Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Just livin' up to the name of my blog...

Dear young man behind me this evening in traffic,
I'm sure you would consider me old. Even though I'm not even technically, officially middle-aged (yet), I'm sure you think I'm ancient.

My fashion sense is probably laughable to you. Me, in my business attire compared to you in your b-ball jersey (homage to some overpaid, crybaby athlete), slouchy-sagging jeans (I'm guessing, because I can't actually SEE them), and slammin' baseball cap cocked off to one side... I just can't measure up to the tight togs you be sportin'.

Additionally, you probably consider my minivan a loser cruiser (as do I). Your rust-bucket, used-to-be white 81 Chevy blazer is way more chill.

The truth is, I still loves me a good, raunchy comedy... I love loud metal, loud alternative, loud grunge... basically loud music altogether. I've come home half-deaf from concerts, and the ringing in my ears stuck around for a few days as a sweet souvenir. I'm not so much the stuffy soccer mom you probably think I am.

So, believe me when I tell you, in all honesty, as someone who enjoys some outright deafening tunes, if YOUR piece-of-shit-car is so tricked out with woofers that could send sound waves equal to an atomic blast... IT'S TOO LOUD!!!! I'm totally cool with you abusing your own eardrums. I'm down with that, homey. True dat. But the driver's seat in my loser cruiser was actually shaking. My stomach hurt, and my ears felt like they were going to implode (I think they were bleeding anyway). It's time to turn the volume down from, oh I don't know, INFINITY, to somewhere in the 10s to 20s. 'Kay? Word. Dude.

Sincerely,
The old biddy in the vehicle in front of you on 144th & F Streets today, 5:17pm

5 comments:

therevhead said...

Ah, you poor old thing. I guess i'd better SPEAK UP, A N D M O R E S L O W L Y because you are soooo old and doddery. I'm surprised they let you drive.... or is it a horse and cart we're talking about?

I guess at your advanmced age you wouldn't ever risk buying green bananas!!!

How old are you, actually, GrumpyFrump? Has the heritage society classified you yet?

Gee abuse is fun!

* runs away very fast, falls over as arthritis takes hold!!*
*Lies there trying to remember if he was coming or going*
* wonders who he is*

Ah, you poor old thing. I guess i'd better SPEAK UP, A N D M O R E S L O W L Y becau... oops, I've said that already, haven't I?

don't call me MA'AM said...

I don't think I'm ancient. I'm just at that age (30something) that feels worse each and every year. That's all.

Another car stereo system attacked us after dinner today. This was a pimped out sedan with a spoiler (yep, you read that correctly) playing a song loud enough that we could hear it with our windows up and radio going. What a bunch of IDIOTS!

Hope you're enjoying Pasadena, rev!

Master Peebody said...

Hehehe....... kids.

Nikki said...

Ha! That was hilarious!!!!

don't call me MA'AM said...

I can always rely on nikki to make me feel like I'm actually somewhat funny. :-)

The scary fact is that it's all true.