Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Observations of a perpetual grump...

1. Some people are liars. They tell other people that they are good singers. THEY LIE. Why do they lie? Because then they just give these people false hope. And false hope leads to... an American Idol audition. Dear Sweet Lord, just kill me. While some of the singers (the 16-yr-old twins-- WOW.) are actually very, very good... the majority of these people are bad. No, not bad... Awful. Atrocious. Abominable. Ghastly.

Eric (the one with the trashy grandma)... his music teacher told him he would go far in music. I'm really hoping that by "far," he/she only meant, "Go FAR away, so no one can hear you."

The Christina/Pink/Britney-wanna-be who had the same eye makeup as her W.T.* mother (who was wearing a mini-skirt? ewww... old, trashy moms should NOT wear mini-skirts!)--- she said her life is entertainment? Yeah, entertainment in a Gentlemen's Club. And I use the word, "gentlemen" very, very loosely. GGW** is just waiting for this one!

The Blue Moon girl? Just stop singing. Just stop. No... stop. STOP! Scotty don't! Go away now. No, don't start over. Oh... she started over. Again. Please. Just stop. Stop the insanity.

"I Shot the Sheriff" officer/patrolman-- it was like the old-time record players with a scratch that kept bumping him back to the same line over and over again. Painfully. "I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy-ey-i-ey-yay-eh." Repeat. Repeat. Lather, rinse, REPEAT. Eeek.

Oh, and Simon was exceptionally cruel tonight. What he told that poor kid about shaving and becoming a female impersonator? The guy wasn't THAT bad.

I don't know why I make myself watch this show. It's like a trainwreck. I. Can't. Stop. Watching. The. Horror. (say that again, but with a William Shatner/Captain Kirk voice... it's much more fun)

2. I just heard on the news that a woman in Tucson, AZ (? I think?) just gave birth to a baby. Why did this make the news? Because she didn't know she was pregnant. As in, until she was in the process of giving birth. Didn't know. Not a clue. She noticed that she gained some weight, and she felt a little funny the last few months. But she didn't notice anything "unusual." I'm stunned. Maybe it's because I've had two children. And let me just say for the record, YA KNOW. You can't stop eating. You are over-the-top with the rollercoaster emotions. Your boobs hurt. You have to use the potty... a lot. Oh, and the cute little munchkin inside you kicks the living shit out of every internal organ. Sometimes, you can even see the imprint of a little foot pressing into your skin (it's not like Alien-creepy... it's very cool). So, unless you weigh like, a GAZILLION pounds, it's literally impossible not to know. This lady was overweight, but not so much so that she wouldn't feel anything. I know this is not a new phenomenon. In fact, it happens quite often. I just want to know HOW. Not that I'll ever get pregnant again... just wanna know. I can't find a link anywhere for this... yet. I'll update when I do.


*White Trash
**Girls Gone Wild

15 comments:

Margus said...

[really bad Jamacian accent]Da cards be showin' me man, a lifetime of Burgerking employement for dat wee-little one. BOYEE![/really bad Jamacian accent]

don't call me MA'AM said...

true dat, margus. true dat. ;-)

Master Peebody said...

I don't think the problem is that these people can't sing, it's that they're so dumb that they don't realise that they can't sing. But it's funny watching the crap people. Always gives me a laugh.

don't call me MA'AM said...

Trust me, MPB. The problem definitely is that they can't sing, stupidity aside. Because we HAVE to listen to them. I know... I could just change the channel or shut off the TV and get back to my reading... but I CAN'T. It's like a national requirement to watch this show.

Kim said...

1. I tried to watch American Idol last night, I really did, but when it got to the I Shot the Sherrif guy I had to change. I get so embarasses for them it literally hurts to watch. I actually feel a stabbing pain in my chest. My sister, however, LOVES it and just laughs and laughs. I just can't do it. That's not to say I won't try to watch tonight.

2. I know a girl who's mom didn't know she was pregnant till she gave birth. She had just had a baby and thought that she just wasn't losing the baby weight and going through some hormonal whatever. So my friends' two younger siblings are, like, 10 months apart. Freaky!

And, yes, I'm trying to compete with you for longest comment.

Julie_Gong said...

How can you not know you are pregs... that just amazes me.

As for Am Idol... I can only handle so muc of it. I def enjoy making fun of the terrible ones but I don't actually start watching until near the end. And I usually watch every other season for some reason... so I guess I won't be watching this one...

Aimless Penguin said...

i've only ever watched one episode of any idol, it was an american one i think... anyways, i laughed at the bad people and then i got bored and switched the channel

Ludicrousity said...

I auditioned for aussie idol last year...
*hangs head in shame*

Jurgen Nation said...

Oh, wow. A disturbingly large amount of people are seriously deluded. How would you ever go in there like some of them did knowing their voice? Tan Girl bothered me, and her white trash mother was worse. Ugh. I'd hide in the cupboard if that were my mother. And she thinks she looks good? Maybe for jobs as a truck stop hooker, but I wish they'd have at least changed before the audition.

Aimless Penguin said...

if i was old enough i would have auditioned too, it's more in the hope that i'd be so bad i'd get on tv like that "she bangs" guy that now has his own CD...
and you shouldn't be ashamed tink, you actually do have a good voice, not like me :P

don't call me MA'AM said...

Kim, I almost turned it off at the Sheriff guy, too. I literally shouted to him, "Just stop singing! Don't start over again! Noooo! Fall down and pretend you fainted, dude!"

Ludi/Penguin: you should always aim high. No embarassment there. I'm sure you both would have been great!

Jurgen: Deluded is exactly it. And I'm scared to say that I don't think we've seen the last of Tan Girl. She's going to pop up again somewhere... God help us!

Ludicrousity said...

I just feel embarrassed for those people who are deluded. You think somewhere along the way someone would have told them the truth. How can people receive such false feedback, I think it's meaner to tell people they are good when they aren't, because in the long run, that'll hurt them more.

don't call me MA'AM said...

Exactly, ludi! As a music teacher, I never wanted to crush anyone's dreams... BUT, I never told them they would go far, either. While praising their efforts and improvement, I also made sure that they knew they still needed to keep working. I never told anyone that they were horrible or were the worst thing I ever heard (I'm not Simon, for sure!). I did have kids who wanted to audition for things that were out of their league, and for some, I said that I didn't feel they were ready yet. I thought it was kinder than letting them be totally embarrassed!

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