Monday, February 13, 2006

We need to implement a tax for the inanely stupid...

Conversation at the local Chinese take-out counter--

Guy working at said counter: "May I help you?"

Woman with 4 kids under the age of 10 who has been standing in line in front of me for 10 minutes waiting for the people in front of her to finish their orders: "Hi. This is going to be a takeout order." [NO! Really? There are no seats here. You can only get takeout, you blithering idiot.]

Counter guy, now with furrowed brow: "What would you like?"

Woman, turning to 4 year old daughter: "What would you like, honey?" [Really? You're just asking her now? After we've been in line for 10 minutes?]

4 year old: "Chicken."

Woman: "What kind of chicken, sweetie?"
4 year old: "Semasamesee chicken!"
Woman: "Sesame chicken? You don't like Sesame chicken, honey!"
4 year old: "Yes I do."
Woman: "No, honey. You don't. You should get Sweet and Sour chicken."
4 year old: "No, I want Semasamesee Chicken!!!"
Woman: "No. You don't like that kind. You're going to get Sweet and Sour chicken."
[This actually continues back and forth a few more times, but you get the picture.]

Woman [FINALLY]: "She'll have the Sweet and Sour chicken." [If you weren't going to let her get what she wanted in the first place, why did you even ask her?!?!?]

Woman, turning to 7 year old boy: "What would YOU like, baby?" [Audible groan from everyone behind me]

7 year old boy: "General Chicken."
Woman: "No, that's too spicy for you. Why don't you get Almond Chicken?"

7 year old boy: "No, I LIKE General Chicken!" [Here we go again. Everyone behind me is muttering threats. I begin to think maybe I should get out of their way or something.]

College-age guy behind me: "Hey, lady! Just order what YOU want them to have and get the hell outta the way!"

Woman: "Well, the NERVE of some people! I have a family to feed, and I think you should respect the fact that I'm a working mom and this is all the time we have..." [I tuned her out somewhere around here.]

[Counter guy grins maniacally as he starts handing cleavers and other sharp objects to impatient, waiting crowd.] (just kidding)

Finally, she gets all her kids ordered. Then she can't decide what SHE wants to eat. After all this, she screws up the poor girl working the cash register. She gives her one bill. The girl punches everything into the register and starts to hand her change back...

Woman: "Oh, can we do that differently? I forgot that I wanted to save that bill for something else."

Cash register girl, with blank stare and open mouth: "Uhhhh...."

Manager who luckily appears because I have taken exactly 30 seconds to order my daughter's food and I need to leave NOW: "Ma'am, I can help you at this register."

Yay!!! I can go now!!! I'm not going to be late to get her food to her before her practice starts! YAY!!!!

Oh... SHIT. He called me MA'AM. Just as things were looking up... Pfffffffffffffffttttttttt.


therevhead said...


GREAT story!

you have a real talent for writing!

Paisley said...

OMG! Kudos to the guy to have the guts to say something to her.

what a ding.

Kim said...

I hate people.

Nikki said...

HA! That was hilarious. As a mom, I never wait in line without getting my kids order first -- that's just rude to other people!!!!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Thanks, Rev!

Paisley: I'm glad he said something, too. My nasty, crusty "teacher glare" wasn't wearing her down.

Kim: I'm getting to that point, too.

Nikki: I don't either. In fact, sometimes, I think I'm meaner to my kids (or at least stricter) just because I don't want them to be like other kids. I kick their asses when we're in line for something and people are waiting behind us.

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