Wednesday, February 01, 2006

They're coming to take me away? Hell no! But I'm not so sure about you...

One of the benefits for working for a state and locally governed institution is the employee assistance programs available. They often hold training sessions and workshops to help employees with difficult issues in the workplace. And these sessions are all FREE.

Today, we received notice of the upcoming workshops for the next few months. One is titled How to Deal With People Who Drive You Crazy. It’s a one-hour workshop that helps you learn why some people do things to annoy others, and it also provides some “tried and true” strategies to help you deal with these people.

ONE HOUR? Yeah. Good luck. I can think of 10 people just off the top of my head that drive me crazy in my workplace. One hour wouldn’t even get through the first guy’s many levels of psychosis. Or the need for one woman to embarrass or berate anyone she encounters. Or the cubie neighbor’s insatiable need to consume as many raw onions as he can in one sitting. Or the perpetual blank stare on Old Guy’s face when you ask him anything of a technical nature. Or the two 40ish women who can't stop whispering about everyone in the meeting. What? Is this 7th grade?

So, I guess the bigger question is: If more than a few people drive you crazy, is it really THEM? Or... is it THEE? THOU? Who, ME???? I’m generally a pretty tolerant person. Mostly. Well, okay, sorta. Is it me? Let's look at a few things.

Here are 3 things I can’t tolerate in the workplace:

1. Stupidity

Ignorance is one thing. That’s why I became a teacher many moons ago. I wanted to teach people things they didn’t know. I don’t fault people for general ignorance. So, no... it's not about ignorance.

I define Stupidity, though, as the state of knowing better but being too lazy to do anything about it. It’s 2006, and you STILL don’t know how to turn on a computer?!? That’s stupid. No, the mouse does not work if you move it around on the monitor screen. Well, okay… technically, it does, but you can’t see what you’re doing. Arrrgggh! Get out of here before I kill you now.

2. Resistance to CHANGE

Things change. That’s life. Get over it. Get over yourself. Move on. If everything stayed the same, well… I’d still have big 80s hair, purple eyeshadow, and would be dressing like a character in Flashdance or Fame. FOR THIS REASON ALONE… I relish change. Thank GOD.

3. Other people stepping into my “bubble.”

I know, I know! I’m cute, and I look friendly. I know you just want to come up and hug me or rub my shoulders or put your arm around me. But don’t. Just. Don’t. Otherwise, you will be pulling back a bloody stump. NO TOUCHY! Yes, that means YOU. Now, if I have given you permission to do any of the above… go right ahead. You are in the circle of trust. Everyone else... stay the hell away.

That's pretty much it. If you're a hard worker, nice to other people, willing to learn new things, and keep your freaking hands off me... you will not drive me crazy. So, maybe they should offer a class called How To Be NORMAL And Not Drive Everyone Else Crazy. Yeah, why should I have to go to class because they're all a bunch of looneys?

Random terms for today: Jon Heder, ballerina, 35mm, red fish blue fish


leanjoe said...

Uhm... yeah. I'd also like to put a stop to people speaking out of turn. There's a time and a place. And it's not in the middle of a $1000/credit hour organic chemistry lecture.

SHHHHHHHH stupid people! Hush up, now!

don't call me MA'AM said...

leanjoe: I think the only solution to that is a super-soaker squirt gun. Anytime they talk out of turn, they get super soaked. Aversion Therapy= A Very Good Thing.

Jaek said...

People who move! When we've got a job to do, move with a purpose.

Me: Is yor name Joey?
They: No.
Me: I think I'm going to call you Slowy Joey.
They: That's not my name.
Me: What's that, Slowy? I can't hear you. You're talking too s-l-o-wwwwwwly.

Margus said...

people who talk, just to hear them selves talk. shut up and listen to the world around you.

Ludicrousity said...

You made me laugh so much then DCMM!!! The way you write things is just hilarious!!! I can understand why that'd be annoying, but you do sound like a monty python skit! In a good way of course!

don't call me MA'AM said...

jaek: I am sooo impatient with slow talkers. It's like SPEED IT UP!

margus: isn't that what blogging is all about? ha ha oops... that would be incriminating us all. I totally agree with you, though. And I also try to hold my tongue in check during meetings, so I'm not the "blowhard." (oops, long comment.)

ludi: that's probably the biggest comment anyone has ever given me. I LOVE Monty Python! Thanks!

Margus said...

I was thinking more in a classroom setting. There's this kid who asks questions that have nothing to do with the lecture and are totally obsure just to make himself look cool.

This kid also looks exactly like Noah Wiley from ER - it's freaky

don't call me MA'AM said...

Ah yes, margus. I know of whom you speak. I went to school with this guy that would purposefully change the subject to something he could go on about forever. We started throwing things at him just to get him to shutup. I think he's a senator now perfecting the art of the filibuster. j/k

nabbalicious said...

You were able to find only THREE things that annoy you about the workplace? I'm thinking of, like, 50 things right now.

But I'm with you on those things. I can't STAND to be touched by people I hardly know, don't be stupid (especially when the way you do your job directly affects the way I do my job) and, yeah, change can be good. I'm in the South, though, and you know how these people feel about change.

My fingers are twitching, wanting to crank out my own list of things. What's the word-count limit on comments?

don't call me MA'AM said...

Nabbalicious: I'm try to keep my outlook more positive (yeah, right). SO, I only listed three. The post was long enough as it was... ;-)

I say, go for it. List away!

Wolfgang Buckner said...

Um, I have some ideas on how to deal with people in my office that I don't like, AND it involves tuna. Heh.

Anonymous said...

I got a fever. And the only cure is MORE COW BELL!

don't call me MA'AM said...

wolfie: that just sounds evil... unless you're making sandwiches (in which case, I'm in). I like evil. Good plan.

Hell yeah... more cow bell! Don't fear the reaper, baby!

Julie_Gong said...

Never ever ever come to my workplace if those 3 things annoy you. I am the only female within a five mile radius. (We have receptionists but they don't count. It adds to my drama)It can be very painful. Oh so very painful.

don't call me MA'AM said...

But you can drink on the job, though, right? I would think your employer would encourage that... at least at the end of the day. haha

don't call me MA'AM said...

It was from a Saturday Night Live skit. Will Ferrell was the cow bell "musician" that didn't make the final cut of "Don't Fear the Reaper." :-)

Ludicrousity said...

cow bell?

don't call me MA'AM said...

Okay... so how did my comment appear BEFORE yours? This keeps happening, and it's freaking me out!

Ludicrousity said...

Ah, get it now.

Maliavale said...

The random terms are cracking me up. Great feature. And I have a post in my head about the "change is good" thing -- gotta get that out one of these days. I hate the whole "Back in my day ... " and "In this age of ... " ROLL WITH IT, PEOPLE.