Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ramblin', ramblin', ramblin'....

Stacy hates voice mail. I don't mind it so much... IF you get to the point. Quickly.

What? You need me to come pick up my kid from school because she fell and cut her head open? Great. Just say that. Don't hem and haw about how she's okay really, there's very little blood, and she's even laughing, but you think I should maybe call, or maybe I should just come to the school straightaway, because this looks a little bit serious. She should probably see a doctor, or maybe even go to the emergency room.... But you don't want me to panic, so there's no need to drive in a hurry. She'll be fine. Would you like to hear her say she's okay? Here, honey, tell your mommy you're okay. *muffle, muffle* "I'm okay, mom" *muffle, muffle* Oh, honey... now the blood is dripping down your nose. Come here. Okay, so well, yeah why don't you head on over to the school as soon as you get this message. We'll take care of her in the nurse's office until you get here. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to tell you what happened. She ran into a table, and there's just the tiniest little split in her forehead, but there's a butterfly bandage holding everything together, okay???

No. Not okay. I need Short. To the point. Descriptive, but brief.

The opposite, a too brief message, is sometimes worse:

Voice mail from my sister, in a very sad, sing-songy voice, circa 1992:

"Hi, Grump. It's your sister. I have some really sad news. Call me."

WHA?!?!?! Someone died. I just know it. Ack! Why didn't she leave me more of a message?!?

My grandfather was very, very ill at the time. Of course, I'm in panic mode. So, I call my family, and NO ONE IS HOME. None of them carried cell phones at the time, either (can you imagine?!?). Three devastatingly long hours later... my sister finally returns my call to tell me that our 12 year old dog had died. The dog with seizures, cataracts, and loss of muscle control. The one that we were about to put to sleep to put him out of his misery. He just died. Okay, so that's sad... but c'mon!

The moral of the story is: think through your voice messages. The person on the other end is relying on you to be smart about this.

Coming up... tomorrow's special: a cartoon for hannah. :-)


Master Peebody said...

I don't like leaving voice messages and i've turned off voice mail on my mobile phone.

wire said...

Gah! voice mail is a credit sucking demon of the technological age! my phone has already told me i missed your call message or not i'm still going to call you back so why bother? now if i could just figure out how to turn the stupid thing off.

did your daughter's school really leave that message on your phone?

goldennib said...

I have 6 unheard vm's. They are making my husband nuts. Passive/aggressive is such a fun game to play, he he.

Greg said...

Dude, voicemail is a creation by the cell phone companies so that they can charge us more. Why do you think they give us so many directions before we leave a message? They're milking time, people! But they don't need the voicemail, truth be told. They know what we're thinking. They're inside our minds...

...I'm not paranoid.

Jaek said...

My Step-Dad left me a message last year: "Jaek, uh, your Mom had a heart attack, uh, she's fine, uh, she'll be fine, uh, call me, okay?"

Talk about panic!

don't call me MA'AM said...

MPB: I only leave voice messages if I have something to say other than "call me back."

wire: you are dead on, my man! I did receive a message like that, but it was on an answering machine... it was about 14 years ago when my oldest was in preschool.

jaek: yeah... I would have slapped him for that. At least a slap.
goldennib: sometimes, I play that passive/aggressive game, too. *evil laugh*

greg: yeah, me neither. But don't tell anyone. I don't want to piss THEM off.

wire said...

i liked the inclusion of "Oh, honey... now the blood is dripping down your nose." that's certain to reassure you and definately not conjure up images of head trauma and gaping wounds.

Julie_Gong said...

You would so hate me on messages. Usually after I get off the phone I have no idea what I just said becuase I ramble much like I'm doing now only worse on the phone. Much much worse.

don't call me MA'AM said...

wire: I KNOW!! People just don't think. They just don't THINK!

julie: if it were you leaving a rambling message on my voicemail, it would obviously be hilarious... therefore, perfectly acceptable.

-R- said...

I usually write out voice messages that I am going to leave for clients because if I don't have something planned I just ramble. It is not pretty.

Also, my mom once left my sister a message saying "R is in the hospital. Give me a call back." A little longer message to say that I was going to be ok probably would have been appropriate there.