Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Is It Weird in Here, or Is It Just Me?*

I’m a bandwagon jumper, so I decided to do a Six Weird Things about me… although, I could probably post one of these every week. I’m just that weird.

Here’s the first installment--

1. I am a classic example of a study in contrasts. I am absolutely meticulous about my appearance. My hair has to be neatly done every day (no throwing it up in a pony tail or looking purposefully mussed), makeup perfectly applied, clothes steamed and wrinkle free, and accessories must be worn at all times. I feel naked without some kind of jewelry, and God forbid I leave the house without lipstick or lipgloss. *shudder*

However, with all that anal-retention about my appearance, you’d think my house would be neat as a pin. Ummmm… NO. Not hardly. My bedroom is a total disaster. It bothers me, but not enough to do much about it. Kitchen? Well, it’s clean enough. Dirty dishes don’t bother me if they’re in the sink for a day. Besides, that’s one of the kids’ chores, so I don’t usually clean too much in there. Clutter just doesn’t bother me to the point of having to clean non-stop. Sure, I get a wild hair every once in a while to tackle some major part of the clutter, but usually… not so much. If I had my wish, we’d have a live-in maid taking care of all that crap. Where’s Alice when you need her?

2. When I get nervous, I talk. And talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. A guy I dated once likened me to a little jumpy bird. I know that can be boring listening to someone go on and on… and I’m not purposefully trying to monopolize a conversation. Believe me… it’s not all about me. It’s just my nerves. So if you ever meet me in person, you’ll know. (right, -r-?) ;-) I don’t mean to be a bore, so just give me a cookie and tell me to shut up.

3. I have VERY eclectic tastes in music. In a previous job, I volunteered to be the driver to the local lunch spot. The guy who sat in my front seat started sifting through my CDs in the car. I warned him that I had really eclectic tastes, but he didn’t believe me. After going through all of them, he decided I was schizophrenic and looked at me a little funny from then on. What? Why can’t I like Sublime AND Manhattan Transfer? Who doesn’t have a hankering for a little Spin Doctors mixed with a smattering of Barry Manilow now and then? No? It’s just me? Well, I’m okay with that.

4. I can gargle air, pitchless, to the rhythm of Rossini’s William Tell Overture (aka the Lone Ranger theme song). I make the gargling sound with no tones, just glottal clicks (Are you trying it right now??). AND you can actually recognize what musical work it is I’m “performing.” It was a lot cooler when I was a kid. Now, it’s just creepy and weird.

5. I perceive myself as much bigger than I actually am. This has nothing to do with weight or a healthy body image. It’s about how I think I can literally kick people’s asses because I’m so tough. Sadly, not true. In college, a girl spilled beer on me at some party. I turned around to mutilate her, and my friends had to physically restrain me from making a huge mistake. This girl was well over 6 feet tall and quite muscle-y. I’m not even 5’4”—she could have squashed me like the little bug that I am. Apparently, this trait runs in the family. My aunt who stands 5 feet tall on her tippie-toes is the same way. We’re like wolverines… small, but ferocious. Our hatred keeps us warm.** ;-)

6. I’m a packrat to a fault (the Farm Boy would call that a major understatement). You would think I grew up in the Depression era or something (no, I did not). Plastic bags, paper bags, gift bags, shoe boxes, cardboard boxes, gift boxes… I can’t make myself throw that stuff away. I even like to hold on to packaging materials. Last night, I bought some lotion and other good smelly-stuff from Vickie S’s house. I bought a boxed set, because it was a better deal. Plus, the box is cute. I will never need that box. Right? Right??? But I couldn’t make myself throw it away. It’s stashed in a place where the Farm Boy won’t find it, because he would surely throw it away. And then where would I be??? I also didn’t throw away the big plastic bubbly packing stuff from a bag I bought – I’m sure I’ll need that someday, too.

I’m sure this “weird thing” relates greatly to the state of my house mentioned in point number one above… and it’s a sickness, I know.

*credited to comedian Steven Wright
**10 points to the first person who "gets" that.


stefanie said...

I relate to the second part of #1, but obviously not the first. (Greasy ponytail at Target, remember? That's me.)

I am really trying to figure out what #4 sounds like. Perhaps you should create a YouTube video of that. ;-)

Red said...

I was thinking you didn't sound all that weird until I got to the part about gargling air. Priceless! I know I stand for all your blogfriends when I say: audioblog this!

wire said...

Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?

don't call me MA'AM said...

stefanie: I'm sure you look totally hot in your greasy ponytail at Target! And I can't create a YouTube video of that, because then I'd have to digitally create a purple box-blockhead to hide my face. Then you wouldn't really know if I was the one doing it. ;-)

red: okay, MAYBE I could do an audioblog of it.

wire: good guess, but no dice. I'm pretty sure you're a little on the young side to know this particular reference. Not that I have a problem with that, though. :-)

goldennib said...

Boy, you are weird; D

Dboy said...

Isn't hatred keeping one warm a common experience? I get it, not from any show, but because my hatred for all things existing makes my head go all red sometimes, and usually a little warm.

metalia said...

I am fascinated by #4. I second Red's suggestion!

I completely relate to 5. In the past, I have often forget that I am a tiny little woman who is wholly incapable of kicking anyone's ass.

-R- said...

You did not talk too much at all! You did look very well put together though!

Farm Boy said...

#1 & #6 drive the farmboy f**ing nuts!!!

#5 - Red Dawn (C. Thomas Howell)

princess slea said...


I'm glad to hear that you don't throw things away that will most likely come in handy in the future. Recycled packing material and boxes, that's not weird it's responsible.
(sorry, I just watched Inconvenient Truth yesterday and i'm in a mood).

lizgwiz said...

I, too, feel naked without jewelry and makeup. And I save boxes and packing material. (In my defense, I actually re-use as much as I can. I NEVER buy that stuff.) And I've filled more than one awkward silence with inane babble.

We differ, though, on our "wolverine" factor. I'm actually a good-sized girl, but I'm a total wuss, and would never consider taking anyone down. (Maybe my 90-pound pussy of a Doberman mix takes after his mommy. Hee.)

don't call me MA'AM said...

goldennib: Thanks! I take that as a compliment! ;-)

dboy: I guess I never thought about it that way... although, I know that's not true in your case. I've seen pictures of your face as you gaze upon your baby boy. That's all love, baby! All love! :-)

metalia: man! Now I really have to do that. Gah.

-r-: aw, you're just being nice. haha! And thanks! You always look super cool, and you rock those glasses!

fb: yeah, well... too bad. haha And, since you're my husband, I don't think it would be fair to give you the 10 points. But you are correct. It is Red Dawn.

princess slea: You betcha! "There's never been an attack on US soil..." (unless you count that one time, in the War of 1812... but who's counting?). Great movie, right?

And about saving stuff? You're exactly right! Waste not, want not is my motto. Rock on!

lizgwiz: I'm a total wuss, too. I just don't REALIZE it... so you're much smarter than I am!! :-)

wire said...

oh, mine wasn't a guess - it just jumped into my head when i read the word "wolverines".

And i wouldn't worry about those dirty dishes, like all things they are just part of a greater cycle.
Dishes are clean. People eat off of them and dishes become dirty. Dishes are left. Food scraps are eaten by cockroaches, rats, ants, etc. Dishes are clean again.

Nature's little cleaners strike again! :)