Friday, March 23, 2007

Calgon Is Not Helping These Days...

I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen... if it could respond to me, it would probably say, "Why so forlorn, lady?"

Do you ever just get to the place where you're so worn down, so busy, so tired that you can't even see straight? I should be doing a million other things right now instead of posting, but I just can't even decide where to start. My eyes are brimming with tears most days due to sheer frustration, but reading your funny comments and posts are a nice escape. :-)

Between work and the rest of "life," I just feel like I'm constantly scrambling. There hasn't been one day/night in the last few weeks when we didn't have SOMETHING going on. Laundry hasn't been done. The house hasn't been vacuumed or dusted or properly picked up in ages. I feel like I'm at the center of the storm, and it's not a good place to be.

I'm pretty sure that I haven't had more than 15 minutes a day total to talk to my husband. Most nights, if we haven't had time to talk much during the day, we spend about an hour or so talking. Lately, one of us has fallen sound asleep before the other even gets to bed. Thank God for cell phones, or else we would never talk anymore.

In trying not to be a whiner, I've just taken on too much myself. My ex wants to be involved in the DECISIONS made about things the kids are doing, but he isn't involving himself in the day-to-day tasks that need to be done. I'm tired of being his secretary, tracking everything for him that pertains to the children. Guess what, buddy? Call your kids more often. Talk to them and ask them the questions. Don't ask me to keep you informed... and then complain that the kids never call you. You are the adult. Make the effort, because they're kids. Their priorities are not the same as yours or mine.

It's pretty stupid of me to try to work full-time, parent full-time, take a grad class, go to all our kids' activities, play keyboard and sing occasionally at church, act as a taxi cab for the child who doesn't drive, keep everyone's schedules straight... and what's that other thing I have to do? Oh, yeah. SLEEP. Did you notice that working out isn't in that list? I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been since I even stepped on the treadmill.

If we could afford for me to quit my job or just go half-time, I would in a heartbeat. I'd be very happy to not work until the last kid graduated from high school, but it's not realistic. Especially considering we'll be helping four kids through college.

Okay. I think I'm done now. I'm not looking for advice or anything. Just needed some whine time. Believe me, I'm fairly certain the people around me in "real life" are tired of hearing about it. The thing is... I'm not going through anything BAD. I should be happy that I'm sooooo busy, because that means things are good in our life. Our oldest daughter is graduating from high school. Our youngest is getting confirmed in our church. And even though we don't see them as often as we like, our two middle kids are involved in their school athletics and activities. That wasn't happening a couple of years ago, because of other "ex" issues I won't go into now. No one is sick. No one is without the basic needs for survival. I'm just stressed out and need to shut up and deal with it.

So, my Bloggy Friends, I guess I only wanted to bend your ear for a bit. I promise to come back this weekend as snarky as usual.

Thanks for listening.


Sparkling Cipher said...

That's what we're here for, right?

I think sometimes the crazy pace of normal life can seem worse sometimes just for the fact that we don't think we're entitled to feel stressed, overwhelmed, or just down. It's like if there's no tragedy to cry over, you're not allowed to want to cry. But all the little things add up.

Hope things settle down for you soon.

lizgwiz said...

Whine away. That's what blogs are for, right?

I definitely have days where I go to bed thinking "I CAN NOT POSSIBLY continue to live this life." (Note: not in a suicidal tendencies kind of way, but in a "I wish I had a maid and a gardener and a chaffeur on staff, or wait...maybe I just need my very own 50s TV sitcom housewife" kind of way.) But I do, of course, continue to live this life, because until I hit it big in the lottery, I can't think what I would cut out of it. (On that glorious day, I'll be giving notice at my job so fast my own head will spin!)

We're all here to sympathize with each other--that helps some, doesn't it? Hearing that you have every right to whine? ;)

Malnurtured Snay said...

Spring break has, so far, been very unrelaxing for me.

3carnations said...

I didn't know you had 4 kids (random thought).

I know what you mean. Not because I am going through something similar, but because things get overwhelming for everyone sometimes. Then you realize you have no right to be too stressed, because so many others have it worse, and you don't have it bad at all, really...At least that's how it goes for me. It just comes and goes, you know?

Keep your chin up, and know that this too shall pass. Vent away...:)

3carnations said...

Here, sign up for this:

The pass code you need is "blog". It's just a silly thing that earns you useless points based on your celebrity "team" getting publicity. It's lame and pointless, but watching their crazy publicity will make your life feel mundane. :)

Jurgen Nation said...

DCMM, that's why we're here!! Don't EVER say that you're whining - you come here to write so you're naturally going to include the bad days with all the good. We're here no matter what, so you're stuck with us!

That said, I do hope it calms down for you soon. :)

don't call me MA'AM said...

Thanks, y'all. I really do feel better already.

sparkling cipher: Agreed. Trying to be SuperMom, in my case anyway, is just some stupid, unrealistic thing I need to stop doing!

lizgwiz: Yes! Oh, and I've often said that life would be soooo much easier if I could just have "Alice" from the Brady Bunch. Wouldn't that be awesome??

malnurtured snay: Welcome to the Grumpy pages! I hope that you'll get some R&R time on your Spring Break!

3carn: we have a blended family: I brought the oldest and youngest (2 girls), and the Farm Boy brought the two middle (a boy and a girl). Four teenagers. ;-) But they're all good kids, and we don't have them all together at the same time very often. And I did sign up for your team! Should be fun.

jn: thank you! I just hope that I post more good days than bad... even though I'm supposed to be "grumpy." haha

Stinkypaw said...

My pleasure! I think it might also be the time of year, or just life as usual... whenever you want to vent, go for it - I'm listening/reading!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't tell you how in the exact same emotional place we are. OMG. Sleep? What's that?? Communication? Huh? I am the woman who was on top of everything that needed doing, all the time, not long ago. And now I'm juggling as fast as I can and dropping balls right and left.

Either things will get easier, or you and I will learn to juggle better. That's all there is to it. Hang in there - we're about to begin the 4-year (or so) ejection of 1 kid each from the nest!And sad as it is, it's one less person to pick up after. ;-)

don't call me MA'AM said...

stinkypaw: I think you're right. With the end of tho school year in sight, there's always so much jammed into the next few months. Thanks. :-)

tammara: maybe we need to plan an escape day together with nothing but margaritas, lying around doing nothing, and getting waited on by cabana boys. ;-) I agree with 100% of everything you said above... thanks for the support... and you hang in there, too. :-)