Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Do I really want to be a HOT mom? Not really...

The other day I saw a link for an online article titled, "How to Be a Hot Mom." I'm not adding the link, because it pissed me off.

Besides the instant frustration I felt, I wondered if my mom ever read articles in Redbook or Good Housekeeping about how to keep herself looking hot and sexy. I already knew the answer to that. There were the occasional articles about how to keep the 'spice' in her relationship ("buy a sexy nightie that only your husband will get to see," or "when he opens the door after a long day of work, make sure you're standing there wrapped in cellophane," etc.). There were no articles, however, about how to make sure your daughter's boyfriends drool and forget all about your daughter.

I know that our society is always grasping for new and better ways to get us all to be insecure about ourselves. We must look younger and sexier all the time. However, all the "fabulous bods at 40" aren't really all that fabulous, since they're mostly fake. I don't want to look like Demi Moore when I'm in my 40s, because I'm not willing to shell out the samoleans* to get there. Nor do I want my girls to be up to my neck when I'm in my 70s. I just want to look real... you know... I want to look like ME.

Now don't get me wrong... I truly believe in looking good when I walk out the door. It's important to me that I don't embarrass myself in public, of course. But I don't go on shopping quests for clothes that are sexy. I have children. And I don't want to embarrass THEM.

The last time I wore a bikini (other than a cruise where there were no children around) was about 10 years ago. I took my daughters to a public pool. As I took off my outerwear, my daughter (who was about 6 or 7) gasped and said, "Mommy! Put your shirt back on! People are STARING!"

I wasn't naked... I had on a bikini. But apparently, the modesty lessons that I had instilled into my children since birth were also meant for me. From then on, I started wearing one piece suits to the public pool and saved the bikinis for the backyard with the 6 foot privacy fence.

Here's my point: I'm 37. My husband thinks I'm hot (or at least he lies well and tells me that I am). That's all that really matters. I don't want other people to think I'm unattractive, but at the same time, I'm not out trolling for attention. I'm so over that. And let me tell you, if I'm being honest with myself... I think it's a really great phase to be in.

So, enough with the 'hot mom' articles. Desperate Housewives? Puh-leeze. If celebrity women get any thinner, and implants get any bigger, the majority of them won't be able to stand up. And it's pretty difficult to look hot when you keep falling over.

*the form of currency native to Sweethaven, home of the one-eyed sailor.


Stinkypaw said...

Darn right! There's nothing more touching than looking at an old person and see that they had a life, thus expression lines on their face. More and more people are being "botoxafied" and expressionless... scary! Plastic surgery has become this new sickness or something, this thing that everyone must have - I totally agree with you. I want my boobs to move with me, or should I say the rest of me?! hmm? I find that more and more the "plastic people" all look alike, and that's just not right.
Aging well is a good thing, and feeling good about yourself is an even better thing - so let's enjoy that!

Anyway, today you were a hot mom!!! (re. previous post) ;-D

Guinness_Girl said...

Ew! I don't want to be a hot mom either. Are you serious? There are articles about how to steal your daughter's boyfriend's attention? Ick.

Similarly, I once had a friend complain to me that none of her husband's friends ever referred to her as "hot." I thought that was such a *weird* thing to want. I want MY husband's friends to think I'm nice and fun and good for and to him, and that is IT. Anything else is just...creepy.

MiMaw said...

You go girl! Agree with you 100%. The skinny, plastic women of Hollywood set examples for regular people, but unfortunately when regular people where the clothes they do - blech! The low riding, high rise tight tops look absolutely ridiculous and nauseating. My Man says sexy and hot are not what comes to mind when enjoying his favorite past-time: girl watching.

My Man thinks I am sexy and hot (he even says it with a straight face and gleam in his eye) and it in turn makes me feel hot and sexy. That's what it's all about.

don't call me MA'AM said...

stinkypaw: yeah, in about 10 years, we're going to find out that botox has a formaldehyde effect, and everyone will walk around like Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her. And my little wrinkly ass will be laughing! ;-)

gg: amen, sister. A little attention is okay. After that, I just get the willies. And yes, I did see an article online somewhere about how to be hot enough that your daughter's male friends will drool over you. Ewww. That really creeps me out.

don't call me MA'AM said...

mimaw: there are a few of those "starlets" whose heads look like they are about to snap right off! ;-)

Jurgen Nation said...

"how to make sure your daughter's boyfriends drool and forget all about your daughter."

Please tell me you're kidding.

And I hate those Desperate Housewives. I won't watch the show. Skanks.

Anonymous said...

Yup, you're ready for the 40+ club. I can't tell you how freeing it is to realize that attractive doesn't have to equal hot. Ever. Again.

However - I've done botox - just right in the middle of the forehead where years of frowning (while reading, driving, and of course, while angry) left one icky vertical line. I gave in when one too many people said, "What's the matter? You look angry." (I'm not effing ANGRY. I'm just a SERIOUS and CONCERNED person!) My friend Kim made me wiggle my eyebrows for proof that I still can, lol.

I will never, ever use it for "wrinkles" or smile lines. I earned those darned things.

-R- said...

I agree 100% with jurgen nation.


Anonymous said...

Oh yeah - and "women of a certain age" who try to dress hot or act skanky just come off looking pathetic. I think Demi Moore is beautiful, but somehow I can't help feeling sorry for her every time I see her. I keep imagining Ashton, gorgeous at 35, while she's 50 and, well - 50. Ugh. I would NOT want to be her.

MiMaw said...

tammara: I hope "Ugh" was not directed at the age of 50 but the fact that Demi Moore is 50 and Ashton is sooo much younger.

DCMM: Oh yeah! Plastic surgery brings to mind Joan Rivers. (gag) blech, yuck, eeuuew.

Growing old with grace and style is Helen Hayes, Audrey Hepburn, and Katherine Hepburn who are(were) respected for their talent and ageless beauty.

goldennib said...

Don't they send women to jail for enticing 13 year olds? You have to be pretty insecure or insane to need teenage boys drooling over you once you are no longer a teenager. Another name for a Desperate Housewife = Pathetic.

Red said...

I know, those magazines are so sad... and so they can sleep at night, the people who work for them probably tell themselves that all they're trying to do is help women maximize their self-esteem. As if. (Haven't said that for about 10 years...)

Dboy said...

Amen, sister. I absolutely agree. I can't stand the standards that our society places upon young girls - what does this say about what we value in the Western world? Materialism... The cover being the most important part of the book... Unrealistic aesthetic obsession...

Anonymous said...

As I am 8.5 years away from 50 myself, it would be silly to direct an "ugh" at being fifty. Not to mention that I'd never insult anyone based on their age. Except maybe teenagers.

don't call me MA'AM said...

jurgen: yeah, I can't find that article again, but that's what it was all about. Disgusting. And I am SOOO happy that someone else hates the Desperate Housewives besides me. YAY!

tammara: I still care sometimes. That sucks. But most of the time, I'm over it. ;-) I still couldn't do botox... but at least your reason makes sense.

-r-: YAY! Let's start a club!

mimaw: it's amazing to me how many women are starting to look like Joan Rivers. Yikes. What a scary thought!

goldennib: these women didn't want anything to do with the teenage boys that considered them hot... they just wanted to be wanted. Again... ick.

red: I don't think those people ever have to worry about sleeping at night. As long as they're selling, they're happy.

dboy: thanks for the male perspective... okay, really, just thanks for agreeing with us! ;-)

Maliavale said...

The thing about Redbook: It's just so DIRTY. I always felt like I was going to get in Big Trouble if I was caught reading it in a doctor's office.

Also, HEE! on the cellophane reference.

don't call me MA'AM said...

maliavale: yeah, Redbook was the Cosmo of its day. ;-)

Ah, and the beloved cellophane. All I can think of is Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. AH-HAHAHAHAHA!

Anonymous said...

I want to be hot. Porno hot even, at least in private. The fact is, either you're hot or you're not. It's more of an attitude, having an individual style, and naturally keeping yourself up, which doesn't have to involve plastic surgery, even if you are on the far side of forty - like I am. I am, by the way, hot. I dress well, I don't show inappropriate body parts, and to my knowledge I have never embarrassed my nieces and nephews. In fact, it was my nieces that told me a few years ago that I need to dress YOUNGER! Imagine that. And as far as the teenaged boys, they will drool regardless. They were drooling at your mom in her day, trust me.