2. You are a lightweight. One drink gets you buzzed. Two drinks... you're just asking for it. So, why, then on Friday night, after you drank that first (STRONG) margarita, did you agree to a second (STRONG) margarita? Did you not notice your already slurred speech whilst conversing with the Farm Boy? Did you not feel how slowly your eyes were panning the restaurant? Did you not feel that dizzying effect when you whipped your head around to find yet another screaming kid just out of your view? All those should be hints that you've had enough. That's also why your stomach is hating you today, you stupid biatch.
3. Your 8-lb chihuahua (yes, the same one that worships you) is not a camel. Not only does he need to drink water, he eventually needs to release that same water. You prefer that he do that outside. So does he. But... when you don't pay attention to him for 4 to 5 hours (that you might have spent lounging around today doing absolutely, freaking nothing), he's going to have an accident. On your white carpet. Which you will have to clean up, you stupid, stupid moron.
Oh, and whilst he is having said accident, don't freak out at him and yell at him to go outside. 'Cause once that "dam" is released, it's not stopping. If you do, you'll regret it. A lot. Like, for instance, instead of cleaning up one LARGE potty spot, you'll be cleaning his entire path from your bedroom to the front door. And yes, that's ALL white carpet. AND the Spot Bot doesn't work on the longest-trickle-spot in doggy history.
That's all. Just... please try not to be such a bonehead. Don't make me have to kick your ass.