Tuesday, January 31, 2006
It was the funnel cake on the grassy knoll...
What is it about the smell of fried food? Not the taste... but the smell.
I'm not really into fried food anymore. Once you cut it out of your diet, it's difficult to go back. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't eat a piece of fried chicken without getting a tremendous stomach ache. I can peel off the skin and just eat the chicken... but the skin's the best part, right? Come to think of it, I can't eat anything greasy anymore. Don't even think about Mickey D's, Taco Smell, or Greasy Fish. No way. Can't do it.
Fried food, though.... the freaking SMELL is so enticing! I walked out the door of my office building today. Across the way is the evil empire that I shall call MegaLoMart. They have a greasy food court, and they serve corndogs. And I could smell them. I can live without a hotdog. No pig innards for me, thank you (okay, well maybe at a football stadium and only the Fairbury brand). Corndogs, however, are a COMPLETELY different story. Mmmm. Cornmeal batter, dripping off a hot dog, deep-fat fried to a goldeny-browny crisp. Dipped in a little ketchup and/or mustard. You just can't go wrong. Until an hour later when your stomach says, "Oh no you DI-IN'T!"
And then, there's the queen mother of all fried yummy goodness... the funnel cake. Not an ounce of nutrition anywhere in this little nastiness. Just batter squirted in hot oil, into an intricate pattern laced back and forth... then flipped over so more of its surface can bubble and splatter in the hot, hot oil... mmmm. WTF?!?!? This... THIS sounds good to me!?!?
No! They don't SOUND good to me. They SMELL good to me. And apparently, my nose has a more direct line to my brain than, well, my brain does. Here's what I think happens:
Nose: "MMMM.... that smells goo-oo-oood! Let's get some!"
Brain: "No, we don't want that. It's bad for us."
Nose: "But fried food likes us. It's our friend."
Brain: "You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you. Especially not fried food."
Nose: "No, not Fried Food. It's our friend!"
And in a movie-jumping-dialogue-switch, the Nose then turns to some Obi-Wan Kenobi-jedi-mind-trick shit and says:
Nose: "You will buy the funnel cake."
Brain: "We will buy the funnel cake."
Nose: "You will eat the funnel cake."
Brain: "Yes, we will eat the funnel cake."
Nose wins. Stomach loses. Brain sits around thinking, "what the hell just happened?"
My theory is that-- similar to the nicotine that's in cigarettes which makes them addictive-- I believe that there is a "yummy smell" added to fried foods to beguile us, to seduce us into eating them. It's a damn conspiracy. Yeah... that's what it is.
Search terms that found me today: collection agencies mistaken identity (what? is this happening to more of us?)
Random terms for the day: Tootgarook (thanks, dboy!), digital vomit, mini-wheats, Cillian
Photo credit: St. Petersburg Times