Am I Insane or Interminably Honest?

In the parking garage at our hotel this past weekend, I found a $5 bill on the ground right in front of the elevators. I looked around to see if anyone had dropped it, but no one was there.

For a few minutes when we stepped inside, I seriously considered stopping at the front desk to see if anyone had lost some money. FIVE dollars. At a three-four star hotel (depending upon whom you ask)... I was going to turn in five dollars. Farm Boy just looked at me like I was nuts.

I kept it, but I still felt badly about it.

What is WRONG with me!?!?

We're Off...

We're off on our Anniversary Getaway. The anniversary was yesterday... and the flowers even arrived at work. :-)

Have a great weekend!

A Plea...

If you're starting to feel sick, please stay home from work. Because... when you don't... you pass along your sickly germs to your colleagues. And they get sick.

My head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, my throat hurts, and I generally feel achy all over. Thank you, Cubicle Neighbor. I really appreciate it. I'm sure my husband and I will have an absolutely lovely anniversary weekend. Truly.

Oh, and guess where I am? Yes. I'm home. I don't feel like passing along these transferred sicky germs to everyone else... you know... like YOU did to me.

Yes, I know that sometimes germs are passed before symptoms even show up. But if you're hacking up a lung... just stay home.

That's all. Thanks for listening.

Ummm.... I think... No. Just No.

The front page of Yahoo News today shows a photo of the new trend for men. Leggings. Yes, you heard me correctly. I said "LEGGINGS."

Let's discuss the awfulness that leggings already are... in the 80s, under the requisite long sparkly, pastel sweater or hideous neon sweatshirt, leggings served their purpose. Now, not so much.

I will admit, that for young girls (emphasis on YOUNG), worn under a mini-skirt, I quite approve of leggings. Maybe that's because I have young teenage girls in the home, and I prefer that they not pull a Britney and expose any lady knickknacks, if you know what I mean.

Young girls in mini skirts-- you may wear leggings. Everyone else-- No. Men? Oh, HELL NO! For all that is sacred, please! NO! NO! NO!

Note the model at left. Is there anything remotely attractive about this? Can you imagine all the awful places these leggings could take us? Let's just nip it in the bud right now and boycott. Loudly.

Photo credit: Yahoo News, Fashion Wire Daily.

A Fun and Fabulous Friday Why Files...

WHY #1 : If you’re going to steal something, why wouldn’t you make sure you knew something about what you’re stealing? You know, like, maybe those things that look like cell phones might actually be GPS systems? And you know, like, maybe the GPS is still activated on the devices and might lead the police right to your home? You know… that kind of stuff.


WHY #2 : Ummm… just why?


WHY #3 : Why, when reports of record high winter temperatures are all over the US, would you think that driving over a lake would be a good idea?


WHY #4 : Tell me again… why SHOULDN’T I get drunk, wander into a tiger enclosure in Siberia, and share a pack of potato crisps? What? You mean the tiger might bite me? Nah.


WHY #5 : Why is eating spaghetti no laughing matter? Because you could choke on your dining utensils… AND get them stuck in your gullet… AND live to tell the story. Can you imagine showing your grandchildren x-ray photo souvenirs of your esophagus? Bitchin’!

WHY #6: Why can't we have more episodes on TV like last night's Scrubs? Loved it!!! I can't decide if my new favorite song is Guy Love or Everything Comes Down to Poo.


And that concludes Today’s Friday Why Files…

It's All About the Merchandise...

Okay... you asked; therefore, you shall receive.

The T-shirts are ready. You can purchase them online here:

http://www.cafepress.com/grumpyfrump

The price for a regular ladies' tee is 15.99 US; baby doll tees are 18.99 US. I only make a whopping $2 a shirt, so I'm not out to gouge anyone.

If you want one... buy one. If not, no big whoop.

Who knows. Maybe mugs are up next.

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby, Right Round... Oh, Make It Stop!

I would like one day where I didn't have to rush to get somewhere, rush to get something done, rush to solve a problem, blahdee-blah-blah.

What this means to you... I'm sorry. I'm crazy-busy. I'm trying to read All The Cool Kids, comment when possible, and post when possible. Guess what's taking a backseat to the rest of my life? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.

SOOOOOO... while I'm busy being busy, why don't you ponder this? It's National DeLurking Week, right? So, if you're reading and have never commented before, PLEASE DO! It's a friendly place here, in spite of the blog title. And if you're a regular, please also comment. I miss you all!

Beware: Spell at Your Own Risk... AKA The Day I Wanted To Shrivel Up and Die

After reading metalia's recent post about her time as a spelling bee nerd, we traded emails and horror stories of our involvement in spelling bees. She has convinced me to post about mine, although I will not be posting any pictures of myself from that time period...


In the metro spelling bee when I was in 8th grade, we were in a tv studio at the local university. They were televising the whole thing on cable. I was the winner from my school, and I had to sit next to the runner-up from our school, a really nerdy 7th grader. We were sitting on metal folding chairs on risers to simulate a stage, I guess. There was a big map of our state hanging over a lame, powder blue curtain behind the top riser... and that's where our seats were. As the kids from the other schools started dropping out, we all just remained in our same assigned seats.

I went up to spell a word, successfully of course (haha), and then returned to my seat. Nerdy Mc7th Grader next to me was next up. I can't remember what his word was, but I know he stumbled over it. Apparently it was something he didn't think he should have stumbled over, because, after actually spelling it correctly, he stomped back up the risers and slammed himself into his seat. This is where the super slo-mo action began in my mind.

I remember turning to him to try to figure out what his major malfunction was, but also was slowly realizing that I was somehow in motion. Before I could do anything about it, I began to understand. His metal, rinky-dink chair was entangled with MY metal, rinky-dink chair. When he slammed himself into his chair, it started pushing my chair backwards... and slowly off the back of the riser. There was probably only about a foot or two between the back of the wall (covered by the powder blue curtain) and the back of the riser. BUT... that's where I flew backwards. My chair quickly became stuck between the riser and the back wall, and there I stayed... flailing wildly, wearing a dress, with my legs straight up in the air. The camera guys (college guys, of course) ran back to help me... while trying desperately not to laugh. They did anyway. All I could think of was the fact that my dress was falling around my waist and how could I get up and regain my dignity. There was no hope. The camera guys pulled me up, took me around the front of the tv studio (oh, yes... this was being recorded for prosperity), and put a plastic cup of water in my shaky hands.

After checking to see if I was "okay" for the umpteenth time, they walked me back to the risers where the remaining 6 or 7 spellers were waiting. Oddly enough, they moved us all to the front row there. I was so embarrassed, nay, humiliated that I couldn't even think straight. The next word they gave me was meringue, and I blew it. It was probably the easiest word I'd had all night, and I didn't even care.

The only saving grace was that they edited the whole fall out of the televised version... and people from my school actually WATCHED the show. Thank God that "the incident" wasn't broadcast. I would have been the laughing stock of the whole school.

Hell is Freezing Over...

Yes, it's true. Hell is freezing over, and little pink piggies have sprouted wings to give them flight.

Cats and dogs are going to start having tea parties every day at 4:00pm.

The clouds will part, and fat-free mochaccinos will begin pouring from the sky.

Osama Bin Laden is going to run into the streets of Baghdad, moon everyone, and then touch a stone in the town square, yelling, "BASE! Olley olley oxen free! US Marines... you're it!"

My kids are going to do all their chores without being told, and Rosie and The Donald are going to make up by French-kissing on live TV. Okay, well maybe not that last one.

Here's why: I'm going to admit that I don't know everything there is to know about something... and if you know me at all, you know that I like to be helpful to people. Therefore, it is my main goal in life to know everything about... everything. Not so I can be arrogant and elitist and make everyone feel lowlier than I. No, not at all. I am the go-to-chick for answers, because I want to be helpful.

Usually, I can figure out things without having to read a manual, even if those things are somewhat complicated. No big deal... I just know.

But now I don't know, and I'm freaking out!

So, there's nothing left to do but admit it and get it over with.

I. Don't. Know. Everything... about my new camera. Sure, I immediately knew how to take pictures, download them, add a flash, use the speed flash, blah, blah, blah. I know about aperture settings and f-stop, yadda yadda yadda. I was a photographer in a former life, so this should be easy.

But this thing has so many options! And I'm so impatient to know it all... it's driving me BATTY.

So, there. It's out. Whew. I feel so much better now.

And, I guess I'll be adding a few pages from my camera manual to my reading list. Gah.

We're Gonna Have A Good Time...

So, I'm another year older today. As I mentioned last year at this time, I have to make a big deal out of my birthday because it's only two weeks after Christmas. If I don't, I'll end up with all those combo-Christmas/Birthday gifts. And those suck.

I've decided that, on this birthday, I'm as old as I'm ever going to get. Starting next year, I'm going to age backwards. I haven't quite figured out how to do that, but I'm a "universal genius," according to an online IQ test*... so it shouldn't be too difficult to learn. haha

As I look at this picture of my nearly two-year-old self, I wonder:

1) Whose earrings are those? My mom didn't wear stuff like that when I was two. And they have to be clip-ons, because I didn't have my ears pierced until I was 12. My mom didn't have her ears pierced until she was 30.

2) That was probably a home-grown hair cut. Nice bangs, huh?

3) I'm pretty darn close to that same hair color, although it was natural then.

4) I need to find some adult-sized jammies like those.

5) My kids really don't look like me at all. Gah.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me... blahdy-blah-blah.

*Bob Newhart recommends in his book, I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This, that husbands and wives should never share their IQ scores with each other. He even had an episode in The Bob Newhart Show (1970s TV) that contained this same issue. After ignoring his advice... and consequently regretting it... I would highly recommend that you keep your IQ score to yourself. It could save your marriage. haha

A New Year's First Friday Why Files…

WHY #1: Why is the first week after a vacation so difficult? And exhausting?


WHY #2: Why is watching the Brit-ster so similar to watching a train wreck?? You know it's a disaster, but you Just. Can't. Stop. Watching.

Read here and here for two samples… but check out the picture on MSN. Yikes! I know she's like… just had a baby and all, but ohmigod, y'all, that's a scary photo!


WHY #3: Why would the rights of escaped convicts be "breached" if British police released their photos? Are the Derbyshire police (UK) more concerned about the rights of escaped prisoners than the innocent civilians on the street?


WHY #4: Why am I always freaked out about the future of our society? Oh, yeah… it's because people THIS STUPID exist.


WHY #5: Why do I have a feeling that this burglar who was "beat bad" by a homeowner will someday file a lawsuit against said homeowner for assault?




And that concludes today's Friday Why Files…

Happy 2007...

I guess I don't get as excited for the New Year's holiday as I do for the others. Maybe it's because I'm old enough to realize that each new year is another year closer to an age I'd rather not be. Maybe it's due to the fact that it's so close to Christmas, and I'm still winding down from that holiday. Or possibly, it could be that most of my holidays and celebrations seem to be so close to each other.

Let's examine... shall we?

Thanksgiving is in November. Christmas and New Year's Eve, December. New Year's Day, my birthday, my anniversary are all in January. Within a span of 10 weeks, I have 60% of my traditional holidays and celebrations. haha Okay, even I'm not that narcissistic or selfish that it always has to be about me. As long as it's SOMETIMES about me, I'm good with that. ;-)

It's entirely probable that 2007 brings some bittersweet events for me. My oldest graduates high school in May, and my 20th high school reunion is in July (or June. I forget which). Both should be something to anticipate... and I am anticipating them, truly... but I'm also secretly dreading them.

So with that thought... I wish the rest of you a fabulous 2007. I know I'll spend much of my time in this new year alternately crying and laughing. A lot.