Friday, February 29, 2008

A "Why Haven't There Been More Why Files" Why Files...

Oh, you know WHY there haven't been more Why Files. :-)

So without further ado... I present:

Why #1:
Why do we use umbrellas when it rains, but not when it snows? I saw a woman with an umbrella up during a snow storm and thought how odd it looked. BUT... her head was dry, and she wasn't going to end up with stocking-cap-head later on. So, last week when we had a really wet snow, I took my umbrella. Note: umbrellas only protect you against snow if there isn't a whirling, swirling wind that makes it look like it's snowing from all directions.

Why #2: Why am I so weird? I have a box of tissues on my desk. But that box of tissues has to be season-specific. For example, the one on my desk has snow flakes on it. If I don't use the entire box by the end of winter, I will put it in my cube cabinet, and bring it back out when it's season appropriate again. Kind of like the tissue box that is currently residing in my cube cabinet. The one with pumpkins on it. I will bring that back out next October, because I didn't use all the tissues last October. So, in 8 more months, I will have dusty tissues to use again. Hooray! How lame is that???

Why #3: After watching Sarah Silverman's Ode To Matt Damon, I wondered why is Matt Damon always such a good sport? Is he really such a good guy? I think the answer is yes. And also that he's just hilarious.

Why #4: After watching Jimmy Kimmel's response to Sarah Silverman's Ode To Matt Damon, I just wondered WHY. Actually, I laughed so hard, I almost wet my pants. But that's another "why" for another day.
Is anyone else wondering how he got all those stars to help him out? I bow down to you, Jimmy Kimmel. That was freaking hilarious. Oh, and apparently Ben Affleck is an even better sport than Matt Damon. Did you see that glittery teal shirt?!?! Oh. My. Garg. Brad Pitt? Robin Williams? Harrison Ford? Josh Groban????? This is my new "wake-up and get in a good mood" video.

Why #5: Here's our "just why" for the day. Apparently, the pavement was of age and a consenting partner. Ewww.

And that concludes this episode of The Why Files. Thanks for playing.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Blog Share Was Super Fun!

Thanks to -R- for organizing the amazing Blog Share yesterday! Even through the midst of an inconvenient illness, she pulled through for everyone, and I, for one, enjoyed every bit of it!!

If you didn't get a chance to read through all the Blog Share bloggers, please visit -R-'s post that lists all the links.

As for me... I hope to have a Why Files ready to go for you tomorrow. Wow, could it really be? No, surely she jests!

Nope! I don't jest, and please don't call me Shirley (ba-dump-BUMP!). Hope to see you all here tomorrow!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Anybody selling a good used Delorean?

Today’s post is part of Blog Share and was written by an anonymous writer. To see the other anonymous posts today, see -R-'s Blog Share list.

I might want to rig up a flux capacitor and take the scenic route down the path not taken.

I'd like to travel back in time and change some things, see how they'd play out if I did just one thing differently. Maybe. Maybe I wouldn't change anything at all, but sometimes I'd really like to have the chance.

I probably shouldn't have gone crazy with the neon clothing in the 80s. I thought it was fun! Or not.

That "bi-level" haircut that was all the rage, combined with a growing-out perm? Maybe that was a bad call. Or not.

Changing that college major from Pre-Med? Maybe that wasn't the wisest choice. Maybe I could be a wealthy doctor right now. Or not.

Turning down a part-time job my dad wanted me to take, 'cause it seemed to me to be dead-end and no-fun? A job that turned into a high-profile career for the person who DID take it? Maybe I should have given it a shot. Or not.

Not realizing in time that one of my college classmates was flirting with me for REAL, and not just kidding around? Maybe I could be the wife of a reasonably wealthy optometrist right now. (He ended up marrying one of my friends, despite her extremely cold feet, and they ended up very bitterly divorced. Maybe they both could have been spared.) Or not.

Maybe I should have been more patient with the sweet, goofy, brilliant young guy who loved me 20 years ago. Maybe the fact that he couldn't make himself a sandwich, or keep track of the car keys, or take a shower without flooding the bathroom, or wrap his brain around the fact that sometimes, love ISN'T enough, sometimes you need, oh...a place to live and money to buy food, maybe those things should NOT have made me so ready to push him away and break his heart. Maybe I should have hung in there with him. But, you know, I was young, too. And I was H-O-T hot. There'd be plenty of other good guys wanting to love me, right? Or not.

I definitely should NOT have dated that pathological liar, no matter how intense the physical chemistry. Of course, really good pathological liars don't reveal themselves right away, so there might not have been any escape from that particular trap. But if I had it to do over again, I'd try to be more alert, damn it. Maybe it wouldn't take me six months to figure it all out. Maybe I'd be smarter. Or not.

I definitely should not have let my post-pathological liar vulnerability convince me it was a good idea to let an ex back in my life. He was an ex for a reason--namely, because he disappeared from my life without a trace and stayed away for two years. When he showed up wanting to apologize for the way he treated me, I should have graciously accepted his apology (hey, I can be the bigger person) and sent him on his way. His then MARRIED way. But at the time, he seemed sincere about wanting to clear the air and be "friends." And then later, he seemed sincere about wanting to end his marriage. Or NOT.

Maybe I shouldn't have put my feet in those stirrups on that cold February morning long ago and exercised every woman's right to choose.

Maybe I should have been less scared.

Maybe I should have been stronger.

Maybe I should have trusted that it would all work out, somehow.

But certainly there would be other chances--chances to do it RIGHT, wouldn't there?

Or not.

Blog Share is TOMORROW!

W00T! Tomorrow is Blog Share, so an anonymous blogger will be posting to Grumpy Frump. You know what that means, right? You guessed it! Two days in a row with a new post on this blog. Are the planets aligned or something? They must be!

In the meantime, I'd better decide which post to send to MY Blog Share buddy. Blog buddy. Bluddy? No, that just sounds sick. Blog-Buddy???? *giving up now*

Also, I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who still read... I know I'm really inconsistent about posting, and it makes me sad. I do enjoy reading your comments, and I try to get to your blogs to read, too. While I don't always have the opportunity to comment, I still enjoy what you all post! Now if I could just find a way around that blog-blocking filter at work. Gah!

If you want to read the Blog Share posts tomorrow, in addition to the guest blogger here, head over to my friend -R-'s place. She'll be posting a list of links, I believe.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Closed on Account of Cold...

C'mon... admit it. You want to live in a place where the weather gets so cold, the wind chill so dangerous, that they close school. And some businesses. That's what is happening here tomorrow.

Why are all the images of hell depicted with flames, brimstone, smoke? Because I'm pretty sure those images are wrong. Yes, sirree. I am betting that hell is actually a place where the weather takes a 50 degree plunge in less than 24 hours. A place where, if you walk outside, the insides of your nostrils freeze instantly... and that is a pain you can only pretend to understand unless you've actually experienced it.

And I'm also betting that hell's real name is Nebraska.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Three Wishes... Blink Blink!

Dear Genie,

Here are my three wishes:

1) I would like a new job. One that allows me to telecommute from home, is around 4-6 hours a day, and affords me enough time to HAVE A LIFE.

2) I would like either a) a live-in maid, or b) the energy and desire to clean my home. It's pathetic. No, really. You wouldn't even want to walk past the foyer. Trust me. If I can't have A or B, could you maybe just pop in every day and BLINK it clean for me? Thanks.

3) World Peace.

Thanks. I put that last one in there just so I wouldn't seem like a total selfish pig. And maybe that would put me in your good graces, so that you would give me the first two wishes. Pretty Please?

Monday, February 04, 2008

All the News You I Need on Toes, Pete Lee, and the NFL...

1) I'm calling the doctor tomorrow about my toes. They're still messed up, and the swelling is at the joints between the metatarsals and phalanges. In other words, not the "toe knuckles," but the place where the toes meet the rest of the foot. The suckiest thing is that I think I'm messing up the rest of my foot by not walking normally. Ridiculous. Call a doctor already, you big baby. Or else I will take the advice of wire and and lori to just remove the toes or foot altogether. (Or not. )

2) Farm Boy and I went to see Pete Lee's show last Friday. I even paid Pete 50 cents for a hug (he said they weren't free anymore). Unfortunately, the Farm Boy had a few too many doubles that evening, and he forgot to take a picture with my camera phone. Loser. Can't hold his whiskey (says the girl who is looped after half a glass of wine). Anyway, love Pete Lee. LOTS. He was even kind to the heckler lady (with the Harley Davidson purse) before she was physically removed by the big, ginormous bouncer. Dinner and a show. How good is life?!?!

3) I'm hoping that I will be a Bloggy regular again someday. I do read you all... really, I do. Most of the time, it's through Google Reader, so I can't always comment. Plus, they started blocking blogs at work (sheesh! It's like they don't trust us or something), so now I have lost that time, too! Seriously, I only did that stuff during lunch. Or breaks. Or slow periods. Or when I was bored. *big cheesy grin*

4) YAY, Giants! I'm not a huge NFL fan... don't like the over-inflated egos with the over-inflated salaries. However, I was ready to root for anyone to beat the Patriots. Not that I dislike the team. I think there's some very good talent on the team, even though I've been, like, you know, SOOO over Tom Brady for some time. But Belichick? Beli-ICK. Cheater, Cheater. He didn't even have to do any of that with the all the talent on his team, and yet he tainted what could have been an amazing season for them. Wait. It still WAS an amazing season for them. Just not for him. Cause he's a cheater, and no one likes a cheater. Yeah.

5) I have not been home before 8pm any night in the last two weeks. Some nights, it's been 9pm or later. What's scarier is that I'm usually home on weekends earlier than I am on weekdays. That is MESSED UP. Perhaps that is what is eating up all my blogging time. Perhaps I should get up an hour earlier each day just to keep up on blogging. Yes, and perhaps a monkey will fly out of my.... ear and sing me an aria from Die Fledermaus.

6) My Wii Sports Tennis Pro status is at 2083. My Wii Sports Golf Pro status is 117. So, apparently, if I suck at a sport in real life, I will rule the school on the Wii. If I am half-way decent at the sport in real life, I will suck it up royally on the Wii. I think I'm okay with that.

That is all. :-)