Helpful Hints-The Blech Edition

Always heed the "Best by..." dates on microwave popcorn.

Trust me.

This edition of Helpful Hints is brought to you by my upset stomach, that icky aftertaste I can't seem to lose, and the ghost of Orville R.


oh! and I have a contest idea... more info coming soon!

A PSA for Stinky Pits

Over the last four years of blogging, I've chuckled at some of my Bloggy Friends who have posted funny stories about how they went to work and realized later that they had forgotten to apply deodorant/antiperspirant that morning. "Ha ha!" I laughed at their misfortune, and of course, their humorous recounting of the tale. One such Bloggy Friend, who unfortunately no longer blogs, posted about this several times... because she experienced this misfortune more than once. Read this tale here.

So... you would think... after FOUR years of laughing at other people... I would learn from their mistakes. Alas, no. I did not.

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far- nearly 70 degrees F in a state that usually has snow through parts of April. Needless to say, it was WARM.

And. I. Forgot. Deodorant.

I didn't really notice it until about 1:00pm. Luckily, I wear that clinical strength stuff, and it will sometimes last through the next day, even if you shower. When I returned to work from lunch, I started smelling something "off," but I didn't realize it was me. Sad, but true.

Soon, I started thinking, "Hmm. Why is my deodorant wearing off so quickly today? I smell FUNKY!"

On my short walk to the office restroom, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't even applied any deodorant that morning! Ew. I hate stinkiness.

I quickly checked the bathroom 'stash' to see if anyone had any. Nope.

I asked other women in the office. Nope.

I twittered to see what I could do, because of course, I had run out of time and couldn't hop over to a store. There was a class beginning in 10 minutes, and I had to be there.

My nice Twitter friends (who also blog) gave me some good suggestions, plus I also did a quick search for "deodorant substitute."

Here's what I found:

1. Wash your underarms with hand soap and dry.
2. If you can find some hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol, wipe a thin layer on your underarms with a tissue. This will take care of the bacteria.
3. Find some powder, cornstarch, or baking soda. If you have all three or any two of them, mix them together. Apply thin layer to underarms.

Couldn't find any powder or cornstarch, but I DID find baking soda in the staff kitchen, as well as some Purell. SWEET! Guess what, it actually works!

AND... this morning, I brought a back-up deodorant to work.... just in case. ;-)

So, please take it from me. Laugh at me. Feel sorry for me. But be sure you have a back-up deodorant, because it will probably happen to you sometime. And then you will be stinky.



This Helpful Hint is brought to you by Purell, Arm & Hammer, Secret Clinical Strength (they're not really sponsoring me-you know what I mean) and the letters P and U.

Helpful Hints-The Jazzed Edition

If you have a headache in the morning, and it doesn't get better... don't take two Excedrin (which contain caffeine) with a 16 oz coffee.... most especially if you are sensitive to caffeine.

You will be shaking like a leaf and talking like a speed freak for the rest of the day.

And although you are already quite the speedy typer, your shaking hands will produce more typos than actual words.

Just saying.



This hint brought to you today by Excedrin Migraine (the wonder drug) and Scooters unbelievably good cafe au lait.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- The Bling Edition

If your jewelry armoire is overflowing, stop buying friggin' jewelry already! And stop having parties where people sell jewelry. And stop going to parties for people who booked a party at your party where people sell jewelry. Enough already.



This hint is brought to you by husbands who are tired of all your jewelry, as well as the parties where they have to get lost for a few hours.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Special Edition

This is a double edition... aren't you lucky!?!?

1. If you A) are already somewhat of a nervous flibbertygibbet, and B) believe in ghosties, never hang a dark sweater in the back of your car and then drive with the windows open. This will cause you to catch the swinging dark sweater out of the corner of your eye in the rearview mirror. It will also cause your heart to stop ever so slightly while you freak out as you are driving.

2. If you are excited about the candidates for whom you are voting today (or perhaps for whom you have already voted), it is just fine and dandy to exhibit exuberance about said candidates. It is not, however, fine and dandy to mock or shame people who are voting against your candidates' opponents. Remember... it's okay to agree to disagree.

That is all.

These hints are brought to you today by sweaters, ghosts, democracy, and "can't we all just get along?"

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Part 2

If you are trying to watch what you eat and be healthy, NEVER go to a coffee drive-thru that partners with a donut store... and most especially if said donut store has donut holes by the dozen... because you know you will shamefully wolf down said donut holes in the car. So just don't do it. You will face the "Belly Ache of Self-Reproach" for the rest of the day.


This hint is brought to you today by LaMars Donuts and Dunn Bros Coffee (not really... but here's a shout-out to them anyway) and my gluttony.

Grumpy Helpful Hints- Numero Uno

Since I don't have time to write huge, existential, super important blog posts for you all right now, I figured I could at least do some Helpful Hints. In other words, I will help you all to learn from my moronic mistakes. ;-)

So, here is Grumpy Helpful Hint Numero Uno:

When you eat microwaved mashed potatoes (like, maybe, in a Lean Cuisine meal), ALWAYS stir the potatoes really, really well before taking a huge bite. Otherwise, you will suffer from what I'm sure is third degree esophageal burns.


This hint is brought to you today by Lean Cuisine (not really... but here's a shout-out to them anyway) and my sheer stupidity.