Friday, March 31, 2006

Random Friday Reveries...

1. Last week, we had over a foot of snow dumped on us. For two days, it was snow, snow, snow. THIS week, we've had temps in the 60-70 degree F (15-21 C) range. So you know what that means... yes, tornadoes. Good thing they tested the warning sirens the day before! Also, it meant spending 30 minutes in a shelter area until the warnings were over. At work. Bleh.

2. Could I BE any less enthused for the opening night of Basic Instinct 2? If I hear one more tv personality tell Sharon Stone how great she looks, I'm going to barf.

Do you hear that Sharon Stone? That is the sound of your career waning away, because you refuse to find roles for SOMEONE YOUR AGE.* You are almost 50. Act it, for God's sake! You are not an ingenue anymore (not that you ever were really naive or innocent, though). The "vixen" role over the age of 50 is still very much owned by one Miss Joan Collins... so give us all a break, okay?!?

3. Had lunch with my mom and my one-year-old nephew today. A pair of bright blue baby eyes always make you feel like life is good.

4. I know there is a logical (although that point may be argued) reason for Daylight Savings Time. However, I am not holding anything back when I say that it TOTALLY SUCKS. I have enough trouble with my sleeping habits. Throwing me off an hour twice a year is just stupid ('cause it's all about me, right?!?). Plus, tomorrow afternoon, I will be driving to South Dakota for a school activity. At the end of the activity, we will leave South Dakota around 11-11:30pm. By the time we arrive back home, it will be about 2am. But... that's when Daylight Savings Time begins. SO, it will technically be 3am. GAH! Do we really need to keep doing this?

5. Funniest quote I heard today-- "Advice to prospective applicants for Naomi Campbell's new personal assistant: #1) Don't work for Naomi Campbell. #2) Especially don't work for Naomi Campbell if she has a cell phone in her hand." What a crazy bitch. How many times does she get to do this... and get away with it?

6. Someone at work keeps turning my wee little garden gnome around on my desk so that he can't see. WTF?

7. Our Chicago trip itinerary is almost 100% ready. Google Earth is ever so helpful! [wonders if the Farm Boy knows how much shopping he is going to endure?]

8. I'm in such a good mood today. "Spring Break" commences at 5pm today. I don't work at all next week (WOOT!). I'm listening to a little Electric Light Orchestra today-- Don't bring me down, no, no, no, no, noooooo! How could I possibly be in a bad mood? And, there's a hockey game tonight. Yeah, it's just all good. :-)

Happy Friday!

*Yes, I know. Roles for women over 40 are definitely hard to come by. BUT... if she keeps uncrossing her legs, she's not going to find any good roles anyway.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Gee... what a surprise (mild sarcasm)...

Poppy posted this, so I just had to steal it. I'm a total nerd. And I'm cool with that.

Pure Nerd
95 % Nerd, 47% Geek, 21% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.


Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST


I don't have a lot of time to do this today. Going to a conference, so I'll be away from blogland for most of the day (withdrawals will commence around 9am CST, I'm sure).

My frustration level is about terror level orange right now. No, maybe it's red. I don't know. All I know is this totally sucks.

I have been SOOOO good about eating well. I don't consume more than 1200 calories a day (yes, even on days when I go to Chipotle). I haven't eaten a doughnut in over a year, I think. I stay away from horribly fattening things... and when I DO indulge, I usually share a dessert with my husband. That funnel cake I blogged about a while back (not enough time to find the link)... haven't had one since.

I'm working out intensely 2 days a week with a physical therapist for an hour and 15 minutes, and doing home exercises every other day of the week. Because of back problems, I'm not allowed to work out like I used to... and that includes walking on a treadmill... for now. I'm getting better, so that's just temporary. But the home exercises are Pilates and other similar types, so they're effective. Heart rate is up during exercise time, and muscles are getting work.

So, I'm starting to feel better anyway. But have I lost any weight. Nooooooooooooooooooooo... I'VE GAINED TWO LBS.

This TOTALLY sucks.

My husband says, "it's muscle weight." Whatever. You can tell me that all you want, but when my freaking clothes don't fit, IT'S A PROBLEM. Plain and simple.

So, now I'm depressed... and angry. Grrr!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Yay! It's here, it's here, it's HERE!!!

My Chipotle t-shirt arrived today! WOOOOOOT!!!

Here I am, dancing and showing some attitude (singing, "I have a new Chipotle shirt, and you don't!") in front of the piano. I think I could have bought a smaller size, though. I could basically wear this as a dress and NOT get arrested.

Yes, it's a horrible picture, but a) I didn't take it, and b) I had to crop the hell out of it.

Want to order one for yourself? Go here. I also bought my baby nephew a bib... there are a few cute items for sale. Go see. :-)

Monday, March 27, 2006

No, it's not lice. And no, it's not fleas...

I need some help, friends. This is driving me crazy.

Very recently, my scalp has started to hurt. Not all over... just in certain places: small sections starting just a little past the temples, one spot right at the crown, and two other spots, just right and left of the back center of my head.

I have never had dandruff. I haven't changed hair products. I haven't recently had my hair dyed.

It started off as just somewhat itchy. And I've noticed that there are areas where I feel like there are scabs (sorry, it's not as gross as it sounds). There is no oozing or anything that would make me feel like there's an infection or even in-grown hairs. Now, it doesn't itch anymore. It BURNS. My scalp feels like it's on fire. En fuego!

I haven't called my doctor yet, but I tried to do a little searching online. The only thing I can find short of psoriasis is the same blasted excuse I've found for everything else that has gone wrong with my health the last few years: STRESS.

Please, PLEASE someone tell me that you have either heard of or experienced something like this... and that stress is not the cause. Because, short of quitting my job which is not an option but you already knew that, there's not going to be a lot of stress relief in my life for at least a few more months.

The one and only variable within the last few weeks is that I have started Aquatic Therapy. BUT... before you go all "A-Hah!" on me, Watson... I never put my head in the water. My hair never touches the water. In fact, I'm only in water up to my shoulders. The water is highly chlorinated, but it doesn't reach to my scalp. Is there such a thing as chlorine vapors that could be doing this? (yeah, it's late, and I can't sleep because my scalp hurts... and I'm stupid right now. Sue me.)

I'm interested to hear if any of you have heard of something like this... thanks for playing.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Friday, March 24, 2006

Fun with Fortunes...

Jege posted a fun place to play.

make your own

Random Friday musings while working a half day (woot!)...

1. It's amazing how elevated one's mood can be when one only has to work half a day. I should do this all year long! Well, as long as they still pay me for full days. heh heh

2. Have you seen those animated ads online for Lamisil? You know the ones where they show that nasty little digger creature that is to represent the fungus that grows under your nails? AND... they show, in ANIMATION, the toe nail lifting up from the top of the toe? *cue nausea*

May I please beg someone to stop these ads? They appear everywhere, and they aren't even pop ups I can block. Imagine opening your email or some news site, and BAM! There goes that toe nail. Owie, owie, OWIE. If you've ever injured your toe and had the toenail come off, you can imagine the pain involved. And now, every time I see that ad, I relive the pain. And it makes me gag. Literally.

3. The Today show did a segment on a real-life Mrs. Doubtfire yesterday morning, but I missed most of it... and I can't find the story online ANYWHERE. I will dedicate an entire post (read here: a significant holla singing your detective skills prowess) to whomever can provide me a link to read about this. MSNBC doesn't have it anywhere on their site.

4. I have resorted to listening to a cheesy pop song EVERY morning that, for some reason unbeknownst to me (or anyone else for that matter), puts me in a GOOD mood. So for the sake of all humankind, I listen to it over and over and over again. And it's working. What's worse... it's in Mandarin Chinese, and I haven't learned all the words yet. So I can't even sing along to the whole thing. Arrrgh. But the operative phrase is: IT'S WORKING!

5. Nabbalicious briefly mentioned encounters (or "non-encounters") with stalkers. That reminded me of the time I had a stalker.

I used to be a corporate end-user application trainer. So, in the course of two years, I had trained 1000+ people in and around the city where I worked. Occasionally, we'd get what we called "training groupies," people who liked to hang around and talk after the training session... and who would also sign up for anything and everything we taught. One groupie became a little obsessive with me. And it was scaaaaaaaarrryyyy! He worked for a company that shall remain nameless (but it's responsible for little blue pills for men and little pink pills for those who have allergies). I trained there a lot, and he took a lot of my classes.

Soon, I noticed a strange car in our office parking lot. It was there every morning when I came in to work, and it was there every evening when I left. Someone was always sitting in the car, too. I didn't really pay much attention to it, until an office mate noticed WHO it was. It was the groupie. A few days after that, flower deliveries came to my desk every day for a month. A MONTH! I was getting really scared, and of course, the police wouldn't do anything. I ignored this guy whenever I went to his company to train, and we started sending different trainers if he registered for one of my classes. One guy I worked with also went out to our parking lot one day to tell him he was trespassing. I think he threatened him a little, too. After that, he just disappeared, and I never saw him again.

That was 6 years ago, but it still creeps me out a little. And that's probably why I'll never post my picture in any of my posts. Ya never know who's lurking...

Okay... that was not a good way to end a Friday post! So, HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I feel so much better today...

1. Yesterday is history. (yay)

2. I had the usual at Chipotle last night and ate 90% of my burrito. That's good enough. It counts. Woo hoo!

3. I just bought something SO INCREDIBLY COOL! As soon as it arrives, I will take its picture and post it. I can't wait... I'm almost going to spill the beans! heh heh

4. It is nearly impossible to buy a CD in the US (or even an MP3) for that matter if it's not an American artist or a "World Music" type of thing. If I want to buy a CD of a Chinese pop singer, Russian rock group, or an Australian band, it's nearly freaking impossible. Of course, if you go to a website in one of those countries that are not English-speaking* (especially China and Russia), you can't even fake your way through the language. ARRRGGGHHH! Anyone know of a TRULY international website in English? *sidenote: I actually can figure out the patterns in the symbols and find the tune(s) that I want, but I can't read the rest of it.

5. I haven't read blogs in almost two days. I think I'm going through withdrawals. Two bad those withdrawals don't result in extreme weight loss. ;-)

Tomorrow is Friday, PLUS... I only work half a day. Things are truly looking up. :-)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Why even bother...

Today was just a shitty, SHITTY day. And that's all I have to say about that.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Snow Day #2... and daytime TV still sucks.

Quick notes from a fairly boring day...

1. I slept through the Today show this morning. You know how sometimes, when you sleep with the TV on, the people on TV are in your dreams? And now, you know where this is leading. My dream was a nightmare. Katie Couric and her freaky lip-linered lips were chasing me, and hollering something about the president. I woke up in a cold sweat... and changed the channel immediately.

2.Jonathan of Bravo's Blow Out is a pyscho. Why does this guy have his own TV show? "I live for hair." That's his motto. And he's straight. With a SUPER-SIZED ego. Ick. Non-stop commercials for this guy today. Double ICK.

3. I've been suckered into watching Celebrity Poker Showdown. I like playing Texas Hold'Em, but I don't care to watch the World Poker Tour or anything else remotely poker-ish on TV. But the TV has been stuck on Bravo (for some reason I can't explain), and I'm doing laundry. If I change the channel to some movie On Demand, I'll stop doing laundry. I'm just weird like that. So, poker it is.

Celebrity Poker cast today (it's a repeat): Wanda Sykes, Travis Tritt, Rosario Dawson, Jerome "The Bus" Bettis, and Mena Suvari. Wanda Sykes is hilarious as usual. Mena Suvari looks like a china doll. How do I get skin like that?!?!?

Oh, my good GOD. The hottie server girl that usually delivers the drinks to the celeb poker table.... just turned into a hottie guy. Wow. Wanda Sykes just lost all focus. He is wearing skin tight leather pants just below the hip bone. Oh my. At this point, I turn the channel over until the hottie guy is gone. (not really, I just said that for the Farm Boy's benefit... in case he's reading this).

4. Okay, enough of this. I have a load of jeans in the washer, and the girls are clamoring to get out of the house for a little while. Hopefully, my loser cruiser can make it through all the snow, so we can venture out for a bit of lunch. I plan on taking the camera with me to capture all the lovely snow sights along the way.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Spring is upon us...

... and, as usual, it delivers a crushing blow. How, you ask? By hiding behind a blanket, no a fluffy ONE FOOT down comforter of snow. Bah. At least we'll have snow days... probably two of them.

Photo from the Omaha World-Herald.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Begorra! It's Random St. Patrick's Day musings...

1. Tonight, while most of the country is pouring greenish alcohol down their throats and dancing a wee little jig, I'll be sitting in an auditorium watching a high school musical. And oddly enough... I'm okay with that.

2. Do I really care if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get married this weekend or not? Hmmm... NOPE.

3. Why would I EVER stop reading Jurgen Nation?

4. Every now and then, you just have to say "WTF", dish out some precious dinero, and take a trip to get the hell out of Dodge. We (Farm Boy and I) are going to do it, even if it's only for two days. Two weeks... and we're outta here.

5. Happy St. Patrick's Day, y'all.

Gabrielle made me do it...

Gabrielle tagged me. Because, and ONLY because she is living my fantasy life over in Paris, I will oblige...

Four movies you would watch over and over:
The Princess Bride (duh)
Overboard (Ya gotta know you were in the navy!)
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (You ain’t bona fide!)
Napoleon Dynamite (‘cause I have a crush on Kip)

Four places you have lived:
Hmmm… this is a hard one.

Nebraska (Omaha)
Nebraska (Lincoln)
Nebraska (Nebraska City)
Nebraska (Omaha again)
*snore* This will change after all the kids are gone.

Four TV shows you love to watch:
The Medium
Ghost Hunters
Miami Ink
Anything on the Discovery Health Channel

Four places you have been on vacation:
Edinburgh, Scotland
London, Cambridge, Oxford, and a few other places in England
Western Caribbean
Southern California

Four websites you visit daily:
All The Cool Kids’ blogs in my sidebar (I know… that’s more than 4)
Hotmail (even though I really should switch to Gmail, but I've had this email addy FOREVER)
Mostly work-related sites (read here: boring)

Four of your favorite foods:
Veggie burritos from Chipotle (duh)
Grilled chicken and spinach salad with feta cheese, cukes, tomatoes, and kalamata olives (mmmmm….)
Amaretto cheesecake
Seafood enchiladas

Four places you would rather be right now:
Drinking chai tea and reading a book in Barnes & Noble
On a golf course with the Farm Boy
On a power walk around a lake
Drinking margaritas with the girls

Four friends you are tagging:
Whoever wants to do it. Most of you already have in one form or the other. (Margus: are you still sore from the last time?)

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Creepy guys at the post office...

While at the post office yesterday (sorry, jaek. I didn't actually mail your prize until yesterday. *grovels at your feet*), I stood in line behind what I lovingly call the Postage ATM. I love the Postage ATM because technophobes won't go anywhere near it. That means shorter lines. Woot!

The gentleman in front of me was just finishing up as I walked in. He turned and smiled... initiated some small talk and lingered a little more than my comfort level with strange men would allow. Finally, he left and I started my transaction. I then hear another guy come in behind me... he was on his cell phone, I guessed, as I couldn't actually see him. I could hear him "Mm hmm"ing and "Noooo"ing to the person on the other end of the line. I could also hear him slurping on what I guessed was a piece of candy or something.

After a few seconds, he walks around to my right side and just starts staring at me. He's still on his phone, and now, from the corner of my eye, I can barely make out that he is, in fact, slurping on a lollipop. As I am trying to hurriedly finish my transactions, he's really starting to creep me out! Creepy lollipop guy won't stop STARING at me. So fine. Whatever. I'm a little cute.* But guys do not follow me around post offices as a general rule. I'm really starting to get creeped out, but I have not actually looked up and made eye contact yet.

So, I muster up the courage to return the staring... and hope I can use my most evil, crusty teacher stare to make him go away... and as I look up, I realize .... it's my brother. Laughing. his. ASS. off! I'm acting all weird, and he's been trying to catch my attention for 2 to 3 minutes now.

Yeah. I'm pretty much an idiot.

*I don't really think this about myself, so no lectures on vanity or conceit, please. The Farm Boy, who is a major hottie (and yes, I know he reads this now, but it's still true), does tell me this on occasion.

Tell me something I DON'T know...

MPB linked to this site yesterday. I only like to do the BLOGTHINGs that I find amusing. I found this one to be "post-worthy," mostly because it's dead-on accurate.

You Are 40% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Random sights...

1. Last night in Wal-Mart (and I NEVER go to Wal-Mart!), left on a checkout counter:
  • * 1 bottle of KY Touch Massage Oil in Bali Moonlight scent
  • * 1 package of Magnum condoms (size XL)
  • * 1 pack of AA batteries

(did they change their minds? Instead of a fun-filled night of massage and power toys, they decided to go home and watch a late night Simpson's rerun?!?)

2. Last night, on HBO's new show, Big Love:

  • * Bill Paxton's ass
  • * Under cover of a thin blanket, the result of Bill Paxton's character taking Viagra

3. This morning, while walking in front of a mirror:

  • * my jiggly ass (what happened back there?!?! I used to have a small hiney!)

4. This morning, while walking through the hallways of an elementary school:

  • * the ass crack of some guy filling out a form for his little girl's vision and hearing tests (I tried to look away, but he kept moving right in front of me! I had to walk around this ginormous ass crack!!!)

So... in less than 24 hours, these are the things I've seen. Is someone trying to tell me something?!?

The calm AFTER the storm...

Okay. I'm breathing. In. Out. Slowly. Deep, cleansing breaths.

I wore a heat wrap around my back all night. It doesn't feel better, but it doesn't feel worse either.

I don't feel like strangling anyone right now, so it might be okay to go to work.

Oy. I'm that cranky old lady that used to live down the street. Now she lives in my house. Kim and Whoorl, I think I AM turning into a Golden Girl. (I still get to be Sophia!)

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Look out... she's gonna blow...

I'm in such a bad mood all of a sudden. And my day didn't even start off badly at all. But as it wore on... grrr!

1. If you are in a turn lane... a turn lane that has about 50 cars waiting behind you... and the arrow turns green... this is NOT the time to be looking passively around you. Nor is it the time to apply lip gloss. Nor is it the time to be talking to the children in your backseat. Nor is it the time to be CLUELESS. It is the time when you should have your senses so attuned to the timing of that changing light, that you almost seem to accelerate into the turn at the same time the light becomes green. I know. I KNOW. You must be careful that red-light-runners aren't coming in the opposite direction to broadside you. I KNOW! But use the freaking force, Luke... because I am not missing this light due to your inattentiveness!

2. If you feel like going for a peaceful, pleasure ride around the city in your jalopy/Lexus/piece of crap car... just for the heck of it, for the love of all that is holy... please wait until AFTER RUSH HOUR HAS ENDED. Or at least do the speed limit until no one is BEHIND you.

3. If you have been faithfully attending physical therapy sessions to strengthen your pathetic excuse for back muscles... to rid yourself of muscles so tight that they have been, on more than one occasion, likened to stone... and the exercises and aquatic therapy have been WORKING... THEN, when a new PT with a pierced tongue and belly ring asks you if you want to try something a little more advanced... tell the bitch to step off. Because... if you don't... your back will hurt like hell the next day, and you will be a raving lunatic.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Top 5 Favorite* Recent Inventions …

*As I am a fickle being, these are my “favorites” only as of today. Tomorrow, the whole list could change… or stay the same. Who knows! And since I’m pretty sure I’ve posted something similar (and am too lazy to read through all my other posts to find out), I’m posting these now.

In no particular order:

NetFlix—no late fees ever! Sometimes, I hang on to a movie for months at a time and then watch at my own convenience. Many people complain that you don’t get your money’s worth at $19.98 a month. Considering we were paying $40-50 a month in late charges at Blockbuster, I’d say it’s definitely a bargain.

Febreze—if you have kids, dogs, or smelly boys in your house, this is a GODSEND. I especially like the Spring & Renewal fragrance right now. I use the fabric refresher and the air effects. That’s enough for me.

Apple’s iPod and iTunes—I am one of those suckers who will buy an entire CD because of one song I really, really love. Then either I get stuck with 12+ other songs I don’t like… or on the rare occasions (Fastball), I’ll find an entire CD I like. With my iPod, it doesn’t matter anymore. I can have all my favorite tunes in one place… I don’t have to juggle all those damn jewel cases anymore. Plus, if I want to buy one song or an entire album, iTunes gives me lots of options. And my cute little Nano fits in my purse, my pocket…

Downy Wrinkle Releaser—if you don’t have this product, RUN to the store now and buy it. Besides making your clothes smell Downy fresh, it also really works. Now, obviously, you can’t spray it on every fabric. But if you have a mental block against ironing jeans… or you’re just too lazy… you can “Downy spray” the creases and wrinkles out of your jeans. Or t-shirts. Or sweaters. Or pants. I don’t travel without it. I haven’t touched an iron in at least two years. If I’m not using our steamer, I’m using the Downy spray. Guaranteed.

New Skin Liquid Bandage —This is really a love/hate relationship. On one hand, it’s great for when you wear shoes that rub the back of your heels… if you are proactive, you paint a nice coat of New Skin on the back of your heel prior to wearing evil shoes, et voila! No blisters. If you are REactive, New Skin will still work. It will just sting like hell when you apply it. It’s a good antiseptic, but you pay for it. Trust me. When a 30-something woman is begging for someone to blow on her “ow-ee” because the liquid bandage really stings, you know she’s not lying. Benefit: the stuff stays on. For days. And days.

So, as I said... today, these are my Top 5. Tomorrow my list might include "the salad bar," or "green tea to go"-- you just never know.

What are your Top 5?

Friday, March 10, 2006

I don't wanna work... I just wanna bang on de drum all day...

Friday's Random Musings:

1. I have to stop going to Chipotle so much. I mean, really. I had dinner at Chipotle Monday night (3/6) and lunch there again today (3/10). If I don't slow down, I'm going to get sick of it.

You know how you buy a new tune or CD, and you play it over and over and over again? You listen to it like everyday, all day long. And then something new comes along. And then you've forgotten that last "best tune ever!" I'm afraid that's going to happen to me with Chipotle. 'Cause it is the best burrito place ever. Must pace myself. Oh... and I only ate half the burrito again each time. What a wuss.

2. My desk/cube at work is a mess. Well, an organized mess. I have piles of stuff all over the place. I have three boxes of stuff that I have yet to take to storage. And yet, I wonder... do I really care? Apparently not enough to do anything about it today...

3. Noticing that the two most frequent search engine hits I've received this month are "my thumbs hurts" and "why did Ann Curry cut her hair." At least there wasn't anything about milky pee this time. ;-)

4. Today, my favorite Beatle song is "I Saw Her Standing There." Not the Tiffany version (yuck. I just threw up a little). I can't pick a favorite Beatle song... there are just too many. SO, today it's this one.

5. Farm Boy and I started playing ping pong again at night during the week. Hey, it's better than sitting on our asses watching TV. AND... one hour burns around 236 calories for me and about 345 for him per hour. That totally sucks that he burns more calories than I do. He's already thin. And tall. And I'm short. Plus he always wins. Now that I think of it... ping pong really sucks.

6. I'm tired of working. I just want to stay at home and eat bon bons. Or work out. One of those two. Must be Spring Fever.

Have a great Friday... I'm heading to my massage now. Woot! And then I hope to go out with the Farm Boy and drown myself in margaritas. Mmmmm.

We have a winner....

Congratulations to Jaek who is the winner of the first (annual?) Official Grumpy Frump Trivia Contest!!!

Jaek sent the winning email on March 9, 9:15pm CST... with all answers correct!

The runner-up from yesterday has been disqualified. Husbands who lurk and don't disclose their true identity during the contest cannot be eligible. So, suck on THAT, Farm Boy! (just kidding... I love you. But you're still DQ'd.) Oh, and Jaek still got more answers correct than the Farm Boy. Sweet.

Jaek will be receiving a $25 gift card to Target! Yay, Jaek!

Thanks to everyone who played. You're all the coolest. :-)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Are you talkin' to me? Are YOU talkin' to me?!?

Comments from my last post got me thinking about the impact the entertainment industry really has on us. Think about it... there are probably movie lines or lines from a TV show that have slowly become a part of your everyday vernacular. Most likely, after a time, you may even have forgotten that the line you now use regularly came from a character in some show.

How many times have you had a crazy day, felt completely stressed out, to the point of shrieking, "Serenity NOW!" ??

Have you ever walked up to someone to introduce yourself: "Grumpy Frump. Damn glad to meet you!"

If you're a golfer, have you walked up to the tee box, addressed the ball, muttering, "The crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere..." -- or complimented the tee shot of someone in your foursome with "That's a peach, hon!" (or "Noonan!" or "Be the ball, be the ball" or "Hey! Did someone sit on a duck?!?" I could go forever on this one....)

Guys, have you jumped in a car or on a motorcycle (or any other moving object), and yelled, "I feel the need, the need for speed!" Or ladies, in trying to get your man to leave the bar and come home with you, have you joked, "Hey, Goose! You big stud! Take me to bed or lose me forever!"??

When my husband gives me a bad time, he'll say, "Get back, witch!" To which I'll respond, "I'm not a witch... I'm your wife!" We laugh, the kids roll their eyes... a good time is had by all. Ah, the joys of embarrassing teenagers. But, I digress...

It's not that most people lack original thoughts... or that we can't think of something clever to say. You all prove that you're original and witty in your own postings and comments. Maybe it's a sense of community people tend to feel when they quote something that everybody knows. I don't know, but there's something there.

So, here's your task. In the comments section today, list some of your favorite quotes, especially those that sneak into your everyday conversation. Be sure to include the movie/tv show title, and credit the character who said it.

BTW, it's killing me that I have so MANY quotes that I didn't list. Like about a hundred from Napoleon Dynamite or any of Chandler Bing's lines from Friends, or ... aaauuugggh. Must. Stop.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

By request... The Rules...

No, these are not the rules about how to catch a man. Ewww.

These are the rules to the official Grumpy Frump Princess Bride Drinking Game. Actually, now that I think of it, this was the game I played with my husband when we were first dating. And it was the night of our first kiss. So, technically, I bagged my husband using these rules. Hmmmmmm. But I digress...

The official rules state that you must take a drink, equal to one shot, one swig... whatever... each time you hear any of the following, in any order:

  1. Vizzini (played by Wallace Shawn) exclaiming, "Inconceivable!"
  2. Any utterance of "As you wish."
  3. "Hello. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (This one will kick your ASS toward the end of the movie!)
  4. Any time Fezzik (Andre the Giant) makes a rhyme ("No more rhymes! I mean it!!" "Anybody want a peanut?")
  5. Any time the "Dread Pirate Roberts" is mentioned.

The only other rule is that you have to be of legal drinking age to play. At least, that's a house rule here. If you can still stand by the end of the movie, you win.

The bonus round: You watch the DVD and play, and then watch the bonus features while still playing... if you're still standing, you are a master. Or a raging alcoholic. Take your pick.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Am I a shiny Rome Beauty, or a bruised hybrid rotting on the ground?

How far does the apple really fall from the tree? Because I’m really worried that the tree that produced me is only about 2 feet off the ground.

It’s funny how I can spend time with my parents, siblings, grandparents, and assorted aunts/uncles/cousins… and then realize how nuts we all are. But when you get right down to it, everyone’s family is a little nuts. Seriously, can you think of any of your relatives as 100% normal ALL THE TIME?

Here’s what scares me: I see patterns that are carried from generation to generation in my family. And I don’t like most of those patterns.

Pattern 1: Short fuses

On one side of my family, there are some really short tempers. I mean, SHOOOORRRTTT! When I was a baby, my grandfather put me into my stroller and was about to take me for a walk. As he placed me in the seat, the stroller started to collapse, and it pinched me. Instead of grabbing me out of the seat and calmly consoling me, he picked me up and then hurled the stroller across the street. I’m also pretty certain this was the occasion where I learned to say my first swear words.

My temper is getting the better of me lately. I spent most of yesterday angry, upset, and frustrated… over pretty minor things, too. The rational side of me just gets disgusted with all of it, but it’s like I just can’t get past the anger. It’s pathetic really… and I don’t want to pass this on to my kids. I already see a lot of it in my oldest. Gah.

Pattern 2: An insatiable need to be RIGHT

That Spin Doctors song—“Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”-- I always worry that someone wrote that song about me. Here’s the thing, though. I don’t want to be right so that I can say I’m better than everyone else. I just have to know things. And anyone who doesn’t know what I know… I want to share what I know. Unfortunately, that makes for an insufferable bore (and boor!). And that’s the last thing I want to become.

I notice this trait in some of my family members, and then I wonder, “Do I sound like that?” ACK! Which leads to the next pattern…

Pattern 3: Seeing faults in others, but failing to recognize those very things in one’s own self

Okay, I know that this is often just attributed to the “human condition.” It’s always easier to see someone else’s flaws, but not always easy to see your own. But I admit I’m guilty of this a lot. One of my parents is worse than I am. And the grandparent generation? Hoo, boy. Let’s not even go there.

Pattern 4: Overcompensating for insecurities

Out of all the patterns, I think I deal with this one better than most of my family. At least, I think I do. I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses, and I truly attempt to build upon my strengths. Some of my family members come off as complete assholes, because they try to make such good impressions. Instead, people see them as full of themselves. And sometimes, listening to them go on and on and on about what they’re doing and how it’s the greatest thing in the world and nothing on the planet could possibly be better than this… you get the picture. The hard part is that they really don’t have over-inflated egos. They only think they’re hiding behind some armor that is shiny, strong, and makes people go, “WOW.” Again, maybe I’m wearing it, too, but I just can’t see it due to Pattern 3.

The older I get, the more annoyed I get with some of the older family members...because those patterns never go away, and they don’t seem to ease with age. In fact, they just get a lot worse. In trying to be patient with them, that short fuse takes over. Sometimes, it's easier to stay annoyed than to try to understand where people are coming from... and how to help them past whatever issue is causing them to be annoying. But that's not really the high road, nor the right thing to do... is it?

I joke that I’m a Grumpy Frump, but I really don’t want to be that when I grow up. I want to be a nice old lady with a sweet laugh and good memories to share with the grandkids. Oh, and I want a pony, too. :-)

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Friday mix... starring Greg Brady as Johnny Bravo...

Usually, on Fridays, I just run a couple of random thoughts by you and leave it at that. So, that's what I'm going to do. But... ack! It's so late! it's not Friday anymore. Well, I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah, I'm such a revolutionary.

1. I have an extraordinary sense of smell. It's always been hypersensitive, but since I had sinus surgery a year ago... I can't believe how much stronger it is. Actually, it's almost a disadvantage.

  • * If someone is smoking 100 yards away (about 91.5 meters), I can smell it. And since I'm allergic to smoke, it's a bad thing.
  • * When the Farm Boy rolls over while sleeping, and his face is pointed in my general direction, his breath wakes me up. (eek!) Thank goodness for Listerine breath strips, strategically placed on the nightstand. I pop one in his mouth, roll him over, and everyone can go back to sleep. Sweet! Shhh... don't tell. He doesn't even know I do this! HA!
  • * If people at work are talking to me from a normal distance (read here: NOT "close talkers"), and they have bad breath... I can't concentrate on what they're saying. And since I'm pretty sure they would notice if I popped a Listerine breath strip into their mouths and would think I'm a total nut, I just suffer through it. How can people NOT know they have bad breath? Blech!

2. I was a little girl in the 70s. Tonight, the infomercial that I've been too lazy to switch off is playing "70s music explosion" (and Greg Brady is shilling for them!), a complete set of 70s hits, all through Time-Life. I must really be waxing nostalgic, because I keep getting distracted by all the songs I know.

"Keep on dancing to the rock and roll, on Saturday night. Saturday night."

"Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life."

"You've blown it all sky high, by telling me a lie, without a reason why."

Okay, so those aren't all the really good ones (well, Saturday Night is!), but I'm actually getting tempted into buying this set! Damn you, Greg Brady! Why are you seducing me so? It's not like I can buy this at Target, either. But 10 CDs, plus two you get for FREE!, cost almost $120. Hmmm... the website says I can pay in "easy installments." Must be strong. Must. Not. Give. In. To. Johnny Bravo.

3. My hockey team won tonight. Oh, and the fights. The fights were outstanding! Start of the third period... the puck drops, and then 4 gloves were on the ice. Ooh! That means a fight for sure!

4. Imagine my shock reading the following headline: Is Whitney Houston Pregnant? Is there any amount of begging that would stop Whitney and Bobby from ever thinking of procreating again!?! But then again, Bobbi Kristina would finally have someone to understand what she's going through.

5. I can't get excited for the Oscars. I just don't care anymore. I won't watch... lucky for me, there's another hockey game Sunday. I'll just read through the list of winners on Monday morning. Red carpet pics? Bleh. I just want to see the ones who looked like Bjork in 2001 or Gwyneth in 2002. And that's just for unintentional comedy points.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


.... let me repeat that.


That's how much I spent at Target last night.

Here's what I "stopped by" Target to purchase:
Sunglasses (lost my prescription sunglasses somewhere. Oops.)
Cute, cheapie shoes I can wear and not worry about ruining.

Okay, so I did buy those three things. Plus a helluva lot more.

What is wrong with me?!?!? I have a problem.

I remember back when I was 20. I was married to my first husband, and we hadn't been married for more than a month or so. He had a job interview for a teaching job, and I had time to kill (we lived in a different city than where he was interviewing).

I had a list. I went to Target. I only bought what was on the list (cleaning supplies, other household needs). I spent $98, and I remember being panicked, because that was sooooo much money. And I was dreading telling the husband (who was and still is a bit frugal- that's a nice word, right?) that I had just spend almost a hundred bucks at Target.

I picked him up after the interview and started to spill the beans. "Ummm, I got all the stuff on our list. It cost a bit more than I expected." He said, "How much?" I said, "Don't get mad." "How MUCH?" "Please, don't get mad!" "HOW MUCH?!?" --with his face getting redder each time. Finally, I told him. I showed him the receipt, so that he didn't think I was a spendthrift.

Please don't get the wrong idea. He is not a bad guy, nor was I ever truly afraid of him. He never gave me a reason to be afraid of him. But money was not a comfortable subject for us. I have a shopping gene. He has a frugal gene. Not a good mix. Fortunately, he learned that it's sometimes necessary to spend a few bucks on cleaning supplies. But, wow, that seemed like a lot of money then!

Fast-forward to last night... shopping with the Farm Boy. I plugged my little check card into Target's Black Hole for credit cards (what is the official term for credit card machines???)... and I only slightly winced at the total. SLIGHTLY. Farm Boy didn't look at it. He didn't even ask. Smiling and joking with the cashier, he was just busy loading up the cart.

Times have sure changed. And while I feel lucky that we can afford to be spendthrifts once in a while, I wonder... maybe I should join a Compulsive Target Shoppers group or something.

Hi, My name is DCMM (aka Grumpy F). I am a compulsive Target shopper. And I don't know if I want to stop. I mean, I'm helping the economy, right?!? ;-)

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Hair Today...

Yay, Ann Curry finally cut her hair.

I have to admit that I go back and forth with liking and seriously disliking Ann Curry. Have you ever seen her in an interview with someone famous? someone unfamous? Yikes! She's just not good at the whole interview thing. I mean, I wouldn't want to be interviewed by Katie Couric, either, but she doesn't spaz out on her interviewee like Ann does. Poppy Cedes has several posts dedicated to her total dislike of Ann Curry.

Today, I'm seriously liking Ann Curry. The Today Show did a whole special on Locks of Love, the organization that helps create prosthetic hair pieces for children who have lost their hair through chemo, alopecia, or other "medical hair loss." And the reason Ann's hair has been all long lately is that she and her daughter (and three of her daughter's friends) have been growing their hair for Locks of Love. I learned this fact a couple of months ago, and I must concede that it has made me a little more accepting of Ann. Plus the fact that NBC made her stay back at home while all the cool kids got to go the Olympics. Maybe it was a good choice for US, but it must have sucked for Ann.

Anyway, not only did Ann get her hair cut this morning on national television, but the show did sections on people in the square, a whole town (Durham, NC), and an entire school who had the same idea. One woman in the square had gone 42 years without ever cutting her hair. She had a serious mullet. Poofy mushroom mullet. And she cut it. They gave her a new style, and she looks like a new woman. Even a 7-yr old boy joined in... and it was his choice. (and how cute is HE?!?)

So, Ann Curry, I applaud you. You do seem like a truly nice woman, although a bit cheesy at times. I think it's a cool thing that you've done. And I really like your hair shorter.

Turn back. No, I mean it. You're going to regret reading this...

Warning: this post is not for the sensitive or weak-stomached. Hell, I can hardly TYPE it! If you're eating right now, stop and come back later.

Ya know... "they" always tell you that, when you become a mother, things that used to really bother you won't bother you anymore. Yeah, right.

Anyone old enough to remember the total barf-a-rama scene in the movie Stand By Me? You know, the one with River Phoenix, Will Wheaton, Corey Feldman, and a very chubby Jerry O'Connell? (who knew all the girls would be hot for roly-poly Vern someday!?!) *

Wheaton's character, Gordie, tells a story of Davy Hogan, known only for his enormous girth, and who is entered in the pie eating contest. As Davy walks to the stage to participate in the contest, all the people in the crowd are chanting "Lardass, lardass!" Even the mayor says, "Don't pay any attention to those fools, Lardass. Er, I mean Davy." But Davy had his revenge. He'd had a raw egg and a whole bottle of castor oil before the contest. So, as he finishes his 5th pie, and is winning the contest, his stomach starts making these churning sounds. Everyone gets a little nervous. Then Davy opens up his mouth and pukes all over Bill Travis, the previous champion. Well, of course, this sets off a chain reaction of barfing. Kids are barfing. Parents are barfing. And... "the women's auxiliary barfed all over the Benevolent Order of Antelopes. " It was, according to Gordie, "A complete and total Barf-A-Rama. "

That whole chain reaction thing? Yeah, that's me. If I see someone puke, I puke. If I hear someone puke, I puke.** I'm not even going to bring up the smell issue. So.... everyone always told me that, once I was a mom, I'd be able to deal with it just fine. "When your babies are sick, you'll be totally over that." WRONG. When my girls were little, my ex-husband had to deal with it. I felt like such a failure. I tried. I really did, but I just couldn't do it. He told me that he'd rather do it, because he knew... in the end... that he'd be cleaning up after me, too.

Thank goodness... as the girls grew older, they learned to find a bucket or the porcelain god quickly. They were good with this... and then I would be waiting with a compassionate look on my face and a glass of Pedialyte or water. I can make a great bowl of broth, plate of saltines, or bland pasta for the recently ill. I'm fabulous at that part. And luckily, they're pretty healthy girls. They haven't been sick all that much.

So, now my girls are 12 and 16. This morning, there was a knock on my door at 4:07am.

12 yr old Daughter: Mom, I've been throwing up. A lot. The last time, I didn't make it to the toilet. It's all over the bathroom.

Me: *panic-stricken* Ummm... okay, sweetie. Go back to bed. I'll get you a bucket.

After I tucked her back into bed, I paced around for about 10 minutes. I could wake up my husband. As a step-dad, he goes over and above the call of duty all the time. But he has an early meeting, and I just can't wake him up. That would be really selfish. I can't wake up my older daughter either. That would be ridiculous. So... I did it. I can't believe it. I've been a mom for 16 years, and this is the first time I've ever had to do this. And, as gross and disgusting as it's been typing this all out (sorry!), I had to share. My poor baby is downstairs on the couch right now, with the bucket at her side. And she knows that her mom isn't going to wuss out. This time.

So, the moral of the story is... if you ever plan to be a mom, and dealing with puke just ain't your thaaang, marry someone who can clean it all up until you can finally handle it. Eventually, you'll get there.

*Synopsis and quotes are from my recollection of the 1986 movie, Stand By Me, written by Stephen King (and someone else I can't remember), and directed by Rob Reiner. Any inaccuracies are due to my poor memory. Gimme a break.

**The cherry scene in The Witches of Eastwick? I plugged my ears and closed my eyes. Any movie that doesn't give me warning about what's going to happen? I'm either hiding my eyes or running to the restroom. Damn you, Brokeback! You could have put a flashing light or something to let me know that Ennis was going to hurl!