Saturday, September 29, 2007

Best Laid Plans

I had so much planned to do this week. I had great blog posts. I was going to study for my upcoming tests like a mad woman. I was even appropriately ambitious about cleaning house.

And then I got the flu. Boo.

Not the pukey flu... it was the "achey, feel like I'm going to die from nothing" kind of flu. Gah.

So, very little was accomplished. I did a little studying for a test I have next Tuesday, but that's about all. And now I'm sitting here, listening to a football game, and thinking I have so much to do I don't even know where to start.

I feel a little better now, so what do I do? I blog. Brilliant.

Tell me to go study. Tell me to take my youngest shopping for some clothes that fit her (she won't stop growing!). Tell me to do some laundry or something.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Really? You're Going to Wear THAT?

Pet Peeve of the Week:

Mommies who wear suggestive clothing while walking their kids to school, shopping with their kids, etc.

If you're over 30 and walking your child into his or her school, the word "JUICY" should not be printed across your chest or derriere.

Along those same lines, your child's schoolmates have no need to see your cleavage. Or your butt hanging out of those Daisy Dukes. You're a mom. Remember that.

You don't have to wear the stereotypical "mom jeans" with a waistline that reaches your ribcage. I'm not saying you need to wear a burkha, either. Just please look in the mirror... if you think you look hot*, think about changing your clothes. Save the hot clothes for the weekends with your significant other. Cover up for your kids and their friends.

That's all. Thank you for listening.

*Yes, yes. I know. Some women are lucky enough to look hot, even if they're wearing a pair of farmer's overalls. That's not what I mean. It's the moms who try to look 'sexy' when they're out with their kids that are bugging me this week. I'm a mom. I want to look good, too... I'm just not out to seduce my kids' friends or their teachers.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

My Husband is Going to Freak...

I’m just going to type it, and then run like hell. So read quickly.

I’m having baby withdrawals, and the reason is two-fold, I think.

1) When my husband and I married almost 5 years ago, we each brought two children to the marriage. Our kids are all teenagers now, with the oldest in college. The other three are all in high school (yes, I know. I will accept sympathy in the form of cash… or comments. Whatever.).

I wish I had a dollar for every time my husband and I have been asked if we are going to have a child “of our own.” Well, we do have children of our own… 4 of them. But I understand what the question is really asking… are we ever going to have a child together? The answer has always been a resounding “NO.” Sometimes a resounding “Hell NO!” We’re still relatively young (we’re both in our late 30s), and it’s rather refreshing to have a date night where no babysitters are required. Also, I can’t remember the last time I had to buy diapers. Hallelujah! And even more exciting… when I’m 44, all our kids will be in their 20s. Empty nesters before the age of 45? Oh, sweet sounds of the gods!

Still… it does make me a little sad sometimes that I’ll never know what a Grumpy-Farm-Frumpy-Boy would look like. And we’ll never share that special intimacy of conceiving a child, going through birth together (granted, I’d be doing most of the work, as usual—just kidding, honey!), and sharing that special time alone together with our baby. Our kids won’t ever have a sibling they all share together.

2) This reason is a bit selfish, but there’s so much cool stuff for young moms now! Seriously. When I was pregnant with my two girls, maternity “fashion” was the equivalent of wearing a large, burlap sack with the word “BABY” and an arrow pointing at your stomach. Brilliant, right? Maternity clothes are sooooooooo much cuter now!

And… there were no blogs back then. I lived in a small town, away from my family and friends, with only my future ex and his family as a support system. I craved other “mommy” contact and conversations, but other than the women in my LaMaze classes, there were no connections for me. I am slightly envious of all the mommies who have found such a great community through their blogs. What a great opportunity, especially for those who aren't around family and friends!

Once the girls were born, I could carry around pictures with me, or mail them to friends and family, but there wasn’t an easy method with which to share pictures and video. Flickr? Yeah, nothing like that existed. Eventually, email came around, but it was slow, and believe it or not, a lot of people didn’t have it. (Okay, I am officially a dinosaur.)

And I know every generation of moms can say this… but the toys. THE TOYS. Even our kids groan when they see all the cool toys that are out there now!

I realize I have a lot of benefits of having near-grown children, and that I wouldn’t trade one ounce of my life now for anything different. Every once in a while, though, I do get these baby withdrawals and just wonder “what if?”

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Arrrr! It's That Time of Year Again, Me Mateys!

Ahoy, me hearteys! What a great day i’tis to be sailin’ the mighty seas!

As you all know, I am married to the Farm Boy, who eventually becomes… the Dread Pirate Westley! Additionally, my oldest daughter is majoring in swashbuckling at Pirate College (okay, not really… but that was her first choice!). So, we’re well-versed in pirate life.

And since today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, what could be more fitting than to discuss your favorite pirate quotes.

Some of my favorites are Captain Jack Sparrow’s... here are two I particularly like:

"I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness." I use this one at work almost daily. :-)

"Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!" (Both quote from “Pirates…3”)

So, you scurvy little scalliwags, what is YOUR favorite pirate quote??

Monday, September 17, 2007

But My Eyes Aren't Brown...

Apparently, someone thinks I'm compl├Ętement de la merde, because I get 5-10 emails a day (in several of my email accounts) for ColoPure, Colon Purify, Colon Mate, Colon Blow... you name it.

Oh, well... it's better than the male enhancement emails I usually get. I KNOW I don't need those.

What scares me the most about spam is this: you know that spammers continue sending a gazillion emails a day, because there's a decent percentage of morons out there who actually respond to the spam.

And speaking of being full of "it," I keep seeing the commercial for the new Mountain Dew "Game Fuel." If you haven't seen it, several guys all over the world are playing an online game with others across the world. The majority of them are frustrated, because they're losing. The winner is the guy who has the new "energy" drink.

So... if you drink this crap, you'll win online games. Great message.

121mg* of caffeine PLUS 77.5 g of sugar in one 20 oz bottle. No protein. So, on top of sitting in front of a game for hours on end-- getting no exercise (unless it's a Wii)-- this is what the marketing people want you to think you NEED.

I don't know if this guy in China had any gaming fuel, but his 3 day gaming binge cost him his life. Perhaps other factors were involved, but three straight days of gaming? Yikes.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not knocking gaming at all! I've sat in front of my screen for a few hours at a time and been hooked on it, too. However, I'm not dumb enough to think that I'll be better if I imbibe any of these roided-out soft drinks. I just hate that it's being marketed to kids.

Yes, I know there's more caffeine in a cup of coffee. I rarely drink coffee, and when I do... it's definitely not in bottle form at 20 oz a shot.

Friday, September 14, 2007

A YAY for Fall Friday Why Files!

WHY #1: Why don't employers in the US have this idea?* A Russian governor advises couples to stay home and "make babies" instead of going to work.

WHY #2: Why were all the employees from upstairs (a different company) outside on the campus lawn playing kickball this morning? Maybe I need to look for a new job! I love kickball.

WHY #3: Why am I not posting about the Britney debacle at the VMAs? (because it's too sad and was even painful to watch)... although Sarcomical has provided a very interesting "play by play" account.

WHY #4: Why do some people (not from the Midwest) assume that all people who reside in my state live on farms?

Could I just state for the record that I have never lived on a farm and wouldn't have the foggiest notion of what to do on a farm?

Yes. I have seen cows. SEEN them. I have never raised one, nor taken one to a 4-H competition. To be honest, I'm not even sure what 4-H is.

I don't live in the middle of a cornfield.

I have modern conveniences in my home... no outhouses for me, thank you very much.

I don't wear overalls. Even if they came back in style, I don't think I'd wear them. They're not a good look for me. ;-)

WHY #5: Why do I have the urge to buy another new pair of shoes this weekend? And maybe a new suit? Hmmm....

And this concludes today's Friday Why Files. Happy Friday!

*Yes, I know. We don't have the same population loss that certain Russian regions do, but come on. It's a good idea, right? And no, I don't want anymore children, but I'm sure the Farm Boy wouldn't mind the day off either.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Maybe I Should Invest in Ear Plugs...

As if I haven't been grumpy enough lately... it's time for a small rant. :-)

The older I get, the more easily annoyed I become in social situations. Sad, but true. Lately, it's LOUD TALKERS who are ... well, pissing me off.

I wouldn't classify myself as an overly considerate person, but I do take measures to ensure that I don't trample other people's rights or invade their "space." Of course I make mistakes and slip up... I'm not perfect (no matter how many times people tell me I am... I KID! I kid).

LOUD TALKERS are trampling my personal space everywhere I go! I swear they're following me or something.

Loud talking is okay in certain arenas: bars/clubs with music so loud you can feel it, sports venues (as long as it's cheering and not a conversation about potty training or The Hills-- which I detest so much, I'm not even going to link it-- or anything else that isn't about the game on hand). But loud talking is not okay everywhere. It's just not!

Whenever we go out to eat, we are always seated next to the loudest table in the restaurant. Some crass girl is shouting out to the world the intimate details of her sex life and all the wild romps she's had in the last three weeks. And apparently, she only knows how to use sentences with the word "LIKE" included:

Crass Girl: It was so, like, amazing, you know? Like, I've never been with anyone who was so amazing! He was so wild, but, like, cool too. He has this tattoo, like, that circles around his chest and back, like very cool.

Me [to the Farm Boy]: she's so stupid, she's making my ears bleed.

FB: like, and LOUD, for sure. Like my ears are, like, bleeding, too. *typical FB grin*

For five minutes, she went on and on and on. Everyone in our section of the restaurant could hear each word she said. Farm Boy told me to time her... 20 "likes" in less than a minute. GAH!

Then there's the guy talking on his cell phone in the mall. Now, I understand that, sometimes, it's difficult for people on the other end of the phone to hear you... especially in areas that don't have great reception (e.g., malls). You occasionally have to speak up to be heard. In those cases, most people... considerate people... would take their phone conversations to a more isolated place with better reception (e.g. OUTSIDE the mall).

Cell Phone Guy [talking to wife on cell]: Yes! I'm waiting for you at the downstairs entrance. Come get me!

[3 seconds of silence]

CPG: The DOWNSTAIRS entrance!

[2 seconds of silence]

CPG: No! Not that one. One of the other entrances.

[3 seconds of silence]

CPG: No! Not that one either. It's by the piano store. You made me come to this stupid mall, and I'm tired of waiting for you. Come get me right this minute!

Okay, so maybe he's an impatient jerk who orders his wife around, too.

His cell phone conversation was accompanied by another man on his cell phone speaking in a language that might have been Punjabi. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that's what it was. He was also speaking very loudly, and his phone conversation lasted the entire time I shopped for hair products and lip gloss... and continued even after I purchased an ice cream cone and finished eating said ice cream cone. And yes, still LOUDLY conversing. I just wanted to tell him to take it outside. Please and thank you kindly. No dice.

I just don't get it. Farm Boy often becomes frustrated with me, because he says I mumble when we're in public. Compound the fact that his ears are about a foot above my mouth... you get the picture. Most of what I have to say to him when we're in public is not for the "public," so I don't shout it out for all to hear.

TMI, LOUD TALKERS. TMI! Please... I'm not eavesdropping purposefully. You're not giving me any choice!

Maybe I'll start writing "noise pollution" tickets. ??

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Jeers to the Unsportsmanlike Conduct

You know, as much as I love football and the "rivalries" that exist, I've never let my loyalties to my team get in the way of my character. In other words, I've never derided a player on an opposing team JUST because he was on the other team. Well, maybe with the exception of the team that shall not be named where a defender tried to rip the head off our quarterback... wasn't flagged for it... and then it became a big joke at that particular school. But I digress...

Some fans are true fans, and some fans are just FANatics. My personal beliefs say that sportsmanship is a must on and off the field, for those on the roster and those in the stands. Rivalries are supposed to be healthy and promote fun competition, not an excuse to make an ass of yourself.

Still, I understand, how some people might want to be a jerk to an opposing team. It's not very classy, but I can see how our culture tends to condone such actions. And it could be worse.

Which leads me to the Michigan fans. I call "bad form" to those of you who were at your HOME game last Saturday booing. Your. Own. Team. Man, that is just shameful all the way around. Those are kids on that field. Maybe you were booing the coaches. I don't know. But for those young kids playing their hearts out, getting hurt, and already feeling down because they're not playing well... the booing? That's what they heard from their fans.

So, jeers to the booing Michigan football fans. Do us all a favor and class it up. Either support your team or don't... but if you choose not to, I'm fairly certain someone else would love to have your tickets.

Friday, September 07, 2007

If I Say I Didn't Mean It, Will I Be Able to Sleep In Again?

Apparently, I offended the god of morning people.... because this morning, I awoke at 4 AM. And could not go back to sleep. No matter how hard I tried. Gah.

Well, at least I wasn't chipper about it. ;-)

I'm going to be one hurting unit today at work. We have a 3 hour meeting to start the morning. THAT's going to be "fun," especially with me yawning every 5 minutes.

I think I'll post a Saturday Why Files, instead of a Friday.

Happy Friday! *yawn*

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A PSA for Morning People

Woo-HOO! I knew there was a reason I'm not a morning person!

A Japanese study notes that early rising might not be good for the heart.

I know a lot of people who get up super early just to go exercise before going to work (like 4am early). I prefer to workout at night (on those rare occasions that I actually DO workout), either after work or around 8:00ish-9:00ish.

Have you ever noticed how morning people think they're better than everyone else? They're always all chipper and happy in the morning. Here's an example:

Morning Person: "Come on, you lazy head! Get out of bed! It's almost dawn, a new day is beginning, and life is GOOD!"

Me: "There had better be a fire or something really bad for you to be talking to me before 6am."

Morning Person: "What do you mean? Who would want to sleep during the best part of the day? The birds are singing, the sun is rising, and life is GOOD!"

Me: "No, SLEEP is good. Go away before I hurt you."

Morning Person: "Well, aren't we just a crankybottom. Some people just don't know what's good for.... grgg auugggh!"

That's the sound they make after I beat them senseless.

So what have we learned* today, kids? A) Early rising=bad, B) Waking up a non-morning person= worse.

And that concludes today's Public Service Announcement. Have a nice day.

*There's a quiz. I'm not saying when... just know that you will be expected to remember this information! ;-)

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Pictures Can Say A Lot...

*I know I used a preposition to end the phrase, but I don't really care today.