Monday, February 27, 2006

Other People's Problems... ever so entertaining...

I always promise my husband that I'm not going to write anything bad or embarrassing about him here. And to that extent... I don't think I have. But that doesn't mean that everyone else on the planet is off the hook. *evil grin*

I would say that he and I are a pretty normal married couple. We have our arguments, but we always make up later. He is actually the one that takes the high ground MOST often. I'm inclined to go off and sulk somewhere, and he doesn't allow for any of that. After we finish arguing (or yelling or screaming), he's always the one to walk over and "end the fight." That means, he comes up to me and hugs me until we both say we're sorry. Then a nice discussion follows, and life is good again. If it were left up to me, we'd both stay angry longer than necessary, and then where would we be? So, he's the good guy.

My favorite thing about us is when we just play around. We'll "mock fight" with each other... just for shits and giggles. We have one favorite saying whenever we do that, and it stems from a Target visit. Ah... Target. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. $100, $200... but I digress.

About a year ago, we're strolling through Target, as we are often apt to do, looking for MORE stuff to throw into the cart (we probably only stopped for dish detergent and a pack of gum. How do you end up spending $250 on dish detergent and gum??). As we stepped into the beer aisle, we noticed a guy who looked sorta like he was hiding. Just looking around at different six-packs... obviously, this guy wasn't on a shopping mission. He was carrying a magazine and a bag of pretzels. Pretty soon, a woman with two toddlers walks around the corner, pushing a cart. She is NOT happy.

Woman: WHERE have you BEEN?
Guy: Uh... well, I was looking for...
Woman: Did you get the diapers?
Guy: Uh... ummm... I wasn't sure what kind you wanted.
Woman: *extremely pissed, trying not to yell, but doing that stern-yet-held-back-nasty voice* WHAT?!?! We always buy the same diapers. Every single time. And if you ever paid attention to ANYTHING around you, you would know that by now. I asked you to go buy ONE thing... ONE! And you can't even get that right! So tell me, since when do they put diapers in the BEER AISLE!?!?
Guy: Uh.... (he likes this word a lot) *dopey grin* Sorry.
Woman: *grabbing him by the shirt* THIS is why we aren't going to be married for much longer!

Farm Boy and I just stood there, trying not to stare, reading ingredients on beer labels.

Me: "Gee honey, did you know they used barley and hops to make beer?"
Farm Boy: "Why, NO, dear. I did not know that. How fascinating!"

Hello? Awkward party? Your table is ready!

The sad thing is that, as soon as they walked away, we both started LAUGHING OUR ASSES OFF! And we performed that "show" for everyone who would listen to us for the rest of the night.

So, now... anytime one of us says anything that perturbs the other, we always break the ice with "THIS is why we aren't going to be married for much longer!" We bust up and then forget why we were getting annoyed in the first place. Ahhhhh..... other people's pain. SO amusing. We've never run into that couple again, but I wish we could. I want to thank them for the hours of merriment we've had at their expense.


Jaek said...

Just a couple of hours ago I was in the doctor's office and had to endure a 13yr old girl talking to her mother in a way that would have gotten me knocked into the "middle of next week." I just kept staring at the same picture of a tired, sad looking hindude in National Geographic until the doctor finally called me in.

Margus said...

They sell beer at Target?
Man that place has everything!

Master Peebody said...

Hahaha i didn't know they sold beer in target either.

Most times when people are argueing or doing or saying something stupid, i'll just stare at them. I'll give them a look as to say, damn, how'd you get so stupid. Some of them look at me and stop what they're doing, others keep doing it and some even have a go at me.

Jill Davies said...

It's situations like that that make me wish I had a camera.

Gabrielle said...

You've never run into them again coz HE'S probably dead!

Ludicrousity said...

Very funny story, but very tragic that so many people live their married lives like that. In combat. How awful.

don't call me MA'AM said...

jaek: that's what is hard about being a former teacher. I can't stop being a teacher, so I would have said something. Eek!

margus: at Super Target, they have EVERYTHING. Even Dom Perignon. No lie.

MPB: you're such a rebel. Come on... let's have a go. (fight, fight!) ;-)

jill: Even if I would have had a camera, I think I was too shocked to do anything. It was like we were frozen... it was so weird!

gabrielle: Either that, or they aren't married anymore, and he got the hell outta there!

ludi: yeah, I agree. Extremely tragic. At first, I felt so bad about laughing... and then about using their "pain" over and over again. But then my husband said that they were the ones to air their problems publicly, so why not. Now I feel bad. Ack! Ludi, you are the little angel that sits on my left shoulder. ;-)

Paisley said...


I love Target. You can get anything there...toilet paper, furniture, food, new cool stuff at the dollar spot, and validation that your marriage is pretty damn good. Where else? :)

I think I spent most of my studnet loan money at Target in college. So fun. So great. I heart Target.

Red said...

Margus stole my comment. Beer, really? Sweet.

don't call me MA'AM said...

Paisley: it's bad when the employees say, "weren't you just hear this morning? yesterday? three times this week already, and it's only Monday?" ;-)

red: The only thing better than Target is Super Target!

Ludicrousity said...

I'm an angel!!! I like this!!! Tell my parents that!

wire said...

haha - it's always funny when people divorce in public... no i kid, but the story did make me laugh out loud and had i read it 20 seconds earlier i would be typing this on a keyboard covered in fruit juice.