Friday, April 21, 2006

Friday Why Files...

WHY #1. MSNBC's report titled, "Beware the door-to-door free breast exam guy."

Okay, so some guys are now slapping the foreheads, muttering, "Why didn't I think of that?"

But that's not the reason for adding this article. If you read through it, you'll find that two women, in their 30s, let this guy in and BELIEVED him. No ID. No proof of anything. He's some old, white-haired pervert who claimed to be a doctor. And they bought it. Huh? Wha? Sorry... if any guy knocks on my door with a free offer to examine "the ladies"-- I'm calling the cops.

WHY #2. WHY would anyone want to be a stripper?!?! I don't know whom I believe in the Duke LaCrosse players/stripper rape case. I'm not taking sides. I'm not blaming strippers who are victims of senseless crimes because of their chosen profession or lifestyle. What I really want to know is simply... why would anyone choose to be a stripper? Seriously. Unless you have major exhibitionist issues, why would you choose that "profession?" I know there's money involved. Many women who choose that path say that they are forced to do it to support themselves. Funny. Anytime I've ever been out of a job, I've never had to resort to stripping for cash. I've worked some less than satisfactory jobs... but stripping was never one of them.

Sidenote: One of my bosses in a previous job did offer me $1000 to dance in my underwear on a bar table. He actually had the cash with him and put it on the table. I said no. What I should have done was to sue his ass.

WHY #3.
Why is Kellie Pickler still on American Idol? Sure, she has a great, heartwrenching backstory. She's cute and perky. But she does not have the caliber of voice to win this contest... that is, if America has its head on straight.
Photo credit: MTV

WHY #4. Big-screen version of the immensely popular TV show, Dallas-- is this necessary? Maybe. But the casting?

CNN Entertainment reports that John Travolta will play JR Ewing, and Jennifer Lopez will play his wife, Sue Ellen.

Are you kidding me?!?! Here's how I envision a scene between these two (WARNING! If you under the age of 35 or have never watched Welcome Back, Kotter on Nick at Nite, please stop reading here).

Sue Ellen: Ohmigod, baby! You've been shot!
JR: Who?
Sue Ellen: You! Can't you see it? Wait. Let me move my beautiful booty out of the way. There... can't you see it?
JR: What?
Sue Ellen: Your gunshot wound! Wow. There are a lot of rumors going around about me right now. People say I like to get married a lot. But, I'm telling you, I didn't do this! Hmmm... who WILL I marry after you die?
JR: Where?
Sue Ellen: Oh, it's right THERE. In your gut. Here, let me help you up.
JR: Would ya just watch the hair? Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it; he hit my hair.
Sue Ellen: Who hit your hair? What are you talking about? You're impossible! I'm leaving for a meeting with my agent to see if this film can possibly help people forget that I was in that turkey, Gigli.

This concludes this week's Friday Why Files...


Anonymous said...

1)How much thinking does it take to say no thanks to that??
2)You got offered a thousand bucks to dance on a table? That's some kind of super "I was SO hot then" story. I love it.
3)Ditto on Kellie. PLEASE. She's going on looks alone... not that others haven't founded "singing" careers on the same thing.

Paisley said...

I would love for Hollywood to "reinvent" the original idea. I'm so tired of all this remake crap.

I read on or something that the kids who attend the high school in Kansas were not overly concerned about the impending attack. That's my why question. Why didn't they care?

don't call me MA'AM said...

tammara: I don't know about SO hot... but I do know that my boss was a perv. Especially when he started drinking. *shudder*

paisley: original? what does that even mean anymore?

Anonymous said...

Ick, and you definitely should have sued! (But I'm still betting on so hot, too.)

Master Peebody said...

Why#1. How can people be so dumb? I just don't understand.

Why#2. I don't think i can answer that as i've never been a stripper nor have i even thought about it. :)
As for dancing for $1k, it just makes me even curious as to what you look like.

don't call me MA'AM said...

tammara: I probably could be an extremely rich woman today if I would have sued him. That was the only incident, either. He was just a pig.

MPB: actually, I'm very troll-like. Be glad that I don't post my photo. All warty and green... you'd be sick to your stomach!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Oops... tammara: I meant that WASN'T the only incident.

Aimless Penguin said...

why#1 wow some people are unbelievable stupid...

why#2 lol i agree you should have sued. and though i wouldn't ever want to be a stripper myself i don't see anything wrong with it, it's not like it's prostitution and it pays well

why#3 the person who deserves to win these kinda competitions hardly ever does, personality and looks are more important

why#4 ahahaha

Ludicrousity said...

You're full of interesting stories! People are idiots. I've decided. It's true. I can't figure out how people can behave in such a way that just makes them a total tool! How can they not see how ridiculous (or ludicrous!!) they are?

Red said...

See, I would've taken the $1,000 and run out of the room. That's a whole different kind of shameless.

Greg said...

I think Aimless Penguin is mostly right about the American Idol-looks thing, but Kellie is most most extreme example. Listening to her performance last week (4/18) and noticing that she wasn't even in the bottom three, let alone voted off which she deserved, I just wanted to smack the crap out of her fans. Of course, we Americans in general have a tendency of voting for the wrong people.

"Door-to-door breast exam guy"... Genius.

(By the way, I love this blog! Thanks!)

Dboy said...

Where do you come up with this stuff?

That breast exam thing could only happen in America... well, maybe if you went to Peebody's house.

Oh, and I disbelieve your troll-like assertions :)

Anonymous said...


don't call me MA'AM said...

aimless: SOME people are unbelievably stupid? I'm betting on more than half. ;-)

ludi: they are sooooooo ludicrous! ;-)

red: that would have been a great idea... until I had to see him again at work the following Monday. The funny thing is he is a cheap bastard. The $1k offer was a complete shock. He never even picked up the tab!

greg: yes. Pickler MUST go! Oh, and thanks for the Kathleen Edwards recommendation on YOUR blog. Sweet!

dboy: they are just some things I overhear or read in the news... or other things that are completely ridiculous. As for the troll assertions: think Princess Fiona in her green stage-- that's me! ;-)

Blogger said...

I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.