Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'll just head back to the Bog of Eternal Stench*...

I feel like a troll.

[Warning... there's a whine coming on]

I'm still not at a weight where I'm comfortable... I've only lost about 2-5 lbs total since my last whinefest about my weight**. I say 2-5, because I lose a little and gain a little constantly week after week. My weight fluctuates more than the stock market. Or the temperature in the midwest. (yeah, those are all really lame comparisons. I don't care.)

I'm not worried about looking hot and sexy... we already covered that. I just want my clothes to fit, and I don't want to be self-conscious about whether there are visible rolls or not when I sit down.

I am part of a small department that is comprised of two other women and myself. They are both about 5' 10", and very physically fit. I'm 5' 3", and not so much. Not so much at all. One is about 5 years younger, and the other is exactly the same age I am.

So, this is the time of the year when we have to do a lot of presenting and facilitating and coordinating and making ourselves very visible.... together. They, in their sleek skirts or pants and sleeveless tops with no jiggly arm fat, and I in my... hmmmm... do I look fat in this shirt? Sure, I'll just wear a jacket in 100 degree heat to hide my white, pasty, not so firm upper arms. Please don't stand on either side of me so that it's even more pronounced how troll-like I appear in comparison!!! GAH!

Sorry. I lost my composure a little bit there.

I hate being insecure. You'll have to excuse me now... I'll be on the treadmill all night. Or maybe I'll just tuck myself into my bed and feel sorry for myself. :-(




*LOVE that movie!!!

**Sorry, too lazy to find which post it's in. Besides, it's not worth reading two whines in one day, right?

16 comments:

Guinness_Girl said...

Oh, DCMM, I KNOW the feeling. Two of my closest friends are 5'10" and 5'11" - both are skinny minnies, and next to them (at 5'6" and, er, um, slightly more rounded) I always feel like a pumpkin. It's the WORST! I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself!

Jaek said...

I love that movie, too. Just watched it with my kids and my daughter wants to watch it again already.

I'm 6'1" and tip the scales at 303lbs. I have never played football in my life and I have never been a bouncer. I gained 10 lbs. in the two months since being unemployed. I do have some muscle under the fat, but I have been feeling a bit subconcious lately. I wishes I could just loses some poundses.

Stinkypaw said...

Hey! think of it this way, it could be worst - I'm 5'10" and pleasantly plump and, of course, I would love to loose some pounds and yes I'm self-conscious of my rolls, so at times when I feel insecure I just sit down! ...or stand next to a troll in a long sleeve shirt! ;-)

Don't be so hard on yourself!

-R- said...

My weight goes up and down that much too. It is really strange. From day to day it is typically up or down 3 pounds. The average stays the same though. In fact whether I work out or not it stays the same. Ok, you do not care about that, but I am sharing anyway.

Jaek said...

Ummm...I meant self-concious...but you knew that, right? Subconciously?

wire said...

i have no likeminded stories to share, but i will say bagcrapit (i just made that up :) feel free to use it) to feeling troll-like! My solution? Buy a troll-doll. Then whenever you are feeling troll-like you can pull it out and remind yourself that you are neither rigid plastic nor 5 inches tall, and your hair isn't flouro pink either.

goldennib said...

I work with women 20 years my junior who look like models. Some mornings I can't look at them, then the caffine kicks in and I feel better.

MiMaw said...

As Garfield says: "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!" That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

hannah said...

Strange thing is, yesterday I was reading a column by some sportwriter, and he used the line "Bog of Eternal Stench."

Also, last night I went to this rock club to check out a band, and in the bar area, there were two tv's and what was playing, you ask? Yes. It was The Labyrinth.

David Bowie is a sexy beast.

Maliavale said...

Oh my god oh my god oh my god a LABYRINTH REFERENCE! I heart you so much.

And that looks great on you; what are you talking about? =)

Gabrielle said...

Yeah, try being in France with all these ultra skinnies! And combining a Victoria's Secret online order with one! Who orders xs!!!

But you know, one thing for those arms (and for just all-round coolness): yoga. Ain't nothing better. Of course, with that heat there, who wants to sweat any more??

Paisley said...

My best friend in junior high was gorgeous, went to modeling school and was tall and thin. Me in Jr. High? The epitome of awkward. Chunky, zits, bad hair, and glasses.

My self-esteem has never recovered.

I'm sure you look better than you think. :)

Miss Peach said...

Ugh, I know the feeling. There's almost nothing you can do except remember that people never walk around saying, "Wow, that so-and-so, I like her so much because her upper arms don't have any flab!"

Also, you ALWAYS look better than you think. It's a proven fact. It's practically published in a scientific journal.

Ludicrousity said...

Unfortunately I can relate all too well. I guess we just need to be disciplined and do something about it instead of whinging. By the way, that was totally directed at myself rather than you...

Guinness_Girl said...

PS, I have tagged you.
http://mymentalbuffet.blogspot.com/2006/08/ive-been-tagged.html

don't call me MA'AM said...

Thank you ALL for the encouragement and for making me laugh. I probably shouldn't post when I'm feeling insecure. It's not a good look on me. :-)

Oh, and wire... I'm totally taking your advice and buying a troll doll now.