I hate karaoke. No, I mean I DETEST it. Really. If you're a trained singer at all, you know what I'm talking about... and for those of you who aren't, you probably know, too. (see update below)
My grandpa is turning 80 this month, so we did the party thing yesterday. And guess what his wife had as a surprise for him? You guessed it. Karaoke. *groan*
So, here's the deal-- if your grandpa is proud that you can sing, you are morally, legally, and ethically bound to get your arse up on the cheesy little stage and sing karaoke. At risk of hurting an old man's feelings, you're just going to do it.
But it couldn't possibly be that simple, now could it? No. As you choose to sit in the back of the bar, wheezing from all the smoke and old people body odor, someone related to you is going to prod you forward. And that someone is your brother... who is also a singer... who, for some unknown reason actually LIKES karaoke*. And that little brother wants you to sing a duet with him. Fine.
Grandpa's favorite singer is Johnny Cash. Little brother says, "C'mon. Let's sing Jackson. It will be great!"
Do you know the lyrics to Jackson?
We got married in a fever,
hotter than a pepper sprout,
We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson,
Ever since the fire went out...
Not exactly the song I want to sing with my BROTHER. Eww.
I think I'm scarred for life. Oh, well. Happy B-day, Gramps.
UPDATE: lest anyone think me a singing snob, let me explain a little-- I taught vocal music. I'm all for encouraging people to sing, regardless of talent or ability. I don't care if you sing out of tune, as long as you're singing. What I hate about karaoke is that it brings out all those people who think they are the best singers in the world... you know who they are. They also show up for American Idol auditions. Whether they can carry a tune or not isn't the issue. It's all about the attitude. When you think you are God's gift to singing, but you're in a karaoke bar? You should just stop. If you put your name in the karaoke dj's basket more than twice a night so that everyone can revel in the glory that is your voice... you're either showing off (or as ludi says, "a complete tool") or you are a microphone hog. Either way, JUST STOP. And THAT's what I hate about karaoke.
*Here's why he likes karaoke: he can sing ANYTHING and sound great. The dude sings Elvis, and women throw underwear at him. It's quite sickening, yet strangely intriguing all at the same time.