I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen... if it could respond to me, it would probably say, "Why so forlorn, lady?"
Do you ever just get to the place where you're so worn down, so busy, so tired that you can't even see straight? I should be doing a million other things right now instead of posting, but I just can't even decide where to start. My eyes are brimming with tears most days due to sheer frustration, but reading your funny comments and posts are a nice escape. :-)
Between work and the rest of "life," I just feel like I'm constantly scrambling. There hasn't been one day/night in the last few weeks when we didn't have SOMETHING going on. Laundry hasn't been done. The house hasn't been vacuumed or dusted or properly picked up in ages. I feel like I'm at the center of the storm, and it's not a good place to be.
I'm pretty sure that I haven't had more than 15 minutes a day total to talk to my husband. Most nights, if we haven't had time to talk much during the day, we spend about an hour or so talking. Lately, one of us has fallen sound asleep before the other even gets to bed. Thank God for cell phones, or else we would never talk anymore.
In trying not to be a whiner, I've just taken on too much myself. My ex wants to be involved in the DECISIONS made about things the kids are doing, but he isn't involving himself in the day-to-day tasks that need to be done. I'm tired of being his secretary, tracking everything for him that pertains to the children. Guess what, buddy? Call your kids more often. Talk to them and ask them the questions. Don't ask me to keep you informed... and then complain that the kids never call you. You are the adult. Make the effort, because they're kids. Their priorities are not the same as yours or mine.
It's pretty stupid of me to try to work full-time, parent full-time, take a grad class, go to all our kids' activities, play keyboard and sing occasionally at church, act as a taxi cab for the child who doesn't drive, keep everyone's schedules straight... and what's that other thing I have to do? Oh, yeah. SLEEP. Did you notice that working out isn't in that list? I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been since I even stepped on the treadmill.
If we could afford for me to quit my job or just go half-time, I would in a heartbeat. I'd be very happy to not work until the last kid graduated from high school, but it's not realistic. Especially considering we'll be helping four kids through college.
Okay. I think I'm done now. I'm not looking for advice or anything. Just needed some whine time. Believe me, I'm fairly certain the people around me in "real life" are tired of hearing about it. The thing is... I'm not going through anything BAD. I should be happy that I'm sooooo busy, because that means things are good in our life. Our oldest daughter is graduating from high school. Our youngest is getting confirmed in our church. And even though we don't see them as often as we like, our two middle kids are involved in their school athletics and activities. That wasn't happening a couple of years ago, because of other "ex" issues I won't go into now. No one is sick. No one is without the basic needs for survival. I'm just stressed out and need to shut up and deal with it.
So, my Bloggy Friends, I guess I only wanted to bend your ear for a bit. I promise to come back this weekend as snarky as usual.
Thanks for listening.