I don't think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Really, I don't think I am. I'm fairly certain it's just a mid-life slump. That's all.
Overall, I'm very happy with my life. I love my family. We're busy as hell, but I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything in the world. There's so much enjoyment in watching our kids in their activities... even though that means we're traveling all over the state (and sometimes, outside the state) to watch the kids do what they do. That doesn't seem like an obligation to me. It's time with my husband and kids when I really feel fulfilled.
On the other hand, I think my professional life is weighing me down. I like the idea of my job... I love the field of study and how I'm able to help people... but I'm not happy with the schedule, the extra time I spend at work that takes me away from my family, and the sheer mental exhaustion of it all.
My house is a disaster, because... when I am actually home... I'm too tired to deal with it. My personal fitness plan is non-existent (see previous point). I pay bills online over my lunch hour, when I actually have a lunch hour, and other personal errands happen when they happen.
I think you get the point. I'M TOO BUSY.
What I REALLY want to do is...
1) write- books, articles, blog (more)
2) get back into painting again
3) go on photography retreats
4) travel occasionally and facilitate workshops and deliver presentations in my field (this would require me to become self-employed)
5) sing with a group again and be the musician I am, rather than the one I "dust off" occasionally
6) stop stressing out over everything all the time!!!
That's not really all that much to ask, is it?
Ah... but then there's that money issue. Our youngest is a sophomore in high school. Our oldest is a sophomore in college. And the two in the middle are also in high school-- one junior, one senior.
KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE. So is college.
So... those things I really WANT to do are not in the business of paying me what I require to afford the college thing. And the high school thing.
Therein lies my dilemma.
Can I be patient enough to wait until the youngest is out of college? That's about 7 years away. Can my health and mental wellness sustain 7 more years of what I'm doing now?
I don't know. I honestly don't know.