure.
WHY #5: Why can't all men dance like this guy? It's a six minute video, but trust me... it's pure gold. Solid gold! Ladies and Gentlemen, YouTube presents: The Evolution of Dance.
This concludes The Why Files... one day late.
Friday, May 19, 2006
I heart bloggers...
It takes a village to raise a child....
... and it takes a blogging community to cheer me up. :-)
Ah, 'tis Friday, my favorite day of the week, next to Saturdays when I get to sleep in. Today, I worked a half day, then I took my aunt to a spa. She got a massage, and I got a pedicure. Not just any old plain boring pedicure.... a whirlpool spa pedicure. Ah, sweet heaven. I must do that more often.
We're heading into the busiest season of the year right now at work. It will pick up steam up through the first part of June, die down a little in early July, and then go full throttle again at the end of July into August. So, I will be some kind of insane, goopy mess, possibly resembling Gak. No, not the meth definition... that gooey stuff that they used to sell and promote on Nickelodeon. If I do turn into Gak, I hope I'm purple. Or maybe pink. But not that neon green stuff. Ick.
So... thanks again everyone. You rock. or RAWK. Whichever you prefer.
Oh, and I added some new Cool Kids, so check them out. Funny people! If you are a frequent reader/non-lurker, and I don't have your name in the Cool Kids, it's an oversight. So call me on it.
Happy Friday! (oops, I just realized I didn't post WHY files today. I'll post them tomorrow!)
... and it takes a blogging community to cheer me up. :-)
Ah, 'tis Friday, my favorite day of the week, next to Saturdays when I get to sleep in. Today, I worked a half day, then I took my aunt to a spa. She got a massage, and I got a pedicure. Not just any old plain boring pedicure.... a whirlpool spa pedicure. Ah, sweet heaven. I must do that more often.
We're heading into the busiest season of the year right now at work. It will pick up steam up through the first part of June, die down a little in early July, and then go full throttle again at the end of July into August. So, I will be some kind of insane, goopy mess, possibly resembling Gak. No, not the meth definition... that gooey stuff that they used to sell and promote on Nickelodeon. If I do turn into Gak, I hope I'm purple. Or maybe pink. But not that neon green stuff. Ick.
So... thanks again everyone. You rock. or RAWK. Whichever you prefer.
Oh, and I added some new Cool Kids, so check them out. Funny people! If you are a frequent reader/non-lurker, and I don't have your name in the Cool Kids, it's an oversight. So call me on it.
Happy Friday! (oops, I just realized I didn't post WHY files today. I'll post them tomorrow!)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Life is hard….
“All succeeds with people who are of cheerful disposition.” Voltaire
“A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.” Beverly Sills
“Children ask better questions than adults. ‘May I have a cookie?’ ‘Why is the sky blue?’ and ‘What does a cow say?’ are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than ‘Where's your manuscript?’ ‘Why haven't you called?’ and ‘Who's your lawyer?’” Fran Lebowitz
"Nobody ever said life was easy." Everyone
"If everything was 'good' all the time, we wouldn’t know what 'good' means… because we’d have nothing to compare it to." Unknown (but it might have been me)
"Life sucks and then you die, so figure out a way to make the before-dying-part better." Unknown
"It's all bullshit, and you know it." ??
I’m stressed. I’m disappointed. I’m tired. I’m annoyed. And I don’t want anyone to cheer me up.
God, if this is what middle-age is like, fast forward me to my sixties, please.
I swear this is what I looked like when I woke up this morning.
Gah.
“A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.” Beverly Sills
“Children ask better questions than adults. ‘May I have a cookie?’ ‘Why is the sky blue?’ and ‘What does a cow say?’ are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than ‘Where's your manuscript?’ ‘Why haven't you called?’ and ‘Who's your lawyer?’” Fran Lebowitz
"Nobody ever said life was easy." Everyone
"If everything was 'good' all the time, we wouldn’t know what 'good' means… because we’d have nothing to compare it to." Unknown (but it might have been me)
"Life sucks and then you die, so figure out a way to make the before-dying-part better." Unknown
"It's all bullshit, and you know it." ??
I’m stressed. I’m disappointed. I’m tired. I’m annoyed. And I don’t want anyone to cheer me up.
God, if this is what middle-age is like, fast forward me to my sixties, please.
I swear this is what I looked like when I woke up this morning.
Gah.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Deeeeep Thoughts... by YOU!
You know, I sure could use some laughs about now. And you people are the best ones to send some chuckles and chortling my way. Your comments and posts on your own sites are some of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
So, you have an assignment. :-) I used to be a teacher, so gimme a break.
Do you remember “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey” from Saturday Night Live?
One example: “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.’"
Some newspaper had a contest once asking kids from age 4-15 to come up with their own “Deep Thoughts.” Here are a couple:
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene it would be until the looting started. -- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5
Funny stuff, huh? I bet you could do better. So, in your comments, please leave me your own Deep Thoughts. If it’s really good, you’ll probably end up in my sidebar… because that’s the kind of person I am (i.e., I steal other people’s good ideas).
If you need a starter phrase, try some of these old adages:
A stitch in time…
He who laughs last…
If you sow thorns…
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but…
Ready, set, go.
So, you have an assignment. :-) I used to be a teacher, so gimme a break.
Do you remember “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey” from Saturday Night Live?
One example: “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.’"
Some newspaper had a contest once asking kids from age 4-15 to come up with their own “Deep Thoughts.” Here are a couple:
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene it would be until the looting started. -- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5
Funny stuff, huh? I bet you could do better. So, in your comments, please leave me your own Deep Thoughts. If it’s really good, you’ll probably end up in my sidebar… because that’s the kind of person I am (i.e., I steal other people’s good ideas).
If you need a starter phrase, try some of these old adages:
A stitch in time…
He who laughs last…
If you sow thorns…
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but…
Ready, set, go.
Monday, May 15, 2006
I survived... barely.
Saturday: 150 teenagers in an amusement park. For NINE HOURS.
Actually, the kids were all really good. It was just the NINE HOURS that wore me out. That, and watching multiple sets of kids riding a skycoaster with a drop of 180 feet (85 meters?). I kept screaming with them... and I was just watching from the ground.
A few of them asked me if I was going to try. Ummm, let me see. How about, NO! How about Hell no! or as Whitney, my favorite crazy, says, "HELL TO THE NO!"
When did I get so old?!??? Sorry, I can't answer that. I have to go to bed now. Night-night.
Actually, the kids were all really good. It was just the NINE HOURS that wore me out. That, and watching multiple sets of kids riding a skycoaster with a drop of 180 feet (85 meters?). I kept screaming with them... and I was just watching from the ground.
A few of them asked me if I was going to try. Ummm, let me see. How about, NO! How about Hell no! or as Whitney, my favorite crazy, says, "HELL TO THE NO!"
When did I get so old?!??? Sorry, I can't answer that. I have to go to bed now. Night-night.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Friday Why Files... Late Edition
Well, it's almost Saturday, but I still have a little while yet to post this week's Friday Why Files.
Why #1: WHY does anyone care anymore? Has Ashlee Simpson had a nose job? I don't CARE!
Why #2: From a Reuters news story: "More than 60% of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth..." First of all, OUCH. Secondly, floss anyone?
Why #3: WARNING: opinion ahead. Zacarias Moussaoui (co-conspirator of the Sept. 11 tragedies) wants to change his plea to not guilty, after being found guilty. Huh?!? Dude, you confessed. You pleaded guilty. They found you guilty. Done. There is no passing GO to collect $200.
On top of that, his sentence has angered a lot of people. They thought he should have received the death penalty instead of life imprisonment. Reminder to these people: the other guys he worked with chose to die for their cause. A death sentence for Moussaoui would be giving him something he wants. Letting him rot in a cell for the rest of his life will be torture to him. And that's all I have to say about that.
Why #4: Somewhere in Maryland... a funky odor led authorities to find over 100 cats and dogs in a house. I know there is some named disorder for this, but I don't feel like looking it up. What on earth would possess someone to do this? I have two little dogs, and I think that's too many for me. In fact, there are days when I walk into my home and freak out a little, because I detect even the slightest whiff of "dog." Can you imagine the stench of over 100 animals in one home? Gah! My stomach is queasy just thinking about it!
Why #5: Supermodel falls out of a bus (at 50 mph/80.5km), because she opened the emergency exit in the bus restroom (WC) instead of the door that would take her back to the passenger area. Why was she left unattended? We all know supermodels need special attention.
... and that concludes today's Friday Why Files.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Brought to you by the letter F...
-r- posted about the letter "N," and gave me a great idea for a post today. So, here are all things "F" related as of right now:
1. Fried. As in the state of my brain (of course, not due to any type of chemicals).
2. Football, Fall, and Favorite. Because football is my favorite, and football also means it's fall (better known as autumn), which is also my favorite. Also, the newspapers and sports shows are already talking about college football... and it's still technically 3 months away.
3. Fabulous. A word that I say far too often. "Hey, thanks for helping me out with that project. You're fabulous!" "Wow! What a stunning outfit you have on today. It's just fabulous!" "I'm chaperoning HOW many kids this weekend? Oh, fabulous."
4. Frump. Webster's definition: "a dowdy unattractive girl or woman." And I named my blog what?!?! Gee, self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.
5. Five. As in "High Five." (that's for you, hannah and julie gong)
6. Falafel. I have always wanted to try falafel, and never have. Plus, it's just cool to say (try it. you'll like it. All the cool kids are saying it!).
7. Faeries. I do believe in faeries *clap, clap, clap*... and that's the more interesting spelling. But also, Fairies, as in Photographing Fairies. Anyone ever seen this movie? Pretty cool.
8. Farm Boy and Fezzik. The two best characters from the Princess Bride. And the former is a nickname I gave to some guy... but I forget who.
9. Feng Shui. A practice I'm starting to consider... because my chi is definitely needing some flow. Will the feng shui club please stop rearranging the school lawn furniture?
10. Fo' shizzle. Because I was an 80s girl who walked around saying, "For sure!" in my little fakey-Valley girl accent... and I need a change. Oh, I know... it's very fiveminutes years ago, but that's just the kind of thing I like to do to throw off the voices in my your head.
1. Fried. As in the state of my brain (of course, not due to any type of chemicals).
2. Football, Fall, and Favorite. Because football is my favorite, and football also means it's fall (better known as autumn), which is also my favorite. Also, the newspapers and sports shows are already talking about college football... and it's still technically 3 months away.
3. Fabulous. A word that I say far too often. "Hey, thanks for helping me out with that project. You're fabulous!" "Wow! What a stunning outfit you have on today. It's just fabulous!" "I'm chaperoning HOW many kids this weekend? Oh, fabulous."
4. Frump. Webster's definition: "a dowdy unattractive girl or woman." And I named my blog what?!?! Gee, self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.
5. Five. As in "High Five." (that's for you, hannah and julie gong)
6. Falafel. I have always wanted to try falafel, and never have. Plus, it's just cool to say (try it. you'll like it. All the cool kids are saying it!).
7. Faeries. I do believe in faeries *clap, clap, clap*... and that's the more interesting spelling. But also, Fairies, as in Photographing Fairies. Anyone ever seen this movie? Pretty cool.
8. Farm Boy and Fezzik. The two best characters from the Princess Bride. And the former is a nickname I gave to some guy... but I forget who.
9. Feng Shui. A practice I'm starting to consider... because my chi is definitely needing some flow. Will the feng shui club please stop rearranging the school lawn furniture?
10. Fo' shizzle. Because I was an 80s girl who walked around saying, "For sure!" in my little fakey-Valley girl accent... and I need a change. Oh, I know... it's very five
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Hey! Wha' Happened???
Have you ever been so busy, that if one more person started talking to you while you were busy answering email/ planning meetings/ preparing a presentation/ thinking about kids' schedules/ racing to a meeting, your head would literally explode?
Yeah. Me, too. In fact... I think that's where I've been the last six weeks. Here's an example of conversations I've had during that time:
Me (on or about April 27): Ummm... what the hell happened to April?
Colleague: I don't know. Just disappeared I guess.
Someone in the background, eavesdropping on our conversation: Who's April? Nobody named April works here.
Me (today): Holy Hell! It's already the 10th!
Colleague: I know! Where is May going to?
Same someone in the background, still eavesdropping on our conversation: OH! So, last time, you guys were talking about the MONTHS, not a woman's name? I get it!
Me (dead serious): No, we're talking about the employees named April and May. They both just disappeared within the last 8 weeks, oddly enough, each 4 weeks after the other. Some deep, dark part of me wanted to add "Here's your sign" in a twangy Bill Engvall accent, but I just couldn't.
2nd Daughter (this evening... interrupting me as I'm on the phone and typing an email, plus attempting to plan dinner): Mom, can we talk about me going to a movie with my friends on Friday night and then also about my birthday party which we haven't planned yet and it's only 2 weeks and 2 days away?!?
Me: Don't talk. Please.
2nd Daughter: *huge, dramatic sigh*
Me (guilt-ridden): We'll start planning the party on Friday night after I get home from the banquet... maybe no to the movie. Talk to me tomorrow night when my brain will hopefully have stopped spinning.
2nd Daughter: Goodie! *skips off, tra la la la, to her room*
Me: What just happened? Did I say "yes" to something???!?!?
I have the afternoon off on Friday, so that will be a little bit of a break... but I honestly can't even think that far. Yet, it's not even 36 hours away.
On Saturday, I "get" to chaperone 150 teenagers to a vocal competition, and then 9 hours at an amusement park. AMUSEMENT park. Ah, the irony.
*sigh*
Yeah. Me, too. In fact... I think that's where I've been the last six weeks. Here's an example of conversations I've had during that time:
Me (on or about April 27): Ummm... what the hell happened to April?
Colleague: I don't know. Just disappeared I guess.
Someone in the background, eavesdropping on our conversation: Who's April? Nobody named April works here.
Me (today): Holy Hell! It's already the 10th!
Colleague: I know! Where is May going to?
Same someone in the background, still eavesdropping on our conversation: OH! So, last time, you guys were talking about the MONTHS, not a woman's name? I get it!
Me (dead serious): No, we're talking about the employees named April and May. They both just disappeared within the last 8 weeks, oddly enough, each 4 weeks after the other. Some deep, dark part of me wanted to add "Here's your sign" in a twangy Bill Engvall accent, but I just couldn't.
2nd Daughter (this evening... interrupting me as I'm on the phone and typing an email, plus attempting to plan dinner): Mom, can we talk about me going to a movie with my friends on Friday night and then also about my birthday party which we haven't planned yet and it's only 2 weeks and 2 days away?!?
Me: Don't talk. Please.
2nd Daughter: *huge, dramatic sigh*
Me (guilt-ridden): We'll start planning the party on Friday night after I get home from the banquet... maybe no to the movie. Talk to me tomorrow night when my brain will hopefully have stopped spinning.
2nd Daughter: Goodie! *skips off, tra la la la, to her room*
Me: What just happened? Did I say "yes" to something???!?!?
I have the afternoon off on Friday, so that will be a little bit of a break... but I honestly can't even think that far. Yet, it's not even 36 hours away.
On Saturday, I "get" to chaperone 150 teenagers to a vocal competition, and then 9 hours at an amusement park. AMUSEMENT park. Ah, the irony.
*sigh*
Monday, May 08, 2006
Does this suit me?
So, I'm back. And I can't blog about why I haven't posted since last Thursday... because that would break the 1st Commandment of Blogging. *hint, hint* Let it just be noted that, HOPEFULLY, there is a new opportunity awaiting me in the very near future.
I do have a rant, though! This place wouldn't be the same if I didn't have one, right?!?
So what is up with all the casual clothes anymore? I mean... I'm a jeans and sweatshirt kind of person. That's when I'm most comfortable. But I LOVE clothes, and I love dressing up. For work, I wear business attire. There used to be a great store where I could find affordable business attire, but they closed. Not because they weren't profitable... but because the parent company decided they wanted to discontinue "that line."
All I wanted was ONE new suit. A nice jacket. A nice skirt or maybe a sleek pair of pants. At 5'3" tall, pants are not always an easy option.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No one sells nice business suits anymore. At the suburban malls I frequent, apparently their main target demographics now are surfer kids and Ladies Who Lunch. Cabana wear. Flip flops and t-shirts. Cute, hippie-trippie skirts... but not suits. Oh, there were SOME suits of the polyester, 50ish woman looking sorta thing. But not good business suits.
I visited 12 stores before I found the ONE suit that fit and would work. And I paid much more than I wanted to, but didn't have an option.
So... that's my rant. Do we not want to outfit the young, STYLISH professional anymore? Are we all supposed to look like we live in the OC or are a Desperate Housewife? Arrrgh.
btw, I look kinda cute in my new suit. It's growing on me.
I do have a rant, though! This place wouldn't be the same if I didn't have one, right?!?
So what is up with all the casual clothes anymore? I mean... I'm a jeans and sweatshirt kind of person. That's when I'm most comfortable. But I LOVE clothes, and I love dressing up. For work, I wear business attire. There used to be a great store where I could find affordable business attire, but they closed. Not because they weren't profitable... but because the parent company decided they wanted to discontinue "that line."
All I wanted was ONE new suit. A nice jacket. A nice skirt or maybe a sleek pair of pants. At 5'3" tall, pants are not always an easy option.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No one sells nice business suits anymore. At the suburban malls I frequent, apparently their main target demographics now are surfer kids and Ladies Who Lunch. Cabana wear. Flip flops and t-shirts. Cute, hippie-trippie skirts... but not suits. Oh, there were SOME suits of the polyester, 50ish woman looking sorta thing. But not good business suits.
I visited 12 stores before I found the ONE suit that fit and would work. And I paid much more than I wanted to, but didn't have an option.
So... that's my rant. Do we not want to outfit the young, STYLISH professional anymore? Are we all supposed to look like we live in the OC or are a Desperate Housewife? Arrrgh.
btw, I look kinda cute in my new suit. It's growing on me.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Random Reveries…
1. Thanks to the Ghost Hunters episode I watched Wednesday night (SciFi Channel), I will no longer be visiting ANY lighthouses. EVER. Especially not one in St. Augustine, Florida. Nope. Not gonna do it.
And for all you skeptics out there, you just go on being skeptical. Most of the time, my favorite Roto-Rooter plumbers who moonlight as ghostbusters DISPROVE what people think are ghosts or hauntings. Not last night. I’m still shaking.
2. What the hell is with restaurants, fast food or otherwise, who are HEAPING condiments on food nowadays?
The other day I tried that new Frescata sandwich at Wendy’s (where I usually refuse to go since I once worked at one). The sandwich was okay, once I scooped off what amounted to ¼ cup of mayo! Blech!! I thought you were only supposed to load up the condiments if the customer requested it.
Drowning food in ketchup, mayo, mustard, salad dressing… you name it… should not be the norm!!
3. I read a headline noting that Massachusetts is asking MySpash (name changed to protect the “innocent”) to raise the minimum age for users to 18 (it’s currently 14). This, of course, comes from the number of internet predators stalking children through MySpash.
The article notes that, currently, MySpash is unable to verify the actual age of its users, but that it uses software to track the language that is common to children under 14. Really? I know several 12- and 13-year-old children who use MySpash daily. They just lied about their birthdates when they registered.
Personally, I think the national news people who keep running the internet predator stings (I saw an ad for Predators 5 coming up!) need to keep going. In fact, let’s ramp it up. Every state in the country should be running these stings DAILY. On top of that, let’s increase the penalties for trolling for kids online. If the chance of getting caught is better than 90%, and the jail time is SIGNIFICANT (15 years or more), maybe these sickos will leave our kids alone!
Just a reminder that this blog is now a “Safe Zone.” There shall be no mention of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Hint: my new nickname for him is Tomas Crazy.
Note: Friday Why Files will return next week. There will be no new post on Friday... Happy Cinco de Mayo!
And for all you skeptics out there, you just go on being skeptical. Most of the time, my favorite Roto-Rooter plumbers who moonlight as ghostbusters DISPROVE what people think are ghosts or hauntings. Not last night. I’m still shaking.
2. What the hell is with restaurants, fast food or otherwise, who are HEAPING condiments on food nowadays?
The other day I tried that new Frescata sandwich at Wendy’s (where I usually refuse to go since I once worked at one). The sandwich was okay, once I scooped off what amounted to ¼ cup of mayo! Blech!! I thought you were only supposed to load up the condiments if the customer requested it.
Drowning food in ketchup, mayo, mustard, salad dressing… you name it… should not be the norm!!
3. I read a headline noting that Massachusetts is asking MySpash (name changed to protect the “innocent”) to raise the minimum age for users to 18 (it’s currently 14). This, of course, comes from the number of internet predators stalking children through MySpash.
The article notes that, currently, MySpash is unable to verify the actual age of its users, but that it uses software to track the language that is common to children under 14. Really? I know several 12- and 13-year-old children who use MySpash daily. They just lied about their birthdates when they registered.
Personally, I think the national news people who keep running the internet predator stings (I saw an ad for Predators 5 coming up!) need to keep going. In fact, let’s ramp it up. Every state in the country should be running these stings DAILY. On top of that, let’s increase the penalties for trolling for kids online. If the chance of getting caught is better than 90%, and the jail time is SIGNIFICANT (15 years or more), maybe these sickos will leave our kids alone!
Just a reminder that this blog is now a “Safe Zone.” There shall be no mention of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Hint: my new nickname for him is Tomas Crazy.
Note: Friday Why Files will return next week. There will be no new post on Friday... Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
Colossal Cranium...
I have a big head. Literally. Possibly figuratively, too, but that's another post entirely.
My head is approximately 24 inches (62 cm) around. If I were the same size as Andre the Giant, that would be okay. But since I'm not... and I'm actually rather short... it's this big nightmare that teeters atop my neck. Proportionally speaking, I resemble a bobble-head.
Usually, I don't care. I don't even think about it. Sometimes though, I'm photographed next to people who have smaller-than-average noggins, and then I look like a complete freak.
Here's why this is a relevant issue for me now... "they" don't make headbands or other similar hair accessories for people with LARGE block heads. Not that I wear headbands a lot... usually only for working out or washing the face or going to bed. But when I do... they don't stay ON! Note the artistic graphic below that shows the three stages of headband-wearing:
Frame 1, headband is in place.
Frame 2... 5 seconds later... headband is creeping up to the top of my head.
Frame 3... 3 seconds later... headband is shot off my head, into the air, making an interesting "zing" sound.
So, I guess the moral of today's lesson, kids, is that you should never stand behind me while I am working out, washing my face, or going to bed. Because you just might get "zinged" in the face with a flying headband.
Oh, and Happy May Day.
Image credits:
C. Brown book, Charles M. Schulz, from Amazon.com
Fabulous-artistic-rendering of headband escapage... All me. With a little help from MS Paint.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Scarred for life...
Do you have one movie that scarred you for life? I mean... not in the sense that you can't watch it anymore or anything like that. More along the lines of: you do things now (or DON'T do things now) because of that movie.
For me, that movie was Salem's Lot. The 1979 David Soul version, not the 2004 Rob Lowe version.
I watched this movie with my parents, and I think a couple of my aunts and uncles. I was 10.
Before seeing this movie, I used to love keeping windows open at night. A nice breeze would come through my bedroom window... I could get a glimpse of moonlight shining on my bedroom walls. It was all so serene. And then this show damaged me.
In this movie, you learn that vampires can only enter your home if they are invited. And they like to float up to your bedroom window and come in that way. If you keep your windows open (curtains or blinds wide open, too)... they will trick you into letting them in. If you're a smart person, you keep your windows shut and your curtains/blinds drawn, too. Then they can't see you, but most especially... YOU CAN'T SEE THEM!
Since that most memorable night, I have never slept with my windows open. Oh, I've had "bedmates" who have tried. They even tricked me by waiting until I was asleep to open the windows on their own. Of course, I eventually awoke to a lovely breeze floating over my body, and then shrieked like a banshee! Immediately following the banshee shrieking-- a body-hurling leap to the window to bang it shut and draw those curtains before Nosferatu could weasle his way in. Hell no. Hell TO THE NO!
So that's my "scarred for life" movie. And I'm not ashamed.
For me, that movie was Salem's Lot. The 1979 David Soul version, not the 2004 Rob Lowe version.
I watched this movie with my parents, and I think a couple of my aunts and uncles. I was 10.
Before seeing this movie, I used to love keeping windows open at night. A nice breeze would come through my bedroom window... I could get a glimpse of moonlight shining on my bedroom walls. It was all so serene. And then this show damaged me.
In this movie, you learn that vampires can only enter your home if they are invited. And they like to float up to your bedroom window and come in that way. If you keep your windows open (curtains or blinds wide open, too)... they will trick you into letting them in. If you're a smart person, you keep your windows shut and your curtains/blinds drawn, too. Then they can't see you, but most especially... YOU CAN'T SEE THEM!
Since that most memorable night, I have never slept with my windows open. Oh, I've had "bedmates" who have tried. They even tricked me by waiting until I was asleep to open the windows on their own. Of course, I eventually awoke to a lovely breeze floating over my body, and then shrieked like a banshee! Immediately following the banshee shrieking-- a body-hurling leap to the window to bang it shut and draw those curtains before Nosferatu could weasle his way in. Hell no. Hell TO THE NO!
So that's my "scarred for life" movie. And I'm not ashamed.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Friday Why Files... these are just too easy...
WHY #1: Why did Kellie Pickler get kicked off American Idol?!? She SOOOOO could win this thing!
HA! Just kidding! I think America got that one right. Yeehaw.
The real WHY is: why did Paula start crying after Elliott's song Tuesday night? Did anyone see this? He sang really well... and I love a good cry as much as anyone, but c'mon!?!? I'm starting to believe the rumors that she's got something stronger than Coca-Cola in that cup. She was just goofy all night.
WHY #2: Beans could become "flatulence free." Do we really need gas-proof beans?
WHY #3: Why is everyone still talking about Tom Cruise? PEOPLE! If we ignore him, he will go away. Yes, we know he's out-of-his-mind insane. If we're really, really lucky, he'll get bored with all us humans and go back to Xenu where he belongs.
WHY #4: Qatar: Loud-mouth politicians are actually CAUSING the problem with oil prices. DUH! Why aren't we hearing more of this??!?!?
Not really a WHY #5: Okay, this one isn't so much a WHY, I guess. Just interesting:
Rosie O'Donnell to join The View.
I wonder who will get bitch-slapped first.
This concludes today's Friday Why Files.
HA! Just kidding! I think America got that one right. Yeehaw.
The real WHY is: why did Paula start crying after Elliott's song Tuesday night? Did anyone see this? He sang really well... and I love a good cry as much as anyone, but c'mon!?!? I'm starting to believe the rumors that she's got something stronger than Coca-Cola in that cup. She was just goofy all night.
WHY #2: Beans could become "flatulence free." Do we really need gas-proof beans?
WHY #3: Why is everyone still talking about Tom Cruise? PEOPLE! If we ignore him, he will go away. Yes, we know he's out-of-his-mind insane. If we're really, really lucky, he'll get bored with all us humans and go back to Xenu where he belongs.
WHY #4: Qatar: Loud-mouth politicians are actually CAUSING the problem with oil prices. DUH! Why aren't we hearing more of this??!?!?
Not really a WHY #5: Okay, this one isn't so much a WHY, I guess. Just interesting:
Rosie O'Donnell to join The View.
I wonder who will get bitch-slapped first.
This concludes today's Friday Why Files.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
More stuff that pisses me off...
Hey, every now and then (or more often than not), I have to live up to my blog name. Okay? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #1: Waiting for FIVE MINUTES in a left-turn lane with a red turn light when there is no oncoming traffic. It's not a dangerous road- you could see any approaching vehicles from about half a mile away. There is absolutely NO purpose for that light to stay red, other than during heavy traffic times. Five minutes, people. Do you know what I could be doing with five extra minutes in my day? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #2: Watching Ryan Seacrest pause before he's supposed to announce who's going home on American Idol, and knowing he's going to say "... right after this commercial break." Really. We know you need your ad time. Why don't you just cut through the crap and tell us what we want to know early on in the show, say the first 15 minutes. Then you can play all the ads you want. Sure, we'll be gone. But we won't be driving a nail through our palms each time you say, "... right after this commercial break." Listen to me, Seacrest. Nigel Lythgoe, you too. This is not suspense. It's just pissing us off. I flip the channel to watch something else until the last 4 minutes of your show now. So, what now? Yeah, that's what I thought.
(counter to anger-inducing peeve... America finally got it right! Kellie Pickler, it was nice knowing you! Not really, but I'm just saying.)
Anger-inducing Peeve #3: My bathroom scale is a big, fat, stupid head LIAR! I hate it. It sits there, all smug, on the tile of my bathroom floor... just daring me to have hope. I'm working out everyday. Two days a week, I'm with a physical therapist for an hour. Did you hear that?!?! An HOUR!!! Sure, it's not terribly intense, but it's still more movement than my crazy, broken body saw 6 months ago. I'm eating so well (even let up a little on the Chipotle addiction). People who eat around me feel ashamed for all the greasy nastiness they are consuming. I'm eating my 1200 or less calories a day of fruits, veggies, lean protein, blah, blah, blah. But I'm digressing somewhat...
Back to that arsehole scale of mine: it's evil. Just when I feel like, "Hey! I bet I've lost at least a pound or two! Scale-y loves me. I'll just ease my toes ever so slightly onto it's cute, white surface, and..." BAM! No loss. Not one stinking pound. As I stand there and watch the digital numbers move back and forth... then finally rest on the higher number (of course)... I hear the scale huffing and puffing like it's out of breath. I step off, defeated... and then it laughs at me. Oh, yes it does. No, really. It does. Don't argue with me, or I'll punch you. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #4: The month of April. Wha? Yes, I said the month of April. It seems all nice and shiny... spring is here, tra la! Au contraire, mon frere... not in the midwest. It is the month of UPS and DOWNS.
April crept in and gave us this lovely, temperate weather, and we all sighed... contentedly. Then... it got hot. Like Africa hot (okay, maybe not THAT hot, but I just like saying that). Like 90 degrees F hot. Hmmm... turn on the AC in April? Okay. I'll bite. A day or two of that, then it hovered around the 70-80 degree F range. That's fine. AC keeps things nice and shuts off when not needed. No prob. Then the temperature dips. WAYYYYY down. Last night, I had to turn on the heater. And turn on the gas fireplace. It was literally freezing. Yes, within a mere week, we have had a SIXTY degree temperature swing. (Actually factually... we've had a sixty degree temp swing between two days before.) So, one day, I'm wearing a skirt and sandals. The next day, I'm wearing a parka. Don't believe me? Bring it on. I'll show you what's what. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #5: Gas. Don't even get me started.
Okay, I'm much better now that I got that out of my system. Thanks for tuning in.
Anger-inducing Peeve #1: Waiting for FIVE MINUTES in a left-turn lane with a red turn light when there is no oncoming traffic. It's not a dangerous road- you could see any approaching vehicles from about half a mile away. There is absolutely NO purpose for that light to stay red, other than during heavy traffic times. Five minutes, people. Do you know what I could be doing with five extra minutes in my day? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #2: Watching Ryan Seacrest pause before he's supposed to announce who's going home on American Idol, and knowing he's going to say "... right after this commercial break." Really. We know you need your ad time. Why don't you just cut through the crap and tell us what we want to know early on in the show, say the first 15 minutes. Then you can play all the ads you want. Sure, we'll be gone. But we won't be driving a nail through our palms each time you say, "... right after this commercial break." Listen to me, Seacrest. Nigel Lythgoe, you too. This is not suspense. It's just pissing us off. I flip the channel to watch something else until the last 4 minutes of your show now. So, what now? Yeah, that's what I thought.
(counter to anger-inducing peeve... America finally got it right! Kellie Pickler, it was nice knowing you! Not really, but I'm just saying.)
Anger-inducing Peeve #3: My bathroom scale is a big, fat, stupid head LIAR! I hate it. It sits there, all smug, on the tile of my bathroom floor... just daring me to have hope. I'm working out everyday. Two days a week, I'm with a physical therapist for an hour. Did you hear that?!?! An HOUR!!! Sure, it's not terribly intense, but it's still more movement than my crazy, broken body saw 6 months ago. I'm eating so well (even let up a little on the Chipotle addiction). People who eat around me feel ashamed for all the greasy nastiness they are consuming. I'm eating my 1200 or less calories a day of fruits, veggies, lean protein, blah, blah, blah. But I'm digressing somewhat...
Back to that arsehole scale of mine: it's evil. Just when I feel like, "Hey! I bet I've lost at least a pound or two! Scale-y loves me. I'll just ease my toes ever so slightly onto it's cute, white surface, and..." BAM! No loss. Not one stinking pound. As I stand there and watch the digital numbers move back and forth... then finally rest on the higher number (of course)... I hear the scale huffing and puffing like it's out of breath. I step off, defeated... and then it laughs at me. Oh, yes it does. No, really. It does. Don't argue with me, or I'll punch you. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #4: The month of April. Wha? Yes, I said the month of April. It seems all nice and shiny... spring is here, tra la! Au contraire, mon frere... not in the midwest. It is the month of UPS and DOWNS.
April crept in and gave us this lovely, temperate weather, and we all sighed... contentedly. Then... it got hot. Like Africa hot (okay, maybe not THAT hot, but I just like saying that). Like 90 degrees F hot. Hmmm... turn on the AC in April? Okay. I'll bite. A day or two of that, then it hovered around the 70-80 degree F range. That's fine. AC keeps things nice and shuts off when not needed. No prob. Then the temperature dips. WAYYYYY down. Last night, I had to turn on the heater. And turn on the gas fireplace. It was literally freezing. Yes, within a mere week, we have had a SIXTY degree temperature swing. (Actually factually... we've had a sixty degree temp swing between two days before.) So, one day, I'm wearing a skirt and sandals. The next day, I'm wearing a parka. Don't believe me? Bring it on. I'll show you what's what. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anger-inducing Peeve #5: Gas. Don't even get me started.
Okay, I'm much better now that I got that out of my system. Thanks for tuning in.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Books by Women (meme)
Stole this from Poppy...
Rules: BOLD those you’ve read, ITALICIZE the ones you’ve been meaning to read.
Alcott, Louisa May–Little Women
Allende, Isabel–The House of Spirits
Angelou, Maya–I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret–Cat’s Eye
Austen, Jane–Emma
Bambara, Toni Cade–Salt Eaters
Barnes, Djuna–Nightwoodde
Beauvoir, Simone–The Second Sex
Blume, Judy–Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret
Burnett, Frances–The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte–Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily–Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S.–The Good Earth
Byatt, A.S.–Possession
Cather, Willa–My Antonia
Christie, Agatha–Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra–The House on Mango Street
Clinton, Hillary Rodham–Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia–A Voice From the South
Danticat, Edwidge–Breath, Eyes, Memory
Davis, Angela–Women, Culture, and Politics
Desai, Anita–Clear Light of Day
Dickinson, Emily–Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois–I Know What You Did Last Summer
DuMaurier, Daphne–Rebecca
Eliot, George–Middlemarch
Emecheta, Buchi–Second Class Citizen
Erdrich, Louise–Tracks
Esquivel, Laura–Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie–Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty–The Feminine Mystique (I think I did, and I know I plan to re-read it)
Frank, Anne–Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins–The Yellow Wallpaper
Gordimer, Nadine–July’s People
Grafton, Sue–S is for Silence
Hamilton, Edith–Mythology
Highsmith, Patricia–The Talented Mr. Ripley
Hooks, Bell–Bone Black
Hurston, Zora Neale–Dust Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet–Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt–Ramona
Jackson, Shirley–The Haunting of Hill House
Jong, Erica–Fear of Flying
Keene, Carolyn–The Nancy Drew Mysteries (any of them)
Kidd, Sue Monk–The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica–Lucy
Kingsolver, Barbara–The Poisonwood Bible
Kingston, Maxine Hong–The Woman Warrior
Larsen, Nella–Passing
L’Engle, Madeleine–A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K.–The Left Hand of Darkness
Lee, Harper–To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris–The Golden Notebook
Lively, Penelope–Moon Tiger
Lorde, Audre–The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M.–The Babysitters Club Series (I think only one of them, though)
McCullers, Carson–The Member of the Wedding
McMillan, Terry–Disappearing Acts
Markandaya, Kamala–Nectar in a Sieve
Marshall, Paule–Brown Girl, Brownstones
Mitchell, Margaret–Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy–Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan–When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
Morrison, Toni–Song of Solomon
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu–The Tale of Genji
Munro, Alice–Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris–A Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria–Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey–The Time Traveller’s Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol–We Were the Mulvaneys
O’Connor, Flannery–A Good Man is Hard to Find
Piercy, Marge–Woman on the Edge of Time
Picoult, Jodi–My Sister’s Keeper
Plath, Sylvia–The Bell Jar
Porter, Katharine Anne–Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie–The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn–The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachel–365: No Repeats (actually, my husband wants this one)
Rhys, Jean–Wide Sargasso Sea
Robinson, Marilynne–Housekeeping
Rocha, Sharon–For Laci
Sebold, Alice–The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary–Frankenstein
Smith, Betty–A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Smith, Zadie–White Teeth
Spark, Muriel–The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna–Heidi
Strout, Elizabeth–Amy and Isabelle
Steel, Danielle–The House
Tan, Amy–The Joy Luck Club
Tannen, Deborah–You’re Wearing That
Ulrich, Laurel–A Midwife’s Tale
Urquhart, Jane–Away
Walker, Alice–The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora–One Writer’s Beginnings
Wharton, Edith–Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls–Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary–A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia–A Room of One’s Own
I've read more than I thought I did... plus there are some that I might have read and just don't remember. I read so much when I was young (Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, etc.), that I'm really appreciating re-reading them with an adult perspective.
Rules: BOLD those you’ve read, ITALICIZE the ones you’ve been meaning to read.
Alcott, Louisa May–Little Women
Allende, Isabel–The House of Spirits
Angelou, Maya–I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret–Cat’s Eye
Austen, Jane–Emma
Bambara, Toni Cade–Salt Eaters
Barnes, Djuna–Nightwoodde
Beauvoir, Simone–The Second Sex
Blume, Judy–Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret
Burnett, Frances–The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte–Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily–Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S.–The Good Earth
Byatt, A.S.–Possession
Cather, Willa–My Antonia
Christie, Agatha–Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra–The House on Mango Street
Clinton, Hillary Rodham–Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia–A Voice From the South
Danticat, Edwidge–Breath, Eyes, Memory
Davis, Angela–Women, Culture, and Politics
Desai, Anita–Clear Light of Day
Dickinson, Emily–Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois–I Know What You Did Last Summer
DuMaurier, Daphne–Rebecca
Eliot, George–Middlemarch
Emecheta, Buchi–Second Class Citizen
Erdrich, Louise–Tracks
Esquivel, Laura–Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie–Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty–The Feminine Mystique (I think I did, and I know I plan to re-read it)
Frank, Anne–Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins–The Yellow Wallpaper
Gordimer, Nadine–July’s People
Grafton, Sue–S is for Silence
Hamilton, Edith–Mythology
Highsmith, Patricia–The Talented Mr. Ripley
Hooks, Bell–Bone Black
Hurston, Zora Neale–Dust Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet–Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt–Ramona
Jackson, Shirley–The Haunting of Hill House
Jong, Erica–Fear of Flying
Keene, Carolyn–The Nancy Drew Mysteries (any of them)
Kidd, Sue Monk–The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica–Lucy
Kingsolver, Barbara–The Poisonwood Bible
Kingston, Maxine Hong–The Woman Warrior
Larsen, Nella–Passing
L’Engle, Madeleine–A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K.–The Left Hand of Darkness
Lee, Harper–To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris–The Golden Notebook
Lively, Penelope–Moon Tiger
Lorde, Audre–The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M.–The Babysitters Club Series (I think only one of them, though)
McCullers, Carson–The Member of the Wedding
McMillan, Terry–Disappearing Acts
Markandaya, Kamala–Nectar in a Sieve
Marshall, Paule–Brown Girl, Brownstones
Mitchell, Margaret–Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy–Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan–When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
Morrison, Toni–Song of Solomon
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu–The Tale of Genji
Munro, Alice–Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris–A Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria–Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey–The Time Traveller’s Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol–We Were the Mulvaneys
O’Connor, Flannery–A Good Man is Hard to Find
Piercy, Marge–Woman on the Edge of Time
Picoult, Jodi–My Sister’s Keeper
Plath, Sylvia–The Bell Jar
Porter, Katharine Anne–Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie–The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn–The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachel–365: No Repeats (actually, my husband wants this one)
Rhys, Jean–Wide Sargasso Sea
Robinson, Marilynne–Housekeeping
Rocha, Sharon–For Laci
Sebold, Alice–The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary–Frankenstein
Smith, Betty–A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Smith, Zadie–White Teeth
Spark, Muriel–The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna–Heidi
Strout, Elizabeth–Amy and Isabelle
Steel, Danielle–The House
Tan, Amy–The Joy Luck Club
Tannen, Deborah–You’re Wearing That
Ulrich, Laurel–A Midwife’s Tale
Urquhart, Jane–Away
Walker, Alice–The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora–One Writer’s Beginnings
Wharton, Edith–Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls–Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary–A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia–A Room of One’s Own
I've read more than I thought I did... plus there are some that I might have read and just don't remember. I read so much when I was young (Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, etc.), that I'm really appreciating re-reading them with an adult perspective.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Cat's away... the mouse will play...
My husband went on a golf trip. He left Saturday and will return Friday.
Let me repeat. He went on a golf trip... WITHOUT ME. I love to golf. *sniffle, sob*
So, here is a list of things I've considered doing while he's gone:
1. Go to Chipotle as often as I like.... possibly for every meal.
2. Clean our bathroom.
3. Have friends over for apple-baked brie, crackers, and tea.
4. Have friends over for margaritas instead.
5. Watch Dear Frankie-- since I've had it from NetFlix for about 3 months, and he never wants to watch it with me.
6. Go on an evening photo tour.
7. Take up the entire bed when I sleep (since he's so much bigger than I am, I usually only get 1/88th of the bed) and use ALL his pillows in addition to mine.
8. Camp out in the family room with my girls.
9. Eat ice cream in bed.
10. Watch Will & Grace, Lifetime movies, and every other tv show he hates.
11. Invite some hottie masseuse over for the backrub that I've needed for so long.
12. Party with the neighbors.
13. Crank up some angry girl music, and sing and dance all over the house.
14. Take a long, hot bubble bath.
15. Miss him.
Some of these things I've already done in the last two days. Some of them I might do. Some of them I won't do... but they're fun to think about. ;-)
Let me repeat. He went on a golf trip... WITHOUT ME. I love to golf. *sniffle, sob*
So, here is a list of things I've considered doing while he's gone:
1. Go to Chipotle as often as I like.... possibly for every meal.
2. Clean our bathroom.
3. Have friends over for apple-baked brie, crackers, and tea.
4. Have friends over for margaritas instead.
5. Watch Dear Frankie-- since I've had it from NetFlix for about 3 months, and he never wants to watch it with me.
6. Go on an evening photo tour.
7. Take up the entire bed when I sleep (since he's so much bigger than I am, I usually only get 1/88th of the bed) and use ALL his pillows in addition to mine.
8. Camp out in the family room with my girls.
9. Eat ice cream in bed.
10. Watch Will & Grace, Lifetime movies, and every other tv show he hates.
11. Invite some hottie masseuse over for the backrub that I've needed for so long.
12. Party with the neighbors.
13. Crank up some angry girl music, and sing and dance all over the house.
14. Take a long, hot bubble bath.
15. Miss him.
Some of these things I've already done in the last two days. Some of them I might do. Some of them I won't do... but they're fun to think about. ;-)
Friday, April 21, 2006
Friday Why Files...
WHY #1. MSNBC's report titled, "Beware the door-to-door free breast exam guy."
Okay, so some guys are now slapping the foreheads, muttering, "Why didn't I think of that?"
But that's not the reason for adding this article. If you read through it, you'll find that two women, in their 30s, let this guy in and BELIEVED him. No ID. No proof of anything. He's some old, white-haired pervert who claimed to be a doctor. And they bought it. Huh? Wha? Sorry... if any guy knocks on my door with a free offer to examine "the ladies"-- I'm calling the cops.
WHY #2. WHY would anyone want to be a stripper?!?! I don't know whom I believe in the Duke LaCrosse players/stripper rape case. I'm not taking sides. I'm not blaming strippers who are victims of senseless crimes because of their chosen profession or lifestyle. What I really want to know is simply... why would anyone choose to be a stripper? Seriously. Unless you have major exhibitionist issues, why would you choose that "profession?" I know there's money involved. Many women who choose that path say that they are forced to do it to support themselves. Funny. Anytime I've ever been out of a job, I've never had to resort to stripping for cash. I've worked some less than satisfactory jobs... but stripping was never one of them.
Sidenote: One of my bosses in a previous job did offer me $1000 to dance in my underwear on a bar table. He actually had the cash with him and put it on the table. I said no. What I should have done was to sue his ass.
WHY #3.
Why is Kellie Pickler still on American Idol? Sure, she has a great, heartwrenching backstory. She's cute and perky. But she does not have the caliber of voice to win this contest... that is, if America has its head on straight.
Photo credit: MTV
WHY #4. Big-screen version of the immensely popular TV show, Dallas-- is this necessary? Maybe. But the casting?
CNN Entertainment reports that John Travolta will play JR Ewing, and Jennifer Lopez will play his wife, Sue Ellen.
Are you kidding me?!?! Here's how I envision a scene between these two (WARNING! If you under the age of 35 or have never watched Welcome Back, Kotter on Nick at Nite, please stop reading here).
Sue Ellen: Ohmigod, baby! You've been shot!
JR: Who?
Sue Ellen: You! Can't you see it? Wait. Let me move my beautiful booty out of the way. There... can't you see it?
JR: What?
Sue Ellen: Your gunshot wound! Wow. There are a lot of rumors going around about me right now. People say I like to get married a lot. But, I'm telling you, I didn't do this! Hmmm... who WILL I marry after you die?
JR: Where?
Sue Ellen: Oh, it's right THERE. In your gut. Here, let me help you up.
JR: Would ya just watch the hair? Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it; he hit my hair.
Sue Ellen: Who hit your hair? What are you talking about? You're impossible! I'm leaving for a meeting with my agent to see if this film can possibly help people forget that I was in that turkey, Gigli.
This concludes this week's Friday Why Files...
Okay, so some guys are now slapping the foreheads, muttering, "Why didn't I think of that?"
But that's not the reason for adding this article. If you read through it, you'll find that two women, in their 30s, let this guy in and BELIEVED him. No ID. No proof of anything. He's some old, white-haired pervert who claimed to be a doctor. And they bought it. Huh? Wha? Sorry... if any guy knocks on my door with a free offer to examine "the ladies"-- I'm calling the cops.
WHY #2. WHY would anyone want to be a stripper?!?! I don't know whom I believe in the Duke LaCrosse players/stripper rape case. I'm not taking sides. I'm not blaming strippers who are victims of senseless crimes because of their chosen profession or lifestyle. What I really want to know is simply... why would anyone choose to be a stripper? Seriously. Unless you have major exhibitionist issues, why would you choose that "profession?" I know there's money involved. Many women who choose that path say that they are forced to do it to support themselves. Funny. Anytime I've ever been out of a job, I've never had to resort to stripping for cash. I've worked some less than satisfactory jobs... but stripping was never one of them.
Sidenote: One of my bosses in a previous job did offer me $1000 to dance in my underwear on a bar table. He actually had the cash with him and put it on the table. I said no. What I should have done was to sue his ass.
WHY #3.
Why is Kellie Pickler still on American Idol? Sure, she has a great, heartwrenching backstory. She's cute and perky. But she does not have the caliber of voice to win this contest... that is, if America has its head on straight.
Photo credit: MTV
WHY #4. Big-screen version of the immensely popular TV show, Dallas-- is this necessary? Maybe. But the casting?
CNN Entertainment reports that John Travolta will play JR Ewing, and Jennifer Lopez will play his wife, Sue Ellen.
Are you kidding me?!?! Here's how I envision a scene between these two (WARNING! If you under the age of 35 or have never watched Welcome Back, Kotter on Nick at Nite, please stop reading here).
Sue Ellen: Ohmigod, baby! You've been shot!
JR: Who?
Sue Ellen: You! Can't you see it? Wait. Let me move my beautiful booty out of the way. There... can't you see it?
JR: What?
Sue Ellen: Your gunshot wound! Wow. There are a lot of rumors going around about me right now. People say I like to get married a lot. But, I'm telling you, I didn't do this! Hmmm... who WILL I marry after you die?
JR: Where?
Sue Ellen: Oh, it's right THERE. In your gut. Here, let me help you up.
JR: Would ya just watch the hair? Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it; he hit my hair.
Sue Ellen: Who hit your hair? What are you talking about? You're impossible! I'm leaving for a meeting with my agent to see if this film can possibly help people forget that I was in that turkey, Gigli.
This concludes this week's Friday Why Files...
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Some people just need to be smacked upside the head...
Quote from Evangeline Lilly (as told to Elle and reported by a MSN Entertainment) about what a burden it is to be beautiful:
"'I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because of the way men leered and disrespected me, because they assumed things about my mental capacity or my physical willingness based on the way I look,' the "Lost" star laments."
Hmmmm... what was I going to say? Oh, yeah. SHUT THE HELL UP! Guess what? Life's tough. Even for the beautiful people. If that's the worst thing you ever have to deal with, count yourself lucky. What she doesn't mention are all the advantages she's had BECAUSE of her looks.
I have big boobs. Most guys don't know my eye color. Wah! I wish I were flat so men would respect my mind. WAH! WAH! Oh, yeah. Wait. No I don't. Because I'm not a PSYCHO!
What a fooking baby. Get a life, Evangeline.
"'I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because of the way men leered and disrespected me, because they assumed things about my mental capacity or my physical willingness based on the way I look,' the "Lost" star laments."
Hmmmm... what was I going to say? Oh, yeah. SHUT THE HELL UP! Guess what? Life's tough. Even for the beautiful people. If that's the worst thing you ever have to deal with, count yourself lucky. What she doesn't mention are all the advantages she's had BECAUSE of her looks.
I have big boobs. Most guys don't know my eye color. Wah! I wish I were flat so men would respect my mind. WAH! WAH! Oh, yeah. Wait. No I don't. Because I'm not a PSYCHO!
What a fooking baby. Get a life, Evangeline.
Monday, April 17, 2006
What to do with Tax Return Money...
Since the Farm Boy is in his first full year of self-employment, we filed separately this year.... which only means good things for me! Can you say "RETURN, baby?!?!" That's right. A BIIIGGG one.
So... what should I do with my tax return money? There are the responsible things of course:
a) save it
b) hold some back, in case Farm Boy owes more than he thinks he actually does
c) there is a child going to college in less than 1.5 years. It might be smart to start that college fund about now. (ha!)
d) donate some to charity
e) give some money to my siblings (aka charity)
f) did I mention "save it?"
Or... I could do what I really, REALLY want:
a) buy that Nikon D200 camera I've had my eye on (my uncle brought his with him on Easter... I was soooooooooo jealous!)
b) buy a lower-priced camera and then go clothes shopping
c) take my aunt to a day spa (actually, I'm doing this no matter what. She just finished her last round of radiation treatment. Remission City! So, this automatically goes on the list!)
d)ROAD TRIP!
If I'm smart (which I like to think I am), I'll save most of it, and spend SOME of it. Gah. Decisions, decisions.
So... what should I do with my tax return money? There are the responsible things of course:
a) save it
b) hold some back, in case Farm Boy owes more than he thinks he actually does
c) there is a child going to college in less than 1.5 years. It might be smart to start that college fund about now. (ha!)
d) donate some to charity
e) give some money to my siblings (aka charity)
f) did I mention "save it?"
Or... I could do what I really, REALLY want:
a) buy that Nikon D200 camera I've had my eye on (my uncle brought his with him on Easter... I was soooooooooo jealous!)
b) buy a lower-priced camera and then go clothes shopping
c) take my aunt to a day spa (actually, I'm doing this no matter what. She just finished her last round of radiation treatment. Remission City! So, this automatically goes on the list!)
d)ROAD TRIP!
If I'm smart (which I like to think I am), I'll save most of it, and spend SOME of it. Gah. Decisions, decisions.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Saturday Random Musings...
... since I did Why Files on Friday, I'll just share a few random thoughts with you on Saturdays. That is, of course, assuming I can be consistent for more than a week. Ha. Good luck with that.
1. Yay! It's Saturday. This is my favorite day of the week.
2. Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate. If you don't, Happy Sunday tomorrow. :-)
3. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs will be here next Tuesday. Think I can get tickets? Probably not. Meh.
4. I'm applying for a new position at work. It's okay to mention it here, because everyone at work, including my immediate supervisor, knows about it. So, technically, I'm not breaking the First Commandment of Blogging (thanks for the reminder, Jurgen!). Or maybe I am, but it's okay. I shouldn't get in trouble for this, right? No doocing, please.
I'm really excited about it, because it would be a new challenge even though I'd still be working with mostly the same people. I have no idea if I'll get the job or not, but the whole process should be fun just to shake things up.
5. We will be kidless for Easter. My kids will be with their dad, and my step-kids will be with their mom. :-( I don't like it when our kids aren't with us for holidays. Boo.
6. I love Carlos Mencia. If you haven't seen his Drive By Shooting School, you MUST.
7. If you read anything about Omaha in the papers or online possibly at CNN, please realize that only SOME people in Omaha are stupid. Not of all of us, m'kay?
8. Ben & Jerry's Lowfat Cherry Garcia... nectar of the gods. Enough said.
1. Yay! It's Saturday. This is my favorite day of the week.
2. Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate. If you don't, Happy Sunday tomorrow. :-)
3. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs will be here next Tuesday. Think I can get tickets? Probably not. Meh.
4. I'm applying for a new position at work. It's okay to mention it here, because everyone at work, including my immediate supervisor, knows about it. So, technically, I'm not breaking the First Commandment of Blogging (thanks for the reminder, Jurgen!). Or maybe I am, but it's okay. I shouldn't get in trouble for this, right? No doocing, please.
I'm really excited about it, because it would be a new challenge even though I'd still be working with mostly the same people. I have no idea if I'll get the job or not, but the whole process should be fun just to shake things up.
5. We will be kidless for Easter. My kids will be with their dad, and my step-kids will be with their mom. :-( I don't like it when our kids aren't with us for holidays. Boo.
6. I love Carlos Mencia. If you haven't seen his Drive By Shooting School, you MUST.
7. If you read anything about Omaha in the papers or online possibly at CNN, please realize that only SOME people in Omaha are stupid. Not of all of us, m'kay?
8. Ben & Jerry's Lowfat Cherry Garcia... nectar of the gods. Enough said.
Friday, April 14, 2006
The Friday Why Files.... Vol. 1, Issue 1
WHY #1
Couple admits to lying about multiple births as scam for raising money.
WHY #2
Why do singers who can't sing try to act when they can't act either? Case in point:
For that matter, why don't actors who CAN act and who CAN sing... sing more often?
Case in point:
WHY #3
I was a teacher for six years. I taught 7-12 graders (ages 12-19). NEVER was I once even remotely attracted to any of my students. They were my STUDENTS. Did I stress that enough? They were my STUDENTS!!! When I started teaching, I was only 23. For those of you struggling with the math, that means I was only 4 years older than some of the kids I taught. Still... not for one second, did I ever think of dating one of my students. As far as I was concerned, they were all just a bunch of kids. I was the adult. That's all there was.
So... my "WHY" is .... why are so many teachers having sex withstudents children????
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!
Stupid Teacher #1
Stupid Teacher #2
Stupid Teacher #3
Stupid Teacher #4
The saddest thing to report is that there are so many more... but I'm not going to list them all here. It would be bigger than most of our blogs put together. Excuse me... I need to go vomit now.
WHY #5
Woman fakes her own death to avoid paying traffic tickets/fines.
This concludes today's WHY FILES.
Couple admits to lying about multiple births as scam for raising money.
WHY #2
Why do singers who can't sing try to act when they can't act either? Case in point:
For that matter, why don't actors who CAN act and who CAN sing... sing more often?
Case in point:
WHY #3
I was a teacher for six years. I taught 7-12 graders (ages 12-19). NEVER was I once even remotely attracted to any of my students. They were my STUDENTS. Did I stress that enough? They were my STUDENTS!!! When I started teaching, I was only 23. For those of you struggling with the math, that means I was only 4 years older than some of the kids I taught. Still... not for one second, did I ever think of dating one of my students. As far as I was concerned, they were all just a bunch of kids. I was the adult. That's all there was.
So... my "WHY" is .... why are so many teachers having sex with
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!
Stupid Teacher #1
Stupid Teacher #2
Stupid Teacher #3
Stupid Teacher #4
The saddest thing to report is that there are so many more... but I'm not going to list them all here. It would be bigger than most of our blogs put together. Excuse me... I need to go vomit now.
WHY #5
Woman fakes her own death to avoid paying traffic tickets/fines.
This concludes today's WHY FILES.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Another guessing game...
... the one where you guess what's in this picture:
a) the arm of some crack whore who wandered into my house
b) my new tattoo
c) the result of getting blood drawn today
d) further evidence that I need to get out into the sun more often
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...
Some days, it's just too much to be the enigma that is La Grumpy. I'm in such a funk, and I just hate that. If I could blast up the workouts, maybe I could get more endorphins going... but alas, I cannot. I have to stick with simple stretches everyday, and 15 minutes of walking in a pool twice a week. Gah.
PMS doesn't help matters. Neither does the recent insomnia.
So, I'm trying to inundate my brain with happy thoughts. At the moment, I'm very tempted to go for a little retail therapy. Luckily for my bank account, I'm at work and can't leave. I have learned it is very unwise for me to shop when I'm feeling a little depressed. The resulting euphoria is always amazing, but very short-lived. Especially once I see my credit card amounts... that I'm trying to keep down anyway.
One thing that I am doing is listening to my Happy/Upbeat Mix on my Nano. These songs all have a happy-ish theme, and/or are somewhat up tempo. Some of them make me feel happy because of the lyrics; others, because of the music. Some even because of the memories they bring to me. What I'm finding, though, is that the majority of tunes in my "library" are a lot of sad songs, or relaxing songs, or "deep" songs. But not a lot of really, good happy tunes. (I do have more on CD, I'm sure... I just haven't had the time to get them all on the Nano.)
So help me friends! Suggestions? I'm listing some of the songs I have on the mix. If you have a song you think belongs on this list, send it my way.
Partial list (in no particular order):
The Beach Boys: Little Deuce Coupe
The Beatles: Here Comes The Sun and All You Need Is Love
Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell: Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
The Wonders: That Thing You Do
The Proclaimers: 500 Miles
Roy Orbison: You Got It
Barry Manilow: Daybreak (If you make fun of this one, I will teach you about pain)
Belle & Sebastian: Funny Little Frog
Diamond Rio: That’s How Your Love Makes Me Feel
Fastball: You’re An Ocean
James Taylor: Your Smiling Face
Stevie Wonder: Sir Duke
Toby Keith: Who’s Your Daddy (this one is an inside joke with the hubby)
Thelonius Monk: Straight, No Chaser
ELO: All Over The World and Rock and Roll Is King
Elton John: Philadelphia Freedom and Crocodile Rock
Over The Rhine: Lookin’ Forward
Tom Petty: American Girl and I Won’t Back Down
Hairspray soundtrack (Original cast)
PMS doesn't help matters. Neither does the recent insomnia.
So, I'm trying to inundate my brain with happy thoughts. At the moment, I'm very tempted to go for a little retail therapy. Luckily for my bank account, I'm at work and can't leave. I have learned it is very unwise for me to shop when I'm feeling a little depressed. The resulting euphoria is always amazing, but very short-lived. Especially once I see my credit card amounts... that I'm trying to keep down anyway.
One thing that I am doing is listening to my Happy/Upbeat Mix on my Nano. These songs all have a happy-ish theme, and/or are somewhat up tempo. Some of them make me feel happy because of the lyrics; others, because of the music. Some even because of the memories they bring to me. What I'm finding, though, is that the majority of tunes in my "library" are a lot of sad songs, or relaxing songs, or "deep" songs. But not a lot of really, good happy tunes. (I do have more on CD, I'm sure... I just haven't had the time to get them all on the Nano.)
So help me friends! Suggestions? I'm listing some of the songs I have on the mix. If you have a song you think belongs on this list, send it my way.
Partial list (in no particular order):
The Beach Boys: Little Deuce Coupe
The Beatles: Here Comes The Sun and All You Need Is Love
Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell: Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
The Wonders: That Thing You Do
The Proclaimers: 500 Miles
Roy Orbison: You Got It
Barry Manilow: Daybreak (If you make fun of this one, I will teach you about pain)
Belle & Sebastian: Funny Little Frog
Diamond Rio: That’s How Your Love Makes Me Feel
Fastball: You’re An Ocean
James Taylor: Your Smiling Face
Stevie Wonder: Sir Duke
Toby Keith: Who’s Your Daddy (this one is an inside joke with the hubby)
Thelonius Monk: Straight, No Chaser
ELO: All Over The World and Rock and Roll Is King
Elton John: Philadelphia Freedom and Crocodile Rock
Over The Rhine: Lookin’ Forward
Tom Petty: American Girl and I Won’t Back Down
Hairspray soundtrack (Original cast)
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
It's Spring! Break out the long underwear and mittens...
Well, things are starting to really warm up here in the Midwest. This week, our temps will stay in the mid-70s F (around 24 degrees C). In fact, that is a bit warm for April, but we're not complaining. It's beautiful outside, and everyone has spring fever.
WHICH MEANS....
It's now necessary to wear a parka in my office. Go figure. All winter long, the average office temp was 85 degrees F (29 C). No lie. I walked around in thin cotton blouses and skirts in the office, and then bundled up to go outside where the average was around freezing. If it's cold outside, the office will feel like an oven.
Now that it's warming up outside, the office will be freezing. Arctic. Polar-like. My fingernails are blue as I'm typing this (I'd take a photo of them, but I left my camera at home. Gah!). The average office temp now will hover between 60 and 65 degrees F (15-18 C). On top of my spring outfit today, I'm wearing a very dorky cardigan that I keep in my office just for warmth. As soon as I need to leave the office, I will shed the sweater and go outside to revel in the sun and warmer temps.
I think I need to find a job where I can work from my bed. I'll buy one of those princess phones and call everyone "DAH-ling." I will wear long, silk nighties with fabulous, luxurious robes all day long. I'll drink mimosas all morning and nibble on bon bons delivered by my manservant (who looks surprisingly like the Farm Boy). For lunch, a cart will be rolled in with a delectable assortment of fruits, veggies, salads, Chipotle burritos, and cheesecakes. The princess phone will be ringing non-stop, because everyone who's anyone will want a piece of my time and attention.
... And when the pink-striped pigs start flying right outside my window... I'll wake up and realize that I'm drooling on my keyboard. I've fallen asleep at work due to the fact that I couldn't sleep last night. And it's still cold. Bleh.
WHICH MEANS....
It's now necessary to wear a parka in my office. Go figure. All winter long, the average office temp was 85 degrees F (29 C). No lie. I walked around in thin cotton blouses and skirts in the office, and then bundled up to go outside where the average was around freezing. If it's cold outside, the office will feel like an oven.
Now that it's warming up outside, the office will be freezing. Arctic. Polar-like. My fingernails are blue as I'm typing this (I'd take a photo of them, but I left my camera at home. Gah!). The average office temp now will hover between 60 and 65 degrees F (15-18 C). On top of my spring outfit today, I'm wearing a very dorky cardigan that I keep in my office just for warmth. As soon as I need to leave the office, I will shed the sweater and go outside to revel in the sun and warmer temps.
I think I need to find a job where I can work from my bed. I'll buy one of those princess phones and call everyone "DAH-ling." I will wear long, silk nighties with fabulous, luxurious robes all day long. I'll drink mimosas all morning and nibble on bon bons delivered by my manservant (who looks surprisingly like the Farm Boy). For lunch, a cart will be rolled in with a delectable assortment of fruits, veggies, salads, Chipotle burritos, and cheesecakes. The princess phone will be ringing non-stop, because everyone who's anyone will want a piece of my time and attention.
... And when the pink-striped pigs start flying right outside my window... I'll wake up and realize that I'm drooling on my keyboard. I've fallen asleep at work due to the fact that I couldn't sleep last night. And it's still cold. Bleh.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Maybe he's on to something there...
My tummy hurts. Bad.
It's hurt all day long.
I get lots of tummy aches!
The Farm Boy RARELY has tummy aches.
But... he is also a smelly boy. A smelly boy who passes gas literally all the time. Whenever. Wherever. If five minutes has gone by, you can bet your bottom dollar that he has farted somewhere within that time frame.
I, on the other hand, am a delicate flower of a lady. Ladies do no such thing.
And so... my tummy hurts. Gah.
It's hurt all day long.
I get lots of tummy aches!
The Farm Boy RARELY has tummy aches.
But... he is also a smelly boy. A smelly boy who passes gas literally all the time. Whenever. Wherever. If five minutes has gone by, you can bet your bottom dollar that he has farted somewhere within that time frame.
I, on the other hand, am a delicate flower of a lady. Ladies do no such thing.
And so... my tummy hurts. Gah.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Just a thought...
Watching your favorite hockey team lose... not a good time.
Watching your favorite hockey team lose while sitting with a bunch of hammered Canadians... definitely a good time, eh! Beauty!
Watching your favorite hockey team lose while sitting with a bunch of hammered Canadians... definitely a good time, eh! Beauty!
Saturday, April 08, 2006
I'm baaaaaack...
We're back home... did a lot of errand running yesterday, spending time with the family, etc., which meant no time for Bloggyland. But I'm back. :-)
In our 48 hour whirlwind tour of Chicago, here are a few things we did:
* arrived at O'Hare at 7:30am.
* walked around Chicago like zombies for 3 hours until our room at the Hard Rock Hotel was ready. Thank you God for the Corner Bakery.
* ate at Bennigans.
* rode in too many taxis.
* watched a hockey game.
* ordered room service.
* slept late.
* strolled along Michigan Avenue.
* ate at the Cheesecake Factory (aka Grumpy's Nirvana).
* saw Chicago from Big John. And I'm deathly afraid of heights. I couldn't even go all the way up to the windows. C'mon! 94 stories!!! I'm dizzy just thinking about it.
* shopped at Water Tower Place.
* spent a crapload of money.
* went to the Shedd Aquarium. Watched beluga whale training. LOVE beluga whales!!!
* had a drink at the Hard Rock.
* ate dinner at the airport.
* flew through a nasty storm in a commuter jet. Didn't puke, but the guy behind me did.
* arrived home at 11:45pm.
* waited over an hour for luggage to arrive two flights later.
* drove home and finally went to bed around 1:30am.
... and if you were the person who called my cell phone at 8:30 am that morning and then hung up (assuming it was a wrong number), I HATE YOU.
There was a Chipotle a half a block from our hotel. Farm Boy said we couldn't eat there, because we needed to do something DIFFERENT for a change. Arrrgggh.
So, that was my trip. Not very eventful. Steven Tyler and David Bowie were pieces of art in our room. In fact, David Bowie watched me shower a couple of times. Cheeky!! Oh, baby! Just you shut your mouth!
In our 48 hour whirlwind tour of Chicago, here are a few things we did:
* arrived at O'Hare at 7:30am.
* walked around Chicago like zombies for 3 hours until our room at the Hard Rock Hotel was ready. Thank you God for the Corner Bakery.
* ate at Bennigans.
* rode in too many taxis.
* watched a hockey game.
* ordered room service.
* slept late.
* strolled along Michigan Avenue.
* ate at the Cheesecake Factory (aka Grumpy's Nirvana).
* saw Chicago from Big John. And I'm deathly afraid of heights. I couldn't even go all the way up to the windows. C'mon! 94 stories!!! I'm dizzy just thinking about it.
* shopped at Water Tower Place.
* spent a crapload of money.
* went to the Shedd Aquarium. Watched beluga whale training. LOVE beluga whales!!!
* had a drink at the Hard Rock.
* ate dinner at the airport.
* flew through a nasty storm in a commuter jet. Didn't puke, but the guy behind me did.
* arrived home at 11:45pm.
* waited over an hour for luggage to arrive two flights later.
* drove home and finally went to bed around 1:30am.
... and if you were the person who called my cell phone at 8:30 am that morning and then hung up (assuming it was a wrong number), I HATE YOU.
There was a Chipotle a half a block from our hotel. Farm Boy said we couldn't eat there, because we needed to do something DIFFERENT for a change. Arrrgggh.
So, that was my trip. Not very eventful. Steven Tyler and David Bowie were pieces of art in our room. In fact, David Bowie watched me shower a couple of times. Cheeky!! Oh, baby! Just you shut your mouth!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Life is good again...
Same lighting... but the second pic (taken just minutes ago) is ever so MUCH better!!!
(like the dirty shower in the background? oops... forgot to pull the shower curtain behind me. Oh, well!)
*breathes a huge sigh of relief and gets ready to go to Chicago tomorrow!*
Monday, April 03, 2006
Why is this such a big deal?
Thanks to everyone for all the encouraging comments while I deal with something so superficial, yet also seemingly painful. I guess this whole "hair" thing should be a lesson in vanity for me. I rarely leave the house without making sure that I look "presentable."
My goal in appearance is not to try to "look hot" or to be some stupid bimbo. That is the last thing I want to do, because I'm the first person to rage against that mentality or lack thereof (read here: Paris, Britney, Jessica, Lindsay... you get the picture). Jurgen has already covered this rant... and quite eloquently, I might add... so I don't need to go into it again.
I do, however, want to feel I look my best when I go out... not so I can be a "head-turner," but so that I feel good about myself. Mostly, I just want to dress appropriately for my age and look nice. I already have a hot husband*. If he thinks I look good, that's good enough for me.
So, since the hair highlighting nightmare from Saturday, I've been so upset... so much so, that I think I missed the lesson in all of this. Until now.
My hair is not neon green. It isn't completely shaved off. It's just DIFFERENT. It doesn't change who I am... I'm still me. And this is totally fixable. By tomorrow noon, I'll be back to normal. But the bigger issue is that this little episode is not the end of the earth. I have a wonderful family, a nice home, food in my house, and money in the bank. If the worst thing that happens to me this year is that I got bad highlights, my life must be pretty damn good.
So no more whining about hair color. Unless they screw it up again tomorrow... and then I'll just have something more to blog about. ha ha ;-)
**Not only is the Farm Boy super hot, he's also intelligent, a good dad, and an all-around good guy. I'm so LUCCCCKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
My goal in appearance is not to try to "look hot" or to be some stupid bimbo. That is the last thing I want to do, because I'm the first person to rage against that mentality or lack thereof (read here: Paris, Britney, Jessica, Lindsay... you get the picture). Jurgen has already covered this rant... and quite eloquently, I might add... so I don't need to go into it again.
I do, however, want to feel I look my best when I go out... not so I can be a "head-turner," but so that I feel good about myself. Mostly, I just want to dress appropriately for my age and look nice. I already have a hot husband*. If he thinks I look good, that's good enough for me.
So, since the hair highlighting nightmare from Saturday, I've been so upset... so much so, that I think I missed the lesson in all of this. Until now.
My hair is not neon green. It isn't completely shaved off. It's just DIFFERENT. It doesn't change who I am... I'm still me. And this is totally fixable. By tomorrow noon, I'll be back to normal. But the bigger issue is that this little episode is not the end of the earth. I have a wonderful family, a nice home, food in my house, and money in the bank. If the worst thing that happens to me this year is that I got bad highlights, my life must be pretty damn good.
So no more whining about hair color. Unless they screw it up again tomorrow... and then I'll just have something more to blog about. ha ha ;-)
**Not only is the Farm Boy super hot, he's also intelligent, a good dad, and an all-around good guy. I'm so LUCCCCKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
This blonde does not have more fun...
Warning: girlie-ish post ahead...
I think I posted somewhere before about my stylist jumping ship and moving to another salon... and that this new salon is far away and extremely inconvenient. So, I stayed at my current salon and went with a new stylist.
Ladies, we know about our relationships with stylists. I don't know if most guys can relate... maybe some of you can. But, the relationship you have with your stylist is almost more important than a marriage. Of course, I'm saying this a little tongue-in-cheek, but I almost mean it for real. For MEGA REALZ. (okay, I just said that because I miss LA and Junk-Feud).
So, after six years of finding someone who really KNOWS how I like my hair, I'm just giving up and going to another stylist for my driving convenience. (Danger, danger, Will Robinson!) I've been to the new girl twice now. She does a great job of cutting, even though she doesn't style it exactly the way I like it. But so far, it's been okay. Yesterday, I went in for highlights. (Red alert!)
Usually, I get highlights and lowlights. I am a brunette, and as I've gotten older, I've taken my natural hair color a little lighter. This disguises the greys that are ever-multiplying, and I don't look all mousey brown. It's worked. I've been doing this since I was 30. I never colored my hair before the age of 30, but it's gone well the last seven years.
The highlights have been a very light brown... or dark blonde, if you will. The lowlights tend to be in the auburn family. It has worked very nicely, thank you very much. I've been happy.
Yesterday, new stylist girl tells me that previous stylist girl took all my info with her when she moved salons. So... there are no cards listing the exact formula of highlights/lowlights. I'm like... okay. We can "punt" here, right?
New stylist girl: "It's spring now... are you thinking of going a little lighter than what you already have?"
Me: "Sure... nothing drastic... just a little lighter. "
New stylist girl: "Do you want both highlights and lowlights, or do you want to go with a nice blended highlight only?"
Me (feeling brave): "Let's just do highlights today, I guess. That would be fine."
So, we do the highlights. In the salon, it looks okay. I go out to my car... in the sunlight...
Me: "Wow. This is a little blonder than I thought. Hmmm..."
Then I drive three hours to watch my oldest daughter and her school chums perform in some competition. The whole drive up, I keep telling my mom, who made the trip with me... "I'm just not sure about this." When we arrive at our destination, I run into people I know. Strange looks from adults. Many of my daughter's friends tell me that they like the new hair change. Teenagers complimenting me. I'm still unsure. Then I finally get a chance to talk to my daughter.
Daughter: "Oh my God, mom! What did you do to your hair?"
This was not said in a surprised and approving tone. It sounded more like sheer horror.
So, here are some before and after shots... the first one is about 4 years ago. The second was last Thanksgiving. The third one is today. :-(
HELL NO. So, now... I have to make an appointment tomorrow to get this fixed. I don't have anything against blondes... I'm just not one. My complexion does not work with blonde hair. Arrrgggh!!!
**UPDATE: I'm going in on Tuesday morning to have them fix it. For free. YAY!
I think I posted somewhere before about my stylist jumping ship and moving to another salon... and that this new salon is far away and extremely inconvenient. So, I stayed at my current salon and went with a new stylist.
Ladies, we know about our relationships with stylists. I don't know if most guys can relate... maybe some of you can. But, the relationship you have with your stylist is almost more important than a marriage. Of course, I'm saying this a little tongue-in-cheek, but I almost mean it for real. For MEGA REALZ. (okay, I just said that because I miss LA and Junk-Feud).
So, after six years of finding someone who really KNOWS how I like my hair, I'm just giving up and going to another stylist for my driving convenience. (Danger, danger, Will Robinson!) I've been to the new girl twice now. She does a great job of cutting, even though she doesn't style it exactly the way I like it. But so far, it's been okay. Yesterday, I went in for highlights. (Red alert!)
Usually, I get highlights and lowlights. I am a brunette, and as I've gotten older, I've taken my natural hair color a little lighter. This disguises the greys that are ever-multiplying, and I don't look all mousey brown. It's worked. I've been doing this since I was 30. I never colored my hair before the age of 30, but it's gone well the last seven years.
The highlights have been a very light brown... or dark blonde, if you will. The lowlights tend to be in the auburn family. It has worked very nicely, thank you very much. I've been happy.
Yesterday, new stylist girl tells me that previous stylist girl took all my info with her when she moved salons. So... there are no cards listing the exact formula of highlights/lowlights. I'm like... okay. We can "punt" here, right?
New stylist girl: "It's spring now... are you thinking of going a little lighter than what you already have?"
Me: "Sure... nothing drastic... just a little lighter. "
New stylist girl: "Do you want both highlights and lowlights, or do you want to go with a nice blended highlight only?"
Me (feeling brave): "Let's just do highlights today, I guess. That would be fine."
So, we do the highlights. In the salon, it looks okay. I go out to my car... in the sunlight...
Me: "Wow. This is a little blonder than I thought. Hmmm..."
Then I drive three hours to watch my oldest daughter and her school chums perform in some competition. The whole drive up, I keep telling my mom, who made the trip with me... "I'm just not sure about this." When we arrive at our destination, I run into people I know. Strange looks from adults. Many of my daughter's friends tell me that they like the new hair change. Teenagers complimenting me. I'm still unsure. Then I finally get a chance to talk to my daughter.
Daughter: "Oh my God, mom! What did you do to your hair?"
This was not said in a surprised and approving tone. It sounded more like sheer horror.
So, here are some before and after shots... the first one is about 4 years ago. The second was last Thanksgiving. The third one is today. :-(
HELL NO. So, now... I have to make an appointment tomorrow to get this fixed. I don't have anything against blondes... I'm just not one. My complexion does not work with blonde hair. Arrrgggh!!!
**UPDATE: I'm going in on Tuesday morning to have them fix it. For free. YAY!
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