Sunday, October 30, 2005

Unintentional Comedy from VH1

ohmigod! I think I just found my new favorite tv show for off-the-scale unintentional comedy--But Can They Sing? As a former vocal music teacher, I had made a pact with myself NOT to watch this show. But I couldn't help myself. Is anyone else watching this? This is like bad karaoke, but worse. So here's what I think so far:

Morgan Fairchild- she used to sing a long time ago, so I expected she wouldn't be that bad
Michael Copon- surprisingly good!
Antonio Sabato Jr- not good, but not horrible
Bai Ling- yikes, she can't act, she can't dress, and she can't sing (she just scares me altogether)
Joey Pantoliano- not bad-- with more lessons, he could be pretty good
Kim Alexis- beautiful lady, seriously painful singing (I think my ears are bleeding)
Carmine Gotti- eek. pitiful. no rhythm. Nelly can't be happy about this cover
Myrka Dellanos-- more ear bleeding, Ouch!
Larry Holmes- they picked a song that would help him not sound so bad

5 things you will not see in this blog

As I surf through the other blogs in this blogspot, I notice that there are so many people with noble intentions, capitalistic ventures, and purposeful reasons to have a blog. On the other hand, I find that I am a grumpy, snarky, sad excuse for a human being, for I have NONE of these items in mine:

5. family pictures
4. a journal of a year of my life in a) a semester at sea, b) a mission in Guam, c)climbing the Andes mountains, etc.
3. celebrity worship of the obsessed kind
2. poetry (unless it's making fun of someone else)
1. enlightened insights into humankind

For all of that, I will hopefully continue to entertain with you small snippets and links to even funnier blogs or sites... like this absolutely fabulous shot of an "innocent" child.

Update: I just found out that I am going to live until I'm 93.6 years old. Dammit! I'm already cranky. What am I going to be like then?!?!
Find out your life expectancy here:

Saturday, October 29, 2005

5 Things Not Likely to Happen in My Lifetime

5. A playdate between Brooke Shields new "bun in the oven" and TomKitten
4. Sylvester Stallone turning down Rocky/Rambo X (XI, XII, XIII...)
3. Mariah Carey wearing a dress that wasn't made for someone half her size
2. An ugly actress winning an Oscar for her elegant portrayal of a beauty queen
1. Lourdes, Rocco, Bobbi Kristina, Prince Michael (I and Blanket) and Paris Jackson-- all somehow turn out normal and avoid intensive psychotherapy sessions.

All Hail Hugh, Episode One

Do I really even need to type any words about Hugh Jackman? Or can we just let a picture be worth a gajillion words?

To be continued...

Let them eat sandwiches...

Celebrities, please eat. You're really starting to scare us. Teri Hatcher, you were a pretty girl. Now, you look like someone sucked all the fat and muscle out of your body and left your skin to sag on your bones. Women need a little fat on their body, or else they just look like aliens. Compare Lois Lane Hatcher to Desperate Hatcher. Please eat... I'm begging you. This also goes for you, Hillary Duff, Sienna, Victoria "Posh" Beckham, Kate Bosworth, Jessica Simpson... oh, the list is just too long. Even Angelina is looking a little bony lately.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Top 5 Sucky Things- Top 5 Plucky Things

Top 5 of the day...

5. Kevin Federline's name in a headline at What is this world coming to?
4. 4 and out... sorry Astros.
3. Sci-Fi changing their schedule WITHOUT TELLING ME... no Ghost Hunters last night!!! Arrrgghhh... I waited all day for that!
2. People who smoke around me. I take a shower everyday for a reason, and it's not so you can blow smoke on me and make me stink.
1. Meth Users!!! When I go to the store to buy some stinking cough syrup that has a decongestant in it, I don't want to have to wait in line behind a bunch of old people just because they have to keep all the decongestants behind the counter now because some IDIOTS want to use Sudafed to make meth and get themselves all hopped up! Gah!

5. -- they say what we all think.
4. -- LA is my idol.
3. Ben & Jerry's lowfat Cherry Garcia (thanks, guys... you saved me last night when I was crushed from no Ghost Hunters).
2. Pirates (Garrrrr, Peter! Garrrrr, Steve.)
1. Tomorrow is Friday, and I only have to work until NOON! Suh-weet.

... and that's all I have to say about that.... for today.