Open Letter to A Wireless Company...

... whose name may or may not rhyme with Print.

Dear Print,

When I cancelled my services with you in mid-October, I thought I was done with you. Done with your lame, cryptic bills that even nuclear scientists and calculus scholars shake their heads at. Done with your pathetic customer service reps who fail to respond to the simplest of questions. Done with being charged outrageously for text messaging that we didn't even have. I THOUGHT.

After arguing in October with one of your lame customer service folks for 30 minutes on the phone regarding WHY I was cancelling... and really? If I say I want nothing more to do with you, do I NEED to go on for 30 minutes relating the exact same thing? No, I think not... the process was finally explained about porting my numbers over to my new company (whose bills I love, btw, and whose customer service people actually have intelligent conversation capabilities). We discussed my final bill, which was paid prior to the numbers finally being ported out. I was suspicious that the relationship was really considered "over," but you reassured me it was.

Thinking it couldn't possibly be over, a month later, November 12 actually, I called your customer service number again... since I hadn't heard "boo" from your company, I was wondering if it really was over. Additionally, I was certain there were at least SOME charges still left over. When I called customer service on that lovely November day, I was told, "No, your account balance is zero. You owe nothing more." Still uncertain, I asked if there would be any more charges, yet you told me no. I asked for some kind of final document acknowledging the finality of it all and was given a bit of a run-around, but then reassured again that this was the end.

I knew it was too good to be true. Over a month later (today to be exact), I receive a collection notice from you, Print, stating that I still owe $176. When, in my fury, I called your (lame) customer service, first I was put on hold for over 10 minutes. Then you disconnected me. So I called back. Then I spoke with a floor supervisor who proceeded to tell me that I was charged from October 15 through November 7 for three phones that we weren't even using, because you don't just cancel phones willy-nilly. Oh, no! That would be too easy. So, you charged me for three phones I didn't use because that's when the monthly billing cycle ended. Beyond how ridiculous that really is, Print, let me say this: you suck. You suck big time.

When I asked this floor supervisor why my November phone call to customer service didn't tell me I still owed $176. She tells me that it's possible that the billing cycle, which ended on November 7, hadn't posted yet to the accounts that the customer service reps can see. So it's possible that he couldn't see that I still owed nearly two hundred dollars. What a bunch of malarkey. Oh, but we're not done there.

NOW, this floor supervisor throws another one at me. I ask her for a final statement, because I never received that statement in November that she assures me was sent. Here's what she says (be sure to read this part carefully), "I'm sorry, but I can't send you a copy of that final statement. I want to, but the system won't allow me to, because your account was cancelled in mid-October." WTF? My account was cancelled, so they can't send me anymore information, but I still have to pay for something I didn't use while my account was cancelled? Again, WTF?

So, explain to me, Print, why the hell I should blindly pay this collection notice, which btw is probably affecting my credit rating thank you very much you pieces of crap, without any kind of detailed billing? Why should I pay for something I didn't even use?

I'll tell you this much... I'll probably pay it, because I am a law-abiding citizen, and I don't think it's worth the fight. But know this, Print, I will be telling EVERYONE I know about this wonderful situation you've decided to put me through. Oh, and our business is in the RFP process currently for wireless carriers. I can't wait to tell them my story. I'm pretty sure I know whose RFP will be in the garbage file.

Merry Effing Christmas, Print.

Sincerely,
A Very Disgruntled Ex-Customer

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzaakuh!

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season!

Five Thoughts...

1. I have one final on Wednesday, and then I am done with school for this semester. Huzzah. And it should be a really, really easy final. A bigger HUZZAH.

2. One week left of work before Winter Break. A ginormous HUZZAH!

3. How many 'Js' are there in the words, "upgrade you?" Oh, yeah. NONE.

4. Burger King wanted to prove how popular their Whopper is by taking it OFF their menu for a day? Wow. That's genius. Piss off your loyal customers for a day. Good thing I never eat Whoppers, or else I'd have to boycott them. But I never really go to BK anyway, so I guess they don't really care.

5. I was in a minor car accident about 3 weeks ago... just got my vehicle back. I'm glad to have it back because that means I'm no longer paying $180 a week in rental car fees... but I do miss the satellite radio in the rental car. Maybe SOMEONE will get that for me for Christmas (Farm Boy, this means YOU).

That is all.

Snow Day

We're snowed in today... kind of. We had ice and freezing rain first, then snow on top of that, so schools and some businesses closed. I still have to go to my grad class tonight, though. Taking the day off helped, so I was able to put some finishing touches on my final draft of my paper. I can also get some last minute studying done for my exam tonight. Gah. I'll be so glad when this semester is over.

Things are almost getting back to normal around here again. It's odd to see your home and its landmarks on national (and in some cases, international) news sites for days on end. People here are intent on healing, however, so I hope the focus can stay on that instead of the incomprehensible act itself.

On a much, much lighter note... Food Network is awesome. I've been receiving the 12 Days of Cookies emails for the last couple of weeks. I can't wait to try out some of the recipes. If any of them are even minimally successful, I might even post some pictures.

So... QUIZ TIME.

For those of you who celebrate the upcoming holidays, how many of you are:

a) completely finished shopping
b) have mailed or emailed (or posted online) your holiday greetings/cards/pictures/letters.
c) both a and b
d) have almost finished a and/or b
e) have started a and/or b
f) are you kidding? I don't worry about that until the day before the holiday!

Let me know. I'm interested... and I would also say that I am at E. Surprised? You shouldn't be. ;-)

It's Time for Healing...

Just requesting your good thoughts and prayers for the members of my community who were affected by the tragedy at one of our malls today.

Thanks.

Do Not Start THAT Again!

I'm in Earworm Hell. Please. Make. It. Stop.

Was sick over the weekend. Daughter #2 decided to comfort me by snuggling with me. Nice thought, but I didn't have the heart to tell her she wiggles too much when she snuggles. Ordinarily... that's not a problem at all. But Sickly McSickerson (as I've come to be known lately) doesn't appreciate wigglers.

But that's not why I'm in hell. No, I wish that was all it was.

You see, Daughter #2 started channel surfing. And lo, it crept upon me so suddenly, I didn't even see it coming. Yes, it is the nightmare/cult classic that is Grease 2. And she begged me to watch it with her. I rolled over and tried to sleep to no avail.

Oh, sure. If you watch that cinematic feat of 1982 with the volume turned down, it's not so bad. If you listen to any of the parts that Lorna Luft sings, or even Michelle Pfeifer and Adrian Zmed (yes, THAT Adrian Zmed) in some songs, you'll be okay. But God help you once Maxwell Caulfield opens his mouth. With the volume on mute, he's a joy. Volume up? Not so much. Or Maureen Teefy. *shudder* Actors? Yes. Yes, they are. Singers. No. Not even close.

Here's the funny thing about Grease 2. Some of the songs are entertaining. We're not talking the caliber of the original Grease, but still entertaining. SOME.

Like, "Reproduction." Funny song. I might even be able to laugh at "Let's Do It For Our Country," but Maureen Teefy's voice couldn't even be helped along in post-production. Seriously? You can't make her sing in tune with all the fancy doo-dads and gadgets in the recording studio? Yikes!

As for the rest of the score? Ouch. Eeek. Gah. And because they are so bad... they stick in your head FOREVER!!!! (wait, I think I need another exclamation point or two)!! Watch that movie. I dare you not to get "Cool Rider" or "Who's That Guy" or "Score" stuck in your head. Try not to laugh during the pseudo-serious dream/heaven sequence with Michelle Pfeifer and Maxwell Caulfield. I double-dog dare you!

What's scarier is that you will be singing along with your earworm, and you won't even realize it until you're caught. I walked through the office yesterday singing, "Who's That Guy, on that motorcycle... what would they say if they knew it was Michael." Busted. Laughter erupting all around me. Those are HORRIBLE lyrics! Ack! And I was singing them! OUT LOUD!

Must go bury my head in the snow (due to lack of sand) for shame.

She AWOKE With a Start...

Okay. I had to break my blogging silence (not intentional, mind you) to beg you all for some help. Words are driving me crazy. Specifically certain words and their use... or misuse.

Isn't it scary how words are used incorrectly for such a long period of time that they eventually become REAL? Ack! The horror of it all!

How... Is... That... LOGICAL?

So, along the same lines then... if, for the next 20 years, I keep saying that 2+2=5 , we'll just accept that as fact? No, I think not.

My pet peeve word this week is AWAKE. Yes, "awake" is a word. So, is "wake," "awaken," and "awoke."

Notice: there is no "waked" or "woken." Not real words.

Au contraire, ma petite chou-chou! Not so fast. Look them up in the dictionary, and THEY. ARE. THERE.

WTF?

Those are not real words, but people use them all the time. One of my friends was telling me the other day that she was "woken up by the cries of her little dog." I didn't say anything, of course. I'm only Super Grammar Cop when I'm in disguise. I couldn't reveal my alter ego right in front of her! But I digress...

That's almost as bad as the worst possible word on the planet: irregardless. That is NOT a word. By definition, it contradicts itself. Yet, people actually use that word. Gah. Oh, yeah... and if you search enough, you'll find a dictionary that recognizes it as a legitimate word. Again, I ask, WTF?

Oh, and it gets better... "irregardless" is listed as a synonym of ... wait for it... "regardless." Exactly.

So, again, I ask WHY? I don't understand how we can accept the corruption of our own language. I'm not a complete language freak non-stop, 24/7. I do use colloquialisms, "yeah" and "yep," and we know all too well my affinity for the points of ellipsis. Not exactly perfect/proper all the time.

But for the love of Bob, how many more words are we going to just give up and say, "Oh, what the hell! Everyone THINKS it's correct, so let's just make it a word."

End rant here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Okay, so apparently, I only blog on holidays now. NOT true... it just seems that way.

Quick recap of stuff that's been happening:


Wrote a secondary research paper for one grad class. The draft is finished and turned in, but now I have to go back and edit/revise. Bleh. I want to be done with this already.


Wrote a grant project for another grad class. Again, draft is finished and turned in... now it's revision time.


Monday, it was 73 degrees. Lovely weather, but not typical November weather for this place. In response then, it snowed all morning today. Not just "light flurries" like they said... actual snow with accumulation! Ah, I love the midwest. Or maybe not.


Other than that, I haven't done much of anything else. Work. Go to class. Cart Child #2 to activities. Attend said activities. What a glamorous life I lead. ;-)


One more thing... it just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an appearance from Goofy Gobbles, right?


Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Halloween...

... from my dogs who are just thrilled to be in costume. Can't you tell?

Oooh! Spooky eyes!

Yep... Still Busy.

So, for your listening/viewing enjoyment:





I know. It has nothing to do with Halloween, but since I'm drowning in Baroque music history, I just have to share.

No, Not THAT Kind of Break...

Oh, my long neglected Little Blog. I miss you. And I miss all the friends we have, too. It's been over a week since I've even had a minute to read someone else's blog. Boo.

So, here's the deal-io, yo. I have two ginormous grad class projects due November 6 and 7. Until those deadlines are gone, you and I are just going to have to agree to see each other very sporadically and casually... and not fret that one is neglecting the other. Do you hear what I'm saying, Little Blog? It's not like I'm out there writing other fascinating, mind-blowing blogs*, honest. The only other blog in my life is my professional blog, which, in fact, gets updated far less frequently than you do (and that is entirely bass-ackwards, if you think about it... but c'est la vie).

I think this will make us stronger in the future. In fact, I'm sure I'll have TONS of things to write about, once we start seeing each other regularly again. Now, don't get all discouraged about readership and page views. For that matter, don't even check your SiteMeter stats. It will just get you all depressed, and then where will you be???

So, we're good now, right? Right? Good. If I get a chance, I'll stop by and say hi. But mostly, I'll have my head buried in books and articles and spiritless websites with stuffy, stale information for a secondary research project. Yippee.

Catch ya on the flip side.

One quick note, the Farm Boy and I will be making a short trip to Lost Wages this week to celebrate a birthday on his side of the family. The break might be just what I need... or else it might provide me some quiet, alone time in the hotel room to work on my projects while the Farm Boy golfs and gambles with his family. ;-)

*Hey, if we're pretending this blog has feelings, we can also pretend that it's fascinating and mind-blowing. Just roll with it.

Sick of Being Sick...

Ever seen The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? (Many of you will be too young for that reference.) Or even Bubble Boy? I'm beginning to think I need a bubble. I'm home with the flu... again. What? Is this my third or fourth time since September? I think that's about right. I can't even get my flu shot until next week.

Apparently, I have no immune system. Right about now, I'd take that bubble.

Make It Stop...

For the love of God, somebody please put some duct tape over Ann Coulter's mouth. Please. I don't care to which political affiliation you associate yourself, nor which religion, if any... this woman is just plain offensive.

My Apologies... to Blogger and to my Right Hand.

Well, I have unfairly blamed Blogger for my recent inability to login or even comment on other blogs. Apparently, we are having browser issues. On more than one computer. Yikes.

But this one works!

So, what have I been up to? I've taken two major tests in one of my grad classes. I'm certain I aced one... have no idea about the second. Not sure what he wanted, which doesn't make me feel good. But for two questions that were to be essay answers, I wrote 8 pages. EIGHT. OCHO. Excessive? I think not. However...

I can't feel my fingers on my right hand. I don't write anything anymore... it's all type-ity type type, clackety clack on a keyboard. I wasn't even sure my right hand remembered HOW to write. Apparently, eight pages later, it did.

Honestly... beyond signing a few checks here and there and maybe a few legal documents every so often... I don't write anymore! In high school and undergrad classes, writing eight pages would have been a piece of cake. Not so much now. Oh, well.

As for the school stuff, I still have a project to finish, a 25 page secondary research paper to begin (due Nov. 6... eeeek!), and three more tests. All this for 6 lousy credits. Gah. Credits that won't get me any salary advancement or that are 100% necessary. Color me stupid.

Sooooooo, now that I know Blogger doesn't hate me, I guess I'll be around again. Not that I have oodles and oodles of readers anymore. :-)

On that fabulously, self-pitying remark... please leave a comment. I just want to know who's around without having to check my Sitemeter stats. Pretty please?

So Much To Do, So Little Time- Part Infinity

Gah! Seriously. 2 graduate classes on top of full-time job on top of mommy/chauffeur duty on top of...

I need a vacation.

Or a mojito.

I sense several upcoming meme posts, because I don't think I'll have time to think of anything too original. My apologies.

Best Laid Plans

I had so much planned to do this week. I had great blog posts. I was going to study for my upcoming tests like a mad woman. I was even appropriately ambitious about cleaning house.

And then I got the flu. Boo.

Not the pukey flu... it was the "achey, feel like I'm going to die from nothing" kind of flu. Gah.

So, very little was accomplished. I did a little studying for a test I have next Tuesday, but that's about all. And now I'm sitting here, listening to a football game, and thinking I have so much to do I don't even know where to start.

I feel a little better now, so what do I do? I blog. Brilliant.

Tell me to go study. Tell me to take my youngest shopping for some clothes that fit her (she won't stop growing!). Tell me to do some laundry or something.

Really? You're Going to Wear THAT?

Pet Peeve of the Week:

Mommies who wear suggestive clothing while walking their kids to school, shopping with their kids, etc.

If you're over 30 and walking your child into his or her school, the word "JUICY" should not be printed across your chest or derriere.

Along those same lines, your child's schoolmates have no need to see your cleavage. Or your butt hanging out of those Daisy Dukes. You're a mom. Remember that.

You don't have to wear the stereotypical "mom jeans" with a waistline that reaches your ribcage. I'm not saying you need to wear a burkha, either. Just please look in the mirror... if you think you look hot*, think about changing your clothes. Save the hot clothes for the weekends with your significant other. Cover up for your kids and their friends.

That's all. Thank you for listening.


*Yes, yes. I know. Some women are lucky enough to look hot, even if they're wearing a pair of farmer's overalls. That's not what I mean. It's the moms who try to look 'sexy' when they're out with their kids that are bugging me this week. I'm a mom. I want to look good, too... I'm just not out to seduce my kids' friends or their teachers.

My Husband is Going to Freak...

I’m just going to type it, and then run like hell. So read quickly.

I’m having baby withdrawals, and the reason is two-fold, I think.

1) When my husband and I married almost 5 years ago, we each brought two children to the marriage. Our kids are all teenagers now, with the oldest in college. The other three are all in high school (yes, I know. I will accept sympathy in the form of cash… or comments. Whatever.).

I wish I had a dollar for every time my husband and I have been asked if we are going to have a child “of our own.” Well, we do have children of our own… 4 of them. But I understand what the question is really asking… are we ever going to have a child together? The answer has always been a resounding “NO.” Sometimes a resounding “Hell NO!” We’re still relatively young (we’re both in our late 30s), and it’s rather refreshing to have a date night where no babysitters are required. Also, I can’t remember the last time I had to buy diapers. Hallelujah! And even more exciting… when I’m 44, all our kids will be in their 20s. Empty nesters before the age of 45? Oh, sweet sounds of the gods!

Still… it does make me a little sad sometimes that I’ll never know what a Grumpy-Farm-Frumpy-Boy would look like. And we’ll never share that special intimacy of conceiving a child, going through birth together (granted, I’d be doing most of the work, as usual—just kidding, honey!), and sharing that special time alone together with our baby. Our kids won’t ever have a sibling they all share together.

2) This reason is a bit selfish, but there’s so much cool stuff for young moms now! Seriously. When I was pregnant with my two girls, maternity “fashion” was the equivalent of wearing a large, burlap sack with the word “BABY” and an arrow pointing at your stomach. Brilliant, right? Maternity clothes are sooooooooo much cuter now!

And… there were no blogs back then. I lived in a small town, away from my family and friends, with only my future ex and his family as a support system. I craved other “mommy” contact and conversations, but other than the women in my LaMaze classes, there were no connections for me. I am slightly envious of all the mommies who have found such a great community through their blogs. What a great opportunity, especially for those who aren't around family and friends!

Once the girls were born, I could carry around pictures with me, or mail them to friends and family, but there wasn’t an easy method with which to share pictures and video. Flickr? Yeah, nothing like that existed. Eventually, email came around, but it was slow, and believe it or not, a lot of people didn’t have it. (Okay, I am officially a dinosaur.)

And I know every generation of moms can say this… but the toys. THE TOYS. Even our kids groan when they see all the cool toys that are out there now!


I realize I have a lot of benefits of having near-grown children, and that I wouldn’t trade one ounce of my life now for anything different. Every once in a while, though, I do get these baby withdrawals and just wonder “what if?”

Arrrr! It's That Time of Year Again, Me Mateys!

Ahoy, me hearteys! What a great day i’tis to be sailin’ the mighty seas!

As you all know, I am married to the Farm Boy, who eventually becomes… the Dread Pirate Westley! Additionally, my oldest daughter is majoring in swashbuckling at Pirate College (okay, not really… but that was her first choice!). So, we’re well-versed in pirate life.

And since today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, what could be more fitting than to discuss your favorite pirate quotes.

Some of my favorites are Captain Jack Sparrow’s... here are two I particularly like:

"I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness." I use this one at work almost daily. :-)

"Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!" (Both quote from “Pirates…3”)


So, you scurvy little scalliwags, what is YOUR favorite pirate quote??

But My Eyes Aren't Brown...

Apparently, someone thinks I'm complètement de la merde, because I get 5-10 emails a day (in several of my email accounts) for ColoPure, Colon Purify, Colon Mate, Colon Blow... you name it.

Oh, well... it's better than the male enhancement emails I usually get. I KNOW I don't need those.

What scares me the most about spam is this: you know that spammers continue sending a gazillion emails a day, because there's a decent percentage of morons out there who actually respond to the spam.


And speaking of being full of "it," I keep seeing the commercial for the new Mountain Dew "Game Fuel." If you haven't seen it, several guys all over the world are playing an online game with others across the world. The majority of them are frustrated, because they're losing. The winner is the guy who has the new "energy" drink.

So... if you drink this crap, you'll win online games. Great message.

121mg* of caffeine PLUS 77.5 g of sugar in one 20 oz bottle. No protein. So, on top of sitting in front of a game for hours on end-- getting no exercise (unless it's a Wii)-- this is what the marketing people want you to think you NEED.

I don't know if this guy in China had any gaming fuel, but his 3 day gaming binge cost him his life. Perhaps other factors were involved, but three straight days of gaming? Yikes.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not knocking gaming at all! I've sat in front of my screen for a few hours at a time and been hooked on it, too. However, I'm not dumb enough to think that I'll be better if I imbibe any of these roided-out soft drinks. I just hate that it's being marketed to kids.

Yes, I know there's more caffeine in a cup of coffee. I rarely drink coffee, and when I do... it's definitely not in bottle form at 20 oz a shot.

A YAY for Fall Friday Why Files!

WHY #1: Why don't employers in the US have this idea?* A Russian governor advises couples to stay home and "make babies" instead of going to work.


WHY #2: Why were all the employees from upstairs (a different company) outside on the campus lawn playing kickball this morning? Maybe I need to look for a new job! I love kickball.

WHY #3: Why am I not posting about the Britney debacle at the VMAs? (because it's too sad and was even painful to watch)... although Sarcomical has provided a very interesting "play by play" account.


WHY #4: Why do some people (not from the Midwest) assume that all people who reside in my state live on farms?

Could I just state for the record that I have never lived on a farm and wouldn't have the foggiest notion of what to do on a farm?

Yes. I have seen cows. SEEN them. I have never raised one, nor taken one to a 4-H competition. To be honest, I'm not even sure what 4-H is.

I don't live in the middle of a cornfield.

I have modern conveniences in my home... no outhouses for me, thank you very much.

I don't wear overalls. Even if they came back in style, I don't think I'd wear them. They're not a good look for me. ;-)


WHY #5: Why do I have the urge to buy another new pair of shoes this weekend? And maybe a new suit? Hmmm....


And this concludes today's Friday Why Files. Happy Friday!




*Yes, I know. We don't have the same population loss that certain Russian regions do, but come on. It's a good idea, right? And no, I don't want anymore children, but I'm sure the Farm Boy wouldn't mind the day off either.

Maybe I Should Invest in Ear Plugs...

As if I haven't been grumpy enough lately... it's time for a small rant. :-)

The older I get, the more easily annoyed I become in social situations. Sad, but true. Lately, it's LOUD TALKERS who are ... well, pissing me off.

I wouldn't classify myself as an overly considerate person, but I do take measures to ensure that I don't trample other people's rights or invade their "space." Of course I make mistakes and slip up... I'm not perfect (no matter how many times people tell me I am... I KID! I kid).

LOUD TALKERS are trampling my personal space everywhere I go! I swear they're following me or something.

Loud talking is okay in certain arenas: bars/clubs with music so loud you can feel it, sports venues (as long as it's cheering and not a conversation about potty training or The Hills-- which I detest so much, I'm not even going to link it-- or anything else that isn't about the game on hand). But loud talking is not okay everywhere. It's just not!

Whenever we go out to eat, we are always seated next to the loudest table in the restaurant. Some crass girl is shouting out to the world the intimate details of her sex life and all the wild romps she's had in the last three weeks. And apparently, she only knows how to use sentences with the word "LIKE" included:

Crass Girl: It was so, like, amazing, you know? Like, I've never been with anyone who was so amazing! He was so wild, but, like, cool too. He has this tattoo, like, that circles around his chest and back, like very cool.

Me [to the Farm Boy]: she's so stupid, she's making my ears bleed.

FB: like, and LOUD, for sure. Like my ears are, like, bleeding, too. *typical FB grin*

For five minutes, she went on and on and on. Everyone in our section of the restaurant could hear each word she said. Farm Boy told me to time her... 20 "likes" in less than a minute. GAH!


Then there's the guy talking on his cell phone in the mall. Now, I understand that, sometimes, it's difficult for people on the other end of the phone to hear you... especially in areas that don't have great reception (e.g., malls). You occasionally have to speak up to be heard. In those cases, most people... considerate people... would take their phone conversations to a more isolated place with better reception (e.g. OUTSIDE the mall).

Cell Phone Guy [talking to wife on cell]: Yes! I'm waiting for you at the downstairs entrance. Come get me!

[3 seconds of silence]

CPG: The DOWNSTAIRS entrance!

[2 seconds of silence]

CPG: No! Not that one. One of the other entrances.

[3 seconds of silence]

CPG: No! Not that one either. It's by the piano store. You made me come to this stupid mall, and I'm tired of waiting for you. Come get me right this minute!


Okay, so maybe he's an impatient jerk who orders his wife around, too.

His cell phone conversation was accompanied by another man on his cell phone speaking in a language that might have been Punjabi. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that's what it was. He was also speaking very loudly, and his phone conversation lasted the entire time I shopped for hair products and lip gloss... and continued even after I purchased an ice cream cone and finished eating said ice cream cone. And yes, still LOUDLY conversing. I just wanted to tell him to take it outside. Please and thank you kindly. No dice.

I just don't get it. Farm Boy often becomes frustrated with me, because he says I mumble when we're in public. Compound the fact that his ears are about a foot above my mouth... you get the picture. Most of what I have to say to him when we're in public is not for the "public," so I don't shout it out for all to hear.

TMI, LOUD TALKERS. TMI! Please... I'm not eavesdropping purposefully. You're not giving me any choice!

Maybe I'll start writing "noise pollution" tickets. ??

Jeers to the Unsportsmanlike Conduct

You know, as much as I love football and the "rivalries" that exist, I've never let my loyalties to my team get in the way of my character. In other words, I've never derided a player on an opposing team JUST because he was on the other team. Well, maybe with the exception of the team that shall not be named where a defender tried to rip the head off our quarterback... wasn't flagged for it... and then it became a big joke at that particular school. But I digress...

Some fans are true fans, and some fans are just FANatics. My personal beliefs say that sportsmanship is a must on and off the field, for those on the roster and those in the stands. Rivalries are supposed to be healthy and promote fun competition, not an excuse to make an ass of yourself.

Still, I understand, how some people might want to be a jerk to an opposing team. It's not very classy, but I can see how our culture tends to condone such actions. And it could be worse.

Which leads me to the Michigan fans. I call "bad form" to those of you who were at your HOME game last Saturday booing. Your. Own. Team. Man, that is just shameful all the way around. Those are kids on that field. Maybe you were booing the coaches. I don't know. But for those young kids playing their hearts out, getting hurt, and already feeling down because they're not playing well... the booing? That's what they heard from their fans.

So, jeers to the booing Michigan football fans. Do us all a favor and class it up. Either support your team or don't... but if you choose not to, I'm fairly certain someone else would love to have your tickets.

If I Say I Didn't Mean It, Will I Be Able to Sleep In Again?

Apparently, I offended the god of morning people.... because this morning, I awoke at 4 AM. And could not go back to sleep. No matter how hard I tried. Gah.

Well, at least I wasn't chipper about it. ;-)

I'm going to be one hurting unit today at work. We have a 3 hour meeting to start the morning. THAT's going to be "fun," especially with me yawning every 5 minutes.

I think I'll post a Saturday Why Files, instead of a Friday.

Happy Friday! *yawn*

A PSA for Morning People

Woo-HOO! I knew there was a reason I'm not a morning person!

A Japanese study notes that early rising might not be good for the heart.

I know a lot of people who get up super early just to go exercise before going to work (like 4am early). I prefer to workout at night (on those rare occasions that I actually DO workout), either after work or around 8:00ish-9:00ish.

Have you ever noticed how morning people think they're better than everyone else? They're always all chipper and happy in the morning. Here's an example:

Morning Person: "Come on, you lazy head! Get out of bed! It's almost dawn, a new day is beginning, and life is GOOD!"

Me: "There had better be a fire or something really bad for you to be talking to me before 6am."

Morning Person: "What do you mean? Who would want to sleep during the best part of the day? The birds are singing, the sun is rising, and life is GOOD!"

Me: "No, SLEEP is good. Go away before I hurt you."

Morning Person: "Well, aren't we just a crankybottom. Some people just don't know what's good for.... grgg auugggh!"

That's the sound they make after I beat them senseless.

So what have we learned* today, kids? A) Early rising=bad, B) Waking up a non-morning person= worse.

And that concludes today's Public Service Announcement. Have a nice day.


*There's a quiz. I'm not saying when... just know that you will be expected to remember this information! ;-)

Pictures Can Say A Lot...

*I know I used a preposition to end the phrase, but I don't really care today.

A Two Weeks In A Row Friday Why Files!

WHY #1: Why do the little things always mean so much? I am thoroughly ecstatic today, because I was able to get my Inbox at work below 30 emails. It's been sitting between 180 and 300 this last month, so I consider this quite a feat. And now I will do a little happy dance of joy. I know you can't see it, but I'm sure you can picture it. If not, here is a brief pictorial for your enjoyment.





WHY #2: Why do some celebrities still believe "there's no such thing as BAD publicity?" YES, THERE IS. I'm pretty sure of it.

WHY #3: Why can't we keep our spinach clean? I can't live without my salads. *sniffle*

WHY #4: Why is this such a short Why Files? (because I have too much work to do!)

And that concludes Today's Friday Why Files. Happy Long-Weekend to all my US and Canadian Bloggy Friends!

Reach Out, Reach Out and Touch Someone... but not literally.

Ever since our class reunion this past weekend, I've been thinking about what a crappy job I do at staying in touch with people. Yes, our family is crazy busy with a million little things... but it makes me really sad that there are so many people I've just "lost." Even worse, many of those people live relatively close to me.

I pride myself at how well I manage email, how quickly I respond to people at work... but my personal email is turning into nothing but adverts and subscriptions. BORING. But why would I expect to RECEIVE emails if I rarely INITIATE them?

So here is my August resolution (I can have a resolution in August... I don't have to wait for New Year's, because I'm just cool that way!):

* I resolve to keep in contact with friends via email, via blog, whatever it takes. There's no excuse for me to go for more than a week without blogging.

* For my truly, close friends, I resolve to call at least once a week.

* For my friends who are separated by distance, I resolve to email at least once a month.

That should be a good start, don't you think?

What about you? Do you have a knack for staying in touch with your friends, old and new?

We Partied Like It Was 1987... but not really.

The reunion was fun... the informal night was better than the formal night, but that's to be expected. Saw a lot of people I hoped would come. Learned that I don't look as old as I think I do. I suppose that's a good thing. The Farm Boy was a total trooper. I owe him big time.

Quick quiz!

While at the reunion, I learned that one of my former classmates is now a(n):

a) doctor
b) lawyer
c) teacher
d) famous adult web site star
e) all of the above


Yep... lots of talent in our class, I must say.

And a question for you... is it completely narcissistic of me to be more thrilled that I had a good hair day for the dinner/dance than I was in reconnecting with some old friends??? Yeah? I thought so, too. So, umm... I guess I wasn't actually more thrilled about the hair, but it was a close second. ;-)

That's all I have... it was okay and fun at times, but nothing much really to post about.

A Could It Really BE... Friday Why Files

I'm awake early on my day off, so what else would I be doing? Yeah. The Friday Why Files. I don't even know how long it's been since I've done one of these, and I'm WAY too lazy to look it up.

WHY #1: Why, if I keep a stack of sticky notes, a journal for jotting down thoughts and doodles, AND a digital voice recorder, a Crackberry, and other digital handhelds, do I not use them to keep track of all the blog post ideas I've had in the last month? I've HUNDREDS (okay, maybe TENS) of ideas... all shot to hell, because I didn't jot them down or speak into a little red circle recorder to store them for later. Gah. I'm an idiot. I'm sure they all would have been pure gold, too. ;-)

WHY #2: Even though I've vowed never to discuss her parents, why do I see pictures of little Suri and just smile? Well, I guess you'd be that adorable, too, if you were genetically engineered by aliens. But you have to admit she's cute.

WHY #3: SPIN Rage? Wha? Huh?

WHY #4: Wh... uh, hmm. This one just makes my brain hurt. A man embarrassed by the size of his own manhood asks brother to secretly take his place. During sex. Yep. Hilarity Criminal charges to follow.

WHY #5: Did you see this score? 30-3? Although it looks like a minor trouncing in football, it's actually a record-breaking baseball score. Yes, baseball. The interesting part is the Orioles scored 3 in the first 3 innings. The Rangers were scoreless until the 4th. Maybe this is less of a WHY and more of a "HOW do you lose 30-3 in baseball when you're up 3-0???"

And this concludes today's Friday Why Files.

Where Does the Time Go?

I'm still in shock at how busy things are at work. My work year always has it's peaks and valleys, but there's not a valley in my sights right now. Gargh. Without looking back, I can't even tell you when I last posted here. This makes me a Sad Frump.

So, again... here's a quick list of stuff on my mind, since I don't have time for anything else.

1. Humidity sucks. I have stick-straight hair... I work hard to make it look "decent." And it does. Until I walk outside. I've worn my hair in an up-do more than I care to think about lately. Bring on fall weather, please!

2. I don't know why, but I can't stop craving sushi. I would eat sushi every day if I had the chance. We've had sushi probably 5 times in the last two weeks. Even the Bobblehead* was eating some sushi on the Food Network last night. Not helping the cravings.

3. People who have never lived through the destruction of a tornado do not understand the urgency of taking shelter immediately after a warning is announced. Yes, Farm Boy, this means YOU. We were lucky during this last storm... no tornado, but it was one hell of a storm. We were driving through 70-80 mph wind gusts. Scary.

4. I'm sort of looking forward to my class reunion this weekend. There are a lot of people I can't wait to see.

5. Farm Boy joined a gym. He wants me to join, and I'm all for it... unless it's a bunch of "plastics" who go at the same time I do. I left my last gym for that reason. When I go to a gym, I don't want to worry about what I look like... I just want to work out. If I have to get on an elliptical next to Barbie Anorexic with the DD implants, I'm sooooo outta there.

That's all I've got for now. I have a day off on Friday to help College Daughter move into her dorm, and then I'll be readying myself for the reunion activities (read here: try not to look older than I actually am). At any rate, it should be good for a few posts... that is, if I have time to post anything!

Over and out.


*You know who she is.

Catching Up...

Huzzah! The busiest work week of the year is past me. W00T! I might actually be able to post and read blogs again on a regular basis. Imagine that. Here's a quick peek into my brain today:


1. Thanks to those of you who gave me such fabulous suggestions for my day off this coming Monday. I decided, since the weather is so BLAZING hot and thus would prevent any outdoor activities, that I would spend some time at a day spa. I will be the recipient of a fabulous 90 minute massage. Yes. 90 minutes. That should be sheer heaven. Also on the menu is a much needed mani/pedi. Can't wait!!


2. Could this weather be a little more miserable, please? *insert sarcasm here* It's been 95 degrees F or higher with insanely high dew points... pretty much feels like you're walking around in a steam room.


3. We finally bought a new fridge. The old one was somewhat broken... it kept food cold, but mostly froze everything on the bottom shelves. Ever had a frozen head of lettuce? Yikes. Oh, and it leaked a lot, too. Yay. Old and busted fridge is gone. New fridge is in. So, the Farm Boy insisted we take a picture of it. (Sometimes, he scares me.) He even made me pose like an idiot in front of the new fridge. Trust me, under that purple blockhead is the cheesiest grin I can manage. It's a pretty cool (no pun intended) fridge. I would have preferred stainless steel, but that wouldn't match the rest of the kitchen. Oh, well.

4. I'm extremely depressed about my reading progress. Usually by this time of year, I've finished about 25-30 books. So far this year: 15. A stinking 15! It took me 6 weeks to finish my last book, mostly because I rarely had more than 5 minutes or so to devote to reading on any given day. How am I going to read 35 more books by the end of the year? Yeah. It's probably not going to happen. Gah. So depressing.

5. Daughter #1 learned yesterday that she will actually get to live on campus! Super W00T! We'd been told all spring and summer that housing was unavailable-- that she was on a huge waiting list and wouldn't be able to get a room. I was worried that she'd have to live at home and would have a tougher time getting involved in campus life. However, a room opened up yesterday, and she's in. She moves in a couple of weeks. Talk about last minute, but I'm not going to complain. She thinks I want to kick her out of my house; I just want her to be able to experience college life to the fullest. If she lived at home, it would be too much like going to high school... with a longer drive. I think I'm more excited for her new housing than she is. :-)

6. Daughter #2 and I went to Target tonight for the annual back-to-school purchasing. She starts on Monday. BUT... we couldn't find a "cute" book bag. I found several really cool book bags that would be sturdy enough... tons of pockets and cool features. Nope. Not "cute" enough. Gah. I'll be so glad when we're not 14 anymore. So, we purchased everything but a "cute" book bag, AND... I spent less than $100. I have to note these times (for posterity or something), because we rarely ever get out of Target for under $100. In fact, lately we're lucky to get out of there under $300. I love Target. So. Much.

Probably should stop with six list items... but I can't.

7. The Farm Boy and I went to Chipotle this week. It's been a loooooooooooooong time since we've gone. I got that little nervous, giddy feeling in my stomach right before we walked in. Can one have a crush on a burrito? I think "yes." One can, and one does. It was so superly tasty-licious! Of course, I couldn't finish my whole burrito (and I even asked for half the rice), but it was so worth it! I do have to mention, however, that this particular franchise is on my naughty list. This was only my second Chipotle venture in a matter of months, and both times this particular franchise had an "Out of Order" note on the Diet Coke. No other diet soda available. Boo. One cannot enjoy one's burrito with a cup of water... or lemonade. Blech. If it happens again, I might have to get cranky with them. (Or maybe just bring my own bottle of DC with me. )

Okay. Seven list items is a good place to stop. Happy Weekend!

Tell Me What I Want... (what I really really want)...

Instead of whining (again) about how busy I am, I have decided that I should come to you, O Friends of the Bloggy Cosmos, for ideas of what I should/could do to de-stress. After my "two weeks in hell" are over, I will take a day or two off (a Monday and possibly a Tuesday) for mental health.

Please send me your recommendations for my mental health day(s) via the comments. There's always the fall-back massage or pedicure (massage AND pedicure would be nice, too)... but I'm betting you all have amazing ideas that my brain is not capable of conjuring at this moment in time.

There are limited funds, of course... and because I have children, I probably can't jet off to Paris... or even anywhere outside the burgeoning metropolis I call home. Those are your limits, but you can go crazy with the rest of the details.

Thanks for playing.

Detonation in Three, Two, One...

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!



Sorry... had to get that out before I exploded.


Am having busiest season of all time at that PLACE THAT SHALL NOT BE BLOGGED ABOUT*. It will all be over in two weeks, but all the same... I feel like jumping off a cliff. I hate this time of year.

On top of that, was offered my dream job, but had to turn it down. Because.Of.Money. Gah! If it were even close, I would have jumped on it, but it would have been substantially less money. With Daughter #1 starting college in a month (and three more to follow in only a few years)... no way. Even if we didn't have a child starting college, we couldn't have done it. Can I just say how much that sucks? I have literally trapped myself in this income bracket... yes, there are a lot of sacrifices we could make, but those would be sacrifices that we ALL would have to make, not just me. Plus... I'm approaching 40... is it practical to go back to the scrimping and saving and scraping by that I did in my 20s? I don't think it is. I need to be practical and think about retirement and other responsible crap like that. Gah. This SUUUUUUCCCCCKS. Oh, well. C'est la vie.

I think someone has it in for me. ** Busiest, most stressful time of work ever, PMS, and shifting weather fronts which have the tendency to give me migraines. I'm going to be such a peach this coming week!

Okay. Ending self-pity party now.




So, how was YOUR week? ;-)


On a much lighter and more fun-like note, here is my Simpsons avatar. You can make yours at the Simpsons Movie site. Please to enjoy.









* I know it's grammatically incorrect, but I really don't give a rat's bum this time.


** Of course, not really. But maybe. Perhaps?

A HodgePodge of Nothing Remotely Related...

I don't have one specific topic for today, so here are the thoughts that have been crossing my mind lately...

I think my mirror-image is more attractive than my real image. My face is ever so slightly asymmetrical, and it definitely appears to be better looking in the mirror. This is the reason that I can be fully satisfied with how I look while I'm in front of the mirror and getting ready, and so completely horrified when I see myself in pictures. Perhaps I will invent a device that only allows people to see my mirror-image.... or else I will just walk around with a bag over my head for the rest of my life. Said bag, of course, would be square and purple.

next

I know how Harry Potter ends. And I'm not telling ANYONE. ;-)

next

These are my cute new shoes. They go really well with my suit that has super long pants. I loved that the peep toes show my perfectly nicely adequately pedicured toes today. Or something like that.

Is This A Sign???

My lucky bamboo plant is dying. The same plant that I've had for over three years and which has grown and flourished. It used to look like this.

Now it looks more like this:



I am sad. :-(

A Bookseller's Dream....

I have a queue of seven books right now (eight, if you count the one I'm reading). I rarely let them pile up beyond four at time, but I can't stay away from Barnes & Noble lately. And if I walk in the store... I. Must. Buy. Something. It's a sickness, really.

I'm so hooked on reading, and I always have been. There's a website called What Book Got You Hooked... if you login and write a quick note about the book that hooked you, you can help your state (US only, I think) win 50,000 books or something. Click and find out.

Better yet, leave me a comment and tell ME which book(s) got you hooked on reading. I know I don't have just one, and I probably won't remember all of them, but here are some of mine:


Shel Silverstein's Where The Sidewalk Ends
Richard Scarry's Best Storybook Ever
Robert McCloskey's Blueberries for Sal
The Paddington Bear series
The Hobbit and The Fellowship of the Ring (do you really need the links?)
The Little House series... yes, including Farmer Boy


I'll stop now; otherwise, this list will be longer than any of my posts to date. Those on the list only represent my pre- and early elementary/primary school favorites. We haven't even touched the Judy Blume years. Or Narnia. Or John Saul. hahaha

Tell me yours!

Random nothingness... and a LIST!

Apparently, I can't add a title to this post. What's up with THAT, Blogger???

I've decided just to post about random nothingness, because I don't want to be a downer. So, instead of blogging about anything going on in my life, I'll just blog about a whole lot of nothing. Of course that means LISTS will be involved. W00T!

Today's list:

Completely Inappropriate and/or Unexplainable Crushes -- these are not people I drool over or would even necessarily want to meet; just have a little tiny crush on them. The Farm Boy need not be worried.

I know I'm not the first person to do this.... I'm pretty sure metalia had one at some point, but I'm far too lazy stressed out and busy right now to go find the link. :-)
*Okay, scratch that. I found the link. Here are metalia's five weird crushes.

And now... here is my list.

1. Nick Simmons, offspring of the Lord of Rock himself, Gene Simmons. We'll call this one inappropriate, because he's far too young for me... but he's very clever and witty. Never seen or heard of him before? Watch one episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels, and perhaps you'll understand.

2. Hugh Grant. I don't think he's hot or anything; I found him rather pathetic after hooking up with Divine Brown whilst he was in a relationship with Liz Hurley... so let's call this one unexplainable. There's something about him that makes me watch his movies. Yes, even Music & Lyrics. Yes, he really sang in that movie, too. Yes, I'm embarrassed now that I have divulged this one.

3. James Earl Jones. Definitely unexplainable. I think it's the voice. And that's all I have to say about that.

4. Harry Potter. I know. Totally inappropriate and way too bandwagon. Again, I'm not drooling over him, nor am I trolling the internetz for his Equus pics (even though I'm sure my daughters are). I'm not even going to type his real name, because I should just go crawl in a hole right now.

5. Jason and Grant from Sci Fi's Ghost Hunters. Again, unexplainable. It's probably more Jason than Grant (I like grumpy bald guys???), although I do love to hear Grant say, "What the frig?" everytime something possibly paranormal happens. What the frig??? How cute is THAT?!?! hahahaha Anyway, I love that show, so that's the only thing I can come up with as an excuse.

6. 1950's Bobby Darin. Both inappropriate and unexplainable. Inappropriate because I hadn't yet been born during that time, and unexplainable because Bobby is up in that great nightclub in the sky. Although... who knows. This could be the start of a whole new list-- dead guys upon whom I have little crushes. Hmmmm....

Maybe I should stop while I still have a little dignity left. What's that? I have NO dignity left? Okay. *ahem* Well, thanks for stopping by. Guess I'll head back down into that hole now...

A Downer of A Return...

Overwhelmed.

That's what I am. I can't even begin to list all the crap that's weighing on my mind. The sad thing is that I have some time to deal with things right now, but there's so much to do that I don't even know where to begin.

I wish I could say that our vacation was helpful, but not really. The conference I attended in Atlanta was okay, but not great.

Ever been in the place where you stare at the ceiling in the morning, dreading what awaits you as soon as you get out of bed? I'm not depressed. Honest. There's just TOO MUCH stuff. I've even tried delegating, but ha. ha. HA! Not helping.

GAH. I hate being in this place.

So yay... I'm back. Sorry it's not more cheerful. I'm sure I'll be back to my grumpier self soon with some typical, snarky posts (not to be mistaken with actress, Markie Post, oh she of the Lifetime Movie of the Week).

See? Even my attempts at humor suck. ;-)

I'm Home... but not for long!

We arrived home from California very early this morning, and I am headed out to a conference in Atlanta very early tomorrow morning. Talk about jet lag!

Here's a quick recap of what we did in CA (I'll post more later):

6/15: arrived in Ontario (California, not Canada); drove to Menifee where brother-in-law lives. Stayed in Menifee/Canyon Lakes area.

6/16: drove the kids to Hollywood for the afternoon. Spent more time on the freeway than we did in Hollywood, but knew that was going to happen.

6/17: spent Father's Day waiting for the guys to golf and then ate dinner at BIL's house. Also spent much time being annoyed with the Farm Boy's twin. I definitely have the good twin!!

6/18: went to Knott's Berry Farm and Soak City for the day.

6/19-21: half of us sailed and half of us ferried from Long Beach/San Pedro area to Avalon on Catalina Island. Were only scheduled to stay there a day, but the sail snapped on the sailboat, and those who were sailing were stranded in the middle of the ocean for a while. Finally, they motored into Avalon. Instead of going on to Two Harbors, we stayed at Avalon the entire time. We did some horseback riding, snorkeling, beachcombing, glass-bottom boating, kayaking, eating.... you name it. The Farm Boy was able to go scuba diving with his siblings and saw the resident 300 lb black sea bass named Fred. The weather there was absolutely beautiful! I'll post some pics later!

6/22: Sailed/Ferried back to Long Beach/San Pedro. Spent some time on the boardwalk in Long Beach at Shoreline Villages... wanted to take the older kids on the Queen Mary, but ran out of time. I'm pretty bummed about that. Drove back to Menifee.

6/23: had a quick lunch at a relative's house in Upland, then drove into Ontario to the airport for the flight home. Returned just after midnight.

We had a good time, but I can definitely say that a person who is a planner to a fault (ME) will always have a stressful experience with people who decide what to do at the last minute (Farm Boy and all his family). I know the kids had a good time, as did the Farm Boy, so that's all that really matters. I will spend three days in a [NICE!] hotel all by myself while at my conference, so that's where I'll have MY vacation. ;-)

And with that... I need to get back to packing. I have lists to check off and minute details to fret over. W00T!

Sunny CA... here we come...

Not that I've been around much lately anyway... but now we're off to California for a family trip. For NINE DAYS. Can I handle being around all our kids AND the Farm Boy's family for that long??? We'll see. I don't have that much sanity left as it is. haha

I'm hoping to be able to catch a little blog time while I'm there, but who knows.

Right after we return, I'm off to Atlanta for a conference. Ugh. Atlanta in late June. My hair is already wimping out just thinking of the humidity. Oh, well.

I've been in and out of most of your blogs to see what you've been up to for the last month or so. Sounds like everyone is as busy and crazy as usual. I'm still surprised at how much I value blogging and the bloggy friends I've made. I've only ever had one "blate*," but am hoping to meet more of you someday. I don't plan to give up any of it at this point, even if I don't have a lot of time to post or read right now. So there. I'm still here to stay.

Anyway, hasta la vista, my babies. See you again soon!


*"blate" is a bloggy friend date, but I can't remember who coined the term. -R-? Stefanie? metalia? I want to be sure to credit whoever it was!

Ann Curry is Making My Brain Bleed...

Gah. I don't mean to be a stranger. Really, I don't. It's just that there's so much to do, I'm so very tired still (c'mon... it's been a month now. I want to feel NORMAL again!!!), and blogging is moseying its way down the list of priorities right now. Gah.

Here's something I had to get off my chest, though.

Please, for the love of Bob, NBC, PLEASE stop letting Ann Curry do interviews. PLEASE!

As a person, I think Ann Curry might be kind of a nice woman. In fact, she might be fun to hang out with, shoot the breeze, go shopping... you know. She seems like a very pleasant person with a decent sense of humor. A nice girlfriend-type. She also seems like a great, caring mom... I love to listen to her talk about her daughter.

As a journalist, she's fabulous reading the news. She also does great "special assignments" when she heads over to places such as Kazakhstan, Nepal, Iran*.... very interesting with the serious news. What I'm trying to say is she's a very intelligent woman with a lot of strengths.

HOWEVER...

... as a "fluff" journalist, interviewing celebrities and whatnot, she is truly painful to watch. Did anyone see her interview with the Hoff? Yes, we know all about the Hoff's little problem, but let him promote his show (it's not really his show, but let's run with it). Okay? Or how about the one with cute little Bindi Irwin and her mom, Terri? I seriously had to change channels during that one... I was that uncomfortable! I'm not even going to talk about the Brangelina interview. Yikes.

Ann, please just stop. I know you don't mean to offend your guests, but you do. You interrupt awkwardly, you say things you shouldn't, you react even more awkwardly... I find myself actually holding my breath listening to one of your interviews!!

Please just stop. Please. You're such a nice, pretty lady. You have gorgeous hair. And I'm sure you have a fabulous brain! I don't want you to leave altogether... just no more interviews, m'kay????

Thanks for listening.



*Okay, so maybe she didn't have special assignments in those places per se, but she is really good at those wherever they may be.

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Do you ever have those days when EVERYBODY is on your shit list? I keep thinking, "why is everyone intent on pissing me off?"

Then I realize, of course, it can't be everyone else. It has to be me. Gah.

I can't wait until this month is over. Two more days. I might be normal again after that.

next

Thanks to you all for the well wishes and thoughts while I was "out" losing my gallbladder. You're all so thoughtful, kind... and funny!!

And no, wire, they didn't let me keep my gallbladder. I think I signed a paper that donated any tissue to science. I can't be entirely certain, as I was mostly out of it that morning. ;-)

next

Daughter #1 graduated Sunday and is currently on her way to our nation's capital. Like I need one more thing to worry about. haha I'm sure she'll have a great time. Daughter #2 celebrated a birthday over the weekend. I'm really glad that she doesn't feel too old to hug her mom. Yet.

next

My poor Farm Boy is bearing the brunt of our busy life and his 'ailing' wife. Poor, poor Farm Boy.

The Return of the Creature from the Grumpy Lagoon....

A check-off list of sorts:

1. Gallbladder removal surgery- CHECK
2. Daughter #1's Graduation Open House party (10 days after surgery)- CHECK
3. Recuperation from gallbladder removal- HALF CHECK


Still to do:

1. Daughter #1's Graduation ceremony Sunday
2. Catch up at work (like that will ever happen)
3. Catch up on blogs (very likely never to happen)

I've missed you. Hope to see you all soon.

Yet Another Short Hiatus...

Surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. See you after recuperation! Who knows... maybe I'll be able to read blogs while I'm out of commission!

A Couple of Updates...

Update #1: Thanks to all who encouraged me to see a doctor. My gallbladder is indeed the culprit, and it is necessary to have it removed. So, surgery is looming in the very near future, along with graduation parties and everything else we're doing this month. BUT, I know it's important to take care of this, so time will be made.

While I'm glad that I now know what the problem is, I'm not thrilled about having surgery. On the bright side, I'm definitely glad that it's treatable and am fully aware that it could be something much, much worse. For that, I'm sooooo grateful.

So, thanks again for all your advice and support!

Update #2: I chickened out. No drastic hair change. Just highlights and a slightly different, slightly shorter cut. I'm such a wuss! ;-)

Of course, I don't have the AFTER picture with me. I'll try to post that later tonight. :-)

A Lesson In Vanity...

I'm doing it. Tomorrow, I'm cutting my hair.

You have to understand the love/hate relationship I have with my hair. Every other month or so, I have a good hair day... and that's when I love my hair. The other 359 days of the year... I really hate my hair. HATE. IT. With the passion of a thousand suns.

As I've noted before, I have a really large head and a round-ish face. To counteract the big-ness and round-ness, volume at the top is extremely important. However, even though I have a lot of hair, it's extremely fine. "Fine" and "Volume" are not friends. And although I have become a master at backcombing and teasing when necessary, I'd rather not walk the earth sporting a bouffant hairstyle.

So, here's the BEFORE picture. Have I mentioned how much I love my MacBook Pro with built-in camera?


It's longer than it's been in a while. Probably too long. [note that I am not saying "too long for someone my age," because I'm in huge denial. Huge.]

Tomorrow, I'll try to post the AFTER. I'm still not even entirely sure what style I'll be going for with my stylist... I just know it will be significantly shorter. AND... then I'll have weeks and weeks worth of posts about how much I hate my new hair... how I can't wait until it grows out... blah, blah, blah-dee blah.

Open Letter to Ms. Carrie Underwood

Dear Ms. Underwood,

Although I'm not a country music fan per se, I do enjoy listening to your music. I think you have a rather pleasant voice, and I don't think you've lowered yourself to some of the shenanigans others in your age group seem so intent upon pulling off. For that fact alone, you should be commended.

HOWEVER, there's something that needs your attention tout suite. And that is your "Before He Cheats" song. Oh, sure it's clever... all girl power and whatnot. But for the love of Bob, do we have to listen to it every time a radio is playing??!?

I walked into an office yesterday, and one of the secretaries had her radio on. Guess what was playing? Yes, it was you and that song. Later, I stopped in the grocery store, and there you were on the muzak roll. After frantically running away, I hopped in my car and turned the key in the ignition. Holy Nightmare, Batman! There it was again! On MY radio. I wasn't even listening to a country station... now that song has invaded pop stations, too!

So, fine. I can walk around the earth with cotton stuffed into my ears and drown out every instance of your song playing... well, no. I can't. You see, now it's stuck IN MY BRAIN. And it won't leave. I even tried drilling into my temple to make it stop... God, please make it stop. That didn't work either.

Do you understand my plight? I like you. Really, I do. I like some of your other songs even. Just not that song. So, if you would be a peach, could you please just ask every radio station/TV show to stop playing it? Oh, and while you're at it, please outlaw any teenage girls from singing that song at a high school/middle school talent show. 'Cause... No. They just should not. For my part, I just won't step foot in a karaoke bar, because preventing that song from being sung there would be too much to ask of you.

Thanks for listening. I know you're a really kind, outgoing person and you'll really take this into your most sincere consideration.

Earnestly,
Grumpy K. Frump

Let the Games Begin... or Rather, Let's Not.

I hate the year prior to an election. All the mud-slinging begins so early anymore. It's kind of like going shopping in October when Christmas stuff is already on display. Every year, they start earlier and earlier.

Recently, a politician in our state who is running for a different office was embarrassed by some writings that were "unearthed."* His views in those writings were quite contrary to his publicly expressed views. Is he two-faced? Does he say one thing and then write another? I don't think so.

Those recently discovered "writings" were dug up from something he wrote as a college student. What the?

I know that some of you who read my posts are college-aged or in your mid- to late 20s. Others of you are closer to my age. Some of you might relate to what I'm writing here; others may not.

My point is I am SO different now than I was at 20 years old. I like to think I'm a better person now. Sure, I was fresh-faced, ready to change the world for better, and very much a global thinker back then. I'd like to say that I'm still those things to some degree... well, maybe not so fresh-faced. ;-)

I'm more tolerant now in some ways than I was in college. I understand life a little better, but I've had the advantage of time and experience, too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I have grown up a lot since college. And I hope that no one would ever judge me NOW on something I said or wrote back THEN. That would be stupid. Really stupid. None of that takes into account anything I've learned or done since that time.

So, politicians? Please. Don't go looking for dirt on someone only to find something they wrote when they were younger, possibly more impressionable, and without much life experience. Because, if that's all you've got on a person, that's a pretty pathetic attempt to discredit all that someone might have done as an adult.

Thanks.

---------------

On a completely unrelated note, for those who are interested... I went to the doctor today. Blood work was done, and an ultrasound of my innards is on the calendar. Should be very interesting. I get to see a picture of my gallbladder. Whoo-eee! :-)


*His opponent's camp is denying that they were a part of this mysterious find...

What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

I need a new life. No... that's not true. I love my life. How about a new profession? Yeah! That would make me feel a lot better.

So, what could I do for a living? Maybe if you knew my strengths and weaknesses, you could recommend a new job for me.

Let's look at my strengths:

1) I make great lists. I'm very good at the whole "numbering" thing.

2) I'm grumpy. A lot. Give me a reason to bitch and moan about something, and I'll... wait. I don't even NEED a reason. I'll bitch and moan about anything! I'm sure that's a strength, right? Right?

3) I am a "Microsquishy Office" whiz. You need tabs set in Word? No problem. Would you like a dot-leader with that? A database? Sure. I'll whip one up for you right now. Spreadsheet plus fabulous charts? You got it, mister. Don't even get me started on Publisher. It's a piece of cake, Brend.

4) I'm generally a good teacher. People say that I am empathetic, caring, easy to work with, and that I don't make people feel like idiots... well, not to their faces anyway. But that's what blogs are for, right?

5) I can sing. Some people think I sing really well. I can also play the piano. And the violin. More the piano than the violin though. A little guitar, too. So, let's just call this one, "I'm musical."

6) I have a freakish memory. It comes in handy when you need to remember the name of the guy who was that other guy's friend in that movie we watched when we were living in the house in that one neighborhood... yeah. That one. His name was Steve. I'm my own little imdb.com, but not just about movies. About a lot of stuff.

7) I love to read. Books are my nirvana. If I could hole up on my couch with a cup of tea and a good book, life would be peaches and cream, baby. Peaches. And. Cream.

8) My typing skills are generally better than most people who do that sort of thing for a living. One of my colleagues jokes that there is smoke coming off the keys when I get done typing. Yeah. I'm that fast. Eat my dust.

9) I am very particular about my hair. That's a strength, right?

10) I might not be the most fashionable person on the planet, but I can definitely tell you if you should not be wearing "that." Not that I would... unless you asked. If it were a truly heinous case, I might write you a fashion ticket and pass it to you under the table. That way, no one would see, and you wouldn't be as embarrassed. See? Empathetic. I'm good like that.

Now let's look at my weaknesses:

1) I'm tired all the time. Second favorite thing after curling up with a good book... SLEEPING. So, if you could find me a job where I could work from my bed and that had very flexible hours, that would be super. Thanks for asking.

2) I'm a shortie. And although I used to be strong.... ummm, yeah. Not so much anymore. So, no heavy lifting, m'kay?

3) I don't like stupid people. Ignorant is one thing... if you don't know how to do something, I'll teach you. That's fine. If you don't want to LEARN, then that's just stupid. If you don't know how to drive- but you do anyway- and then get in front of ME... that's stupid. Therefore, I hate you. I'm not sure this is a weakness. In fact, I think it's a strength. Just mentally add it to the previous list. Thanks.

4) I'm incredibly self-conscious about my body. Yes, I lost weight. Yes, my clothes look better (except for the ones that are too big). But I'm still not good on that whole body image thing, so let's just not talk about it, okay?

5) I'm not exactly a patient person all the time. In fact, I might start yelling at a certain person who doesn't have the freakish memory I do because HE didn't remember that one thing I told him about the thing he was supposed to remember. Mmm hmmm. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah... not patient. Nope.

6) When I get stressed out, I tend to ramble and not make a lot of sense. Gee? Really? Perhaps that could be happening right now as I [rapidly and furiously] type this post???

7) I feel a lot older than I really am. I need to stop that.

8) I let myself get run down too easily. Then I get sick. I need to stop that, too.

9) I'm a do-er... and I don't delegate much easily. I've only been in a management position once in my life... and for some reason, that job was okay. I was good at that. Every other job, though, I've had to just do everything myself. That way, I know it gets done. It's not that I don't trust anyone else... it's just that my brain won't let go of things. I guess you could call this one, "Grumpy has CONTROL issues."

10) There are a LOT more, but we'll call the last one my insatiable need to always be RIGHT. I don't necessarily have to have the last word, as long as YOUR last word is something along the lines of "Oh! I see now! You're correct, of course!" See? Wasn't that easy???

Okay. There you are. You all are geniuses... I read your blogs. SURELY, someone out there can tell me what profession I should pursuing. Or maybe I need to be visiting that nice building with the padded walls... where they'll put me in that lovely white jacket... and feed me jello all day. Hey... if it pays well enough, I'll take it. :-)

A Post About Nothing in Particular..

Since I don't know how to blog about what I really want to blog about (not comfortable putting other people's issues... or my issues with those other people... out there at this point in time), I guess I'll blog about nothing at all in particular.

So, in no particular order, here we go:

1) I find a certain commercial for a product that shall be pseudo-named SOTOX* highly contradictory. The tag line is something along the lines of "SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself."

Really? I thought it froze your face so that you COULDN'T really express much. Did anyone watch Halle Berry try to cry when she accepted the Oscar? How about Nicole Kidman? That woman can hardly muster more than THREE total facial expressions anymore. Actually, it might be closer to TWO.
I don't think SOTOX gives you the freedom to express yourself. If anything, it might give you the freedom to hide what you really think... and I think that I love my laugh lines and forehead crinkles too much to inject poison into my face. I've earned them.
I'm sorry if you're into that kind of thing, but don't you kind of wonder what the long term effects might be?? Every other year, some new study comes out to contradict some old study... and you just know that horrible side effects of using SOTOX will be unearthed someday soon. I'm just sayin'.


2) I usually listen to the Today show while I'm getting ready for work... and I have to say I really, really like Meridith Vieira. SUCH an improvement over Katie C., in my opinion. She is always gracious to the people she interviews, whether it's a Head of State or some fool who drove through a living room.
What I really appreciate about her the most, I think, is that I don't know where she stands politically. With Katie, you always knew. As a journalist, I like Meredith's objectivity. She still asks the questions that need to be asked, but they don't seem so much like interrogation coming from her. Her questions and follow-ups are smooth and well-delivered (do you hear that, Ann Curry? Are you writing this down?).
Considering that this show has become pretty much a "soft" news show, I think she handles her assignments pretty well... from the week of horror at Virginia Tech to cooking with the Take Home Chef. Meridith gets a thumbs up from me.

3) My stomach is a churning, rumbling, painful disaster. I know it's stress. Duh. Stressful time of year. Got it.

What I worry about is that my sister, at the tender age of about 33, had to have her gallbladder removed. She let it go on for so long... she almost died. Now, she and I are two completely different people. I eat healthy foods and include a good balance of veggies and fruits. Fried stuff and fast food are not my thing. She, on the other hand, has very bad eating habits and freely admits it. Her food groups are fast food, chocolate, diet soda, and chocolate. Eating a handful of oreos for breakfast is par for her.**
A couple of weeks ago, I experienced a kind of stomach pain that I'd never felt before. It was very high and wasn't really any version of nausea I'd ever had. Really, it was more like pressure... but it got so bad, I couldn't sleep or even lie down. The only position that felt comfortable was sitting, doubled-over. It did go away, but since then, I've had similar pain...just not as intense. Knowing my sister's experience is either making me more aware of what this could be... or it could be scaring me hypochondriacally into making the pain even worse. 'Cause now I have ONE MORE THING TO WORRY ABOUT! gah.

So, my dilemma is this-- do I wait until after May is over, and, subsequently, all my major stressors are out of the picture? or do I attempt to schedule a doctor appointment and get things checked out, even though I don't have any time to go?


And there you are. A post about nothing particularly in particular.***



*Yes, I'm a chicken. I'm changing the name so I don't get any nasty emails. Like they read my blog, but whatever.

**My sister is actually pretty hilarious; and even though she eats like crap, her food issues make for some very funny little anecdotes. Like, when her students know she's in a bad mood, Snickers bars magically appear on her desk. Apparently, parting with chocolate or facing a cranky Ms. B is an easy decision those kids make!

*** Because if you're going to overuse a word, you might as well go for the gusto.

35 More Days...

In thirty-six more days, I'll be normal again. That seems like a long time from now, actually.

However, there ARE things to celebrate:

1. Grad class = OVER. Won't know my grade for a while...but stick a fork in it, I'm DONE. For this semester anyway.

2. Daughter #1 performed admirably in this past week's district music contest. I'm so proud!

3. Daughter #2 survived a church camp retreat this past weekend. She came home sunburnt, a little scratched up, and very tired... but in one piece.

4. I did not turn into Daffy Duck, nor did I curl up into a fetal position and drool excessively.

5. I can fit into all my old summer clothes that I haven't been able to wear for about three years. They're not exactly in style, but I'm a FRUMP, right? Who cares! My skinny clothes fit! SUPER W00T!!!

6. I might actually have a little time to read blogs this week! I miss you all a lot!

Life is good. Busy, but good. :-)

One of Two Things Is Going to Happen...

I’m either going to go absolutely butt-nutty and bounce around while laughing maniacally, ala Daffy Duck,

OR...

...my husband will find me curled up in the fetal position, convulsing periodically, and drooling excessively. I may or may not need adult diapers in that scenario.

I know I tend to make mountains out of molehills, but this is a really stressful week for me. If I can just make it to next Wednesday without completely losing it, I will consider that quite an accomplishment.

Until then, I will probably not be posting much. Again. Quelle surprise.

I really do love blogging, and I miss it so much right now! More than posting, I miss reading all YOUR blogs. My guess is that I will be a hit-or-miss blogger from now until at least the first week in June. Wah. That makes me sad.

In the meantime, could you all send me some good juju so that I may a) find a few additional hours in the day to get everything done, b) pass my grad class final, c) find enough time to finish my grad class final project, d) keep up with my kids' activities this weekend/next week, and e) stop screaming at everyone like the banshee I've become.

If you could just do that, I would be ever so grateful. Thanks in advance.

It Keeps Dawning on Me...

I am a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

Earlier today, Daughter #1 called me to ask about the events for the evening. As we finished our conversation, she started speaking in a goofy voice, which I then copied… and so on. Then we laughed and hung up.

Ohmygod. Starting next fall, I’m not going to see her every day. She’ll only be about 12 miles away, within the same city even… but not at home. Every so often, this fact hits me smack in the face, a little harder with each successive realization. Today, it happened while I was at work, and I struggled to keep from bursting into tears, aka full-blown mommy breakdown.

When she started the college application process, I held great hope that she would make a good choice. I had absolutely no intention of influencing her decision about where she wanted to go to school; I just prayed that it wouldn’t be too far. Or too expensive. But we could at least deal with that if it happened.

She only applied to one school.

What?? My independent child? I thought she was just being a little lazy. I didn’t know what was behind this apparent lack of action. I was disappointed with her and even fought with her a little bit, asking why she didn’t apply anywhere else, what was she thinking, etc. etc. After many days of bickering about it, she finally yelled back that she wasn’t ready to be too far away from home yet. And I realized, all my aspirations for her were just that. Mine. If she isn’t ready to be far away from us yet, then she’s not ready. It’s her timeline, not mine. I got it. And I was finally okay with her choice.

It’s a good choice. It’s a good school that just happens to be in the same city.

And right now? Today? I’m glad she chose that one, because I know I’M not ready to let her go yet. She’s a little younger than most of her school mates, being a summer birthday girl. If I really think about it, most of her friends’ parents will have had at least 6-8 months more time with their kids prior to college. But that would be nitpicking and silly. And it wouldn’t really make a difference, would it?

In the midst of planning graduation parties, finding caterers, putting together an iMovie to show during open house, etc… I’ve been able to keep myself busy and “stressed out” enough to ignore that other thing.

That other thing.

I’m going to miss her. Terribly. The child who shares my penchant for reading. The one who inherited my “lovely” morning persona. My brilliantly witty first-born.

I find myself hugging her more now than I usually do. And she’s letting me. :-)

Time to stop thinking about this for now. There’s a lot to do today, so I should get back to that. Besides, I can’t keep crying like this, or people are going to think I’m a blubbering idiot.

Or a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.