Mistaken identity is still a pain in the arse…

There is at least one other person in my city who has the exact same first and last names as I… not surprising. Both names are pretty common. We have different initials, though. I’m Grumpy K. Frump, and she’s Grumpy L. Frump.

Apparently “L,” does not pay her bills… and her phone has been disconnected or changed—it is unlisted. So, when collection agencies cannot reach her, they do a phone search through online search tools. AND THEN THEY CALL ME.

For the last six months, I have been dealing with this. USBanx (the name has been changed to protect the annoying allegedly innocent) has called my house more than 8 times asking for her substantial balance to be paid off. We go through the whole spiel: “What’s your middle initial? What’s your birthdate? What’s your home address?” As each tele-nazi asks these questions, I have patiently and politely answered. Then I ask them to take my number of their lists, since it is obviously a case of WRONG NUMBER. I have talked to supervisors and asked them to flag my phone number as NOT the number of the guilty party. They called again yesterday at 7:50am. Apparently, each new agent that is unable to find her does another phone lookup... and gets me. Again.

Another collection agency rang almost immediately after I hung up with USBanx yesterday AM. This was a collection agent for the state university Medical Center…. for which I have been a patient. The person on the other end of the line says, “Good morning. May I please speak to Grumpy?” I answer that I am Grumpy. He tells me, “I’m calling in regard to your outstanding balance with the Med Center in the amount of $3000.” As my jaw hits the floor and I panic (did I forget something? Did my insurance refuse part of my surgery?), a little bird says, “Hey, stupid. They’ve called before, remember? They’re looking for the same loser the other guys want.” So, I ask if they’re looking for “K” or “L.” After verifying my birthdate and address, the guy says he’ll look into this and call back… which he never does.

This whole process made me 45 minutes late to work yesterday. When I arrived to work yesterday, I called the state med center and asked them to clear it up with their collections. That took another hour while I was at work. Nearly two hours wasted on this lunacy!

So, boys and girls, the moral of the story is… if you have a doppelganger (at least a NAME doppelganger)...

pay your bills.

Or else.
Do you hear that Grumpy L. Frump? I know that your birthday is April 17, 1968 (ha! You're older than I am!). You're wasting my time, and my patience is gone. I know what it's like to be unable to pay all debts... been there, done that. But I didn't hide from my debt collectors. Stand up and take it like a true Frump!