Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Open Letter to Ms. Carrie Underwood

Dear Ms. Underwood,

Although I'm not a country music fan per se, I do enjoy listening to your music. I think you have a rather pleasant voice, and I don't think you've lowered yourself to some of the shenanigans others in your age group seem so intent upon pulling off. For that fact alone, you should be commended.

HOWEVER, there's something that needs your attention tout suite. And that is your "Before He Cheats" song. Oh, sure it's clever... all girl power and whatnot. But for the love of Bob, do we have to listen to it every time a radio is playing??!?

I walked into an office yesterday, and one of the secretaries had her radio on. Guess what was playing? Yes, it was you and that song. Later, I stopped in the grocery store, and there you were on the muzak roll. After frantically running away, I hopped in my car and turned the key in the ignition. Holy Nightmare, Batman! There it was again! On MY radio. I wasn't even listening to a country station... now that song has invaded pop stations, too!

So, fine. I can walk around the earth with cotton stuffed into my ears and drown out every instance of your song playing... well, no. I can't. You see, now it's stuck IN MY BRAIN. And it won't leave. I even tried drilling into my temple to make it stop... God, please make it stop. That didn't work either.

Do you understand my plight? I like you. Really, I do. I like some of your other songs even. Just not that song. So, if you would be a peach, could you please just ask every radio station/TV show to stop playing it? Oh, and while you're at it, please outlaw any teenage girls from singing that song at a high school/middle school talent show. 'Cause... No. They just should not. For my part, I just won't step foot in a karaoke bar, because preventing that song from being sung there would be too much to ask of you.

Thanks for listening. I know you're a really kind, outgoing person and you'll really take this into your most sincere consideration.

Earnestly,
Grumpy K. Frump

7 comments:

goldennib said...

You must have gotten all of my listens. I haven't heard it once.

Ludicrousity said...

I haven't heard that song. Think I'm glad I haven't...

Alyssa said...

I am magical and plug my ipod into my car stereo. Or I listen to NPR. Mostly, I listen to podcasts and lots of Fountains of Wayne.

3carnations said...

I've rarely heard it, but dang, it's catchy.

The one that gets in my head and refuses to leave no matter how I plead is "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce..."I could have another you in a minute, matter of fact he'll be here any minute..." Swell.

lizgwiz said...

Carrie went to college where I did (though long, long after I did), and we have some mutual acquaintances. Shall I send her a message for you? ;)

don't call me MA'AM said...

goldennib: you are sooooooooooo lucky!

ludi: it's not a horrible song... I don't particularly care for it, but I didn't hate it until they started playing it non-stop. Gah!

alyssa: I've done that on occasion, too, but I do like to listen to the radio in my car. I channel hop until I find something interesting.

3car: Yikes! That would be scary! There's another Beyonce song that used to get stuck in my head, but I'm not going to list the title. I don't want that earworm again!

lizgwiz: Yeah, because I need one more enemy. haha Actually, I really don't blame her at all... it's the companies that own the radio stations who decide who gets how much air time, etc.

Sparkling Cipher said...

I am full swing into backlash mode. I'm also very tired of hearing Carrie Underwood. If it's not her songs, there's some idiot going on and on about how great she is. You'd think she's Elvis reincarnated or something. She's just another pretty girl with a decent voice. I don't get it.

For a while I could excape by avoiding country stations, but VH1 is now playing that video every morning as I get ready for work. Can anyone explain the red straps on the black halter-necked top? Who picked out those outfits and why didn't anyone tell him they were ugly?

Catty rant over. I'll be nice now.