Dear Ms. Underwood,
Although I'm not a country music fan per se, I do enjoy listening to your music. I think you have a rather pleasant voice, and I don't think you've lowered yourself to some of the shenanigans others in your age group seem so intent upon pulling off. For that fact alone, you should be commended.
HOWEVER, there's something that needs your attention tout suite. And that is your "Before He Cheats" song. Oh, sure it's clever... all girl power and whatnot. But for the love of Bob, do we have to listen to it every time a radio is playing??!?
I walked into an office yesterday, and one of the secretaries had her radio on. Guess what was playing? Yes, it was you and that song. Later, I stopped in the grocery store, and there you were on the muzak roll. After frantically running away, I hopped in my car and turned the key in the ignition. Holy Nightmare, Batman! There it was again! On MY radio. I wasn't even listening to a country station... now that song has invaded pop stations, too!
So, fine. I can walk around the earth with cotton stuffed into my ears and drown out every instance of your song playing... well, no. I can't. You see, now it's stuck IN MY BRAIN. And it won't leave. I even tried drilling into my temple to make it stop... God, please make it stop. That didn't work either.
Do you understand my plight? I like you. Really, I do. I like some of your other songs even. Just not that song. So, if you would be a peach, could you please just ask every radio station/TV show to stop playing it? Oh, and while you're at it, please outlaw any teenage girls from singing that song at a high school/middle school talent show. 'Cause... No. They just should not. For my part, I just won't step foot in a karaoke bar, because preventing that song from being sung there would be too much to ask of you.
Thanks for listening. I know you're a really kind, outgoing person and you'll really take this into your most sincere consideration.
Grumpy K. Frump