Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The TwoTHREE Loves of My Life...

Wednesday night... after a marathon 2-hour softball game where Daughter #2's team was up 16-7 and then ended up TYING 16-16 (are you freaking kidding me??!!??)....

8:00pm Central Time

Love #1: Farm Boy sitting on the couch with me...

Love #2: ... eating Chipotle burritos and chips...

Love #3: watching the TV tuned into the SciFi Channel for the season finale of Ghost Hunters .

Burrito-goodness blended together with freaky ghost hunting. Life doesn't get much better than that. The only thing missing was my Chipotle "Addicted" shirt. 'Cause that's what I am. Ahhhhh.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

One reason summer vacation sucks....

In two weeks, I will have about a month's vacation. I love vacation, because I don't really have a lot of things I HAVE to do. However, that does tend to get me into a little bit of a slump.

Every summer during my vacation, I tell myself that I will recharge... exercise more, get some work done at home, etc., etc. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, you know.

Typical La Grump vacation scenario:

8:00am-- I'm still in bed. I'll THINK about getting up for a walk before it gets too hot outside to breathe. Yeah... but I'm SOOOO tired. I'll just sleep a little longer.

10:00am-- *yawn* Wow, I slept longer than I thought I was going to. I should really get up now. *strolls into kitchen for a bowl of Kashi cereal* Wow. Look at that sun outside. *opens sliding glass door to backyard-- wave of heat nearly knocks me over* Yikes. Guess I won't be going for that walk now.

12:00pm-- *still in jammies* Maybe I should think about showering and getting dressed. Nah. If When I work out this afternoon, I'll just get all sweaty anyway... I should just stay in my jammies.

1:00pm-- *finds an absolutely fabulous movie on cable* Hey! I love this movie! I've seen it so many times, that I can quote it verbatim, but I MUST watch this. So, I'll fold some towels or something as I watch the movie.

3:00pm-- Hey! This next movie that's on RIGHT AFTER THE FIRST ONE is also amazing. I haven't seen it since... last week, I think! Must. Watch. Again.

5:30pm-- Yipe... I'd better think about making some dinner.

6:00pm-- Maybe we should just go out to eat. But... oops. I have to shower first.

6:30pm--*steps out of shower, all clean and great smelling*

7:15pm-- I'm clean, my hair is done, my makeup is perfect... let's go get dinner.

9:00pm-- *family returns home* Ooh.. I forgot to blog today. Better get to that!

10:30pm-- Well, it IS a weeknight. And I don't want to fall out of that work pattern of going to bed early. Maybe I should hit the hay.

10:45pm-- *finds another absolutely fabulous movie* Cool! I love this flick!

1:00am--*wide awake... can't sleep* Infomercials suck. What else is on?

2:30am--*yawn* Maybe I should go to sleep now.

... and then the whole thing repeats over again. Okay, well maybe not every day... but definitely more times than I even care to think about. Meh.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

What the X?!?!?

Saw X3 today. It was good, but I agree with all the critics about Brett Ratner ruining things a little.

BUT, that's not the reason I'm posting.

The reason I'm posting is:

1A. If you see the movie, stay through the credits until the very end.

1B. If you have already seen the movie and didn't stay through the credits, go here*:
X Men 3 After The Credits.

1C. I didn't stay (which I ALWAYS do, because there are usually cool things in the credits), because I drank too much soda during the movie and basically had to run down the stairs, bowling over a granny with a walker and two little kids**... to get to the restroom QUICKLY. So, I missed this... but luckily, I was browsing YouTube today and found it.

*I didn't embed the video, because I don't want to ruin anything for those who are planning to see it.

**Not really, but I wanted to. I just stood behind them, waiting, very impatiently.

Friday, May 26, 2006

A really short Friday Why Files...

WHY #1: Why do I read movie reviews? I mean, I hardly ever agree with them anyway. But I did today. Apparently, X3 is not as good as X2. In fact, some critics are veeerrrrrrrrry disappointed. It doesn't help that Brett Ratner directed this time, instead of that Singer guy.

Now I'm going to walk into that movie and wait for it to suck. boo. Oh, well. At least Hugh Jackman's still in it. I think I could probably be entertained watching him do even the most mundane tasks:

1. Hugh doing the laundry... Five stars!
2. Hugh removing lint from the filter/catcher on the hairdryer... Five stars!
3. Hugh watching TV... Five stars!
4. Hugh watching TV... shirtless.... Five thousand stars!

WHY #2: Someone please remind me WHY I okayed a birthday party with 30 prepubescent children attending. Tonight. For FOUR HOURS.

WHY #3: Why don't I know any activist vampires like this??? I need more laughs in my life.

WHY #4: Why are criminal's rights sooooo important? I know why we need civil rights, and all that. Don't send me a recap of the Bill of Rights. Just.Read.On.

You all know the internet predator stories on the tv news. Well, an Arizona judge ruled that any predators who were lured into situations where they THOUGHT they were meeting children... cannot be arrested if the person doing the "luring" was actually an adult. Even though the predator thought he/she was meeting a child... if it really wasn't a minor, there's no law-breaking here.

So, now what? Should we start using ACTUAL children to bait these people? Come ON! Perverted Justice is the group that has been working with the news reporters to bring these people in. And the good old US Justice System just gave them a big kick in the teeth. Boooo.

This concludes Friday's Why Files.... 'cause I have to go teenage-proof my house. Wish me luck.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Random ideas on a Thursday night...

1. 13 years ago today, I was giving birth. To my youngest child. And I had just finished my first year of teaching. Wow. Time flies.

2. Tonight, while my baby was out having dinner with her dad, her sister, and her dad's wife, I was meeting with some of my old teacher friends whom I haven't seen in years. Some of them... it's been 8 years. Wow.

3. I drank an Orange Dreamsicle martini with dinner, and then drank two glasses of wine. More like inhaled two glasses of wine. I'm a lightweight. That means I'm drunk right now. AND... it's taking me forever to type this freaking post, because I keep having to correct my typos. Because, apparently, I can't type very well after becoming slightly intoxicated.

4. Yeah. That's all I got.

5. One more. Apparently, I'm not as funny drunk as I thought I'd be. go figure.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ramblin', ramblin', ramblin'....

Stacy hates voice mail. I don't mind it so much... IF you get to the point. Quickly.

What? You need me to come pick up my kid from school because she fell and cut her head open? Great. Just say that. Don't hem and haw about how she's okay really, there's very little blood, and she's even laughing, but you think I should maybe call, or maybe I should just come to the school straightaway, because this looks a little bit serious. She should probably see a doctor, or maybe even go to the emergency room.... But you don't want me to panic, so there's no need to drive in a hurry. She'll be fine. Would you like to hear her say she's okay? Here, honey, tell your mommy you're okay. *muffle, muffle* "I'm okay, mom" *muffle, muffle* Oh, honey... now the blood is dripping down your nose. Come here. Okay, so well, yeah why don't you head on over to the school as soon as you get this message. We'll take care of her in the nurse's office until you get here. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to tell you what happened. She ran into a table, and there's just the tiniest little split in her forehead, but there's a butterfly bandage holding everything together, okay???

No. Not okay. I need Short. To the point. Descriptive, but brief.

The opposite, a too brief message, is sometimes worse:

Voice mail from my sister, in a very sad, sing-songy voice, circa 1992:

"Hi, Grump. It's your sister. I have some really sad news. Call me."

WHA?!?!?! Someone died. I just know it. Ack! Why didn't she leave me more of a message?!?

My grandfather was very, very ill at the time. Of course, I'm in panic mode. So, I call my family, and NO ONE IS HOME. None of them carried cell phones at the time, either (can you imagine?!?). Three devastatingly long hours later... my sister finally returns my call to tell me that our 12 year old dog had died. The dog with seizures, cataracts, and loss of muscle control. The one that we were about to put to sleep to put him out of his misery. He just died. Okay, so that's sad... but c'mon!

The moral of the story is: think through your voice messages. The person on the other end is relying on you to be smart about this.

Coming up... tomorrow's special: a cartoon for hannah. :-)

Monday, May 22, 2006

Creature of Habit...

I went to Chipotle on Saturday. And. Didn't. Eat. A. Burrito.

I asked for a quesadilla instead: black beans and cheese. That's all. Chips and Diet Coke accompanied my dinner. And it was good. But I think the burrito is better. The only reason I ordered a quesadilla? We were on our way to the movies, and I wanted popcorn. I didn't think I could eat an entire burrito, plus chips (gotta have the chips!!!), and then have room for popcorn. Lame, huh? The quesadilla was okay, but I like my usual much better (veggie burrito: black beans, rice, cheese, a little sour cream, and lettuce)!

This leads to the real reason for my post: I am a creature of habit.

When I go to restaurants, about 99% of the time, I order the exact same thing. When I go outside my routine, I usually end up disappointed. At one of our local Mexican restaurants, I always (ALWAYS) order a seafood enchilada. One day, I thought I'd be bold and order something else. It was icky. Very icky. So, the next time I ventured to that restaurant, I returned to my old stand-by, the seafood enchie. Not much of a risk-taker, am I?

Maybe you've already read my post about what happened when I tried to go to a new hair stylist. Disaster.

Sometimes, I get a little gutsy and try something new.

Grumpy Frump Risks, Take 1!

Me: "Hey! Here's a new sweetener! What do they call it? Splenduh*? Cool! This should be great!"

[drinks a new Diet Coke sweetened with Splenduh]

[three hours later]

Me: "Farm Boy! Farm Boy! Quick! I think I'm dying!"
My stomach: "What the hell did you put into me?"
Farm Boy: "Now what did you eat? Drink? Touch? Breathe?"

...and Scene!

24 hours of sheer stomach/intestinal hell later, I tried to deduce what it was that put me in such gastrointestinal distress. Ah. Maybe I should stay away from synthetic sucralose. Nightmares resurface from the days of WOW chips and Olestra. But let's not go there. So, okay. Splenduh doesn't like me; therefore, I don't like Splenduh.

So, maybe it's only that I don't take risks when it comes to food or hair styles. Or maybe it's more than that. I'm trying to do some re-evaluating of what I do, and why I do it. Soul-searching is not always a fun thing. Sometimes, you see things you don't always like. Sometimes, you realize that you need to make some changes, and that it's okay to do that. Changes, however, should be made for the better... not just 'change for the sake of change.' I think I can risk that.

But then again, sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell. I'll have the usual!"

*name changed to protect ME. I don't need any crazy litigation. Really. I don't.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Friday Why Files.... one day late.

WHY #1: Ludi suggested I ask "Why didn't I post the Friday Why Files on Friday?" Alas, the world may never know. (That sounds better than I really just forgot)

WHY #2: Clumsy Britney almost drops her baby. The "why" is... why haven't we implemented mass sterilization for the perpetually stupid?

WHY #3: Why can't I be this forgetful (and lucky)?

WHY #4: Lionel Richie is hugely popular in Iraq. Wha? ABC News reporter, John Berman states, "Grown Iraqi men get misty-eyed by the mere mention of his name. "I love Lionel Richie," they say. Iraqis who do not understand a word of English can sing an entire Lionel Richie song. " They're truly in love with Lionel. Go figure.

WHY #5: Why can't all men dance like this guy? It's a six minute video, but trust me... it's pure gold. Solid gold! Ladies and Gentlemen, YouTube presents: The Evolution of Dance.

This concludes The Why Files... one day late.

Friday, May 19, 2006

I heart bloggers...

It takes a village to raise a child....

... and it takes a blogging community to cheer me up. :-)

Ah, 'tis Friday, my favorite day of the week, next to Saturdays when I get to sleep in. Today, I worked a half day, then I took my aunt to a spa. She got a massage, and I got a pedicure. Not just any old plain boring pedicure.... a whirlpool spa pedicure. Ah, sweet heaven. I must do that more often.

We're heading into the busiest season of the year right now at work. It will pick up steam up through the first part of June, die down a little in early July, and then go full throttle again at the end of July into August. So, I will be some kind of insane, goopy mess, possibly resembling Gak. No, not the meth definition... that gooey stuff that they used to sell and promote on Nickelodeon. If I do turn into Gak, I hope I'm purple. Or maybe pink. But not that neon green stuff. Ick.

So... thanks again everyone. You rock. or RAWK. Whichever you prefer.

Oh, and I added some new Cool Kids, so check them out. Funny people! If you are a frequent reader/non-lurker, and I don't have your name in the Cool Kids, it's an oversight. So call me on it.

Happy Friday! (oops, I just realized I didn't post WHY files today. I'll post them tomorrow!)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Life is hard….

“All succeeds with people who are of cheerful disposition.” Voltaire

“A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.” Beverly Sills

“Children ask better questions than adults. ‘May I have a cookie?’ ‘Why is the sky blue?’ and ‘What does a cow say?’ are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than ‘Where's your manuscript?’ ‘Why haven't you called?’ and ‘Who's your lawyer?’” Fran Lebowitz

"Nobody ever said life was easy." Everyone

"If everything was 'good' all the time, we wouldn’t know what 'good' means… because we’d have nothing to compare it to." Unknown (but it might have been me)

"Life sucks and then you die, so figure out a way to make the before-dying-part better." Unknown

"It's all bullshit, and you know it." ??

I’m stressed. I’m disappointed. I’m tired. I’m annoyed. And I don’t want anyone to cheer me up.

God, if this is what middle-age is like, fast forward me to my sixties, please.

I swear this is what I looked like when I woke up this morning.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Deeeeep Thoughts... by YOU!

You know, I sure could use some laughs about now. And you people are the best ones to send some chuckles and chortling my way. Your comments and posts on your own sites are some of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

So, you have an assignment. :-) I used to be a teacher, so gimme a break.

Do you remember “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey” from Saturday Night Live?

One example: “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.’"

Some newspaper had a contest once asking kids from age 4-15 to come up with their own “Deep Thoughts.” Here are a couple:

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene it would be until the looting started. -- Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5

Funny stuff, huh? I bet you could do better. So, in your comments, please leave me your own Deep Thoughts. If it’s really good, you’ll probably end up in my sidebar… because that’s the kind of person I am (i.e., I steal other people’s good ideas).

If you need a starter phrase, try some of these old adages:

A stitch in time…
He who laughs last…
If you sow thorns…
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but…

Ready, set, go.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I survived... barely.

Saturday: 150 teenagers in an amusement park. For NINE HOURS.

Actually, the kids were all really good. It was just the NINE HOURS that wore me out. That, and watching multiple sets of kids riding a skycoaster with a drop of 180 feet (85 meters?). I kept screaming with them... and I was just watching from the ground.

A few of them asked me if I was going to try. Ummm, let me see. How about, NO! How about Hell no! or as Whitney, my favorite crazy, says, "HELL TO THE NO!"

When did I get so old?!??? Sorry, I can't answer that. I have to go to bed now. Night-night.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Friday Why Files... Late Edition

Well, it's almost Saturday, but I still have a little while yet to post this week's Friday Why Files.

Why #1: WHY does anyone care anymore? Has Ashlee Simpson had a nose job? I don't CARE!

Why #2: From a Reuters news story: "More than 60% of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth..." First of all, OUCH. Secondly, floss anyone?

Why #3: WARNING: opinion ahead. Zacarias Moussaoui (co-conspirator of the Sept. 11 tragedies) wants to change his plea to not guilty, after being found guilty. Huh?!? Dude, you confessed. You pleaded guilty. They found you guilty. Done. There is no passing GO to collect $200.

On top of that, his sentence has angered a lot of people. They thought he should have received the death penalty instead of life imprisonment. Reminder to these people: the other guys he worked with chose to die for their cause. A death sentence for Moussaoui would be giving him something he wants. Letting him rot in a cell for the rest of his life will be torture to him. And that's all I have to say about that.

Why #4: Somewhere in Maryland... a funky odor led authorities to find over 100 cats and dogs in a house. I know there is some named disorder for this, but I don't feel like looking it up. What on earth would possess someone to do this? I have two little dogs, and I think that's too many for me. In fact, there are days when I walk into my home and freak out a little, because I detect even the slightest whiff of "dog." Can you imagine the stench of over 100 animals in one home? Gah! My stomach is queasy just thinking about it!

Why #5: Supermodel falls out of a bus (at 50 mph/80.5km), because she opened the emergency exit in the bus restroom (WC) instead of the door that would take her back to the passenger area. Why was she left unattended? We all know supermodels need special attention.

... and that concludes today's Friday Why Files.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Brought to you by the letter F...

-r- posted about the letter "N," and gave me a great idea for a post today. So, here are all things "F" related as of right now:

1. Fried. As in the state of my brain (of course, not due to any type of chemicals).

2. Football, Fall, and Favorite. Because football is my favorite, and football also means it's fall (better known as autumn), which is also my favorite. Also, the newspapers and sports shows are already talking about college football... and it's still technically 3 months away.

3. Fabulous. A word that I say far too often. "Hey, thanks for helping me out with that project. You're fabulous!" "Wow! What a stunning outfit you have on today. It's just fabulous!" "I'm chaperoning HOW many kids this weekend? Oh, fabulous."

4. Frump. Webster's definition: "a dowdy unattractive girl or woman." And I named my blog what?!?! Gee, self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.

5. Five. As in "High Five." (that's for you, hannah and julie gong)

6. Falafel. I have always wanted to try falafel, and never have. Plus, it's just cool to say (try it. you'll like it. All the cool kids are saying it!).

7. Faeries. I do believe in faeries *clap, clap, clap*... and that's the more interesting spelling. But also, Fairies, as in Photographing Fairies. Anyone ever seen this movie? Pretty cool.

8. Farm Boy and Fezzik. The two best characters from the Princess Bride. And the former is a nickname I gave to some guy... but I forget who.

9. Feng Shui. A practice I'm starting to consider... because my chi is definitely needing some flow. Will the feng shui club please stop rearranging the school lawn furniture?

10. Fo' shizzle. Because I was an 80s girl who walked around saying, "For sure!" in my little fakey-Valley girl accent... and I need a change. Oh, I know... it's very five minutes years ago, but that's just the kind of thing I like to do to throw off the voices in my your head.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hey! Wha' Happened???

Have you ever been so busy, that if one more person started talking to you while you were busy answering email/ planning meetings/ preparing a presentation/ thinking about kids' schedules/ racing to a meeting, your head would literally explode?

Yeah. Me, too. In fact... I think that's where I've been the last six weeks. Here's an example of conversations I've had during that time:

Me (on or about April 27): Ummm... what the hell happened to April?
Colleague: I don't know. Just disappeared I guess.
Someone in the background, eavesdropping on our conversation: Who's April? Nobody named April works here.

Me (today): Holy Hell! It's already the 10th!
Colleague: I know! Where is May going to?
Same someone in the background, still eavesdropping on our conversation: OH! So, last time, you guys were talking about the MONTHS, not a woman's name? I get it!
Me (dead serious): No, we're talking about the employees named April and May. They both just disappeared within the last 8 weeks, oddly enough, each 4 weeks after the other. Some deep, dark part of me wanted to add "Here's your sign" in a twangy Bill Engvall accent, but I just couldn't.

2nd Daughter (this evening... interrupting me as I'm on the phone and typing an email, plus attempting to plan dinner): Mom, can we talk about me going to a movie with my friends on Friday night and then also about my birthday party which we haven't planned yet and it's only 2 weeks and 2 days away?!?
Me: Don't talk. Please.
2nd Daughter: *huge, dramatic sigh*
Me (guilt-ridden): We'll start planning the party on Friday night after I get home from the banquet... maybe no to the movie. Talk to me tomorrow night when my brain will hopefully have stopped spinning.
2nd Daughter: Goodie! *skips off, tra la la la, to her room*
Me: What just happened? Did I say "yes" to something???!?!?

I have the afternoon off on Friday, so that will be a little bit of a break... but I honestly can't even think that far. Yet, it's not even 36 hours away.

On Saturday, I "get" to chaperone 150 teenagers to a vocal competition, and then 9 hours at an amusement park. AMUSEMENT park. Ah, the irony.


Monday, May 08, 2006

Does this suit me?

So, I'm back. And I can't blog about why I haven't posted since last Thursday... because that would break the 1st Commandment of Blogging. *hint, hint* Let it just be noted that, HOPEFULLY, there is a new opportunity awaiting me in the very near future.

I do have a rant, though! This place wouldn't be the same if I didn't have one, right?!?

So what is up with all the casual clothes anymore? I mean... I'm a jeans and sweatshirt kind of person. That's when I'm most comfortable. But I LOVE clothes, and I love dressing up. For work, I wear business attire. There used to be a great store where I could find affordable business attire, but they closed. Not because they weren't profitable... but because the parent company decided they wanted to discontinue "that line."

All I wanted was ONE new suit. A nice jacket. A nice skirt or maybe a sleek pair of pants. At 5'3" tall, pants are not always an easy option.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No one sells nice business suits anymore. At the suburban malls I frequent, apparently their main target demographics now are surfer kids and Ladies Who Lunch. Cabana wear. Flip flops and t-shirts. Cute, hippie-trippie skirts... but not suits. Oh, there were SOME suits of the polyester, 50ish woman looking sorta thing. But not good business suits.

I visited 12 stores before I found the ONE suit that fit and would work. And I paid much more than I wanted to, but didn't have an option.

So... that's my rant. Do we not want to outfit the young, STYLISH professional anymore? Are we all supposed to look like we live in the OC or are a Desperate Housewife? Arrrgh.

btw, I look kinda cute in my new suit. It's growing on me.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Random Reveries…

1. Thanks to the Ghost Hunters episode I watched Wednesday night (SciFi Channel), I will no longer be visiting ANY lighthouses. EVER. Especially not one in St. Augustine, Florida. Nope. Not gonna do it.

And for all you skeptics out there, you just go on being skeptical. Most of the time, my favorite Roto-Rooter plumbers who moonlight as ghostbusters DISPROVE what people think are ghosts or hauntings. Not last night. I’m still shaking.

2. What the hell is with restaurants, fast food or otherwise, who are HEAPING condiments on food nowadays?

The other day I tried that new Frescata sandwich at Wendy’s (where I usually refuse to go since I once worked at one). The sandwich was okay, once I scooped off what amounted to ¼ cup of mayo! Blech!! I thought you were only supposed to load up the condiments if the customer requested it.
Drowning food in ketchup, mayo, mustard, salad dressing… you name it… should not be the norm!!

3. I read a headline noting that Massachusetts is asking MySpash (name changed to protect the “innocent”) to raise the minimum age for users to 18 (it’s currently 14). This, of course, comes from the number of internet predators stalking children through MySpash.

The article notes that, currently, MySpash is unable to verify the actual age of its users, but that it uses software to track the language that is common to children under 14. Really? I know several 12- and 13-year-old children who use MySpash daily. They just lied about their birthdates when they registered.

Personally, I think the national news people who keep running the internet predator stings (I saw an ad for Predators 5 coming up!) need to keep going. In fact, let’s ramp it up. Every state in the country should be running these stings DAILY. On top of that, let’s increase the penalties for trolling for kids online. If the chance of getting caught is better than 90%, and the jail time is SIGNIFICANT (15 years or more), maybe these sickos will leave our kids alone!

Just a reminder that this blog is now a “Safe Zone.” There shall be no mention of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Hint: my new nickname for him is Tomas Crazy.

Note: Friday Why Files will return next week. There will be no new post on Friday... Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Colossal Cranium...

I have a big head. Literally. Possibly figuratively, too, but that's another post entirely.

My head is approximately 24 inches (62 cm) around. If I were the same size as Andre the Giant, that would be okay. But since I'm not... and I'm actually rather short... it's this big nightmare that teeters atop my neck. Proportionally speaking, I resemble a bobble-head.

Usually, I don't care. I don't even think about it. Sometimes though, I'm photographed next to people who have smaller-than-average noggins, and then I look like a complete freak.

Here's why this is a relevant issue for me now... "they" don't make headbands or other similar hair accessories for people with LARGE block heads. Not that I wear headbands a lot... usually only for working out or washing the face or going to bed. But when I do... they don't stay ON! Note the artistic graphic below that shows the three stages of headband-wearing:

Frame 1, headband is in place.
Frame 2... 5 seconds later... headband is creeping up to the top of my head.
Frame 3... 3 seconds later... headband is shot off my head, into the air, making an interesting "zing" sound.

So, I guess the moral of today's lesson, kids, is that you should never stand behind me while I am working out, washing my face, or going to bed. Because you just might get "zinged" in the face with a flying headband.

Oh, and Happy May Day.

Image credits:

C. Brown book, Charles M. Schulz, from

Fabulous-artistic-rendering of headband escapage... All me. With a little help from MS Paint.