Happy Halloween...

I love this holiday… it’s so much fun. Plus, it’s the one day a year when I DON’T have to wear a costume! Yay!

For all you wondering what I really look like… here I am!


Thanks to www.avatarsdb.com for hosting my picture.

Have a great Halloween… and eat LOTS of candy!!

Stupid Is as Stupid Does...

Do you ever amaze even yourself with the sheer number of stupid and/or embarrassing things you do? No? Really? Ahem. Me, neither.

Okay, well, maybe I do. Most days, I pride myself in being a particularly intelligent individual. There are those instances, however, where I say or do something so blatantly stupid, it scares me a little.

A few years ago, I took the kids to school and returned back home to shower in peace and quiet. The Farm Boy had already left for his commute, and the place was all mine. I jumped in the shower and commenced sudsing (yes, it is a word… maybe). I realized that I hadn’t yet brushed my teeth, and I had this horrible dragon-breath-taste in my mouth. I decided to take a quick gulp of water from the shower, and then spit it right back out. However, I inhaled at the same time I gulped, and a fairly good amount of water traveled straight down through my trachea instead. I couldn’t breathe. At. All. I couldn’t get the water back up either. So, as I was panicking, hitting myself in the abdomen to try the self-Heimlich, my only thoughts were, “Great. I’m going to choke to death on about 1/3 cup of water… naked… in the shower… and this is how they’re going to find me.” Luckily, the 11th or 12th blow to the gut brought the water back up.

I’m not exactly sure what the lesson was I learned that day… but it’s probably something along the lines of “DON’T DRINK ALONE” or “DON’T SHOWER ALONE.” Either one works for me.

Happy Birthday, Grumpy Frump...

Yay, we’re ONE today. (I made/drew the cutest cake, but Blogger won't let me upload. Grrr.)

Oddly, it seems like I’ve been doing this for more than a year, though. I like to think that I’ve made some interesting new friends, even if I don’t know you face-to-face. Your advice, your humor… it’s all been a very welcome and unexpected benefit to blogging.

When I first started, I had no idea what I really wanted to do with my personal blog. My other blog is easy… it’s about my profession and what I do for a living. This one became a place where I could rant and get some of the craziness out of my head…. a place where I could ask the WHY’s of life’s insanity, as well as a place to ponder “stuff,” celebrate, and even whine.

So, regardless of whether this place is important to anyone else… it’s important to me. And that’s why I do it.

So, again… YAY! We’re one. Now, let’s get ready for the Terrible Twos.


On a sad note, I regret to inform you that a star figure in one of my past posts has passed on. My betta, Inigo Montoya, moved on to that great fish tank in the sky yesterday. His passing is a bit of a mystery… either he died of natural causes and floated into the filter, or he pulled a Nemo and swam in on sheer determination. Last night, when I walked over to his tank, I didn’t see him anywhere. Finally, I noticed his tailfin sticking out of the bottom of the tank filter. :-( I’m actually depressed that my fish died. I’m not typically a fish killer… I once had a goldfish that lived over five years. Every time he looked like he was on his last fin, we’d pop half an aspirin and a small ice cube into his bowl… and he’d perk right up. No such luck for Inigo.

RIP
Inigo Montoya, coolest Betta ever
January, 2006 – October, 2006

Now You See It... Now You Don't... Now You See It Again

My blog disappeared for most of the day today. That was a little scary. Tomorrow is Grumpy Frump's 1st Birthday, and it would have really sucked to be 'absent' for one's own birthday.

Whew.

See you tomorrow. I hope.

Somewhat Disjointed Thoughts from a Somewhat Coherent Grump.

1. Some days, I really hate being a girl. See... my lipstick is smeared a la Courtney Love, and my hair is a mess. If I were a guy, I'd get up, shower, run a comb through my hair, put on a shirt, tie, and pants, and be done. But no. I had to be born a chick. Gah.

2. I was watching Biography the other night, and the subject was Vampyres (yes, the spelling is correct). I’ve had some fascination with this particular topic for a long time and have even posted about one interesting self-proclaimed vampire before.

What I found interesting is that, according to one of the vampyres interviewed for this Biography special (an interview with a vampyre… hmmm.), you might be a vampyre if:

a) you’re extremely sensitive to light… CHECK.
b) you’re extremely sensitive to touch… CHECK.
c) you’re tired all the time…. CHECK CHECK.
d) you feel more alive at night (not a morning person)… CHECK CHECK CHECK

Apparently, I’m a vampyre. Oddly enough, my dentist did file my cuspids (canine teeth) down so they weren’t so pointy. Hmmm…

3. I guess you can get an auric cleansing/cleaning if your karma is bad. This site proclaims that they can “remove past-life ‘baggage’ forever” and that it is much more “powerful than psychology.” Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. I need an auric cleaning. Maybe all my vampyric activity in a past life is weighing me down in this life.*

4. Good news: I am excused from jury duty. Woot!

5. Oh... and what I'm wearing today at work? SO frumpy. What was I thinking? Again, if I were a guy, I wouldn't even care.

That’s all I have today. It’s better than what I’ve had the past few days (aka NADA).

* If you think I’m serious about any of this, I hate to disappoint you… but NO. No, no, no, no, NO. I’m not. Not one bit. Nope.

The Grump has been temporarily detained...

Just wanted to quickly post an "I'm Sorry" to all of you whose blogs I read regularly... I haven't been regularly reading anything lately. I'm hoping this week will get a little better, and I can get back to reading and commenting again. Not that you even care... but if you do, I am sorry.

Oh, and I really need to do some upkeep on "All the Cool Kids," as there are some I need to add and some I should maybe remove... not because they're not cool kids, but because they don't even blog anymore.

Also, my 1st Bloggy-versary is this Friday, so I should probably be around for that. :-)

So... I hope to be visiting you soon again! Have a great week.

A Thank God It’s Friday-Why Files…

WHY #1: Why is the dream I had before awaking this morning still haunting me now? I’m not going to list it here… it was that disturbing. The thing is, I don’t mind scary dreams, as long as they don’t involve someone/thing hurting my family. I don’t even mind those scary ‘chase’ dreams where I am running and running from something, and then wake up with my heart racing.

The ones that really freak me out are those dreams where I am someone so far and away outside my own personality. Sometimes, I’m the one chasing some helpless person. Other times, like this morning, I act in such a manner that it’s simply too shameful to think about. I’m shuddering even as I’m typing this. I don’t want some major dream analysis… I know I can talk to experts (or even search the web) for the reasons I’m dreaming like this. I just can’t shake this ‘disturbed’ feeling this morning. Why can’t I remember the really amazingly good dreams as well as I remember this one? Bleh.


WHY #2: While I understand the principle behind our Double Jeopardy laws in this country (for those of you who don't know this—basically, you can’t be tried for the same crime twice if you are acquitted the first time), sometimes, I think it’s really stupid. If new evidence comes to light, or if maybe the first trial was such a sham in the first place, a person should have to face the music, so to speak. Right?

I’m not saying anyone is guilty here, but… well, I’m just sayin.’



WHY #3: Why is 90% of the Entertainment “NEWS” (and I use that term very lightly) about Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and/or Nicole Richie? These three girls are like gold mines to the tabloid rags. I guess I just answered my own question… HOWEVER, if I see any of the three of them on a magazine cover or web news article, I just move along. I’m not going to support their drama, nor the media’s fascination with them.


WHY #4: Why do we need Smell-A-Vision? Do we really need to be able to smell what’s going on in TV land? Sure, the Food Network might be fun… all those fabulous, fattening concoctions Miss Paula Deen makes. Yum! But what about Mike Rowe’s Dirty Jobs on Discovery? There are a few of those episodes I’m thanking the heavens that I can’t smell what he’s doing. Or maybe Six Feet Under? Well, maybe if you’re partial to the aroma of embalming fluid, that could be your thing.




WHY #5: Why am I blogging at work? EEK. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.
Well, actually I’m only posting this at work. I wrote the rest earlier this morning, before coming in. :-)


And that concludes Today’s Friday Why Files…

Gee, Your Hair Smells Like... Pot Roast?

One of my pet peeves is going to a restaurant for lunch, and then having to go back to work smelling like that restaurant. The worst is when you can't get the smell out of your hair until you wash it again.

I know there are some hair refreshers out there... anyone have a favorite? Jonathan has one, but I've never tried it.

There's just no TIME!

See Grumpy.

See Grumpy awaken 2 hours earlier than she normally does.

See Grumpy go to work 2 hours earlier than she normally does.

See Grumpy work as late as she usually does.

See Grumpy return home.

See Grumpy eat dinner with half-closed eyelids.

See Grumpy run to kids' activities, etc.

See Grumpy return home.

See Grumpy fall into her bed at 8:30pm.

See Grumpy missing all her Bloggy Friends. :-(

An Unlucky Friday The 13th Why Files...

WHY #1: Madonna adopts Malawi boy. Why? Is she jealous of Angelina and Brad? Has she been out of the eyes of the press too long, so this is a great idea to pump up her press coverage? Is she really as ‘humanitarian’ as she professes to be? If not, is that why the Eye of the Child group is challenging the adoption process in this case?

WHY #2: Why could I care less that today is Friday the 13th, but freak out when the Farm Boy calls me today exactly at 11:11????

WHY #3: This is still under investigation… but WHY would anyone alter photos of kids? You’ll have to read it and view the photo to believe it. Woman sues school photographer for alleged doctored photos.

WHY #4: Chef makes gown of cream puffs for his own lovely bride. I’m not even going there.

WHY #5: Woman kills husband after being released from jail. She was already in jail for killing one of her sons. Once released (early release due to terminal illness), she proceeded to go home and kill her husband. She stabbed him with a knife… in the throat. Yikes. She has noted several times, that if they don’t send her back to jail, she’ll kill her second son. Hmmm… what ever shall we do with her?

And that concludes today’s Friday the 13th Why Files…

Things I'm Embarrassed I Still Own...

This post is a result of a 'direct order' from Stacy... or at least, that's how I read it. :-)

I am such a packrat, it's shameful. So shameful, in fact, that I found entirely too many items that I have no business keeping. So shameful, that my storage room is a mysterious labyrinth that needs that bossy lady from TLC's Clean Sweep (is that show even on anymore?) to come around. I think she'd crumble under the pressure, though.

My 'collectibles' have waned over the years, though. There's not enough room for all my crap AND all my kids' crap, AND all the Farm Boy's crap.

So... here we go!



I'm not really embarrassed by the fact that I have these books... nor am I embarrassed that I have had them since I was in 1st or 2nd grade. I am embarrassed that I left them in a cellar in my old house 10 years ago... and they are now mildewed. I'm not going to give them away, though.

George of the Jungle, Beethoven, and Abs of Steel. I can rationalize these by the following three statements: 1 )Brendan Fraser is in George of the Jungle... enough said. 2) Tami Lee Webb is annoying as hell, but her abs workouts work. 3) Ummm... I love Charles Grodin? (maybe not)

Mickey Mouse Keds. They look almost new, but I've had them for probably 10 or 12 years. Maybe longer. I will never wear them again, but I don't throw them out or give them away. WHY???

Remember these cans? I think they used to have popcorn in them. I have a bunch of OLD photos stored in this one, so I guess I'm keeping the can.

This is my button collection. These are buttons that come attached to items you purchase, so that if you lose a button, you can easily replace it. Apparently, I have never lost any buttons from my clothes, because this collection is even bigger than I thought it was. The buttons are still in their little plastic zip baggies.

Gah. Scrunchies. I only wear them to bed, I promise. (anyone recognize what's behind them???)

And finally... the catch-what's-left photo: A Ziggy Christmas glass (Ziggy was my hero in 4th grade), a Backstreet Boys Black and Blue CD (I know), a Paddington notepad I've had since 3rd or 4th grade and never used because then I wouldn't have any more papers with the cute little Paddington stamp on them and then what would I do???, and a pair of wooden apple earrings that some student probably bought me when I was a teacher. The earrings are almost as big as my ears.

There it is... sadly, I could fill a blog post everyday for a month with stuff I should just toss. I'm so depressed now. Gah.

Certifiable, Parts Un et Deux...

1. You know you are losing it when, upon glancing in the mirror you keep on your desk to prevent anyone from sneaking up on you, you think you see a person standing very quietly behind you… and you are slightly startled… but then realize that it is just your own. freaking. arm.

2. You commit the sin of listening to iTunes with earbuds at your computer. That alone is not the sin. The sin is FORGETTING that you have earbuds in and no one else can hear the music emanating from the illustrious iTunes. Oh, but they can surely hear you rocking out to ELO’s All Over the World .

Do these two events sum up my character in general, or could they have anything to do with the fact that I fell down 6 or 7 stairs this morning*? Hmmm…..


*At least I have a dog to blame for this one (he tripped me in his excitement to go to the family room and play), and at least the stairs were carpeted. And nothing seems to have been permanently damaged. And thank goodness I wasn't seriously hurt, since no one was home, and I wasn't near a phone. And boy, doesn't this sound like a great scenario for one of those commercials where "I've fallen, and I can't get up!?!"

Thoughts to Ponder Today...

1. Should we just stop publicizing all the school shootings? Does the media coverage encourage others to jump on the bandwagon, or do we need to be informed so that we can attempt to stop the madness?

2. Will I ever be reimbursed for my time and money that was wasted seeing Employee of the Month? (it was my step-daughter’s choice, not mine) It had its moments, and I did laugh quite a few times here and there... Andy Dick is pretty fun... but I would rather have seen it on cable or something.

3. How many past and future posts will I dedicate to the fact that I am not a morning person and that I struggle to get to work on time every single day?

3a. While I’m on the subject, how many times will I play the game with myself where I wake up later and later, totally sure of the fact that I can get ready more and more quickly than before??? Especially when I. Never. Win. That. Game.

3b. Will the time change make mornings any easier? At least for a little while?

4. After the spinach scare, and now the lettuce in CA where e. coli was also found… will I ever be able to eat a salad again? I love salads. :-(

5. I choose to live in a region where the weather changes so drastically that, in less than one week, we go from a day where temps hit 90 degrees F as a high to a day where the low will be around 28 degrees F. If it rains, we’ll have snow that day.

Did I mention that I CHOOSE to live here? (kind of)

SO… my closet has to hold shorts and summer shirts as well as sweaters, scarves, and gloves… because you never know which you’re going to need from day to day. Economically speaking, I’d be stupid to move… but this is getting ridiculous.

6. Does the fact that I continue to see 11:11 everywhere have any significance whatsoever? I'm going to start keeping track of it in the sidebar. I do not make a conscious effort to look at the clock daily to see if it is 11:11. It's just a glance up and WHA! There it is again. Creepy. On November 11, I'm going to paranoid all day long.

Do the Knee-Jerk! Da-da-da-da-da-dee-da-DUH!

I don’t need to write a post that asks what in Hades is this world coming to… there are plenty of others who are doing just that. With all the school shootings and crazies who are targeting children nowadays… that question seems to be on a lot of our minds lately.

However, some of the reactions and ideas about how to prevent these tragedies remind me quite a bit of the TSA’s decision to ban me from carrying my Beauty Rush lip gloss (cherry-licious flavored*) because I MIGHT have some kind of chemical in that itty-bitty tube that could cause someone harm. It's called KNEE JERK. The description, "knee jerk," sounds stupid because it IS. It's a reflex, not a deliberate, conscious reaction.

The most recent asinine ‘solution’ comes from the Wisconsin state representative, Frank Lasee. What, you ask, is this astute chap suggesting we do to prevent nutjobs from entering our schools and shooting at our kids? Why, arm the teachers, of course! Yes, that’s right. He wants to put guns in the hands of teachers and other school faculty to keep our kids safe from outside assailants. Huh? Wha?

Off the top of my head, here are a few responses I would like to send to Rep. Lasee:

1. *shakes him frantically by the shoulders* Please tell me you’re not serious!!!

2. In some of our schools, we have over 165 classroom teachers. That doesn’t include administrators, paraeducators, security staff, or food service workers. Let’s do the math. The ratio of guns to students has now significantly INCREASED. You don’t have to have a degree in quantum physics to understand that this potentially increases the amount of DANGER the kids would then be in.

3. Not all school shooters walk into the school as a stranger who feels like taking out his life’s failures on innocent children. Some of the shooters are students or teachers or administrators who lose it and work from within. Keeping that in mind, please kindly re-read point #2.

4. You want staff to go through “strict” firearm training? When? All I have to say is, “Good Luck!” I can’t even get half of them to learn how to turn on a computer and read their email.

5. Have you ever MET a teacher? I have. Oh, and I used to be one. There are some teachers who are scary enough without a gun. Please don’t give them one. Then there are those, very similar to one of my HS English teachers in the late 80s. As tiny and meek as she was, I just can’t imagine her becoming a gun-totin’ momma. Not happening. Nope. No way. You just can’t make a blanket requirement that all teachers carry firearms. You just CAN’T!

6. *shakes him frantically by the shoulders again* Really! Please tell me you’re not serious!

That’s all. Thanks for listening.


*Actually, the real name of the flavor for my lip gloss is Cherry Bomb. No wonder they won’t let me take it on a plane.

Does this mean I'm a Pirate now?*

When did I become a grown-up?

When I was a child, my mother always joked that I was 5 going on 30, 10 going on 40, etc. I was then, and still am to a degree, a very serious little person. I was taught to read by the time I was 2 1/2. I spent most of my days around adults (I am the oldest child in my family), and very little time with other kids my age. I loved school, because I couldn't wait to meet my teachers and learn something new.

Don't get me wrong... I wasn't that freaky kid who couldn't relate to other children. I just preferred to be around adults. I preferred to read higher level books, rather than Dr. Seuss or Ramona Quimby. In fact, I think I've gone back as an adult to read a lot of children's books... and I have a much greater appreciation for them now.

Everyone-- including my teachers, friends of parents, etc.-- were always commenting on how mature I was for my age.

For all the 'maturity' I seemed to have as a young person, I look back now and wonder... when did I really grow up? For as much as I can tell, I don't think I was all that mature. My guess is that I was just a pretty good actor... I even had myself fooled. And I think that pseudo-maturity led me to make some not-so-great decisions, because I thought I was mature enough to handle it all.

Probably the biggest error in judgement was getting married at 19. WHAT was I thinking? I had no idea who I was, what I wanted in life, where I wanted to be in 10 years, etc. By about age 25, I was sitting in my home one day, 2 children later, and feeling really miserable. My marriage was on a slow-but-steady-downward spiral. I loved being a mom, but I was also still a kid (No offense to those of you who are 25 or younger... you'll eventually know what I mean, though). I often remark that my oldest daughter, whom I had at age 20, and I grew up together.

I wasn't a great mom then. I'm so much more patient and understanding now... and a lot less selfish. And you know what? I have to be completely honest with you. So many more things/concepts/ideas make sense to me now. I've always been pretty good at making connections, but now... it's like a window that has been fairly cloudy has finally cleared up, and I can see things so much more clearly.

I'm not sitting here, professing that, at age 37, I am this wise, old sage. It's just that, well... it's a rather liberating feeling sometimes. Looking back, seeing your mistakes, remembering your good choices, and being able to see the impact on your life... how they all formed who you are NOW is something I just never expected. It's not like you wake up one day with this epiphany... it's more of a slow, gradual process.

So everytime I worry that I'm getting old, everytime I sweat the fact that my 20th high school reunion is quickly approaching (summer of 2007-- groan!), I also secretly relish that I'm not that girl I used to be. It's okay to get a few wrinkles. It's okay to look in the mirror and see things sagging where they never did before. Honestly, the payoff of getting older, of "growing up," is sooooo well worth it.

*All grown-ups are Pirates.

A Very Merry UN-Birthday To Me!

Wow. After making the rounds in BloggyLand today, it seems like everyone is having a birthday in late September/early October. Even Paisley's little one has just joined the 'special group' of fall birthdays.

So, as not to feel left out, I declare today one of my 364 UN-birthdays. And while I'm not as loony as the Mad Hatter on his Un-birthday, I might just go celebrate with the Farm Boy.

Hmmm... I'm not quite sure how one celebrates an UN-birthday. I probably shouldn't have any alcohol. My lovely daughter passed along her cold --and mixing Nyquil and alcohol would be bad. Right?

Meh. The Farm Boy just called, and he is still over an hour away from getting home. That means dinner on my own. This is turning into a really sucky UN-birthday. Boo.