FYI

No matter how tired you are, coffee grounds in your eyes will not make you more awake.

Yes, I know this from experience.

A PSA for Stinky Pits

Over the last four years of blogging, I've chuckled at some of my Bloggy Friends who have posted funny stories about how they went to work and realized later that they had forgotten to apply deodorant/antiperspirant that morning. "Ha ha!" I laughed at their misfortune, and of course, their humorous recounting of the tale. One such Bloggy Friend, who unfortunately no longer blogs, posted about this several times... because she experienced this misfortune more than once. Read this tale here.

So... you would think... after FOUR years of laughing at other people... I would learn from their mistakes. Alas, no. I did not.

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far- nearly 70 degrees F in a state that usually has snow through parts of April. Needless to say, it was WARM.

And. I. Forgot. Deodorant.

I didn't really notice it until about 1:00pm. Luckily, I wear that clinical strength stuff, and it will sometimes last through the next day, even if you shower. When I returned to work from lunch, I started smelling something "off," but I didn't realize it was me. Sad, but true.

Soon, I started thinking, "Hmm. Why is my deodorant wearing off so quickly today? I smell FUNKY!"

On my short walk to the office restroom, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't even applied any deodorant that morning! Ew. I hate stinkiness.

I quickly checked the bathroom 'stash' to see if anyone had any. Nope.

I asked other women in the office. Nope.

I twittered to see what I could do, because of course, I had run out of time and couldn't hop over to a store. There was a class beginning in 10 minutes, and I had to be there.

My nice Twitter friends (who also blog) gave me some good suggestions, plus I also did a quick search for "deodorant substitute."

Here's what I found:

1. Wash your underarms with hand soap and dry.
2. If you can find some hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol, wipe a thin layer on your underarms with a tissue. This will take care of the bacteria.
3. Find some powder, cornstarch, or baking soda. If you have all three or any two of them, mix them together. Apply thin layer to underarms.

Couldn't find any powder or cornstarch, but I DID find baking soda in the staff kitchen, as well as some Purell. SWEET! Guess what, it actually works!

AND... this morning, I brought a back-up deodorant to work.... just in case. ;-)

So, please take it from me. Laugh at me. Feel sorry for me. But be sure you have a back-up deodorant, because it will probably happen to you sometime. And then you will be stinky.



This Helpful Hint is brought to you by Purell, Arm & Hammer, Secret Clinical Strength (they're not really sponsoring me-you know what I mean) and the letters P and U.

Obsessions

I will admit that I am obsessed with something when, against my better judgment, I act in a manner contrary to my values.

Case in point: the past two weekends, I have planned to deal with my mounting laundry problem, as well as to pull ALL my winter clothes out of storage and put them away properly. Cleaning up around the house and getting all our Christmas decorations were also in the plans.

Alas, I didn't get that all done. I did a few minor tasks here and there, but I was most definitely distracted by two things:

1. Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga
2. Mystery Case Files- Return to Ravenhearst

To be fair to myself, I was given impetus to read the novels in the vampire saga as quickly as I could. I was sharing the books with my youngest who was sharing them with her friends, so it was easier for me to just hurry up and read all four novels. So I did. In eight days. If my calculations are correct, that's somewhere around 2550+ pages total. I started on Saturday night, 12/6 and finished before noon on Saturday, 12/13. I did not take any of the books to work. Additionally, I prepared a resume and applied for another job somewhere in the middle of it all. In fact, I think it's safe to say... if I could have stayed home Monday and Tuesday, I would have had all four novels done by Tuesday. Needless to say, I haven't had a lot of sleep in the last week.

All would have been just fine... my overworked eyes would have received some much needed rest... if it weren't for the note card I received in the mail reminding me that one of my favorite games had been released. I love Mystery Case Files... but I also have an insatiable need to finish the game immediately.

So, I downloaded Return to Ravenheast this past Saturday afternoon. I finished the game last night just before midnight. Total playing time was just under 8 hours.

What is WRONG with me?!?! I don't have my Christmas shopping finished. My house is somewhat a disaster. My husband did his laundry all day yesterday, so I probably couldn't have gotten much of my own done anyway... but still. This is ludicrous. Like I said... obsession.

I THOUGHT I was a grown-up who knew how to put away what I want to do for what I really should do.

But, instead of beating myself up about it all... I have decided to grant myself a reprieve. Perhaps I needed some stress relief, and that's how it manifested.

Yeah... let's go with that. ;-)


BTW, have you ever read books so quickly that you're then disappointed you're not still reading about those characters? I did that when I finished The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, as well as many many other books. I'm finding I miss Bella, Edward, and the Cullens a little bit too... however, not for the same reason my teenage daughters do. haha Meyer writes stories that you can't put down, and you really don't want them to end. I'm looking forward to the second movie now.

Never Enough Until You've Got All The Stuff...

The Farm Boys often tells me that I am a marketing department's dream. A true delight. In fact, I know they literally salivate, just thinking about what a sucker I am.

Picture a team sitting down to compose their company's latest ad campaign, thinking, "What would get that Grumpy Frump person in the store to spend all her money?"

Well, since you asked...

• Buy One, Get One Free
  ... that seems pretty fair. If I want or need the item, I'm going for that 100% of the time. If I don't need or want it, I'll still go for it about 50-75% of the time.

• Buy One, Get a Second for 50%
  ... not as good as the second item for free, but still a pretty good deal. I bought six pairs of pants the other day for the price of four and half pairs. I'm still ahead in that deal, plus I desperately needed the pants.
  

• Spend $X or more and receive FREE SHIPPING!
  This is the one that always gets me. I get all excited -Free Shipping? Score! W00T!! A couple of weeks ago, this was the offer at Sephora. All I wanted was some new lip gloss (trying some of whoorl's suggestions). My total was about $50. It I searched around for more items to purchase to tip me over the $75 mark Sephora had set (like THAT would be difficult). After a while, it dawned on me that I was about to spend $25 more for things I didn't really need, just to avoid a shipping fee that would be less than $10. I didn't take the offer this time. But I was this close.
  

• 2-For $X, 3-For $X...
  If you make the math easy for me, I'll buy it. Items that are usually 10.99 each, but are now an amazing "2 for $20," color me SOLD. CheezIts- 3 for $5? Oh yeah. They're in the cart. This is the main reason I rarely leave Target without spending at least $100-200.
  

• Spend $X, and we'll throw in a FREE [nice, but usually very inexpensive item]!
  I'm a goner for this ad strategy. Food, makeup, perfume... it doesn't matter. Vickie S usually does this to me. I need VS lotion, but I will inevitably bring home lotion, perfume, and a cute little bag. Meals delivered to my door... buy at least two, and get an extra FREE meal. You got it. I look at it as savings, but sometimes I'll spend more just to get the free stuff. Obviously, this is not resulting in any savings at all.
  

Email and online ordering have only compounded the problem for me. If I have to drag my butt out to the mall, I might not grab the bait every time. But if the ad comes in an email? And it only takes me 5 minutes to browse, click "Add to My Cart", and hit "Submit My Order" online? SOLD!

Does anyone else do this? The Farm Boy thinks I have a sickness.

If I only purchased items when they were on sale, I don't think it would be that big of a deal. But I buy things even when they're not involved in some special offer. So, my "sale" purchases are in addition to all the other things I just have to have.

Hello. My name is Grumpy F., and I am a compulsive shopper.

Notes To MySelf...

1. You don't like other people's children. Remember? Especially when your children are not with you. And especially when you're out with the Farm Boy for "adult time." And MOST especially when those other children are under the age of 5, and whose parents think them "precious" enough to bring to what is usually considered an adult hang-out. So, when that skinny bitch hostess at the restaurant asks you if "this table" is okay-- the one right next to the toddler in the high chair-- where the floor surrounding him is already covered in food, crayons, a broken plastic dish, and something that looks like cola-soaked napkins-- say what you really feel. That should sound something like, "Hell NO, that table is not effing okay!"

2. You are a lightweight. One drink gets you buzzed. Two drinks... you're just asking for it. So, why, then on Friday night, after you drank that first (STRONG) margarita, did you agree to a second (STRONG) margarita? Did you not notice your already slurred speech whilst conversing with the Farm Boy? Did you not feel how slowly your eyes were panning the restaurant? Did you not feel that dizzying effect when you whipped your head around to find yet another screaming kid just out of your view? All those should be hints that you've had enough. That's also why your stomach is hating you today, you stupid biatch.

3. Your 8-lb chihuahua (yes, the same one that worships you) is not a camel. Not only does he need to drink water, he eventually needs to release that same water. You prefer that he do that outside. So does he. But... when you don't pay attention to him for 4 to 5 hours (that you might have spent lounging around today doing absolutely, freaking nothing), he's going to have an accident. On your white carpet. Which you will have to clean up, you stupid, stupid moron.

Oh, and whilst he is having said accident, don't freak out at him and yell at him to go outside. 'Cause once that "dam" is released, it's not stopping. If you do, you'll regret it. A lot. Like, for instance, instead of cleaning up one LARGE potty spot, you'll be cleaning his entire path from your bedroom to the front door. And yes, that's ALL white carpet. AND the Spot Bot doesn't work on the longest-trickle-spot in doggy history.

That's all. Just... please try not to be such a bonehead. Don't make me have to kick your ass.

Love,
Me

Another set of Random Gripes...

I don't have one main topic today, so bear with me as I straggle along these completely unrelated topics:

1) The Farm Boy is brilliant. Truly, he is. He's a successful business owner, and he started his business from the ground up. I'm extremely proud of him.

But that's what makes mornings like the one we had today so crazy. I went to the garage this morning and pushed the button on the remote to unlock the car doors. No problem. Well, except the lights inside the car always light up when the doors are unlocked. They didn't today. "How odd," I thought to myself.

Then I climbed into the driver's seat. "Hmmm... what is that strange-looking light on the dashboard? Isn't that usually the light that indicates no battery? Maybe I'd better try to start the car."

As I attempted to put my keys in the ignition, I noticed... something was already there. "Hey, those are the Farm Boy's keys! Why are they still in the car? And... why are they still in the on-but-not-running position? Oh, crap. He left the keys in the car last night and didn't turn the car all the way off. Brilliant."

So, no battery this morning. Gah. What's an intelligent Grumpy Frump to do? Make the Farm Boy come back and jump her car? You betcha!

So, the Farm Boy is a brilliant man who occasionally does some really bonehead things. I think I can live with that. ;-)

next

2) If you've been around a while, you know I hate Daylight Saving time... on or off. Changing the clocks just messes me up. So, what did I hear yesterday? Are you kidding me? We're changing the dates now? Puh-leeze. Oh, and my favorite part of this new idea is that the "change" could be temporary. We're going to do a study to see if it makes a positive impact. If not, we'll go back to the way it was before. Gah!!

For those of you who do not know, in the US (well, most of us anyway), we will now be springing ahead the second Sunday in March and falling back on the first Sunday of November... effective times 2am both dates.

I now know this was signed into effect two years ago with the Energy Policy Act and all that... but how did I miss this very important part of it? (important to me, of course)

next

3) Could somebody please explain to me what the fascination is with "Fast & the Furious"-pimping of crappy little 4-door sedans?

There's a guy who works in the same office building I do... he walks into the office every day carrying his steering wheel. It's a fairly expensive brand, and he's afraid someone will break into his car and steal it. Having not seen his car, I assumed the car was somewhat expensive as well. Well, maybe not so much. I saw him pull in the other morning...

...in a very crappy, little white car that rhymes with Shonda Bivic, circa 1990. Kind of like this one.

But crappier.

With a spoiler.
And some type of backbox on the muffler. When he drives, it sounds like a little dirt bike with the sniffles.

WTF, mate?

Photo credit: epinions.com