Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!?!

Swearing. It's a guilty pleasure. I actually relish releasing a torrent of obscenities out of my mouth... as long as no one else is around. Well, okay. Farm Boy can be around. But that's it. It's sometimes good for releasing pent-up frustration. I can actually feel loads better after a nasty rant.

In public, around the kids, in front of friends or family, though... it's just not cool. In most cases, it's beyond inappropriate. I don't swear aloud in public, other than an occasional "dammit" or "what the hell was that?!?" I don't want to be that trashy lady with the sailor's mouth. I also hate swearing in front of my kids, because I don't want them to talk like that.

Ah, but herein lies the dilemma. The more you swear, um, well... the more you swear. And if you hang around with people who swear... it's CONTAGIOUS. When I'm alone in my car, road rage takes over and I swear through my car windows. I guess that's not so bad, unless other drivers can read my lips... or when I remember that there are kids in the backseat (laughing their arses off!).

So, I guess I need to quit cold turkey. I know I won't be able to do it immediately, but it's worth a try. Or at least, I can quit certain words... one in particular. I can type it with creating spellings, or even in a funny Irish accent. I mean, "fooking" is pretty funny when you say it out loud. It's even somewhat funny to type.

But as for you, Mr. F-Bomb, I think we need to part ways. Sure, it's been fun having you around. You function as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and a really swell interjection. You roll off the tongue with such ease, yet you are powerfully crass at the same time. But... here's the thing. I look a lot like the girl-next-door. I'm that "girl" that everyone seems to think is such a NICE girl (well, those who don't read this blog anyway). And you and me? We just don't fit. We can't make this relationship work anymore, and I'm sorry. I'll miss you, but it's time to say "so long." Hasta la vista. Adieu.

(I give myself less than 24 hours before one slips out)

10 comments:

Jaek said...

When I was in Bosnia in 96, me and two other guys tried flicking noses every time we swore. In the end, we just wound up pissing each other off and swearing more.

Ludicrousity said...

I can so relate. I dont' swear in fron of anyone, but I do sometimes when I'm really annoyed. It's a good way to let out frustration.

Litha said...

My theory is that the more infrequent a swear word, the more effective it is. So if you only very rarely swear, those lip-reading drivers will you know mean business when you do

Guinness_Girl said...

Wow. I'm not sure I could EVER break up with the f-bomb. YOu are a strong woman, DCMM.

Paisley said...

Oh, my. May the force be with you. I totally understand what you mean, though. I have been swearing more frequently that I have had to catch my phrasing when speaking with people that would not quite appreciate my lack of vocabulary. :) I guess I better start being more careful or my baby's first words might be the F word or the S word.

:)

Julie_Gong said...

Mother Eff. Good Luck!

Master Peebody said...

When i start drinking, i swear alot. Not nasty swearing, the words just slip into the conversations. :P

Red said...

I'd be more interested in trying to reclaim swear words as regular old words that shouldn't carry that kind of power. But just not using them at all would probably be less of an uphill battle.

Gabrielle said...

Long live swearing! It is one of my true great pleasures and I shall never abandon it, hell no! I swear with relish and glee and sometimes just a hint of malice. I swear when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm sober, when I'm drunk. I consider it my mission in life to bring true great Australian swearing to the French capital and, might I say, I'm progressing well ;-)

goldennib said...

Every once in awhile, I get like this. I think I'm using the f-word too and then I'll say so. Then people tell me they can hardly remember me swearing at all, and some of these people never swear. So I think when I do swear, I do it in appropriate places and ways that it seems part of the conversation. So now I don't worry about it much.

It's just that sometimes, no other words will do.