What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

I need a new life. No... that's not true. I love my life. How about a new profession? Yeah! That would make me feel a lot better.

So, what could I do for a living? Maybe if you knew my strengths and weaknesses, you could recommend a new job for me.

Let's look at my strengths:

1) I make great lists. I'm very good at the whole "numbering" thing.

2) I'm grumpy. A lot. Give me a reason to bitch and moan about something, and I'll... wait. I don't even NEED a reason. I'll bitch and moan about anything! I'm sure that's a strength, right? Right?

3) I am a "Microsquishy Office" whiz. You need tabs set in Word? No problem. Would you like a dot-leader with that? A database? Sure. I'll whip one up for you right now. Spreadsheet plus fabulous charts? You got it, mister. Don't even get me started on Publisher. It's a piece of cake, Brend.

4) I'm generally a good teacher. People say that I am empathetic, caring, easy to work with, and that I don't make people feel like idiots... well, not to their faces anyway. But that's what blogs are for, right?

5) I can sing. Some people think I sing really well. I can also play the piano. And the violin. More the piano than the violin though. A little guitar, too. So, let's just call this one, "I'm musical."

6) I have a freakish memory. It comes in handy when you need to remember the name of the guy who was that other guy's friend in that movie we watched when we were living in the house in that one neighborhood... yeah. That one. His name was Steve. I'm my own little imdb.com, but not just about movies. About a lot of stuff.

7) I love to read. Books are my nirvana. If I could hole up on my couch with a cup of tea and a good book, life would be peaches and cream, baby. Peaches. And. Cream.

8) My typing skills are generally better than most people who do that sort of thing for a living. One of my colleagues jokes that there is smoke coming off the keys when I get done typing. Yeah. I'm that fast. Eat my dust.

9) I am very particular about my hair. That's a strength, right?

10) I might not be the most fashionable person on the planet, but I can definitely tell you if you should not be wearing "that." Not that I would... unless you asked. If it were a truly heinous case, I might write you a fashion ticket and pass it to you under the table. That way, no one would see, and you wouldn't be as embarrassed. See? Empathetic. I'm good like that.

Now let's look at my weaknesses:

1) I'm tired all the time. Second favorite thing after curling up with a good book... SLEEPING. So, if you could find me a job where I could work from my bed and that had very flexible hours, that would be super. Thanks for asking.

2) I'm a shortie. And although I used to be strong.... ummm, yeah. Not so much anymore. So, no heavy lifting, m'kay?

3) I don't like stupid people. Ignorant is one thing... if you don't know how to do something, I'll teach you. That's fine. If you don't want to LEARN, then that's just stupid. If you don't know how to drive- but you do anyway- and then get in front of ME... that's stupid. Therefore, I hate you. I'm not sure this is a weakness. In fact, I think it's a strength. Just mentally add it to the previous list. Thanks.

4) I'm incredibly self-conscious about my body. Yes, I lost weight. Yes, my clothes look better (except for the ones that are too big). But I'm still not good on that whole body image thing, so let's just not talk about it, okay?

5) I'm not exactly a patient person all the time. In fact, I might start yelling at a certain person who doesn't have the freakish memory I do because HE didn't remember that one thing I told him about the thing he was supposed to remember. Mmm hmmm. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah... not patient. Nope.

6) When I get stressed out, I tend to ramble and not make a lot of sense. Gee? Really? Perhaps that could be happening right now as I [rapidly and furiously] type this post???

7) I feel a lot older than I really am. I need to stop that.

8) I let myself get run down too easily. Then I get sick. I need to stop that, too.

9) I'm a do-er... and I don't delegate much easily. I've only been in a management position once in my life... and for some reason, that job was okay. I was good at that. Every other job, though, I've had to just do everything myself. That way, I know it gets done. It's not that I don't trust anyone else... it's just that my brain won't let go of things. I guess you could call this one, "Grumpy has CONTROL issues."

10) There are a LOT more, but we'll call the last one my insatiable need to always be RIGHT. I don't necessarily have to have the last word, as long as YOUR last word is something along the lines of "Oh! I see now! You're correct, of course!" See? Wasn't that easy???

Okay. There you are. You all are geniuses... I read your blogs. SURELY, someone out there can tell me what profession I should pursuing. Or maybe I need to be visiting that nice building with the padded walls... where they'll put me in that lovely white jacket... and feed me jello all day. Hey... if it pays well enough, I'll take it. :-)

A Post About Nothing in Particular..

Since I don't know how to blog about what I really want to blog about (not comfortable putting other people's issues... or my issues with those other people... out there at this point in time), I guess I'll blog about nothing at all in particular.

So, in no particular order, here we go:

1) I find a certain commercial for a product that shall be pseudo-named SOTOX* highly contradictory. The tag line is something along the lines of "SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself."

Really? I thought it froze your face so that you COULDN'T really express much. Did anyone watch Halle Berry try to cry when she accepted the Oscar? How about Nicole Kidman? That woman can hardly muster more than THREE total facial expressions anymore. Actually, it might be closer to TWO.
I don't think SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself. If anything, it might give you the freedom to hide what you really think... and I think that I love my laugh lines and forehead crinkles too much to inject poison into my face. I've earned them.
I'm sorry if you're into that kind of thing, but don't you kind of wonder what the long term effects might be?? Every other year, some new study comes out to contradict some old study... and you just know that horrible side effects of using SOTOX will be unearthed someday soon. I'm just sayin'.


2) I usually listen to the Today show while I'm getting ready for work... and I have to say I really, really like Meridith Vieira. SUCH an improvement over Katie C., in my opinion. She is always gracious to the people she interviews, whether it's a Head of State or some fool who drove through a living room.
What I really appreciate about her the most, I think, is that I don't know where she stands politically. With Katie, you always knew. As a journalist, I like Meredith's objectivity. She still asks the questions that need to be asked, but they don't seem so much like interrogation coming from her. Her questions and follow-ups are smooth and well-delivered (do you hear that, Ann Curry? Are you writing this down?).
Considering that this show has become pretty much a "soft" news show, I think she handles her assignments pretty well... from the week of horror at Virginia Tech to cooking with the Take Home Chef. Meridith gets a thumbs up from me.

3) My stomach is a churning, rumbling, painful disaster. I know it's stress. Duh. Stressful time of year. Got it.

What I worry about is that my sister, at the tender age of about 33, had to have her gallbladder removed. She let it go on for so long... she almost died. Now, she and I are two completely different people. I eat healthy foods and include a good balance of veggies and fruits. Fried stuff and fast food are not my thing. She, on the other hand, has very bad eating habits and freely admits it. Her food groups are fast food, chocolate, diet soda, and chocolate. Eating a handful of oreos for breakfast is par for her.**
A couple of weeks ago, I experienced a kind of stomach pain that I'd never felt before. It was very high and wasn't really any version of nausea I'd ever had. Really, it was more like pressure... but it got so bad, I couldn't sleep or even lie down. The only position that felt comfortable was sitting, doubled-over. It did go away, but since then, I've had similar pain...just not as intense. Knowing my sister's experience is either making me more aware of what this could be... or it could be scaring me hypochondriacally into making the pain even worse. 'Cause now I have ONE MORE THING TO WORRY ABOUT! gah.

So, my dilemma is this-- do I wait until after May is over, and, subsequently, all my major stressors are out of the picture? or do I attempt to schedule a doctor appointment and get things checked out, even though I don't have any time to go?


And there you are. A post about nothing particularly in particular.***



*Yes, I'm a chicken. I'm changing the name so I don't get any nasty emails. Like they read my blog, but whatever.

**My sister is actually pretty hilarious; and even though she eats like crap, her food issues make for some very funny little anecdotes. Like, when her students know she's in a bad mood, Snickers bars magically appear on her desk. Apparently, parting with chocolate or facing a cranky Ms. B is an easy decision those kids make!

*** Because if you're going to overuse a word, you might as well go for the gusto.

35 More Days...

In thirty-six more days, I'll be normal again. That seems like a long time from now, actually.

However, there ARE things to celebrate:

1. Grad class = OVER. Won't know my grade for a while...but stick a fork in it, I'm DONE. For this semester anyway.

2. Daughter #1 performed admirably in this past week's district music contest. I'm so proud!

3. Daughter #2 survived a church camp retreat this past weekend. She came home sunburnt, a little scratched up, and very tired... but in one piece.

4. I did not turn into Daffy Duck, nor did I curl up into a fetal position and drool excessively.

5. I can fit into all my old summer clothes that I haven't been able to wear for about three years. They're not exactly in style, but I'm a FRUMP, right? Who cares! My skinny clothes fit! SUPER W00T!!!

6. I might actually have a little time to read blogs this week! I miss you all a lot!

Life is good. Busy, but good. :-)

One of Two Things Is Going to Happen...

I’m either going to go absolutely butt-nutty and bounce around while laughing maniacally, ala Daffy Duck,

OR...

...my husband will find me curled up in the fetal position, convulsing periodically, and drooling excessively. I may or may not need adult diapers in that scenario.

I know I tend to make mountains out of molehills, but this is a really stressful week for me. If I can just make it to next Wednesday without completely losing it, I will consider that quite an accomplishment.

Until then, I will probably not be posting much. Again. Quelle surprise.

I really do love blogging, and I miss it so much right now! More than posting, I miss reading all YOUR blogs. My guess is that I will be a hit-or-miss blogger from now until at least the first week in June. Wah. That makes me sad.

In the meantime, could you all send me some good juju so that I may a) find a few additional hours in the day to get everything done, b) pass my grad class final, c) find enough time to finish my grad class final project, d) keep up with my kids' activities this weekend/next week, and e) stop screaming at everyone like the banshee I've become.

If you could just do that, I would be ever so grateful. Thanks in advance.

It Keeps Dawning on Me...

I am a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

Earlier today, Daughter #1 called me to ask about the events for the evening. As we finished our conversation, she started speaking in a goofy voice, which I then copied… and so on. Then we laughed and hung up.

Ohmygod. Starting next fall, I’m not going to see her every day. She’ll only be about 12 miles away, within the same city even… but not at home. Every so often, this fact hits me smack in the face, a little harder with each successive realization. Today, it happened while I was at work, and I struggled to keep from bursting into tears, aka full-blown mommy breakdown.

When she started the college application process, I held great hope that she would make a good choice. I had absolutely no intention of influencing her decision about where she wanted to go to school; I just prayed that it wouldn’t be too far. Or too expensive. But we could at least deal with that if it happened.

She only applied to one school.

What?? My independent child? I thought she was just being a little lazy. I didn’t know what was behind this apparent lack of action. I was disappointed with her and even fought with her a little bit, asking why she didn’t apply anywhere else, what was she thinking, etc. etc. After many days of bickering about it, she finally yelled back that she wasn’t ready to be too far away from home yet. And I realized, all my aspirations for her were just that. Mine. If she isn’t ready to be far away from us yet, then she’s not ready. It’s her timeline, not mine. I got it. And I was finally okay with her choice.

It’s a good choice. It’s a good school that just happens to be in the same city.

And right now? Today? I’m glad she chose that one, because I know I’M not ready to let her go yet. She’s a little younger than most of her school mates, being a summer birthday girl. If I really think about it, most of her friends’ parents will have had at least 6-8 months more time with their kids prior to college. But that would be nitpicking and silly. And it wouldn’t really make a difference, would it?

In the midst of planning graduation parties, finding caterers, putting together an iMovie to show during open house, etc… I’ve been able to keep myself busy and “stressed out” enough to ignore that other thing.

That other thing.

I’m going to miss her. Terribly. The child who shares my penchant for reading. The one who inherited my “lovely” morning persona. My brilliantly witty first-born.

I find myself hugging her more now than I usually do. And she’s letting me. :-)

Time to stop thinking about this for now. There’s a lot to do today, so I should get back to that. Besides, I can’t keep crying like this, or people are going to think I’m a blubbering idiot.

Or a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

... And I Will Answer.

Here's what people asked---

stefanie asked:

Can you tell us what you do (in general terms)? You've talked about being in education in the past, but I'm not sure if you're still working in schools (or in what capacity) now.

If you won't answer that, then... Hmm... How about what's the one food you won't let in your house because you know you'll eat it all in one sitting?

Without being too specific, I teach teachers and other school staff. And the one food I won't let in my house (very often) is cheesecake. Love it, and would eat it all if it were in my house!!

ludi asked:

If you had to have either a pet dinosaur for the rest of your life you had to look after, or have no toothbrush for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

The pet dinosaur, in a heartbeat! First of all, it would be cool. Second, I could always pay for dino waste removal, right? And last... I cannot stand dirty teeth. I am a teeth-brushing fool! Remember the Shiny Teeth song? ;-)

aimless penguin asked:

What's your favourite variation of the colour purple?

Probably amethyst, but I love all purple. It's my fave.

alyssa asked:

What is your position on the 1939 Hatch Act? Or - Who is your favorite player in the Teapot Dome Scandal?

I think the Hatch Act was a good idea to keep corruption/favoritism, etc. out of federal and state employee's everyday tasks, but I think the 1993 amendment made it more palatable.

My favorite Teapot Dome scandal player is Robert M. LaFollette.

(are you hooked on government corruption this week? haha)

Sparkling Cipher asked:

When I was a little girl, my friends and I always had some prettier name that we wished our parents had chosen for us instead of our own name. Were you also disappointed with your parents' choice? If so, what prettier name did you wish they had chosen?

I didn't mind my name as a little girl, although I preferred to go by my full, given name when I was in school and not the nickname that my family used. Once I became a little older, though, and there were five or six of us with the same name in every class, I wished that I had a more unique name.

lizgwiz asked:

How did you meet the Farm Boy? Since I'm still waiting to meet "the one," I always find it interesting how people met. Did you "meet cute"? Hee.

We both worked for the same company for a couple of years. The first time I saw him, I couldn't stop staring at him. :-) We were friends for a while before we started dating.

stinkypaw asked:

Why did you start blogging?

Partly because my kids were doing it and I wanted to know everything they were doing... and partly because I found it interesting. I love the sense of community that is a result of blogging. :-)

wire asked:

Would you rather eat a cat or a dog?

I expected about as much from you, wire. haha The answer is NEITHER, thank you very much! Well, unless one of them tastes like cheesecake.

-r- asked:

Did you ever have an imaginary friend? If so, who was it? If not, what is one slightly odd thing you did as a child?

I didn't have an imaginary friend, although, now I wish that I'd had one. As for something slightly odd... I didn't do much that was silly or "kid-like." I was such a serious little person all the time, which makes me kind of sad for my little-girl-self.

In elementary school, if two boys started fighting each other on the playground, I would try to get in between them to stop the fight. Everyone else would be cheering them on ("Fight! Fight! Fight!"), and there I was telling them how disappointed their moms were going to be when they found out and could they just shake hands now and be done with it, thank you very much?

Fun questions. Thanks!

Ask Me...

Since I'm still living the life of a chicken running around with its head cut off... I don't have much of a post right now. I have plenty of IDEAS; I don't have a lot of time to compose and edit and make my thoughts seem coherent. M'kay??

So... why don't YOU ask me some questions? There are obvious questions I won't answer-- those that give too much away about me personally, such as descriptions about where I live, etc. But other than those, I will try to answer as honestly as possible.

Leave the question in my comments, and then I will post them with answers sometime on Monday night or Tuesday morning.

An Ode To The Evil That Is Coffee…

Coffee? Why dost thou hate me so? My heart yearns for you. Well, not really my heart… my tastebuds, actually. Yes! YES! My tastebuds yearn for your richness, your robust essence.

And yet… you mock me. You entice me with that rich aroma, those dark good looks. Most mornings, I pass you by. My willpower helps me ignore you long enough to reach for the hot water spigot that provides the goodness that becomes my green tea. Green tea does not spite me… nay, green tea makes me feel good all over. But not you. No. You do not.

When I give in to you, O Majestic Java, you chortle silently whilst supplying me that instant gratification. As I mix my Coffee Mate into your cup, you eagerly welcome your Chai or Amaretto-flavored accomplice, all the while knowing the havoc you soon will wreak on my innards. Within minutes of drinking down your creamy-tasting cruelty, my stomach says, “WTF???” Loudly. In fact, all my cubemates can hear its protesting:

Cubemate 1: WHAT was that?

Cubemate 2: Grumpy must be drinking coffee again.

Cubemate 1: [to Grumpy] Hey! Could you pipe down over there? Some of us are trying to work! If you can’t give up coffee, you’ll have to take your stomach and all its griping outside.

Me: [sheepishly] Sorry, everyone.

Mais oui, Café. This means war. Don’t think for one second that you can trick me. Your multiple personalities cannot be my friends, either. Decaf, Half-caf, “Stomach-Friendly”—they’re all just as bad as you are where it concerns my dainty, gastrointestinal anatomy.

So, I say this to you… we’re done. I am giving up on you. FOREVER! You shall no longer hold sway with me. I mean it! This is it! No more.

But… maybe I should have one more cup before we part ways for good. Kind of like break-up sex, ya know what I mean?

Don't Smother Your Kids...

Just because I need something a) funny, and b) applicable to my everyday life, I present you with this:

Like A Whirlpool, It Never Ends...

Well, I'm back. Kind of.

Google Reader just looked at me today and said, "Don't act like you know me. Biotch."

100+ missed posts to catch up with... don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. Boo.

So here's what I think today:

1. I should quit my nice-paying-yet-highly-stressful job and go work at Burger King. Or maybe Barnes & Noble. Yeah, that would be better.

2. Yay, Larry Birkhead. I knew it.

3. Filing an extension on your taxes is for wussies. Yes, Farm Boy, this means you.

4. Anyone who takes a grad class the same semester her child graduates ought to have her head examined. Twice.

5. I didn't get to go on my photo retreat, so I'm rescheduling. Anyone have any idea when the weather will get nice again??? And when I say nice, I mean NOT freezing???

6. 9 more weeks until I can shed my basket-case-status. That's not too bad, right? Right???

That's about it, I guess. Be patient with me as I slog through the numerous posts I've missed in the last week. Wow. Y'all write a LOT. :-)

A Wee Little Break...

Okay, so I lied. Not intentionally, of course! I didn't post a Weekend Why Files. I do have some pictures ready to post, and I have some store items ready to add... but no time to actually do it.

With life being so incredibly busy right now, I need to focus my priorities on my family. I love blogging, and I love reading what you all write... but I need to take a short hiatus. Maybe just a few days will get me back on track.

This week is Spring Break. We'll be taking another short road trip, and we'll be playing catch-up when we return. Also, I really need to dig into the mess that I think is my home. At least, I'm pretty sure it's a house. It's just embarrassing how cluttered and messy everything is. You could probably write your name in the dust on my glass table in our living room. Pathetic.

OH! and if you like a good tear-fest, go see Reign Over Me. Good thing I had kleenex in my purse! It's not a chick flick... the Farm Boy really liked it, too. I don't know if I can write this without sounding condescending, but I'm really proud of Adam Sandler. This is his best work since Punch Drunk Love, and I think this one is better.

Catch ya later.