Thursday, March 08, 2007

Watch the Birdie...

FYI... The Friday Why Files is migrating to the Weekend Why Files... because I'm too lazy busy to get them done during the week.

I could not smile normally for any pictures when I was little. All my school pictures looked like I had just eaten really bad fish. For candid pictures with family, I had to smile the biggest nerdy grin I could possibly eke out from my little kid face. Note, in the diagram below, how my eyes were always squeezed shut from smiling so very hard.

Ack. I look more like Joe Cool in my artist-like-rendering of my young self than anything else. Meh. Just take my word for it. I smiled like a grinning fool in almost every picture taken with a Polaroid.

The school pictures, though... holy shiznit on a stick. They were sooooooooo bad!! My first school picture experience in Kindergarten was the one that set the tone for all future school photos. The "photographer" was a blithering idiot making little kid noises at me. What? Didn't he see how cool and mature I was? Sheesh! I wasn't 3 or anything. I was a big, serious, school girl who was 5. So, my picture came back with me attempting to smile while sporting a major look of disdain on my face.

When the prints arrived, I was so upset, but mom said we were keeping them. No vanity re-takes way back then. So, all my grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. got the "Bad Fish Face" picture of Little Grumpy. I hated that picture so much!

From that time on, I had the equivalent of stage fright when getting my school pictures taken. My expressions varied from little twitches at the corners of my mouth to full-on-constipation-face. And my stupid parents kept BUYING THE FREAKING PICTURES. I think, if they would have turned down the picture package for even one of those years, my fears might have been alleviated enough to be normal the following year. But nooooooooooooo.

Although I eventually outgrew it all, I really didn't take a decent picture until my senior pictures in high school. My parents were so amazed that they actually had some good pictures of me with nice smiles. But I do see glimpses of that same freaked-out little girl now in adulthood. I don't like having candid shots taken of myself, especially if I'm talking. I might be somewhat photogenic when posed and smiling, but mid-sentence? I look like I'm stoned or off my nut. NOT attractive.

So, besides trying to preserve my anonymity, which will become more and more difficult if I grow this bloggy-thing*, there are a number of reasons you won't see my big round mug** on this site. That is, unless there's a lovely, purple blockhead masking it.

*I want to add more stuff, like my flickr photos, to this page, but then I would have to create a separate flickr account for this blog as compared to my real-life identity. And... then I'd have to decide which pictures go on which flickr account. Gah. Too much effort. Why is this such a difficult issue for me??? Part of it is professional, but a lot of it is that I feel so much more freedom to post when I know there's not much probability that family members will find me.

**Speaking of "mugs," I hope to have some mug designs ready for you to peruse within the next week!


Julie_Gong said...

I always had this problem too. The way I got around it was to hide whenever I saw a camera. I actually still have the whole normal smiling problem. I'm just not very photogenic so to make up for that I usually just make silly faces.

Stinkypaw said...

School pictures were just bad... no matter how we look at them... blah!

Can't wait to see those mugs. though!

stefanie said...

My little sister was awful with photos as a kid, too. My mom would take Christmas card pictures of us, and of the 437 or so shots she took, we would have to use the ONE version in which my little sister was smiling. Never mind what the rest of us looked like in that one. No fair.

The best picture of her ever, though, was her very first school picture. She is just scowling at the photographer, not even a hint of an attempt at a smile. It is awesome. My mom still has that one framed, 20-some years later.

As for your own pics, I always feel like family members, coworkers, etc. won't have to read too much of my blog to know that it's me, regardless of whether my photo is on it. I do often wish I'd used an alias all along, though, to at least cut down the likelihood of them finding it!

Ludicrousity said...

Awww! Cute young grumpy frump smiles! :)

my primary school photos aren't too bad. I was kinda cute back then, then my high school photos happened....

Greg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Greg said...

Heck, I hide from cameras now because of my history with pictures. But the best thing about school pictures is the cheesy backgrounds. Back when I was in elementary school (early '90s), they were starting to get real "creative." My 3rd grade picture looks like I'm at a light show. The lame background cancels out my crazy-looking face.

-R- said...

My sister had the opposite problem you did. Instead of smiling too big, she would refuse to show her teeth. It was cute, and I am sure you were too!

metalia said...

Ha~ Like R's sister, I also smiled all close-mouthed in my school pictures. It was an an ill-advised attempt to casually cover up my braces, which instead actually came across as if I was a toothless old lady.


don't call me MA'AM said...

julie_gong: I do pretty much the same thing.

stinkypaw: agreed! And I hope the mugs are ready tomorrow!! *crossing fingers*

stefanie: the fact that your mom still displays that picture of your sister makes her my new hero! Too funny!!!

ludi: but you're still so cute! You are always smiling with a twinkle in your eye... or is that just because you get to go to so many fun parties and weddings??? ;-)

greg: ooooh, I love the funky backgrounds! They just crack me up! You should post one... in fact, it should be your new avatar. What do you think?

-r-: my daughter did that, too, until she got her braces off. It always made her look like she was up to something evil. haha

metalia: didn't that hurt? I always had a hard time smiling closed-mouth when I had braces. It cut the inside of my lips too much!