Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I feel so betrayed!

If you know me at all, you know that there are two experiences that I absolutely adore: eating a veggie burrito at Chipotle and going to Target. The latter is the topic about which I will be ranting tonight.

Last night, Daughter #1 and I stopped at Target to gather supplies for her birthday party*. Of COURSE, we have to go to Target. Actually, it was Super Target... which is oh so much better!

She wanted me to make a cake rather than get one from a bakery, so we had to get all the necessary ingredients for that. Additionally, we needed some decorating stuff... you know. The whole shebang.

Giddily, we ran around the ginormous store, gathering everything on our list. Oh, and we stuck to our list. Yes, we did. Except for the Zippo Mini Multi-Purpose Lighter. It wasn't on our list. But I needed it. That's how it is when you go to Target. You find things you didn't even know that you need.

All in all, we were probably there for about 15 minutes. We were on a mission, and it was getting late anyway. We hit the checkout lanes.

Now, there are 35 checkout lanes at this store (if you count all the express lanes). Of course, at 9:15pm, only 4 of them are actually open. 2 on the very west end, and 2 on the very east end. We parked on the east end, so that was the logical choice. The first lane I spied looked awfully busy: three shoppers deep with some pretty full carts. The next lane, only two shoppers deep... not so bad. So I opted for the second lane.

Have I ever mentioned that I own the record for number of times choosing the wrong lane/line for just about EVERYTHING?!?

Not only is this checker slow, but she's chatty. And apparently not too bright. Shopper #1 finally moves on, and it's now Shopper #2's turn. She needs a rain check for Five Star notebooks, because her fabulous offspring must have at least 10 of them. And they're on sale. And there aren't any left on the shelves. So, Missy the Wonder Checker calls for help. And. Stands. There. And. Waits.

No, really. She just stood there. She didn't scan Shopper #2's other items. Not a one of them. She just stood there and waited for the Magic Target God in The Sky to return her call. By now, I'm already extremely impatient. We've been in line for 10 minutes. The line next to me is moving along quickly... the guy that I would have been behind is long gone. Unfortunately, all my crap is already on Missy's conveyor belt. I turn my back to her, roll my eyes at Daughter #1, and loudly say, "For the love of God, please start scanning something." Missy doesn't get the hint.

Another shopper eyes the lane next to us, notices it's longer, and starts to get in our line. I tell her, "You don't want to get in this lane. Seriously. We've been here for over 15 minutes now. Run to the next lane."

Finally, after the Magic Target God in The Sky returns Missy's call, she gets all the information she needs for the ever-important Five Star rain check. She finally starts scanning, and proceeds to comment on each and every item. Shopper #2 and her fabulous offspring, sans Five Stars, but carrying a pretty nifty rain check, leave the store.

YAY! It's our turn now. Missy jovially calls out to us. Clearly, she doesn't notice the look on my face. She scans the ingredients for the chocolate cake and the brownies... grins... and says with a cheeky little voice, "Ahhhh! I know what YOU guys are doing!" At this point, I bite off half my tongue to avoid yelling at her, "STFU and scan my fooking groceries!!!" Daughter #1 is laughing her ass off at me.

THIRTY MINUTES after getting in line to checkout, we finally leave the store. I'm nearly in tears. Missy has officially ruined Target for me**. I'm thinking of having her fired... and then recommending her for a job at Wal-Mart.

*Tonight, she has about 30 of her closest friends over-- and I have retreated to the bedroom. Sunday, family will be here for another party. I don't like birthdays so much anymore.

** I'm sure that won't last forever. I could never NOT shop at Target (ooh, I do love me a double-negative).


Stinkypaw said...

Let me tell you that my husband shares the record of "picking the wrong lane" with you, the Canadian version of it!

How old is daughter #1? 30 friends, quite the popular girl you have!

Isn't funny how one stupid person can ruin a good thing? I'm always amazed by their power! You've got to love them!

Now that's a serious threat you've made: "I'm thinking of having her fired... and then recommending her for a job at Wal-Mart." Ouch!!!

Paisley said...

I think I spent all my student loan money at Target in college. Seriously.

I love Target so much.

I totally understand your plight. You should complain to the manager or something. She should know what a dofus she is. At least she acknowledged you. At my Target they seem to be hiring people that just stare blankly into space and scan stuff and don't even tell me the total. That totally irritates me.

Yes, it sounded like a total Walmart experience. Except she'd have been the ONLY checker working and you'd have been there for 2.5 hours.


oh, and there'd be a dirty baby in the grocery cart in front of you with open sores all over its body. That happened to me. Gah!

don't call me MA'AM said...

stinkypaw: 17. Actually, Daughter #2 had a party in May, and she had about 30 people over, too. These kids travel in PACKS, I tell you. At least, they're all good kids. :-)

paisley: I did think about calling the manager, whom I think is an acquaintance anyway. Haven't done it yet...

Dirty babies. Ick. I just want to grab them, hose them down, and then smack their mothers. From experience, I know it's tough to keep the little ones clean. But when you see layers of dirt and a nose that never gets wiped? BIG ICK. Open sores? Oh. My. God. *shudder*

wire said...

Yeah - good kids when you're around but as soon as you retreat to your room out come the butterfly knives and chains. They're probably patroling the streets looking for some old grandma to roll as we speak.

don't call me MA'AM said...

No, dude... that's YOUR bag. Remember? My kids=good. Wire=very naughty.

wire said...

The old lady had it coming. Don't cross me i'm D-A-N-G-E-well, you know the rest.

Gabrielle said...

Oooh, I love Target! I think I still have about 6 tubes of Carmex from my last trip there.

don't call me MA'AM said...

wire: you're so badass, man. ;-)

gabrielle: Me, too! That's why this was so heartbreaking.

goldennib said...

I always shop with a buddy so when it comes to check out time they can pick the lane, because when I pick a lane, something always goes wrong. Always.

Anonymous said...

MMwwwhaaahahaahaahahaha... I SO get your point about recommending her for Walmart. There was a point, long ago, that I thought I'd never be able to quit Walmart. And then Supertarget came along. They'd better watch it. Somewhere out there, someone is hiring all the good (QUICK) checkers and getting ready to open a brand new Super-something...

Seriously. We could be sisters. I won't even be mad that you're the younger one. Just don't rub it in.