Today’s post is part of Blog Share and was written by an anonymous writer. To see the other anonymous posts today, see -R-'s Blog Share list.
I might want to rig up a flux capacitor and take the scenic route down the path not taken.
I'd like to travel back in time and change some things, see how they'd play out if I did just one thing differently. Maybe. Maybe I wouldn't change anything at all, but sometimes I'd really like to have the chance.
I probably shouldn't have gone crazy with the neon clothing in the 80s. I thought it was fun! Or not.
That "bi-level" haircut that was all the rage, combined with a growing-out perm? Maybe that was a bad call. Or not.
Changing that college major from Pre-Med? Maybe that wasn't the wisest choice. Maybe I could be a wealthy doctor right now. Or not.
Turning down a part-time job my dad wanted me to take, 'cause it seemed to me to be dead-end and no-fun? A job that turned into a high-profile career for the person who DID take it? Maybe I should have given it a shot. Or not.
Not realizing in time that one of my college classmates was flirting with me for REAL, and not just kidding around? Maybe I could be the wife of a reasonably wealthy optometrist right now. (He ended up marrying one of my friends, despite her extremely cold feet, and they ended up very bitterly divorced. Maybe they both could have been spared.) Or not.
Maybe I should have been more patient with the sweet, goofy, brilliant young guy who loved me 20 years ago. Maybe the fact that he couldn't make himself a sandwich, or keep track of the car keys, or take a shower without flooding the bathroom, or wrap his brain around the fact that sometimes, love ISN'T enough, sometimes you need, oh...a place to live and money to buy food, maybe those things should NOT have made me so ready to push him away and break his heart. Maybe I should have hung in there with him. But, you know, I was young, too. And I was H-O-T hot. There'd be plenty of other good guys wanting to love me, right? Or not.
I definitely should NOT have dated that pathological liar, no matter how intense the physical chemistry. Of course, really good pathological liars don't reveal themselves right away, so there might not have been any escape from that particular trap. But if I had it to do over again, I'd try to be more alert, damn it. Maybe it wouldn't take me six months to figure it all out. Maybe I'd be smarter. Or not.
I definitely should not have let my post-pathological liar vulnerability convince me it was a good idea to let an ex back in my life. He was an ex for a reason--namely, because he disappeared from my life without a trace and stayed away for two years. When he showed up wanting to apologize for the way he treated me, I should have graciously accepted his apology (hey, I can be the bigger person) and sent him on his way. His then MARRIED way. But at the time, he seemed sincere about wanting to clear the air and be "friends." And then later, he seemed sincere about wanting to end his marriage. Or NOT.
Maybe I shouldn't have put my feet in those stirrups on that cold February morning long ago and exercised every woman's right to choose.
Maybe I should have been less scared.
Maybe I should have been stronger.
Maybe I should have trusted that it would all work out, somehow.
But certainly there would be other chances--chances to do it RIGHT, wouldn't there?