Thursday, September 20, 2007

My Husband is Going to Freak...

I’m just going to type it, and then run like hell. So read quickly.

I’m having baby withdrawals, and the reason is two-fold, I think.

1) When my husband and I married almost 5 years ago, we each brought two children to the marriage. Our kids are all teenagers now, with the oldest in college. The other three are all in high school (yes, I know. I will accept sympathy in the form of cash… or comments. Whatever.).

I wish I had a dollar for every time my husband and I have been asked if we are going to have a child “of our own.” Well, we do have children of our own… 4 of them. But I understand what the question is really asking… are we ever going to have a child together? The answer has always been a resounding “NO.” Sometimes a resounding “Hell NO!” We’re still relatively young (we’re both in our late 30s), and it’s rather refreshing to have a date night where no babysitters are required. Also, I can’t remember the last time I had to buy diapers. Hallelujah! And even more exciting… when I’m 44, all our kids will be in their 20s. Empty nesters before the age of 45? Oh, sweet sounds of the gods!

Still… it does make me a little sad sometimes that I’ll never know what a Grumpy-Farm-Frumpy-Boy would look like. And we’ll never share that special intimacy of conceiving a child, going through birth together (granted, I’d be doing most of the work, as usual—just kidding, honey!), and sharing that special time alone together with our baby. Our kids won’t ever have a sibling they all share together.

2) This reason is a bit selfish, but there’s so much cool stuff for young moms now! Seriously. When I was pregnant with my two girls, maternity “fashion” was the equivalent of wearing a large, burlap sack with the word “BABY” and an arrow pointing at your stomach. Brilliant, right? Maternity clothes are sooooooooo much cuter now!

And… there were no blogs back then. I lived in a small town, away from my family and friends, with only my future ex and his family as a support system. I craved other “mommy” contact and conversations, but other than the women in my LaMaze classes, there were no connections for me. I am slightly envious of all the mommies who have found such a great community through their blogs. What a great opportunity, especially for those who aren't around family and friends!

Once the girls were born, I could carry around pictures with me, or mail them to friends and family, but there wasn’t an easy method with which to share pictures and video. Flickr? Yeah, nothing like that existed. Eventually, email came around, but it was slow, and believe it or not, a lot of people didn’t have it. (Okay, I am officially a dinosaur.)

And I know every generation of moms can say this… but the toys. THE TOYS. Even our kids groan when they see all the cool toys that are out there now!

I realize I have a lot of benefits of having near-grown children, and that I wouldn’t trade one ounce of my life now for anything different. Every once in a while, though, I do get these baby withdrawals and just wonder “what if?”


stefanie said...

Well, if your kids start sort of early, like you did, you could have grandbabies in a few years! I know; you probably don't want to think about that... but think about how much less work they are! And how you get to spoil them as much as you want! Hold out a few years and wait for that, I say. :-)

don't call me MA'AM said...

ACK! stefanie!!! Bite your tongue!! ;-) All four children have been given the strictest instructions that they are not allowed to have their own children until they are at least 30. :-)

Lori said...

Your post kinda makes me sad.

Oh, the new toys aren't really that great. They make annoying noises and teach kids to be dependent on anything but their own minds and imaginations.

3carnations said...

Well...go for it. There will come a point when it's too late, and you won't regret it. There are always laundry lists of reasons for/against having a baby, another baby, etc. Think it over, talk it over...Then maybe go for it. :)

Nessa / Goldennib said...

Are you mad, woman. Only a few more years until freedom. Don't do it. Babysit someone else's baby for a day or something. But step away from the baby machine.

; D

-R- said...

If H and I have a kid, I will permit you to come visit.

Stinkypaw said...

I've wondered as well what a Hubby/Stinky combo would look like, but never enough to actually "order" one!

Enjoy your time with your husband, you've contributed to that cause already... and you'll have grand kids soon enough I'm sure! ;-)

lizgwiz said...

The only time I really want to have a baby is when I see baby shoes and socks. They're so cute and tiny!

I guess I could buy some and force them onto the cats. ;)

don't call me MA'AM said...

lori: I do agree with that point... my 2 year old nephew prefers to play with the boxes that are the packaging for his new toys.

3car: yeah... no. As much I sometimes feel this way, I wouldn't act on it. Absolutely not. It's been 14 years since I've done that whole diaper/breastfeeding/no sleeping thing. No thank you. :-)

nessa: exactly! I was just a little sentimental yesterday... but I'm not totally mad. I think. ;-)

-r-: YAY! Wait! are you trying to tell us something?? ;-)

stinky: well put. That's exactly what I plan to do!

lizgwiz: baby socks on your cats. You have "that cat lady" just hiding inside you, don't you? haha Actually, we've done that a couple of times to our little dog. Shhh! ;-)

Karen MEG said...

Well, being in my VERY early 40s with a baby girl who's 2.5, toilet training, fretting about whether she's getting enough of the right stuff to eat; and with her big brother the ripe old age of 7, toys have taken over our household.
Yeah, the maternity fashions, the beautiful diaper bags, the great mommy communities, all really make it easier to be pregnant nowadays.
But there are days when I think how nice it will be when they are more independent and I can get a bit of my life back. And then I realize this is my life, and for the most part, it is a wonderful one.
When baby girl was 8 months old, I got hormonal, had this certain look in my eye and DH says to me "Are you freakin' nuts? We're too old and WAYYYY too tired!".
But if you really want to, you should go for it. You're young, baby. And I bet your older kids would just adore a new addition. Mind you, no guarantees that they'll be babysitting any time soon :). I'm just so lucky that we've got two 7 week old baby nieces to enjoy, cuddle, and can give back to their parents once they get cranky!

-R- said...

I am trying to tell you that SOME DAY H and I may have kids. THAT IS ALL, WOMAN! =)

Anonymous said...

I, and a large majority of my friends, all had baby cravings at your age. None of us gave in (in a couple of cases, it would have required a vasectomy reversal, which definitely makes you think about it more carefully!!). So, I'm not sure if any of us would have said, "Oh, I'm SOOOO glad I did this!" All I know is all of us, without exception, now say (in our low 40's) "ohthankgod we didn't! thankgodthankgodthankgod!" I think it's biological. It isn't fair at all that we women have a cutoff point for having a baby, but we do. And I think our bodies know it!