I can't help it. I have to watch. And then I have to post. My apologies.
Here are the highlights of my night, in no particular order:
1. Helium girl with the pink cowgirl hat. Sweet girl. But where did that voice come from? She's 21? She sounds like she's 6. Sweet girl. Just don't sing again, please. She was so upset... she even took a hug from Seacrest. Actually, he was very cool with her and seemed generally concerned that she was so hurt.
2. Kelly Pickler. Sweet girl. Good, strong voice... can she sing anything other than country, though? We'll find out.
3. The national guard/air force/whatever he was in a military uniform, singing Marvin Gaye. Wow. Absolutely wonderful. Yeah, baby, let's get it ON!
4. "She's out o--------------------------------------------------------f, my li------------fe. Poor Marcus. He thinks good singers just hold a note forever. And ever. Sadly, he's wrong.
5. Paris Bennett... little speaking voice. Amazing singing voice. Beyond amazing. Breathtaking. She's only 17, but she should win. Hands down. Cut the season short. She needs to win.
6. Sammy. Oh, Sammy. The hair. The eyeliner. You came to this audition just to get on TV, didn't you. Take your magic carpet and fly on out of here.
7. Hotty McHotHot-- the guy that sang the Rascal Flats' song, "Broken Road." (the first guy, not the smaller guy) Two words: YUM YUM. The guy was hot... super hot... and he could sing, too. I have a new crush. I don't even know his name (something like Jonathan, but he goes by "Ryan?"). I don't care. I love him. To quote Jurgen, "and angels sang." My hot husband is out of luck. I am swooning.
8. Seth, AKA "Michael Jackson-- Oh, crap. I forgot the words" What the hell was that?!? No, seriously What the HELL was that?
9. Fireman boy-- glad he made it. Don't know why... I'm rooting for the dudes that look like "some dude" but who have decent voices.
10. RHONETTA. 'Nuff said. Well, maybe not... I'm scared. She's really scary. She said something about lighting the town on fire... I think she's serious. That is one scary chick. What the hell did she even sing? Does anyone know? I think I was so frightened by her that my ears just shut off. Girl can swear, though, can't she!
So... there were so many bad ones tonight... I can't even remember them all.
OH! And the chick from New York. The one with the cheating-boyfriend-while-she-was-recovering-from-surgery. She's been on some audition show before. Was it American Idol? What was it? Damn this brain... I can't remember where I've seen her before. SOMEBODY help me remember! I can see her auditioning for something... a dance show maybe? The judges were sitting outside under a tent-like thing. Ack. Photographic memory that doesn't give me enough freaking information!!!! Was it P. Diddy's show on MTV? I think that may be it. Somebody please confirm!!