Friday, January 27, 2006

Modest... to be or not to be, that is the question...

Spent most of the day with my mom today, getting ready for a "chili feed" that she signed us up for. It ended up being not too terribly horrible, but I reek of chili now. My chili didn't win the contest... which is just fine. Plenty of people came up and said it was the best chili they'd ever had. Good enough for me. Ancient secret ingredient: lager. Not plain beer (and most especially not LITE beer).

So, here's what I've been pondering all day. Yesterday, I went to physical therapy twice-- once in the morning for deep-tissue massage, and again later in the afternoon to work with a PT. I've gone to this massage therapist twice now. No biggie. First time with this particular PT, though. When you undress for the massage therapist, they tell you to undress to your "comfort level." So, I leave on the undies and throw the rest on the chair. Really? I do that? Yeah, I guess I do. So, I'm lying down on his massage table almost completely naked... and it isn't bothering me. Hmmm.

What you need to know about me is that I was really shy when I was younger. Not just really. PAINFULLY shy. I couldn't look people in the eyes when spoken to... answered questions with only the required amount of detail. That was it. NEVER initiated conversations. My teachers always told my parents that they really enjoyed me as a student-- bright, very mature for my age. They just wished I could "come out of my shell a little."

Once I got into music and performing on stage, I broke that shell into pieces. I figured out how to deal with the anxiety of talking to people, and now you'd never know I was the same person.

But the one thing that I thought had remained consistent over the years is my modesty. I have never, ever been comfortable showing too much skin. Even during the skinnier years. I had bikinis... I only wore them when tanning... in the privacy of a big backyard with a big fence.

First time I ever had a massage, I kept the bra on. Considering the fact that my back is my problem area, it wasn't that effective with the bra on. The next massage, I became a little braver. But these two therapists were both women. I was a little older and a little bolder. No big deal.

So, cut to the present. The massage therapist is a guy. He's very non-threatening. It's never uncomfortable. And it's really not bothering me at all. Me. The one who went to New Orleans and didn't get ANY beads. The one who has never skinnydipped in her entire life. The one who, only at her very drunkest ever, ran around a fraternity with a bra and jeans on. I know this guy works on 20 naked women a day, and that my "issues" are not even in his main thought processes of the day. I just wonder... when did I become such a brazen hussy LESS modest?

I know this is not a big deal. There are much better posts today about more valuable topics. I just can't get this one thing out of my mind.


Margus said...

I say get naked and run around the yard once a day. I don't really know how that would help you, but If I had a house, I'd do it like clockwork.

Master Peebody said...

Haha, yeah i'd go clockwise too. Just seems more natural.

I'm almost the other way around. When i was younger my parents had to force me to wear all my clothes cos i just didn't care, haha. Now, even when i go to the beach i'm reluctant to take my top off, but i think thats more to do with my weight i think. It's coming down, slowly, but it's comming down, so hopefully this year sometime i'll not have any problems at all cos i hate being self conscious all the time.

nabbalicious said...

I go back and forth on whether I'm a prude. I skinny-dipped with absolutely no shame about it once (while very drunk, though), but I just don't walk around our house totally naked, like, ever. What is the deal with that? Maybe I have some latent exhibitionist tendencies?

Also, I had a male massage therapist once and yeah, that was creepy. It's women only from now on.

don't call me MA'AM said...

Margus, I think I'll wait until I lose a few more pounds. Just a few. No sense in scaring the neighbors away now.

MPB, yep. Me too. I hate being self-conscious about it all.

nabbalicious, my kids freak out if they walk into my room and see me in my underwear (hello? knocking would be a good start!). I haven't walked around the house naked for a long time. Well, except for the weekends when they're with their dad. *grin*

The guy massage therapist I have now is really so non-threatening. He's almost asexual... no lie.

Margus said...

I thought the only reason in having neighbors was to scare them. :P

Paisley said...

For years and years I would never even THINK of getting a massage. Same reason as you. I have since been to one person several times. Kept on the panties, no bra. Very nervous. My husband came and got one too so that helped. I am nervous about getting one from someone else. I never wore a bikini outside of my backyard either...and never will unless I look like a supermodel and even then I don't think I'd do it.

Jason said...

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