Monday, May 01, 2006

Colossal Cranium...


I have a big head. Literally. Possibly figuratively, too, but that's another post entirely.

My head is approximately 24 inches (62 cm) around. If I were the same size as Andre the Giant, that would be okay. But since I'm not... and I'm actually rather short... it's this big nightmare that teeters atop my neck. Proportionally speaking, I resemble a bobble-head.

Usually, I don't care. I don't even think about it. Sometimes though, I'm photographed next to people who have smaller-than-average noggins, and then I look like a complete freak.

Here's why this is a relevant issue for me now... "they" don't make headbands or other similar hair accessories for people with LARGE block heads. Not that I wear headbands a lot... usually only for working out or washing the face or going to bed. But when I do... they don't stay ON! Note the artistic graphic below that shows the three stages of headband-wearing:




Frame 1, headband is in place.
Frame 2... 5 seconds later... headband is creeping up to the top of my head.
Frame 3... 3 seconds later... headband is shot off my head, into the air, making an interesting "zing" sound.

So, I guess the moral of today's lesson, kids, is that you should never stand behind me while I am working out, washing my face, or going to bed. Because you just might get "zinged" in the face with a flying headband.

Oh, and Happy May Day.


Image credits:

C. Brown book, Charles M. Schulz, from Amazon.com

Fabulous-artistic-rendering of headband escapage... All me. With a little help from MS Paint.

29 comments:

Maliavale said...

Hahaha! I love the zing sound. Mine start to slide back all the time, too, which is why I only wear them when I'm doing the face-mask ritual. That is, beauty products, not creepy homicide ski-mask-type things.

And yay for Kathleen Edwards! Love her.

don't call me MA'AM said...

maliavale: you could have tied your ski-hockey mask piece into my "scary movie" post below. I can just see you terrorizing your neighborhood, Jason-style! ;-)

Paisley said...

headbands give me headaches. can't do 'em which sucks 'cause sometimes there are cute ones. :(

P.S. You were in one of my dreams this weekend. I can't remember everything that happened, but you were all there. body, hair...but no face. hee hee

Jaek said...

I met a guy on a film shoot last two summers ago who wore a pink "Jazzercize" headband on every movie set he worked since a friend gave it to him as a joke.

don't call me MA'AM said...

paisley: me, too. On the rare chance I can find one big enough for my huge head, I also get a headache.

Was I wearing my Chipotle t-shirt in your dream? ;-)

jaek: that sounds like a super special headband! I'm jealous!

jurgen nation said...

AAHA! I have the same problem. And how funny is it that in preparation for tomorrow's post, I also made a drawing. Great minds and all that.

goldennib said...

Maybe it's not sixe, but shape - of your head, that is. I have the same problem and I think it's because my head is shaped funny.

Your drawing is cute.

Margus said...

if you shave your head, you won't have to worry about headbands *zinging* off. :P

Jill Davies said...

I have a big head to. We should start a club! Big heads annonomouse.

Gabrielle said...

Ha! Maybe you could start a new business. Call it Zing! Hair Accessories :P

Libragirl said...

Crap, my head is the same size and now I am going to feel like I have a big head. Ok, I have to use bobby pins to hold head bands in place, I thought everyone did...
Now paranoia that everyone is looking at my freaky big head is going to bother me all day.

Master Peebody said...

I don't think your head is that big. You remind me of my older sister, she always makes a fuss over nothing. No offence. :D

How bout you prove to me that i'm wrong by showing us a picture of you without something covering your face, then we'll be able to judge it.

Ludicrousity said...

Love the cartoon flip book thingy! Your head doesn't look too big to me, but then again, you never realyl show your face, but I'm sure you're gorgeous! I love you anyways!

don't call me MA'AM said...

jurgen: definitely great minds! That's why my head is so big... too much brain.

goldennib: nope. It's just big and round. Kind of like Charlie Brown, but with more hair. :-)

margus: if I shave my hair off, then I WILL look exactly like Charlie Brown. Arrrrggggh!

jill: I wonder what our Big Heads Clubhouse will look like. As long as the doors are wide enough for our heads to clear!

gabrielle: my entrepreneurial spirit is not alive and well. I'm a slave to "the man." haha But that would be a great business!

libragirl: It's not that my head is abnormally large, it's just that I'm not very proportioned. And I'm sure you're ummm... just fine. If not, you could always join the club with jilldavies and me!

MPB: yes, it is. Really. And I'm usually okay with it. But sorry, I cannot possibly post my face, and you know why. So, tra la, tra la. :-) (That's me skipping away with an evil grin on my face!)

hannah said...

Are you a viking? Traditionally, I believe them to have large domes.

At least that's what my 5'1, black belt, hot dog loving friend from college told me. But she had brain surgery once, so she might be making that up.

tammara said...

I LOVE the artwork, DCMM!!! Maybe it is because you are a frickin' genius that you have an over-large noggin. (I am afraid to go measure my head, because I have the same problem with headbands. Like libragirl, I thought everyone did... uh-oh...)

don't call me MA'AM said...

ludi: Oh, I'm gorgeous all right. I just have a large head. A perfectly gorgeous, large head. ;-) I love how you are always so very, very positive!!!

hannah: ummm, no. Not a viking. Possibly a pirate. Gaaaarrrr!

tammara: that is ABSOLUTELY the reason my noggin is so large. I'm just too brilliant-- the brain is out-growing its shell. (Yeah, and now my eyes are COMPLETELY brown from the level of bullshit.)

hannah said...

The brain surgery girl thought she was a pirate too. Perhaps you've been seperated at birth via the cranial axis?

Red said...

I have a biggish head, too, which has made finding the perfect Sox hat a challenge. I finally stole Mark's. He understood. But I also bought him a new one.

don't call me MA'AM said...

hannah: hmmm... maybe we were. Maybe we weren't. It's a puzzlement.

red: yay! join our club!!

Ludicrousity said...

*insert generic positive statement*

wire said...

at least this:

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b292/wire1231/copy.jpg

isn't you. i scanned it out of a magazine so quality is low and kinda crinkly.

i love the drawings though, maybe you should have your own comic strip.

Ludicrousity said...

I'd read that!!!

don't call me MA'AM said...

wire: that was hilarious! I viewed it at work, so I had to try not to laugh too loudly. As for the comic strip, yikes. Maybe I should leave the creativity to you and guru!

ludi: well, since you agree, maybe one of my future posts will be a comic strip dedicated to you and wire. :-)

Ludicrousity said...

WHOO!!!

Jege (Jen) said...

I too have a big head. When I was young and skinny I looked just like a bobblehead. Now I just look like a flabby 37-year-old woman with a big head.

don't call me MA'AM said...

jege: so... are we twins? We're the same age. I'm flabby. And I have a huge head. If we're not really twins, we should be. ;-)

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