Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Some Whine and Cheese Please

Actually, I really love cheese. REALLY LOVE cheese.

But that's not the point of this post. I just need to whine, and then I'll feel all better.

My body is very unhappy with me. My legs hurt. My joints hurt. I'm tired all the time. Even my scalp hurts. Being TOUCHED hurts. I'm sick a lot. Even when I get 8 or 9 hours of sleep, it never feels like enough. Adding more exercise exacerbates the problems.

For a while, we thought IBS was the culprit. Turns out... no. IBS is a symptom, not a cause.

I've been on a course of steroids on and off since June. Gained weight each time. This last course, I gained 5 lbs in one week! For most people, that's no big deal. For me, that's a pants size. Gah.

Yesterday, they took blood again. If I had a nickel for every time I've had blood drawn in the last year, I'd be able to buy a new pair of shoes. NICE shoes.

So here's the thing: it would be nice if we could at least diagnose these problems. I think the latest suspicion might be the one... but I don't even want to type it "out loud" yet. It's scary.

Trust me, taking your health for granted is a really stupid thing. When something goes wrong, you realize just that.

Thanks for letting me whine. I do feel a little better.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Letter to Attention Whores

Dear Young Women of the World,

Please stop taking videos of yourselves doing sexy times with your boyfriends.

At the most, you'll land a reality show on E! -- and then people will be talking about you a few years later when you are in rehab. ONLY because you are in rehab.

No one will remember anything intelligent you have to say. No one will remember anything you might have invented. No one will remember any 'good' you might have done for the earth or humanity. No one will remember anything but your lousy sex tape.

You are undermining centuries of women who fought tooth and nail to overcome female oppression... and you've done that with one click of a cellphone camera.

Just stop. Please and thank you.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


No matter how tired you are, coffee grounds in your eyes will not make you more awake.

Yes, I know this from experience.

Monday, October 12, 2009


I just have one question:

What is the cause of "annoying cheerleader voice syndrome?"

It seems nearly every female between the ages of 13 and 27 has this horrible condition. Whenever they talk, my brain bleeds into my ears.

Just wondering.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I Can See The Future

(wine is wearing off, and I have a real post!!!)

Hi. My name is Grumpy F., and I am a hoarder.

Have you watched Hoarders yet on A&E??? That is some crazy stuff. Some crazier than others. Some bat-shit crazier than others.

When I watch that show, my stomach hurts. BADLY. Why? Because I think I am one of them.

No, not that lady with all the rotting pumpkins and squash on her floor. I'm not anywhere NEAR that bad. But the one with boxes and bags full of stuff that she needs to "go through," but can't find the time to do it? That is me. Since she is probably 20-25 years older than I am, just imagine her house with 20-25 years less junk. Definitely me.

The Farm Boy watches that show with me. When he's being kind, he tells me I'm not as bad as some of those people. When he's being truthful, he looks at me and says, "That's you, babe." When he's being an arse, he laughs and points at me. (ok, not really)

For me, it comes down to three things:
1) I attach emotions to objects. We used to call ourselves "pack rats," as if that was a good thing. I hate rodents! But objects hold memories for me. I'm thinking maybe I just take a digital pic of those types of items, and then toss them. It might work.

2) I was taught not to waste things, and you always need empty boxes, right? And extra bags. And that last drop of perfume still in the bottle, even though you already have a new bottle. And that makeup you bought that doesn't really look good on you, but you bought it so you should use it (even though you never will) Ugh. It's a sickness.

3) I'm afraid I will need something I've just thrown away. I can't throw away the box for the blender (TV, computer, hair dryer, camera, etc.)... when we move, it will be so much easier to pack "it" in the original box. PLUS! The instructions might still be on/in the box! See? It's PRACTICAL.

Nope. It's not practical, and deep down, I know it's not. (oh, and we have no plans to move within the next 4 years or so, either)

For a lot of the people featured on this show, there are deep emotional/psychological issues. For many, organization is also a challenge. I don't know where I fit in this... I think I'm not organizationally challenged, because I know where everything is. (I know. I KNOW. WRONG.) Hopefully, the emotional/psych issues aren't too deep. I mean, recognizing that I have this problem is more than half the battle, right? I truly believe this was a learned behavior. My mother is the same way, and her mother was, too.

So, the good news is that, after watching this show, I really do feel the need to purge. (not my stomach-- the contents of our storage room, stuff lying around the house, in our room) I want to do it for myself, but I also want to do it for my family.

Now I just need to find make the time.


Heh heh.


How's it GOING? What? Did I forget to post for a while? Whoops. It's only been since June. (is it sad that I have a whole label for "blogging hiatus? Don't answer that.)

So, you'd think I would take my first post after a 3 month hiatus a little more seriously. Instead, I have a whole glass of wine under my belt... and if you have read much of my blog, you know I'm a SERIOUS lightweight. (and if you had any idea how long it has taken me to type this paragraph, you would laugh your arse off, point fingers at me, and call me a cheap date.)

So, my job change is SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC. I love my new/old job (returned to previous field). Every day is an adventure, and I'm happy again. That's a good feeling, let me tell ya.

I'm also 10 lbs lighter, thanks to an horrific intestinal infection over the summer. Bad news is that I was really, really sick. Good news is a) I'm not sick anymore, and b) I haven't put that weight back on. Not that I would recommend any of it as a weight loss option, but hey. Only 8 more pounds to go. W00T. (Just kidding. No angry comments please. Unless you're my only commenter, then go ahead and be angry. I can live with that.)

Well, a major case of the tipsies and typing do not mix for this chiquitita. How does one ramble for 4 paragraphs while stating absolutely nothing? Apparently, it can be done.

In the meantime, check out this site: Indexed.com *UPDATE: oops. Wrong link. See? I shouldn't blog and drink. ;-) Here's the real link: http://thisisindexed.com

It's not new, but it's clever, and I like it. I think you might, too.

I plan to be back more regularly (ha! she's said THAT before!) now that I'm not angry all the time. I might even be funny again someday. One can only hope.

Drop me a line... I miss you guys.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

A Roundabout Message to a Pig

Let's get a few things out of the way, shall we? I am not currently, nor have I ever been, a militant feminist. I have nothing against them... I'm just not one. I'm also not a man-hater, nor am I unrealistic when it comes to the behavior of men. I happen to be married to a very "manly" man, but one who is also extremely courteous and sensitive to the feelings of his wife and the other women around him.


I know this, and I am extremely grateful. Believe me.

However, I have daughters, and it pains me that we still live in a world where this guy is allowed to share his views. His neanderthal and highly piggish views. (I promised myself I'd keep the language clean, so that's all I can do at this point. Sorry.)

I'm not going to add his name to this post, because I don't want to give him anymore web hits than he deserves.

Because really? I'm doing everything I can on all fronts to raise my daughters to have healthy images about themselves... to know that their worth on this planet is more about their brains and their hearts than anything else. They are beautiful girls, but that means nothing in the end.

And as a sign of protest, I just might tell them we should take a week off of shaving our legs this summer. ;-)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Open Letter Regarding Email Ads

Dear People Responsible for Ads in Web Email:

I get it.

One Simple Rule to Obey for a Flat Belly. Got it.


PLEASE, PLEASE make those ads go away!

I don't want to read my email anymore. I'm tired of seeing a flabby belly next to the emails my sister sends me... the emails my mother sends me... the emails Capitol One sends me!

Today, it was cellulite-filled thighs and flabby bingo wings. I'm familiar with these looks. I've seen cellulite before. While I'm sure you're trying to impress me with some major cottage cheese looks here... I'm not BUYING IT.

Seriously? Have we forgotten how to purchase other ads? I know for a fact that my email content does not discuss how much I wish I could obliterate my cellulite or lose weight and flatten my belly... so don't go there. My email content is not to blame for these ads!!!

This is not a cellulite-related phobia of mine. I'm just TIRED OF BEING FORCED TO LOOK AT IT ALL.

BTW, when people tire of your ads, they do. not. buy. your. products.

That is all.

Grumpy Frump

p.s. if it were a simple change to another web-based email, I'd do it. Only ONE of my numerous email accounts is free of the awfulness that comprises these ads. And no... I'm not discriminating against people who have flabby bellies/thighs/arms. I'm not exactly cellulite-free myself. So don't take it there, either. Just. Stop.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

More Bloggy Love

Okay, first... I have good news (for me anyway). I have a job change coming up in the fall. Color me tres excited!!! It also means that my poor Grumpy Frump blog will not be as neglected as it is currently. YAY!!!!

Second, this blog recommendation comes by way of Whoorl, whom I love. And now I love this blogger that Whoorl loves, too. The Paper Bag Princess is my kind of people.

Here's Whoorl's ode to the Paper Bag Princess.

And be sure to read pudding and the paper bag princess! I know you'll love her, too.

Friday, May 22, 2009

A Blogger You Should Love


Hilarious, precocious... and very much what my life was like about 15 years ago, except my Tiny Art Director was a Tiny Music Director:

"No, mommy. The words should go like this!" "Stop playing that song! I HATE that song!" "Oh, but I love THIS song!"

Ah.... memories.

ENJOY Tiny Art Director. And buy the book when it comes out. :-)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Fruit Bully

Attention, sellers and distributors of fruit cups, fruit salads, fruit medleys, et cetera, et cetera.

CANTELOUPE spoils the flavors of the other fruits. SOME people detest canteloupe. Please stop adding canteloupe. It bullies the strawberries and pineapple into tasting like canteloupe. I do not like canteloupe.

That is all.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Say It Aint So Fido

Do you have dogs? I have three. Seriously. Who needs three dogs? But that's not the point of this post... that's for another post, another time. But I digress...

One of my pet peeves about our dogs is taking them outside to do their business. Actually, only 2 of the 3 go outside (the youngest is still too young and too little. He has puppy pads. THOSE are so much fun and smell absolutely delightful. Yeah.). Oops... digressing again.

We still don't have a fence (even though the Farm Boy insists it's on its way), so we have to take the bigger dogs out on leashes. That's not so much a problem on nice weather days, but we can usually count nice weather days on one hand around here.

I don't have a problem with taking the dogs out when they stop, find a quick spot, do their business, and then run back in. But they're DOGS! Is there a dog on this planet that can find a potty* spot on the first try? I think not.

Nope. Dogs have to sniff a spot and know that it's not good enough. Then they have to sniff another spot 5 inches away... still not good enough. Keep looking. 20 minutes later, they return to the first spot they sniffed which has miraculously turned into a good potty spot. Ooooo-kie dokie.

And then there's me... shouting at them... "just do it already!" like that's going to help them. Hell, a mild breeze that barely ruffles leaves will distract those freaking dogs... and then the good potty spot isn't good enough anymore. Start ALL over.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why it takes so long to find the right place to do their business. Maybe I'll call Cesar Millan to enlighten me or something.

SO anyhoodles... imagine my surprise today as I headed into a Womens Room - a rather large restroom with about 40 or 50 different stalls- and discovered as I walked past stall after stall after stall after stall - I was being picky about which stall to use! I remember thinking... "Oh. My. God. I'm acting like my dogs!"

It wasn't like I poked my head in each one to check for cleanliness, nor were any of them too close to the main restroom door. In fact, they were all extremely clean and set pretty far away from the door. No, I just kept walking and looking for the "right door." And I have no idea why. Considering a person might be in that stall for what totals less than 20 or 30 seconds... does it really matter?

My dogs are little, very yappy, and they think they're bigger and tougher than they really are.

I'm barely 5'4", somewhat mouthy, and... oh crap! Perhaps there are some similarities here.

If I end up on a website that shows side by side pics of owners and dogs that resemble each other, I'm going to be very distraught.

*No, I haven't gone all prim and proper on you. I usually only use the word "potty" when I'm talking to my young nieces or nephew, but I remembered halfway through posting that SOME words that may or may not be synonyms for "potty" tend to bring some bizarre traffic and searches. So, "potty" it is!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Beauty vs Talent

So, I haven't blogged for a while. Sorry about that. I'm sure the two readers I still have left were wondering. ;-)

Here's my beef of the week:

The world is all a-buzzin with the fantastic news story out of the UK of this wonderful singer who shocked the world with her amazing voice. I can't embed the video, but here's a link.

As a singer and a vocal coach, I will say that yes, she really is quite good.

What has me outraged is the shock on everyone's face that she's so good. WHY are they all shocked? Because she's 47? Because of the way she looks? Because she's never been kissed? What does that have to do with the quality of her voice????

We have so conditioned ourselves that only extremely beautiful people are worth our time, that it shocks us when people who are not exactly attractive have beauty within them. I'm reminded of a time during the 80s when the group Heart was on their "comeback," but everyone was outraged at how much weight Ann Wilson had gained. They draped her in black and hid her in the shadows of music videos. Funny, but her voice still sounded spectacular to me!

Think about how many times you've watched American Idol or similar shows, and how much emphasis is placed on singers' looks. Yes, I know. We're a visual culture. But think how many incredible musicians and singers are going unnoticed because of the way they look.

If you think I'm overreacting... watch the video again. Watch the faces of the judges and the audience. They were laughing at her before she sang. Their faces were actually smug.

I hope Susan Boyle gets a fabulous recording contract... because regardless of her looks, hairstyle, eyebrows, weight... she will have a voice that is worth our time.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A Blogger You Should Read

Another reason I love networking tools...

I'm adding a blogger to my blogroll*, because she followed my alter-ego on Twitter. So, I'm following her now, too (although I can't remember which of my personalities is following her) ... and I love her blog!

Her name is Andria and she writes over at Andria and Co.

Take a look. :-)

*wow. I should really update my blogroll. Hmmm...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Helpful Hints-The Blech Edition

Always heed the "Best by..." dates on microwave popcorn.

Trust me.

This edition of Helpful Hints is brought to you by my upset stomach, that icky aftertaste I can't seem to lose, and the ghost of Orville R.

oh! and I have a contest idea... more info coming soon!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Blogging Is Good For You

1. Blogging can be cathartic, just as journaling is. However, you also find that the benefits of online journaling (yes, this is blogging) are more beneficial because you have an audience. I find I write differently, knowing that someone will read this. My handwritten journal is a scribbly mess, full of incoherent thoughts and doodles. And my blog is... not scribbly. ;-)

2. You can make wonderful Bloggy Friends. Don't believe me? Go click on the link of Cool Kids in my sidebar (which, yes, needs updating! I know, I know). Follow some of their blogs for a while, and you will find some truly amazing people... some of whom I've actually met face-to-face. They're just as cool in person as they are 'on blog.'

3. Sometimes, you win things. :-) Thanks 3car!

At one point early in my Grumpy Frump blogging existence, I had a contest. The winner was Jaek. He won a $25 gift card to Target.

Perhaps I shall have another contest! Yes, I shall. As soon as I figure out some really cool prize, I will post the info. It might have something to do with Chipotle, but then that would eliminate those of you who don't have any Chipotle near you. Hmmm...

Stay tuned!

Friday, March 06, 2009

A PSA for Stinky Pits

Over the last four years of blogging, I've chuckled at some of my Bloggy Friends who have posted funny stories about how they went to work and realized later that they had forgotten to apply deodorant/antiperspirant that morning. "Ha ha!" I laughed at their misfortune, and of course, their humorous recounting of the tale. One such Bloggy Friend, who unfortunately no longer blogs, posted about this several times... because she experienced this misfortune more than once. Read this tale here.

So... you would think... after FOUR years of laughing at other people... I would learn from their mistakes. Alas, no. I did not.

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far- nearly 70 degrees F in a state that usually has snow through parts of April. Needless to say, it was WARM.

And. I. Forgot. Deodorant.

I didn't really notice it until about 1:00pm. Luckily, I wear that clinical strength stuff, and it will sometimes last through the next day, even if you shower. When I returned to work from lunch, I started smelling something "off," but I didn't realize it was me. Sad, but true.

Soon, I started thinking, "Hmm. Why is my deodorant wearing off so quickly today? I smell FUNKY!"

On my short walk to the office restroom, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't even applied any deodorant that morning! Ew. I hate stinkiness.

I quickly checked the bathroom 'stash' to see if anyone had any. Nope.

I asked other women in the office. Nope.

I twittered to see what I could do, because of course, I had run out of time and couldn't hop over to a store. There was a class beginning in 10 minutes, and I had to be there.

My nice Twitter friends (who also blog) gave me some good suggestions, plus I also did a quick search for "deodorant substitute."

Here's what I found:

1. Wash your underarms with hand soap and dry.
2. If you can find some hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol, wipe a thin layer on your underarms with a tissue. This will take care of the bacteria.
3. Find some powder, cornstarch, or baking soda. If you have all three or any two of them, mix them together. Apply thin layer to underarms.

Couldn't find any powder or cornstarch, but I DID find baking soda in the staff kitchen, as well as some Purell. SWEET! Guess what, it actually works!

AND... this morning, I brought a back-up deodorant to work.... just in case. ;-)

So, please take it from me. Laugh at me. Feel sorry for me. But be sure you have a back-up deodorant, because it will probably happen to you sometime. And then you will be stinky.

This Helpful Hint is brought to you by Purell, Arm & Hammer, Secret Clinical Strength (they're not really sponsoring me-you know what I mean) and the letters P and U.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscar Reactions

1. Best speech- Kunio Kato, winner of best short film (animated), La maison en petit cubes- "Domo origato, Mr. Roboto!"

2. Best award presenter- Ben Stiller

3. Biggest disappointment- not enough Hugh! Great song and dance numbers, but he wasn't on stage nearly enough.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Drunk and Nude

His words. Not mine. This may be my all-time favorite Oscars telecast EVER.

Oh, and the Farm Boy is off golfing in another state, so I'll be home alone. Watching the Oscars Hugh Jackman. I won't have to worry about the Farm Boy catching me drooling or anything. I won't have to pretend I'm not really that interested.

See? That's what you get when you abandon your wife to go golfing with your brothers. She hangs out at home alone with Hugh Jackman. ;-)

Ah... life is good.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

How I Feel

I thought I would tell you how I'm feeling in a short photostory (thank you, Creative Commons).



Ready for a change.3

1 Overwhelmed
puck90's photostream

2 exhausted hiker in the volcano crater - _MG_5928
sean dreilinger's photostream

3 Change, we fear it...
apesara's photostream

Monday, January 19, 2009

Leave the Cannoli

Your Mafia Name Is Mimi "Ice Pick" D'Arco

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

That would be more accurate if it said, "Take the gun. Leave the cannoli." Just sayin.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


I usually am cheerful on the day of my birth, because I like parties and celebrating. But this is one I'd rather not even acknowledge.

Why is it that, when your age is a number followed by a "0," it feels like the means to an end? Gah.

So, I'm not posting a picture of me when I was little like I usually do (well, except last year when I forgot). I'm not going to quote the Beatles in my post title this year. I'm planning on moping around all day until it's over.

No, I'm not depressed or angst-ridden. Just... hmmm... not into it, I guess. Last night, I just kept thinking that I wanted to skip the whole day entirely. Since that wasn't an option, I'm just going to treat this like any other day.

On a lighter, cheerier note, stinkypaw is a great Bloggy Friend! :-)

Happy Wednesday!